Separating them in Kindgarten

I decided that my 2 needed to be separated in the fall when they go off to Kindergarten. It was a very difficult decision. First off, I wasn't even going to send them next year because their preschool felt they were very immature and could use an extra year in preschool. But upon talking to a few teachers they said I should move forward in case they will require an IEP. This way they get into the system right off. If they need to repeat K its no big deal. (I guess,still not sure how I feel about that). BUT lately at preschool I have been having behavior issues with one and not the other. I plan to deal with the issues by getting in contact with the pedi and find out what she might suggest. Meanwhile the other twin is doing fine and I feel as if putting them together will only hamper his learning and I am also afraid the teacher will just label them BOTH as trouble makers. Whats sad is that all the teachers comments in preschool remarks at how well the boys get along together .. its just when other people get into the mix where there's problems. She said the boys are inseparable and feed off each other .. but one is the ring leader and if they are apart they have NO problems with the quieter one.
I wonder if anyone else has been through this and can offer some advice ? I'm wondering if by separating them I will be nipping the problem right off .. but then I worry about their relationship. They are close and I want them to stay that way and I worry what the effect having separate classes will have on their relationship.

 

I separated mine in K and it was great. The shyer one really blossomed and came into her own. Mine have quite different interests and skills, and I did not want them directly compared by the teachers or the other kids. They were given adjoining classrooms, so did sometimes see each other for special activities like a guest story-time reader. They were so excited to see each other at home, and it cut down on bickering at home, because they missed each other. I saw no downsides to separating them, and many benefits.

 

I know I'm not there yet, but my BIL's are twins and my MIL was a kindergarten teacher. She had my BIL's separated in Kindergarten and has said one of the cutest things she remembers as when they saw each other getting out of school, the greeting they would give one another. It actually made them closer.

 

We (my twin & I) were seperated in everything past kindergarden. It worked for us.

 

I think it's just a descision where you have to go with your gut. My gut says that mine are better off together for K for a number of reasons.

It honestly sounds like you have a number of very valid concerns that you think would be helped by separation. I have noticed that mine behave better after a separation and love telling each other about what they did without the other. Just curious, have you asked them what they would like?

Marissa

 

We aren't there yet, but I plan on splitting the girls in 1st. A lot of maturity can develop between now and then.

I was more concerned that they *may* need an IEP. IEPs would/should be available for Preschool (we just got one for one of my 3.5 yr old DD) if you went that route. They can be in place before K as well--at least in MI. Starting at age 3 the local school district can and does write IEPs for age 3-21.

If IEP related concerns- I would proceed with K and talk to the K teachers about splitting (district route, pedi advice, etc).

 

My boys are only 2 and not yet in kindergarten (obviously) so I can't comment on that aspect, but as a kindergarten teacher myself I can tell you it sounds like you're doing the right thing.
And remember, you can always put them back together next year if you want to. This doesn't have to be a permanent thing.

 

Michelle, it sounds like you've given it a lot of thought. Sounds like you've made a good decision and if they need the extra year, that's ok to do KG again. We plan on separating our 2 when they go into the school system. For now, they are still doing ok in preschool together, but do have their days where they mess with eachother. Funny, they mess with eachother but not other kids.

 

QUOTE
I saw no downsides to separating them, and many benefits.


Same with my boys. We separated at K, and it took just a few weeks for them to adjust. They have thrived on their own, and they are just as close as always.

 

Mine have always done better in teaching situations when they are apart. They feed off one another when together, and it can be very hard on the teacher/coach. Like the others said, time apart, leads to more quality time when together.

 

Michelle sounds like you are making the right decision :hug: Is their K full day or half? I separated my guys every since K and they too have done fine. I was all set on keeping them together almost right up until they entered K when they started to show more signs of needing those few hours apart. They seem to have done fine. I don't notice any difference in their relationship being apart. I hope it all works out for you :hug:

And, W W I am still in shock Jesse and Jayden are Kindergarten age, where has the time gone????????????

 

QUOTE(ljcrochet @ Jun 8 2009, 07:57 PM) [snapback]1346571[/snapback]
I know I'm not there yet, but my BIL's are twins and my MIL was a kindergarten teacher. She had my BIL's separated in Kindergarten and has said one of the cutest things she remembers as when they saw each other getting out of school, the greeting they would give one another. It actually made them closer.
My favorite part of the day when B&C were in K was the ride home after pick up. They would chatter and share about their days with each other. Just the cutest thing!!! :wub:


QUOTE(jxnsmama @ Jun 8 2009, 10:55 PM) [snapback]1346842[/snapback]
Same with my boys. We separated at K, and it took just a few weeks for them to adjust. They have thrived on their own, and they are just as close as always.
This was our experience as well. In the beginning there was an adjustment, but within a few weeks, they were enjoying having their own space. Mostly they loved that they were not constantly being confused with each other. "Which one are you?" I believe this actually did more for their self-confidence than anything else.


QUOTE(sharongl @ Jun 9 2009, 06:17 AM) [snapback]1346975[/snapback]
Mine have always done better in teaching situations when they are apart. They feed off one another when together, and it can be very hard on the teacher/coach. Like the others said, time apart, leads to more quality time when together.
This was one of the reasons we separated as well. I did not want them bringing any sibling issues into the classroom as I felt it would be unfair to the teacher and the other children. And my boys do feed off each other, still! We had them together in middle school (after being separated all through elementary) and we found they still feed off each other but at least as teens they have been able to control it better. :lol:

ETA: I did want to add that separating them say in 1st grade rather than in K seems ok too. Our boys were 6 when starting K so I think the added maturity also helped them in adjusting.

 

QUOTE(jxnsmama @ Jun 8 2009, 10:55 PM) [snapback]1346842[/snapback]
Same with my boys. We separated at K, and it took just a few weeks for them to adjust. They have thrived on their own, and they are just as close as always.

Yep, us too.

 

QUOTE(rubyturquoise @ Jun 8 2009, 06:47 PM) [snapback]1346558[/snapback]
I separated mine in K and it was great. The shyer one really blossomed and came into her own. Mine have quite different interests and skills, and I did not want them directly compared by the teachers or the other kids. They were given adjoining classrooms, so did sometimes see each other for special activities like a guest story-time reader. They were so excited to see each other at home, and it cut down on bickering at home, because they missed each other. I saw no downsides to separating them, and many benefits.


ditto! we separated ours & it was the very best decision & allowed our shyer, struggling twin to come into his own & be his own person independent of his twin. their closeness & relationship at home was unaffected. i'd do it again in a heartbeat.

 

QUOTE(rissakaye @ Jun 9 2009, 02:25 AM) [snapback]1346805[/snapback]
Just curious, have you asked them what they would like?

Marissa


Yeah, I asked them, and they said "NO" they want to be together .. but that doesnt surprise me.
QUOTE(CCJN @ Jun 9 2009, 11:07 AM) [snapback]1346993[/snapback]
And, W W I am still in shock Jesse and Jayden are Kindergarten age, where has the time gone????????????



I know .. right ?? Geesh I cant believe they are going to K this year either.

Thanks everyone .. as always .. great reply's. I feel pretty good about my decision. I think the time away will be good for them. Its a full day program .. but I think they'll do fine.

 

Hi,

I always was for having our twin boys together in Kindergarten and maybe 1st grade. Based on their personalities, and how they were in the classroom, both their preschool as well as their kindergarten teacher felt that they would do fine being together in the same classroom. In fact the kindergarten teacher insisted on it, saying that it would benefit me as well (one homework assignment, one set of parties to go to, one fieldtrip to go to, and one class to volunteer in).

However, this is not about me, but my children. Based on the fact, that they are identical, I decided against these suggestions. My heart said to keep them together, but my mind told me to separate them.... and I did. I wanted the kids to know which twin was which. Being that they are identical, it's hard for other kids to tell them apart. If it's hard to tell them apart, it's hard to like them for who they are, because you can't tell who they are. They are different kids, different personalities, different interests. How are their classmates supposed to gravitate towards them, if they don't know what they're gravitating towards.

I am very glad I made this decision. Although I have to say that the first day of kindergarten was tough, because in one of my child's classrooms, there was a set of twins (not split), and I second-guessed my decision.

Now it is wonderful to take them to school and have their little buddies say Peter and correctly (most of the time) identify who Peter truly is. Or call out William and do so correctly. It gives them self-confidence. They are not just the twins, they are their own individuals...

Can I make one suggestion that worked for us? Ask for teachers with similar teaching styles. It will make a huge difference. You don't want to have one working on cool projects, and the other one not. You don't want one teacher to be warm and hug her kids, and the other one cold and unapproachable. You want them to be able to share their experiences at the end of the day, and do so, without being jealous of each other (as much as possible). I have a friend with twins (boy and girl) and she wished she had requested the same.

It will be hard doing two sets of homework assigments, feeling torn apart, as you have to choose whose classroom function to attend (and thus which one you will miss), etc., but you will feel good about your decision. You are the parent, you know your children, and don't let anyone tell you what you should do, because "twins should be separated to create their own identity", or to keep them together because it will be easier on you. Do what is best for YOUR twins, based on what works best for THEM.

If possible, it does help to have them in classrooms next to each other, so that you can quickly go from one classroom to the next.

I hope this helps. I write this, even though on Thursday, their last day at school, I have to make a choice of which classroom to be in at 11 am when they graduate kindergarten. Now that is one tough decision to make. Even though my dh will be in the other classroom, I can't be in two places at the same time, and that makes me sad... but still I'm happy with the decision that we made...

Good luck.

 

Based on your boys' behavior, I think you are making the right decision. By separating, you are taking away some of the 'support' for the one's misbehavior (you state they feed off each other!) which might settle him down. And you are keeping the quieter one out of trouble. Your boys will stay close - maybe even closer because they will seek each other out more after school to catch up on each other's day.

I am keeping my girls together in K. But mine are separable. They walk into a room and go their separate ways. If mine were 'inseparable' I would definitely separate them so they could make new friends and develop into their own persons.

 

I started out separating my boys once a week when they went to church. and when they start pre-k in the fall they'll be in separate classes. I think this will be great for them because it will help them to become individuals. I think if they were in the same class at school that they would only play with one another and not venture out to make new friends.
Afterall, who needs friends when you have a twin! lol

 

Wow, Michelle, it is hard to believe we're all at this point! It sounds like you're in great shape, and I just wanted to say we separated ours this year for preschool which has been amazing for them both, but especially the quieter one who was often overshadowed. I can't wait for next year when they are able to get into a larger group of friends who haven't always known them (and had trouble telling them apart) as a unit.

Tula's suggestion about the request for similar teacher styles is worth thinking about - ours had very different teachers this year, and mostly it stunk...tho having two sets of activities allowed them to each benefit from both, if that makes sense. I hope that ours get teachers whose style match their needs because they are so different, but she raises a good point, especially if your boys are similar or really compare notes.

GL - can't wait to hear how it goes

 

I HAVE been having this same debate too. My girls will begin K this fall....one is much more dependent upon her sister, wants her to always play with only her, she worries a lot and has been asking if they will be in the same class or not.
I feel like she may come out of her "shell" and have a more + attitude about herself.......Mckenzie is always comparing herself to Morgan. I just hope it's not going to hurt Mckenzie but I know she needs to be "on her own[ :nea:

 

I think you are doing the right thing. My girls had to be together because there was only 1 class that worked for the schedule we were on. But this year I am keeping my fingers crossed that they are seperated. If they are not I am going to fight to get them seperated. I think it helps them develop their own set of friends.

 

I let the school decide on seperating or keeping together. The school decided to keep them together. IS this going to be ok for them? They are totally different kids and dont really depend on each other. They have seperate friends..and interests.

But now I am worried they wont grow...?!

Brandy