separate rooms?

Hi all,

Ever since we hit one, I have no idea what has happened. I can't believe that I didn't even have time to come on this website....my one savior!! Anyways, the whirlwind is slowing down for now and I just need some advice on my issue. My LOs have been sleeping separate for a while now. We tried to put them in the same room and that did not go well...at all. So now we are thinking of just keeping them separate and I feel miserable about it. I guess I always wanted them to share a room and I was hoping that by now we could do it, but they only ended up sharing a crib for the first three months of their lives. DD sleeps in her room (which was to be both of theirs) and now we are thinking of putting DS in another room we are currently using as an office. I feel bad that the room is a little smaller than DD's, but that is all we have. He is sleeping in the crib in our master bedroom and honestly, I kind of want my room back. He was in our room all this time because of major feeding issues and needing extra feeds at night, but now he is getting better. I just feel so bad and guilty for keeping them separate, but this way they sleep well most of the night (waking up once or twice, but usually put themselves back to sleep).

I guess I just want to know I am not the only one and that this is okay because for some reason it feels so wrong. I also thinking DS is going to out up a heck of a fight leaving our room cause he is so used to it that I don't know how I am going to deal with that. We should have moved him so much sooner. I swear it is way to easy to feel like a failure with this whole motherhood thing. I can't even remember what I have done right. I always feel like I am two steps behind where I should be.

 

First of all, you are NOT a failure!!! Parenting is tough, parenting twins is tougher!! Take a deep breath, and realize how much you have accomplished! Your kids are happy, healthy, fed, changed, semi-clean clothes on them...that's a big accomplishment!

Now, as to separate rooms, it's really no big deal if they are separated! They will never know the difference if you don't tell them. And as for smaller rooms, that's going to happen with twins or with singletons. Unless you are sticking him in a closet, I wouldn't worry about it

But, if you do really really want them to share a room, it'll require a transition period. They are no longer used to sleeping thru each other's little noises, or thru each other's crying. You'd have to just put them in together in the same room and tough it out. They may transition in a few days, or it could take a few weeks. It can totally be done, but you have to decide whether you want to deal with the sleepless nights for a few nights. That's completely up to you.

And as for getting your ds out of your room, that's also going to be a big transition. My kids all slept in our room until they were 9-10 months old, and it took them a few nights after we moved them out for them to go back to sleeping good. We do keep our room (and theirs) pitch black, which made the transition easier, because they couldn't see that they weren't in our room anymore, they just knew they were in their crib with their blankets

You can do this, whatever you decide to do!! :hug:

 

You are doing great!! I used to think when I was pregnant with the twins that they had to sleep together, that after all that time in the womb together it was mean to separate them .............. bahahahahaha :rotflmbo: :rofl: what an idiot I was!

We had ours sleep together in a crib in our room until about 5 months when I just couldn't take it anymore. We separated them, dd went to their room and ds stayed in ours. They slept soooo much better separated! We have since moved and they have their own rooms. Honestly I don't think that ds's transition to a new room was all that bad because he was still in his same crib with the same bedding etc so that may help your ds. It might not be as bad as you think! I found transitioning from the bassinet to the crib wayyyyyyy worse!

Do what you feel comfortable with but if they seem happy separated go with it. I think we put too much on this "twin thing" that they have to be together all the time but sometimes they like their own space too. Its definitely a personal preference for the kids. Mine couldn't care less about eachother hahaha. Good luck, you will make teh right decision!!

 

My kids have slept in separate cribs since 3 months old, and in separate rooms since we moved into our new house when they were 6 months old. Getting them into their own rooms was BLISS! Especially for nap times when they have the most trouble staying asleep.

I'm not sure why so many books advocate twins sleeping together, but especially if you twins are fraternal they are two separate people! With different personalities, sleeping habits, etc. I would like being in a room with someone else who cried at night if I wasn't the crier haha

Anyhow, our kids have shared a room from time to time if we are on vacation or visiting family and they do fine. Better than I always imagine they will do actually. We just returned from a 12 day stay at a hotel and they had a room off ours to sleep in. Naps were rough, but nights were fine.

I think you are a wise parent to separate them if they prefer it, and they won't be missing out on anything by not sharing a room. They can always play in each others rooms as they get older and if they want to share a room at some point in the future then you can change it back!

 

You ladies are right! Thank you!! I just needed to hear that it is not a big deal if they are not in the same room. I feel 10 times better after posting something on this site. I really can't connect with friends on this because no one else had twins and I don't think they truly understand although they try very hard.

It has been just one of those crappy beginning of the week and I feel it messes me all up. Thanks for setting me straight.

I was wondering when we move DS to his own room, should we do the change at nap time or night time? Do you think one time would be better over the other. Like you all said, hopefully having the same crib, sheet, etc will help him adjust.

 

Mine shared a room when they were little but we just put them in separate rooms when we moved (they were about 2 1/2) They absolutely love it! I guess the way I think about it is that while they are twins and that is special, they are also their own little people too.

 

You are not a failure! :hug: My twins have been in separate rooms since they were 6 months old and they have been fine and kind of like having their own space away from each other. It makes them a little more excited to see each other after nap and bedtime. Good luck with the switch and let us know how your DS makes out! I would make sure that when you do switch DS, let him feel out his new room and make he sure he knows all of his loveys and blankets will be there with him...he might take some time to adjust but he will.

 

I wish I could separate mine some days, but we need our extra room as an office for now. I don't think there is anything wrong with it at all. As they get older they might really like their privacy too. A space to call their own

 

We are going to try the move over the weekend. In a way I am excited to get my room back. It has been in a mess for over a year and I really need to get things straightened up. I will let you know how it goes. I know if I have a positive attitude that it will work out fine, hopefully it should. Thanks for all your support!

 

DITTO!

My girls have been separated since they were 5 months due to sleep issues. To this day I'm so grateful I have the room to do it. From 8 colds a year, night terrors, random night wakings, etc. Its helped in all those cases and more. My only regret is that I lost my office! . They don't care and you shouldn't feel bad about it.

GL

 

Don't feel like a failure! You've done what you need to do to keep your kids happy and healthy; that's what being a successful parent is all about! :hug:

My guys are in the same room, but I often wish we could separate them. We only have 2 real bedrooms in our house, so there's no way to do it. I used to have a lot of romantic notions that they should share cribs forever, etc. but I found that when I moved them into their own cribs they slept MUCH better. I'm sure they'd do even better in their own rooms, but unless we move or add on they're just going to have to suck it up.

Whatever you decide, I would talk to him and tell him what you're doing. Maybe even make a big deal about it ("you're getting your own big-boy room", etc.). It might make the transition a bit easier for him if he understands what's going on. :good:

 

Hi all,

Just waned to give a quick update.....it all worked out well....changing rooms that is. DS is a real trooper and did really well even though he got a cold. I think maybe I used to disturb him more and now he has some peace and quiet. It was probably harder for me to do the change...I felt so alone the first night and missed having him by my side, but now all of us are sleeping a little better. Now just need to find a super pill that can get me through everything else. Thanks ladies!! I love this place!!

 

I'm so glad the transition went well!! :yahoo: I know it was hard on me when I first moved the boys out of our room, but they've done really well in their own room.

Once everyone is sleeping well, I've found that everything is is much more manageable. Hang in there!!

 

Yay so glad the transition went so good!!