Sensitive child

Meara is a very sensitive kid. She's always been my 'spirited' one and has always needed a lot of attention. I posted last week about her biting herself and thankfully after talking to her about it, she stopped. But one thing keeps happening and I'm not sure how to handle it. At the park or library or more recently, at a party last weekend, if another child saying something 'threatening' to her, she just runs away.

At the park a little boy was holding a stick and said to my girls "I'm going to cut you with my knife!" :woah: Meara took off running, while Ana looked at him and said "SOMEONE is going to hit you in your face!" The little boy dropped the stick and asked to play with the girls. My sitter witnessed this, but when she tried to talk to Meara about it, Meara just said she wanted to run away and not talk to the boy.

Last weekend at a halloween party, one of the girls said to Meara (who was dressed as an elephant), "No animals like elephants on the bouncy house!" Meara again just ran away and didn't tell me about it until we were in the car on the way home. Ana also told our sitter about it, so she heard it too and it made an impression.

How do I help Meara stand up to kids who confront her? Or should I just let her do her thing and avoid them? I'm very non-confrontational, so I don't know what to do. If I had known about the little girl at the party though, I would have taken Meara back over to talk to her. The little girl was Bat Girl, so I think that counts as an animal too.

 

oh sad! poor little one! its not really related, but I checked out a video from the library. Biting Hurts. its interesting... its more what the parent says to the child. but basically Biting Hurts so don't do it. Its kind of like you want Meara to say that to the bullies. for her to stick up for herself and say that what they said hurts...

I don't know of any advice, but will be watching to see if anyone has pearls of wisdom.

 

It's funny that you posted this because I've been wondering the same thing for my two. Both of mine just step away from the situation and while I'm happy they aren't violent I would like them to stand up for themselves if someone takes something from them OR tells them they can't play with this or that. There have been times when someone has stepped up in their faces and said whatever and my two just back off. :umm: I'm not quite sure how to teach them to stand up for themselves but not get aggressive.

 

I wonder if you could provide Meara with an alternative to running away. Maybe talk to her about why she runs away (is she scared, doesn't want to cause a scene, not sure how to respond to the aggressive child, etc.). If she's scared, you could talk about why she doesn't need to be scared when mom/dad/sitter is around, and then work with her to come tell you when she's scared rather than dashing off. If she's uncertain how to respond to the child, you could give her some phrases to use - and help her practice.

We did this with Piper - now instead of giving in (she was letting other kids walk all over her), she says "I don't like it when you _____". Giving her one phrase to use rather than endless options seems to have helped. It's like when confronted she doesn't have to deal with the situation AND decide how to react, she can fall back on the reaction we helped her plan in advance. She stands up for herself more, but still isn't anywhere near aggressive or pushy. Maybe something like that would help Meara?

 

I don't know that it is a bad thing that she runs away. If someone says he is going to cut her with his knife (even another kid), maybe running away is the appropriate action. Plus, some people, even as adults, are just non-confrontational people & I don't think you can change that. I would definitely encourage her to tell you or the sitter, though, if someone says something mean or hurtful so that you can address the situation or at be able to talk to her about other ways she could have handled it.

 

It's my understanding that kids learn most from us through modeling (watching us) than through any other means -- so if you say you are non-confrontational -- you may have a similar temperment to your daughter and she chooses that way to deal with it. honestly, I think it's fine to run from soemone who is being mean. it's a defense mechanism that works for her -- as she gets older you can work with her to use words, but she just may not want to stick around to do that.