Selfish?

Okay, tell me how selfish I'm being... I HATE SHARING THE GIRLS!! With anyone except DH. I hate it when my MIL wants to come over all the time and how she takes over it. I hate it when random aunts/cousins etc I haven't seen in ages want to come over and visit all of a sudden. I hate that my grandma, dh's grandma, mil, sisters, friends all complain they dont' get to see the babies enough.

I work full time. The ONLY time I get my girls is after 4:00 on weekdays and on the weekends. I miss them and want to spend as much time as I can with them. Why does that time have to be interuppted and bombarded with visitors!!

My mom is the only one who understand because she was a working mom too and always tells me that she just wanted to spend as much time as possible with us when she could.

Sorry for the whine. I just really miss my girls and wish I coudl be home with them during the day. I'm so jealous of SAHM's right now!

 

:hug99: !! you are not selfish at all - just a great mom!

 

QUOTE(mandyfish3 @ Oct 15 2007, 04:09 PM) [snapback]451090[/snapback]
Okay, tell me how selfish I'm being... I HATE SHARING THE GIRLS!! With anyone except DH. I hate it when my MIL wants to come over all the time and how she takes over it. I hate it when random aunts/cousins etc I haven't seen in ages want to come over and visit all of a sudden. I hate that my grandma, dh's grandma, mil, sisters, friends all complain they dont' get to see the babies enough.

I work full time. The ONLY time I get my girls is after 4:00 on weekdays and on the weekends. I miss them and want to spend as much time as I can with them. Why does that time have to be interuppted and bombarded with visitors!!

My mom is the only one who understand because she was a working mom too and always tells me that she just wanted to spend as much time as possible with us when she could.

Sorry for the whine. I just really miss my girls and wish I coudl be home with them during the day. I'm so jealous of SAHM's right now!



Oh my gosh.... I could have written the same post. I work full time and I feel the same way. Especially about his mom because she watches them for me. It is not being selfish. they are your babies. We have kids and I don't even want them to hold them.

Missy

 

I would be unhappy too. Maybe you should set aside one day of the week as "visitor day" and the rest are family time!

 

I can sympathize with your post, but I have the opposite problem. I have kept the boys since they were 4 weeks old. Since they sleep later than when their mom and dad have to go to work, they don't see them in the morning and they don't get home until the evening. They have about and hour and a half to two hours to play with the boys before their bedtime. I feed the boys and dress them each morning, we go for walks, we play, eat, nap and do everything together. I am so attached, it's hard for me each evening when their mom and dad get home. I feel like my own children are leaving. I have to push those feelings aside because I know the evenings are my daughter's time with the boys and that they in fact are her children and my grandchildren. On weekends I don't take the boys unless my daughter calls and needs help. I know people think I back off because I'm tired from the week, but as I told my husband I think their mom and dad need some special time with them. You're not being selfish - you are making the most of the hours you have with them.

 

I am probably going to sound like a total witch and NO you are NOT being selfish. DH's family annoys me to no end and it's funny that you posted this because his dad just figured out a way to weasle his way over right now. I'm sick and feel terrible and he wants to bring a cake over-WHAT! They always call and say they are having baby withdrawls and that they HAVE to stop over and see them(like I am supposed to act like that is something that physically happens and I have to fix it). I don't work and I spend all day with my boys and when we go to his parents house on the weekends they always have about 20 people over to see the babies, I don't even get to touch them the whole day. If I didn't get to be with my boys all week I would certainly be stingey(sp) with them on the weekends you're their mother and you want to spend time with them and unfortunately for everyone else, they come second. I would just honestly express your feelings on this before you create some deep resentments as I obviously have done :lol: . I know that some people don't have a lot of family around so I hope I didn't sound too evil but this issue is something that bothers me week in and week out. Don't feel like you are being selfish, raising twins is about the most unselfish thing a person can do and getting to spend time with them is your reward! Sorry if this turned into a rant.

 

Its not about being selfish, you just miss the babies. I agree with an arranged visitor day. Also now that cold and flu season is coming you might want to consider cutting back on how many hands are all over them.

Im sometimes jealous a working moms. At times I wish I could work part time just so I could get a break. I have no family around me and no close friends who will watch the boys so I can catch a breather. Im on 24/7 with help from DH (who works 12 hr days), rain or shine sick or not.

We all have our frustrations. Its ok.

 

I was the same way with my first son, especially concerning my MIL--she's something else, lemme tell ya!
I'm a SAHM; but always preferred to be wherever with just me, hubby, and son (before the twins)...I hated it when MIL or whoever would butt in--she always thought I was doing it (whatever I was doing at the time) wrong. In fact, it got worse when MIL's mother would get involved, ugh...She was watching me put my son's shoes on and SWORE I was putting them on the wrong feet (what am I, an idiot??)..she even went and got MIL to make sure! ha!
Now that the twins are here and the dynamics on both sides of the family have changed...the folks on my side have gone their merry ways away from here; and I've told my MIL what she can do with her input...I've actually welcomed the visits...Let me just say, though, they are limited in time, and we usually visit on neutral territory (like out to eat, at son's soccer game) so that we can leave when WE are done and no one is the wiser as to why we're gone.
But, back then, oooo no...just the letters MIL made my skin crawl... :girl_devil:

 

QUOTE(Her Royal Jennyness @ Oct 15 2007, 12:25 PM) [snapback]451126[/snapback]
I would be unhappy too. Maybe you should set aside one day of the week as "visitor day" and the rest are family time!


I think this is a great idea. I would feel the same way!!

 

your not selfish.. you are a working mother able to support your children..

i know how you feel.. im a single working mother and i miss mine alot..

tell everyone to chill out for a year or so.. when they are two or three youll be begging them
to get your kids.. lol.. ( thats the stage im at now)

 

I agree and disagree with everyone - those that have MIL and family members that want to spend time with their grandbabies should be happy. My MIL lives 30 minutes from us and NEVER comes over to help or see the childern (4 year old son and 18 month old daughters) I work full time and so does my husband and we could use alitle help from time to time. It is nice that they want to spend time and build that bond with your babies.

My mom lives 6 hours away and visits as much as she can - I would love to see her every weekend -

I understand wanting to spend time with your babies but consider the longterm effects of keeping them from their extended families.

 

I don't think you are being selfish at all! I really like Jenny's idea of having a set visitor day (or visitor afternoon). You could even make it work you too... tell everyone they can come visit the babies and bring some food over so you don't have to cook during the week (leaving even more time to spend with your girls)! OK, maybe the last part will be a hard-sell (I know my family wouldn't do it), but I think its important to set limits. Your family may not even realize what they are doing, but if you tell them you miss your girls and want some alone-time with them, hopefully they will understand. GL! -Leighann

 

QUOTE(Debbie F @ Oct 16 2007, 07:30 AM) [snapback]452590[/snapback]
I agree and disagree with everyone - those that have MIL and family members that want to spend time with their grandbabies should be happy. My MIL lives 30 minutes from us and NEVER comes over to help or see the childern (4 year old son and 18 month old daughters) I work full time and so does my husband and we could use alitle help from time to time. It is nice that they want to spend time and build that bond with your babies.

My mom lives 6 hours away and visits as much as she can - I would love to see her every weekend -

I understand wanting to spend time with your babies but consider the longterm effects of keeping them from their extended families.



I had a serious sit down with my husband based on that very same sentiment you mentioned...what the boys could benefit from their extended families, and how often should they visit based on that....
I agree that it's important to have the extended families involved with the kid's lives, however, at what cost? My MIL was causing undue stress on my married life with my husband...she created problems for me, and I expected him to "handle" her since she's his Mom and he basically told me that she doesn't listen to anyone...so, after years of leaving her presence with steam blowing out of my ears, I decided to handle her alright...I do enjoy the fact that she loves the grandkids and wants to spend time with them; but she is not trustworthy enough to babysit (you wouldn't believe some of the things she's done)...so all her visits have to be supervised. We can only stand so much and need a break after many of those visits...
I don't think anyone is saying they want to forever end their families' visiting....they just don't have to do their visits on a daily basis...
My 4 yr old sees my MIL about once a week, once every other week or so...and he sees my grandparents about the same, and he has built a very strong bond based on those visits....which also allows us to do our own thing as a family and have our own bonding time...

I'll tell you one little secret that kept us from having unwelcome visitors...since we've moved to the country about an hour away from everything NOBODY comes this way without making a big deal out of it (calling, setting up a specific time!) ha! They all act like we live in Iceland!

 

I am terrible and, I have no excuse. I work from home and we have a nanny 3-4 days a week from 9am-3pm. My twins are 4.5 months old and I am just now forcing myself to stop fighting over the babies with their nanny. I hate that she gets to be with them while I work and when I go downstairs to see them I want to hold them without her being all up in our faces making goo gaa gaa sounds and showing me how she can make my son laugh when I cannot.

Our families live forever far away...they are in Ohio and we are in FLA. so when we do see them I still have a hard time letting them hold them and giving them up. Especially as mine tend to get upset when they are handed over to other people right away before they have time to warm up to them or get familiar with them. Since we are always visiting for a short time there is no warm up time and my family and my "family in law" expect me to hand them over right away, screaming or no screaming, and that is very hard for me to do.

I totally get what you are saying.

Amy

 

QUOTE(Debbie F @ Oct 16 2007, 08:30 AM) [snapback]452590[/snapback]
I agree and disagree with everyone - those that have MIL and family members that want to spend time with their grandbabies should be happy. My MIL lives 30 minutes from us and NEVER comes over to help or see the childern (4 year old son and 18 month old daughters) I work full time and so does my husband and we could use alitle help from time to time. It is nice that they want to spend time and build that bond with your babies.

My mom lives 6 hours away and visits as much as she can - I would love to see her every weekend -

I understand wanting to spend time with your babies but consider the longterm effects of keeping them from their extended families.


I'm certainly not suggesting seperating the girls from their extended families! I just think enough is enough! Between grandmas, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, coworkers...someone is over everyday! Oh, and these people are not there to HELP. They are there to get the girls all fussed up and leave! Help would be a different story!

Thanks for all the suggestiosn and replies! I like "visitor day". Maybe we will implement that!