SCREAMING when he does not get his way

My boys are 29 months so smack dab in the middle of the terrible two's. :drown:

My one son has been doing this more and more lately and even his speech therapist is at a loss on what to do.

When you tell him "no" or tell him to something he does not want to do, he will scream. If you tell him to stop, he'll do it even more. If you ignore him, he'll continue. :headbang:

At home I try to ignore it as much as possible but it's when we are out in public that I'm having issues with.

Today we were at an indoor play area that was gated off. He kept going outside the gate and when he would not walk back into the area by himself, I carried him in. And so began the screaming.

Needless to say all the other mother's just looked at me with a look of disgust. I tried to ignore him but the looks from other people made me decide to leave, which resulted in a tantrum. :crazy:

We were out to lunch over the weekend with family and he did it there; right in the middle of the resturant. I took him outside and put him in time out's but once we got back in, he'd start up again.

He does this with me, his speech therapist and now with other family members like Grandma and uncles. DH's family plays along with it and trys to make him stop by holding their ears which only eggs him on even more.

There have been no changes to his day, he's taking naps and going to bed just fine.

If you had/have a screamer, what did you do?

 

I didn't have a screamer but have you tried talking for him? Letting him know you understand why he is upset and then stating what you think the reason is and then present alternatives? e.g "I know you want to go outside of the gate but we are playing over here right now. Would you like to go play on the slide for a while or...?"

Give him options that are options...don't ask him if he would like to go home if thats not what you are willing to do.

*Shrug*

This too shall pass..hopefully soon.


Lindia

 

Yes, I do give him options and today for instance he just wanted to play outside the play area. When he started screaming again, that's when I told him we were leaving. I never ask him if he wants to go home as a threat. I tell him that's what we are doing because he does not want to listen and follow through with it.

Hindsight is 20/20 but I was thinking I should have taken him into the bathroom and put him in a time out. This way he would have been removed from the play area and would not have caused even more looks. Don't know if that would of resolved anything. ardon:

Ignoring it is the best option, but again when we are out in public it's having to deal with other people's looks and comments.

 

I've also been told recently by an "expert" to talk to my girls when they are misbehaving. My girls have just turned two but I'm guessing at 29 months they understand more. I have seen it work in the past even though my first reaction to the "talking" concept seemed crazy. I have started to talk to them more when it comes to bad behavior like throwing their toys, food or sippy. I now make them pick it up--every time (even though they aren't happy about it!). Not sure It would work during a fit but I'm going give it a try

 

I have a two screamers. Luckily they are much more well behaved in public or when others are around than they are at home. They are very social and are generally happy if we are out and about. We bear the brunt of it, but don't have to deal with the embarrassment very often It does seem to be a phase though. Logan started a couple of months ago and seems to be pretty much over it. Mason is worse about it than Logan ever was and is now right smack in the middle of it.

As for tactics, they have been a bit different for each, since the boys have completely different personalities. First with both of them, we did counting to three and time outs no matter where we were. They have been in time out in Kohls, the mall, Wal-Mart, Old Navy, and numerous other stores and restaurants (those were the memorable ones ). I'd just find a semi vacant area of the store and park them next to the wall (in the stroller if both were acting up or pull the offender out if it was only one of them). In a restaurant we go to the restroom or outside. Sometimes they screamed the whole time, others they would quiet down. I really don't threaten to go home very often, because that is often just fine with them so it doesn't work.

At home, and what I think finally worked for Logan, was to put him in their room and close the door for tantrum time-outs (2 minutes or until he calms down and can ask nicely to come out). He HATED it. We still have to do it occasionally, but really it was only a week or so after making that switch that his behavior changed. We have a door knob cover on the inside of thier door so they can't escape.

So far with Mason, we haven't found the magic answer. You can't talk to him when he's in a fit. I still do, but it's obvious he doesn't hear it. He gets worked up so fast that sometimes he's screaming and pitching a fit when you actually said he could do/have whatever it was - just didn't say it fast enough. While Logan disliked being put in their room alone, I think it scares Mason (he's always been a bit more clingy) so that just seems to be making the situation worse. I'm thinking of a time out mat for him or maybe even a reward chart or stickers for when he doesn't pitch a fit or behaves appropriately as he seems to respond more to positive praise/rewards than Logan does.

Sorry, that was probably way more than you asked for, but maybe something in there will help! Good luck and don't be embarrassed. If the ladies in the places are there with older kids, they may have forgotten, but they've been there too!

 

Does he have something that is really important to him, can you work with that? I would also do timeouts (no matter where you are), try and find the most secluded place possible and take him there. I would also count him (to 3) before doing a timeout - to give him a warning. And, from my perspective I would also warn my kids about going home, I would give them a few "time-out chances" so put them in timeout a few times, and if that isnt working I would use 123 with the consequence of going home if they dont listen. I would make sure they are warned that we will go home if the behavior doesn't change, because I can see how a tantrum would errupt if he didn't know the consequence would be leaving the playcentre (mine would definintely tantrum over that as well).

My DD recently was having major problems sitting in TO - so I found what was most important to her (wearing dresses and skirts), so now if she doesn't stay in timeout I tell her I will take her skirt off (and she immediately stays there now). So for us, I just had to find what was really important to DD in order to have a "bargaining chip".

And, if all else fails - I guess you wait it out, and he will outgrow it eventually.

How about you talk to him when he is calm and being really good about how we dont scream and if we do then we have to stop doing fun activities so its best to use an indoor voice, and then give tons of positive encouragement for not screaming...just a thought. Or perhaps a sticker chart for everytime he listens and stops screaming (or some other immediate reward that you can use - I know some people think this is bribing, but I say its positive encouragement and in a few months once he is over this screaming phase you can phase out the rewards).

 

My ds (the one that reminds me so much of your boys) is also my screamer. We went to Target this morning and it was just my dh and I so we grabbed two carts, one that held 2 kids but it was a thing in front of the cart not IN the cart and the other was a regular one. Well my youngest had to go in the regular one because the other one was really meant for toddler. But my dear Jake had a FIT! He wanted to sit in the seat (because that's what he's used to, and god forbid we change anything up!) and that just wasn't an option. So he screamed the entire time.
Unless I'm in a restaurant, I totally ignore him. I don't put him in time out unless he's wanting to do something that he really can't do or will hurt him. If we're at a restaurant then I take him outside make him sit on my lap or somewhere safe for a couple minutes and then we go back in. If he screams again then we do it again. Yes I've had to spend a couple of meals in the van while everyone else finished up but he didn't get his way and it didn't disrupt the other diners.
Good luck!

 

Well, my Jake did it again today when someone was at the house today.

He does not throw a tantrum. What he does is when you tell him not to do something (like trying to open the screen door and then getting mad when I put the hook on it) he will yell AHHHHHHHH in a high pitch. I told him "no yelling" and he did it again....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and gets right in my face and looks at me as he does it. Almost like a "what are you going to do about it look".

So I brought him right upstairs and put him in his crib and left the room. He cried the entire time but once I got him out after 2 minutes he did not do it again. I explained to him why I put him in TO and that it's not nice to yell.

This happens a lot when I'm in a conversation with another adult. Since all the attention is not on him, it's his way of making himself known.

If it's just me I can ignore it, but when I'm trying to talk to someone, it's very hard to try and hold a conversation with him yelling at the top of his lungs.

I guess it will be trial and error until I can figure out what to do....or he grows out of it.

Thanks for all the advance.