Screaming, crying, boogery tug-of-wars...

I'm trying to help the twins learn the concept of sharing, but am failing miserably and need some advice. My twins are 20 months and there is no sharing in our house...every time one gets focused playing with a toy, or God forbid a new toy is introduced, it becomes a screaming, pulling, crying, boogery mess. I say over and over again...'share' or "it's sissy turn, you'll have a turn in a minute", etc. I've had to do "toy" timeouts when it gets out of hand. I try not to intervene too soon with the hopes they'll work it out, but it generally doesn't end well and, distraction doesn't work.

Anything work for you guys that I might try?

 

We would tell whoever wanted the toy that it was the other's turn first. I would set the timer for one minute & tell her that when the timer beeped it was her turn. And then they would switch. Repeat. Usually I'd keep going until one of them got bored & moved onto a new toy. It was always a work in progress. Some times it worked like a charm, others, not so much. If it escalated into full blown melt down mode, the toy went into time out.

 

Thank you for posting this!!! This is what is happeneing at our house right now, right down to the boogers.

 

I second what Rachel said...a timer was a lifesaver! And they knew I was serious when the toy in dispute went into toy timeout. At 3, they are a lot better about sharing but they still have tussles over toys from time to time

 

Going through the same thing here. I might try the timer. Maybe the biting and face grabbing will be reduced.

 

LOL! Boogery--love it! I like the timer idea, might have to try that too.

 

Toys spend a lot of time in time out around here. I only referee when things get out of hand and they're getting better at resolving it between themselves (some days ) . Mine go through phases of assertiveness where one gets grabby and steals toys for a week and then the next week it's his brother doing it. I like the timer idea! I'll have to try that.

 

We're going through this too. We've had to take toys away when things get real bad. 'We've also been working on sharing during those moments when they are not already fighting over something. Like, maybe we're about to have a snack. So maybe I'll hand the one closest to me the two bananas and ask that he give one of them to his brother. We try and work the word and concept of sharing into as many moments as possible with the hopes it will carry over into the more fighting moments. haha.

 

Going through the same thing except ours leads to biting and pushing. I may try the timer, but I am not so sure they would understand at this age?

 

At this stage for most sharing is not possible. What is understandable to them is Not Taking and Give It Back. Once I learned that it got much easier. "Don't take, get another one" was a common saying in my house. Usually redirecting the "taker" to another object helped too!

 

Ah! The toy went into time out. I like that one...

 

We did this too with our older boys who were 16mths apart - and we worked the timer in too. If they didn't take, and gave it back the timer went on and in 1, or 2 minutes depending on the age, we switched toys. If they fought the 'don't take, give back' part, the timer didn't go on and they forfeited a turn with it.

We've now started this with the Duo at 21mths - but I find they are pretty good about finding a new toy and then the one who has the original wants the new one - and they switch immediately.

 

We used a timer as well, worked wonders. They got to the point were they would come to me and ask for a timer if they started fighting over a toy. We still use the timer if there is something they both want a turn at.

 

We use the timer. I also did not and still do not ask the boys to "share". I only use the term "take turns". At this age they do not understand "share". To them everything is theirs.

In addition at around 17 months I started labeling toys that were the same with their initials. They were fighting over toys that were exactly the same. For example both have toy vaccums and fisher price buses. This really helped. Having some toys that were always theirs and they could easly tell it was for sure their own toy that they will not have to take turns with or "share" actually cut down on fighting over toys they had to "share". In fact if they find a toy that isn't labeled and there are two of them they come over and ask me to mark it.