School issues

Tell me if I'm overreacting.

Ally has always had issues with authority, and she's very mouthy. Dh and I always send her to her room for it, and tell her it's not nice to talk to adults that way. Anyway, last year in preschool, she had some really bad days, and had to be taken out in the hall to calm down. She started doing better by the end of the year. I had high hopes that she would lose the attitude over the summer and be good this year in Kindergarten. No such luck. I got a note home on the 3rd day of school saying that Ally told her teacher "No" and "Stop talking to me". They made her stand in the corner. The note explained their code for discipline. Green=good day, Yellow=one warning about behavior, Orange=another warning, and loss of a priviledge, Red=note or phone call home.

I had a very long talk with Ally about being good at school and talking nice to her teachers and doing what they tell her to. I told her that if she got another note sent home, she would have to spend the whole rest of the day in her room. She'd have to eat in there, and only get to come out to go to the bathroom and then to brush teeth and get ready for bed. She thrives on attention, and having to spend the afternoon alone is a horrible thing for her.

Anyway, today she came home and told me she was on Orange, and they took away her afternoon snack. Now, I know she needs to listen, and needs to be disciplined when she's bad, but I don't agree with them taking away her snack. They eat lunch at 11:15am, and by the time 2pm rolls around, I know she had to be hungry. I just don't see how keeping her snack from her would improve her mood.

I just don't know what to do with her. It's not like dh and I let her get away with being mouthy, she gets sent to her room every time. I've tried spanking her, but it only makes her more angry and mad. Any suggestions?

My second issue is cartoons at school. Ally told me that they watched Spongebob Squarepants yesterday. After further prodding, she said they watched it during lunch. I don't like Spongebob at all, and I don't let the kids watch it, ever. I really think it's inappropriate for the kids to be watching it at school. Today, they watched The Cat in the Hat. I don't know why they even need to have a tv on during lunch. Shouldn't the kids be eating, or talking to friends?

Am I overreacting to the cartoons, and her teacher not letting her have a snack as a punishment? I don't want to be "that Mom" who is constantly at the school complaining about things, but I'm really upset about these issues.

I never thought I'd have these issues with Ally's school. I really thought I'd be having problems with Jack being dual enrolled in Head Start and at the Learning Center (he has Autism). I was so stressed about him being in a room with 16 normal kids, when he's used to being in a room with 3 other kids who have Autism too. He seems to be doing ok in this new situation though.

I swear, school stress is going to give me an ulcer, and we've only made it through the first week!

 

First of all, I agree, that witholding food should never be a punishment--withholding recess or center time is a different story.

I am looking at her age, and I remember you talking about her moving on. Maybe she just isn't ready yet--socially--for Kindergarten. She must be the youngest, or close to the youngest in the class.

What I woudl do is call the teacher and have a meeting soon, and one of the things you should talk about is if she is really ready for Kindergarten. She may not be ready for the full structure of K, and that is why she is acting out. I know Marcus is having some trouble with the transition from preschool to K, and he is 5 months older than Ally. If the teacher says she is OK, then you need to come up with a better schedule of punishments.

Good luck!

 

I'm also with you on the withholding food. Making her have snack alone might be appropriate, but not taking it away altogether.

I agree that she sounds a bit young. Does she want to be in kindergarten? If so, you might need to let her know that her behavior is indicating that she's not ready for it yet, and she needs to pull herself together or perhaps do another year of preschool. If she doesn't want to be in kindergarten, perhaps this is her way of expressing that or trying to get kicked out on some level. If so, you need to deal with this as well.

And I agree that the punishment isn't working. What does she have in her room that she isn't bothered enough to change her behavior? If she has a TV, get it out of there; ditto the toys, or try an entirely different tack and remove a privilege.

Finally, I'm growling about Sponge Bob in school too. What ARE they thinking? I didn't allow the kids to watch that stuff either, and I'd be quite steamed if the school were showing it. Do you have any idea whether they're watching videos or TV? I don't know about kids' short videos like Cat in the Hat, but it is actually a copyright violation for schools to show full-length movies without explicit written permission, UNLESS it is for educational purposes. Our school was showing videos during rainy-day recess a few years ago and when parents complained (and brought up the legality issue), the school went back to stuff like games and crafts.

 

I am against withholding food, and I am against TV during lunch, ANY TV, even educational stuff. I picture them using it to keep the lunchroom quieter, and how do they learn from that?

Thinking about what PPs have mentioned, I have three kids with December birthdays and one born in July. I am very glad the girls have missed the cut off for school this year, because while Olivia would probably be fine, Lucinda is not ready. She's not necessarily a mouthy child, but I think she would be overwhelmed to be in a school setting at this age, so that is an avenue worth exploring.

 

Having two boys in Kindergarten myself, I don't agree with the snack being with held... Second, I would reward her at home if she is able to stay on Green all day. The boys use the same color discipline slips at their school. Green - good day, Yellow - miss 5 min of recess, orange - miss 1 recess (they have 2), red - down to the principal's office they go.... I also would have a problem with them watching cartoons in kindergarten. This is a learning environment, not a daycare. About the rewards, I would speak to the teacher about having them let you know is she is having problems in the morning or afternoon. Then reward her and tell her that if she can get green in the AM you wil give her.... and if she gets green in the PM you will give her.... Bribs work wonders, then eventually once she is able to to the AM and PM ween her down to getting a green card all day with a reward, after a 2-3 week time frame of consistancy, bumb her down to weekly. Also, make sure that the teacher doesn't take the snacks away, that is very important to their bodies getting enough stuff to function properly throughout the day. I would suggest the recess or if she insists on cartoons, then suggest that she take that away instead of the snack. Also, if she is not getting enough physical activity throughout the day, then she may also become distressed.... Hope that this helps...

 

Thanks girls. I'm going to make her a Good Girl chart, since that seemed to help a little last year.

She is one of the youngest in the class, but she had full day preschool last year, so she's used to being in school all day. Her preschool teachers said she's so smart she'd be bored in another year of preschool. Also, she loves going to school. She was sad today when she found out it was Saturday and there wasn't any school. She just doesn't like to be told what to do. She's also very social. She loves being with other kids, and she's always drawn to the older girls.

I do think they are more strict when it comes to behavior than she was used to last year. Of course preschool teachers will put up with more than kindergarten teachers will. I just don't want her labeled the bad kid, and get treated badly all year if she has a rough start.

I'm going to talk to the teacher on Monday.

 

I would NOT be okay with withholding her snack. I would also NOT be okay with them watching TV, especially cartoons, during lunch. I am surprised at that. At our schools, parents have to sign off on an approved list of videos they might see during the school year and SpongeBob would most certainly NOT be on it. (Nothing wrong with SpongeBob but not for school, imo.) If it were me, I would also schedule a conference ASAP with the teacher.

As to the issue of her age, she is awfully young. But then again, my boys all have summer birthdays so we held all of them out of school until age 6. I am ever more grateful each passing year that we did as the emotional maturity has, imo, helped them succeed in school a great deal. As for the smartness factor, Sean was reading for a full two years before starting all day kindergarten. It really wasn't an issue because he received advanced reading help in kindergarten once he did start. But he was also better able to cope with a bit of boredom when it did set in (which really was rare -- he had a wonderful teacher).

 

I think we're all in agreement with one another - withholding snack and watching TV are issues that should be dealt with.

Jaydon's preschool teacher last year was one that used snack as a reward/punishment, and I tried very hard not to intervene because I didn't want to come across as the "parent that was against the teacher". After reading all of the replies I wish I would have said something, so please learn from my mistake.

I am sitting here watching Spongebob as I type this response. The kids are half watching it and half playing with legos and playdough. Like Kim, I don't have an issue with Spongebob, but I do not send my kids to school to watch TV either. I agree with others that said the TV is being used to keep the kids settled down and quiet while they're eating.

Yeah, I think it's time for a parent/teacher conference.

 

My girls are in 1st grade this yesr. They also have a color behavior chart. They have fun Fridays were the kids bring in a healthy snack and they enjoy it. If they hit red 2x or yellow 3 x they do not get to participate. Also if they forget to bring fun friday they don't get to participate (or have any). They also take part of the recess away. Even the hole recess sometimes. If you don't do your home work you have to stay in at recess and complete it.


I was so mad my Emily missed recess the other day because of this. We did the work, the paper was in the bookbag. The teacher says that is the one they did. NOT! I know what we did. Oooops, sorry to hijack. I would be upset to.

 

My kids have a "caught being good chart" where they earn stickers for things they are caught doing without being told (i.e. putting away their bookbags, lunchboxes, etc. without being asked - eating nicely without making a huge mess, helping out a classmate (Jaydon helped a boy tie his shoes), etc.). When they earn x amount of stickers they are able to "buy" something from the treasure bucket. This seems to be very effective at school, so I am thinking of implementing the same thing here at home. I think it's a great way to reward kids for the things they do right rather than constantly punish them for the things they do wrong.

 

Bribing works wonders! I told her if she was good and stayed on Green today, I'd take her to the dollar store. It worked! Tonight after dinner, I'm going to have her help me make a new good girl chart. Every good day will earn her a sticker, and after 5 stickers, she'll get to spend $1 at the dollar store.

 

WOW!

Okay, first, I am in agreement that you NEVER withhold food from a child!

Second, SPONGEBOB IN SCHOOL? I don't let my boys watch it. My boys don't start kindergarten until next year, but I already know I am going to be one "those parents". I would probably have called about both of those things.

THIRD. I also don't think taking away recess is usually a good idea either.

Before I had my boys, I was a fifth grade teacher. I would take part of recess away for missing homework or students who did not do classwork, and have them spent that time on school work, then play. But when you have a child misbehaving, chances are they need that recess more than anyone. They need to go run around and get that energy out that may be causing that behavior in the first place.

In the "olden days" (and I am only 35), when I was in elementary school, if you misbehaved or did not do your homework, you stayed after school. When I was teaching (about 5 years ago), you had to give "detention" and you would send home a detention slip that the child was to stay after the next day. You would hope they would bring the slip back. Parents would often call and say they child was not going to stay after school because blah... blah... blah.. Or the child would "lose the slip". Granted, I taught in the inner city, but I am sure this happens in a lot of places.

Detention tomorrow for what happened today ticked me off and didn't teach anything.

It has now gotten to the point where the only option for consequences is taking something away during the day, usually recess time. But NEVER SHOULD IT BE FOOD!

Wow, I didn't mean to go on a rant like that. Sorry!