SAHM's....

Don't get me wrong...I Love my little girls, and I am so thankful that I am able to stay home with them but there are times that I find myself wanting to go back to work. I think I feel a little understimulated, and the lack of adult conversation wears on me. I am hoping that the older they get, the more fun it will be to be home with them day in and day out. I think I am just drained...

 

I felt the exact same way when I had my first child. I wanted to work but I didn't want to put my oldest DD in daycare so it was like an impossible situation. After I made friends with other SAHM I found myself to become much more "settled" into my new role. Also, the older she got the more I enjoyed staying home. A mommy and me group, play classes ( when they get older) or a twin group might help with the social isolation that comes along with newborn babies.l Plus, it helps to talk to other people who are going through the same experience as you.

 

This is why I went back part-time, at 6 months. Before then I wasn't ready, but then I realized I was happier if I could have some time away, amde me happier when I was with them. So I work 2-3 days a week, its perfect for me.

HTH

 

Sometimes I would like to go back for just long enough for DH to see what doing 1/2 of the baby work would be like! I know if I went back to work I'd have 2 full time jobs, because when I came home from work I'd still have to do all that I do now, that's the only reason I don't want to go back!

 

I am so ready that i am even putting in resumes.... i go nuts sitting at home, plus we are running into some money issues......

 

Yes and no. No because I can't imagine not being with them and seeing everything they do all day, I missed that with my oldest DD. But sometimes, not so much anymore mainly when they were younger, I felt it would be much easier to go back to work than to be at home. But I never would go back to work now!

It's totally natural to feel that way! It is definitely something you need to adjust to.

 

Yes, I am putting together a portfolio now and will start getting more involved working independenlty. What stops me now is I have to have more time and definitely energy to get started working as an independent contractor. So, I'll probably gradually ease into it. It's just sooner than I thought I would want to for the same reasons you named.

 

SAHM is the hardest thing I have ever done but whenever I think about working I would miss the babies too much so I would rather be at home. I used to work 10-12 hour days b/f I got pregnant and this is way harder than that b/c it is 24/7. The good moments outweigh the bad though.

 

If you just quit working since the birth of your twins, you are probably still adjusting to everything. I quit my job after 15 years when my oldest was almost a year old. I missed my friends and the sense of accomplishment if you know what I mean. People respected me at work and you don't really get any credit when you're a SAHM. After a while though, I got into a routine with my DD and a year later I was begging for just one more baby. Well...we got two more instead. I absolutely love being home with my girls and hate it when DH talks about me eventually going back because we need the money. I keep my fingers crossed that something will change before that happens. I still occasionally visit work to see everyone, but now it's with 3 little ones in tow.

Just give it some time. Before long, you will absolutely love it and dread the thought of ever leaving them. Plus I personally had a harder time leaving my DD as she got older and got a personality and was doing things.

 

I guess I have the best of both worlds b/c I work just 2 afternoons a week. In some regards I love it because it is my break, it is way easier to be at work than at home. But I also miss being at home terribly, especially because by the time I get home the babies are already in bed for the night. I agree with a pp, it is just a whole lot of adjustment and role changing all at once.

 

I love being at home I have a 14, 10, 2 and the 4 month old twins I use to work outside the home with my oldest in a nursing home, I worked all the time missed her first year of life cause I was to busy working night shift. Then with my 10 year old I decided to stay at home money was tight a lot but I felt so much more fullfilled being with them but then I had to start working cause money was too tight and my husband found out what it was like to be with the kids while I worked he could not handle it so I found a job where I could take them with me to work I did that for 5 years then I went on to work from home doing data entry had my 2 year old and did this job while taking care of him it worked for a good 2 years but that job got outsourced in July 07 while I was pregnant and in a lot of ways I was sooooo glad, I was going to try to do it with all the 3 under 2 years old, so this is the first time being a 100 percent SAHM since my 10 year old and I love it, I do love to get out of the house every once in awhile but I guess I am so busy with the 3 youngest my day flies by. My husband could not handle it anyways and he knows it so he works extra so I do not have to work too, the whole idea of him having to take care of them scares him. I could not imagine being away from them. I fill more full filled here then I ever did in the work force.

 

I stayed home for the first two years. I found it to be mind numbing at times. When HH found out he was going to be deployed I decided that it was time for me to go back to work. I could not imagine sitting around all day worrying about him. There are many days I am exhausted and wish I hadn't gone back to work, but I do like being out of the house. I also see a HUGE difference in my kids. They love to play and go to "school". They have learned so much!!!
It is a very personal decision and you will know what is best for you.

 

I'm happy at home because before the boys I was working at a daycare. I'm an elementary teacher, but after moving mid year I had to work with preschoolers. I would have actually preferred being with the infants or toddlers, so I'm very happy having my own class at home! I do miss the feeling of success when I would teach a little kid to read or write their name, but I know my boys will be there eventually. I think if I was in a different career things would be different.

 

There are days when I absolutely love being at home and wouldn't have it any other way - and then there are the days when I completely yearn for working outside the home again. But, I think it's me yearning for what life was like when I was working, way less stress, no kids, long lunch breaks (now I'm not even sure what lunch 'break' means :lol: ), adult conversation. If I actually went back to work now, I'd bring in virtually zero income due to child care & I'd be worried about the kids all day. So I guess since I'm in a different place now, the 'work situation' would be way different than it was when I was actually working, so what I'm yearning for doesn't really exist.

 

Not at all. I have no desire to work out of the home but I do have those days were I would like to escape, maybe have a day to myself, out with friends that kind of thing.

 

I feel the same way. I am not a very good stay at home mom. I want to be home with my kids but I also want to be at work. My pedi told me she is a better mom because she works. I think the same way.

 

Thank you for all of your responses. My DH told me I could go back to work when I make more than he does... Right now going back to work would be a wash because I would spend my entire paycheck on childcare. Not to mention my girls are preemies and I am not really comfotable leaving them at daycare if I don't have to. Hopefully I will get adjusted soon and embrace my new life.

 

I work part time and its the best of both worlds...my parents watch the twins when I work and then the 2 evenings a week I work they get some great daddy time! I've managed to keep them out of daycare to date but now its time (they'll be 2 in May and the place I want them to go to has a waiting list till July anyway) for them to have a few days with other children and structured activities and for me to go back to work full time! I AM a better mom because I work...

 

I was a teacher and I do miss my relationship with the students, the sense of accomplishment, adult conversation, and the extra income, BUT when I taught I also had only a few hours each evening with my family, and the weekends were spent running errands and doing chores.

It has been an adjustment, but I think this is what is best for our family right now. Nobody will take as good care of my babies as me and although the days now are sometimes mundane, I am really looking forward to more interaction and planned activities in the coming months ! Each day they seem more interactive. I stay mentally-stimulated by reading about their development and finding new ways to "play" with them.

I think the hardest part for me has been feeling isolated, but I do rely on TwinStuff and MySpace to help me feel less isolated. Just recently, I have taken a pro-active approach to meeting new moms in my area so I can get out and about! I've tried CafeMom, local mom/twin groups, and meeting fellow twinstuff-ers in my area. So far I've met some really great people!

 

Being a SAHM is the hardest job I have ever done! I was just thinking about this the other day...

2 years ago this time I was working 4 jobs (2 bookkeeping, property manager, selling sex toys) and going to school (trying to finish my bachelors in accounting at a prestigious university).

1 year ago this time I was getting pregnant (mid Feb but close enough), working only 2 jobs (bookkeeping), doing taxes for extra cash, and 'taking a break from school'.

Now I lost my job in Nov and I am single SAHM looking for parttime work that will fit with my free Tues/Thurs nanny (my sister nannies). My, how things have changed!!!!

 

Your feelings sound totally normal! It doesn't mean that you're a bad mom. I think most of us need SOMETHING more than motherhood in our lives to be sane and happy, whether that's a paying job or simply time to pursue interests. I love my babies more than anything, but I'd go nuts without breaks from them. It's not that I don't want to be with them, just that I do want to spend time on other things too.

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Thank you for all of your responses. My DH told me I could go back to work when I make more than he does... Right now going back to work would be a wash because I would spend my entire paycheck on childcare. Not to mention my girls are preemies and I am not really comfotable leaving them at daycare if I don't have to. Hopefully I will get adjusted soon and embrace my new life.


Have you thought about temp or part-time work, maybe when they're a bit older and we're out of RSV season? Would a sitter at your house be an option if you don't want to expose them to daycare? Even if your whole paycheck went to child care, it might be totally worth it so that you could have a life outside the house again. Is there any way you can get some breaks and reconnect with your "real life" now? You deserve to do things to nurture yourself, and you'll be an even better mom to your babies if you're not running on empty. :hug99:

 

Never. Even tho a break from being in the house all day is nice once in awhile, I can't say I wish I could go back to work. I missed the first 2 years of my dd growing up. I hated that on the weeknights sometimes I was only with her for 2 hours a night before she would go to bed at 7:30. I cried all the time. Just a break every now and then is all I need. Before I know it she will be in school and then the twins. I'll go back then.

 

QUOTE(Kyrstyn @ Jan 20 2008, 12:49 PM) [snapback]580856[/snapback]
Thank you for all of your responses. My DH told me I could go back to work when I make more than he does... Right now going back to work would be a wash because I would spend my entire paycheck on childcare. Not to mention my girls are preemies and I am not really comfotable leaving them at daycare if I don't have to. Hopefully I will get adjusted soon and embrace my new life.


That is a big reason I did not go back. Daycare would have eaten my paycheck. The first year, I was so sad at home because it was so difficult. It was a catch 22 though. I wanted to go back so bad but I knew at the same time, I would have such a hard time packing up the babies for daycare and going to work when I would end up bringing hardly any money home. I missed my friends at work and I missed my job. Now though, I am enjoying being home so much. I rarley think about how I wish I was there instead of here.

 

I can tell you from a stand point of someone who has been a SAHM and a WOHM, I would rather be a SAHM any day. Although being a SAHM is so very isolating, working full time, or even 30 hours a week has added so much more stress to my life, as a wife and mother and a MAID. I feel like I can never get everything done in a week that needs to be done and I hardly ever sleep catching up on everything. And I miss my kids terribly every day, even though they are extremely difficult to watch because they are in everything and cry A LOT sometimes and are whiny most days too.

If I could choose I would choose to be a SAHM.

 

To be honest with you, I only stopped feeling that way since the girls were about 16 months old or so. It was very hard for me and I missed being in an "adult world" (even though I was an elementary school teacher but you kwim )

I would say that once my girls really started learning to communicate and being able to play in a way other than just taking a toy, chewing on it, tossing it away for the next toy to go in the mouth, that I started to really really enjoy being with them. It has just become so much more fun and interesting. What you are feeling now is very normal and quite honestly, I don't think EVERYONE is cut out for being a sahm. Some women just make much better and more loving moms when they are finding other ways to fulfill themselves in addition to their kids. I'm not saying that's bad or that's you but I think it's hard to tell right now because you are still dealing with newborns and it's a very hard stage and will be for several more months. Things will get a little easier (well in some ways and harder in different ways) but I promise, things will get a lot more fun and interesting when you don't feel like everything is a one conversation all day. I think something that really really helped me was to get involved with other sahm's which I didn't do until they were about 15 months or so and I think that has greatly helped me. I joined the library and I joined a mom of twins group and we have play dates at least once a week and it helps to keep busy and to just get together with other moms and talk like a grown up again (although we mostly talk about kids and being a mom :lol: )

Hang in there.

 

I totally am so thankful that I work part-time outside of the home. It gives me sanity, and I'm not afraid to say so. It's true what people say--that work becomes like a vacation!!!!! Naomi

 

I wish i could work part time or even 4 days a week but finacially it is not possible. We have my mom watching the babies and recently a new sitter taking on a day or two and eventually 3 days aweek.. Who we dont pay unless we take the kids there etc etc... Perfect answer to what we needed... I can say that working ( i work with my bf from HS) is good for me... I like the break and it too makes me a better mom... I think that at the point you are at it is all an adjustment. I went back at 3 months and it about killed me and this was leaving them at our home with my mom... We all adjusted and all in all it is good for us alll. I can say if money was not an issue and i could shop, meet friends fro lunch or run here and there i could be a SAHM easy. However money tens to hinder all things... LOL...

Hang in there..

 

Yep, I wanted to go back to work, because I missed the adult interaction and conversation, but a few months after I went back... I missed my little ones SO much!! Then, I also got pregnant not long after so I ended up quitting anyway.

 

Do you get out every day - even just for a walk? If not, you need to. Have you joined a Twins Club or a Moms Group? If not, do it. You need to have a bigger world than just your 4 walls.

Do I ever want to go back to work? No, not at all. I love what I do and would not want to be any other place.

Do I need other things? Absolutely. I am a volunteer and it keeps me on my toes. I am President of our Twins Club, I write a newsletter every month as well as sit on 2 other non profit boards. I work everything I do around our family as it is number 1 to me.

Take 1 class - continue your education, take yoga...it doesn't really matter what, just that you do something for yourself. Get together with friends during the day or make some through a group.

It takes time to adjust, but once you find yourself within the Mom role, you will be fine.

 

I don't wish that I could go back to work...but I do wish i could get paid for what I do at home!! LOL!

Seriously...I know your girls were preemies...but at some point you should try to hook up with other SAHMs in real life...it makes a HUGE difference. Play dates at your house with another mom and baby/babies should be relatively safe at this age. I always found that when my kids were infants the most important thing is that the mother is healthy...they are too young to really swap germs by sharing toys. Is there anyone that you know IRL who could come over for a "play date"?? It's more of a sanity break for the moms than anything else. And when the weather gets better get outside!! Go for walks...do walking dates with other moms. With all my kids now, I'm too busy to get bored...and they keep me really engaged as a mom. But when my first dd was an infant I remember being sooo bored. Getting together with other moms, and occasionally get out without the baby was a HUGE sanity boost!!

 

:hug99: It will get more fun as they get more interactive. I love that I am able to stay at home with my kids, and feel very fortunate to be able to do so, however, there are times where I wished that maybe I worked a part-time job, so that I had something that was just mine and had the adult interaction to go along with it. I don't regret staying home with my kids though, for even a second!

 

I tried to run our company from home, via mobile phone and laptop computer. But is was more frustrating than pleasure. So after 7 months i went back into the office for half day just to check that staff is ok and things are running like it should. I am better off having some time to myself and i feel like a better mom, spending quality rather than quantity time with them.
i do miss them though.