SAHMs who worked before the babies came

I just had to make the big decision...I took last school year off from teaching to be home with my LOs, and now they are working on staffing for next year so I got the inevitable letter: "What are your intentions for the 2009-2010 school year?" Ugh. Neither DH or I want to put them into daycare yet and we don't have anyone nearby who can really watch them...so we've decided I should stay home another year. They'll hold my job for one more and I'm hoping by the time they are 2, I'll feel better about starting them in daycare. So knowing that we will be completely broke and that I'll have to find a part time job in the evenings or weekends...I sent in the paper...saying I was taking off another year. Am I crazy?

Are you going insane at home with two 1 year olds or is it the best thing you could be doing? I know it's different for everyone. I've loved being home with them this long and every day gets better as they interact more and more with me and with each other, but it also gets harder the more mobile they get. Tell me how it's been for you so far. Encouraging stories would be a plus, but I want to hear the crazy side, too! Are you completely wiped out at the end of the day or could you see yourself going out to do something mindless part time once your SO got home? Thanks for letting me drop in on the second year a few months early!

 

I worked full time up until I was 30 weeks pregnant, but I may not be the best person to answer this question since I didn't really ever like working outside the home. It was always just something I did b/c I went to college and needed to make money and I know I have to go back one day but I have no idea what I want to do when I go back!

I'd say the 2nd year is just as difficult as the first but in a different way. I'm not sleep deprived and I don't have to worry quite as much about packing the diaper bag but it's still just as difficult to get out the door b/c they have a lot of tantrums. I don't think that running after them is exhausting but I think they are mentally exhausting b/c they are always getting into things and I feel like I am the police of the house and whatever room I'm not in has a disaster going on in it.

I still think this is the best job I've ever had. I can remember when I worked full time and my alarm would go off in the morning. Especially on Mondays I would wake up and just feel negative about having to get out of bed and go to work. Now my alarm clock is the sound of babies waking up and I'm always glad to get out of bed (well I guess not always, but most of the time) b/c I can't wait to see their smiling faces - their best time of day is the morning. I love being a stay at home mom and I really think of it as a privilege. They're such special little people and they'll only be little for such a short amount of time, I'm lucky to be able to spend my days with them.

 

I worked full time until I was 36 weeks pregnant (12/07) and have been home since then. I love being home with the babies and seeing them grow and change has been awesome. Like Aimee said, it can be tiring dealing with the temper tantrums and feeding issues, but for me the joy outweighs the challenges. My DH and I will be reevaluating the SAHM situation over the summer. I'll be done school then but if we feel like I can't get a job that will pay more then what day care costs then I might be staying home a while longer.

I can honestly say the only thing I miss about work is the adult interaction and I don't think you are crazy for wanting to stay home another year, especially if your job will be held for you another year. It's a great question to ask!

 

I had left a good profession to stay home and look forward to going back later. Like Aimee, I believe staying home feels like a priviledge. I say stay home for another year, since they'll hold your job. I bet, looking back later, you'll think you made the best decision to stay home, considering you're not really ready to go back. HTH .

 

I also taught so had that whole next year off for leave. In my mind, after the boys were born, that fall, I wanted to be at work so bad because being at home was so hard for me. All I wanted was to be doing what I loved and I really missed my coworkers. I was going crazy with my 2 crying babies and had a very difficult time especially once the weather got colder. I thought that when each fall rolled around and I saw school supplies out at the stores that I would really get bummed.


The good news is that each year it got easier (3 falls now!). And now I really enjoy being home. I never thought I would say that. The fact that they now can interact with me and are not as needy as when they were little makes all the difference to me.

 

i love my girls, and i love being at home to teach them new things, adn to watch them learn and grow, but i feel sometimes like everyone is moving forward and i'm just standing still. i feel isolated from the world. i have been thinking about gettinga part time job just so i can interact with other adults, and i can feel like i'm accomplishing something more.

 

Right around their first birthday I started to feel like I needed to go back and do something "work" related... I agree with Cohlee that I was feeling like everyone else had their kids and a career and I was missing my former career. I had been home for two years before they were born, with my two older children, and also babysitting my nephews. A full year with the babies and the two older kids and no income was stressful, but I'm very happy I was able to do it. Once I started looking into job options, I realized I wasn't really ready to go back to work, and probably couldn't make enough to cover daycare costs for four kids anyway. I ended up starting my own business (I had been in the travel industry for 15 years prior to being a SAHM) and it's been great!

Even on the days it's hard to be home with two toddlers, you won't regret it in the long run... I would say take the year since they'll hold your job, but maybe find something related to teaching (tutoring, teaching a night class?) so that you can continue to do something you enjoy and make a few dollars while you're at it!

 

I worked full time until a few days before I had dd. I've not gone back since. Dd just turned 10 last week. It's really hard being home but for me, it is important for me to do.

 

QUOTE(aimeethomp @ Apr 14 2009, 11:40 AM) [snapback]1272832[/snapback]
I'd say the 2nd year is just as difficult as the first but in a different way. I'm not sleep deprived and I don't have to worry quite as much about packing the diaper bag but it's still just as difficult to get out the door b/c they have a lot of tantrums. I don't think that running after them is exhausting but I think they are mentally exhausting b/c they are always getting into things and I feel like I am the police of the house and whatever room I'm not in has a disaster going on in it.


Ditto that exactly!

And to add, I worked FT from the time the twins were 1-8 months old. THey are now 14 months old so Ive been home with them for the last 6 months. Its exhasuting yes, but it sure beats any job out there. I like knowing what my kids did all day, what they ate, when they napped, what they learned, how many books were red to them, were they snuggled and sung to, did they have a dance party in the living room (like we did today ). I still work 2 days a week but its exactly what you described - a MINDLESS part-time job. It pays our car payments and gives us a little extra spending money.

I dont think you will ever regrett making the decision to stay home and RAISE your babies! Sure you might be broke, but its temporary and in the big scheme of things its a real investment in the upbringing of what will hopefully be 2 wonderful contributions to society.

Plus, how are we going to chat on TS if you're busy working? Just kidding! HTHs

 

As a teacher, there are many opportunities to earn extra money. One thing I have done is tutor when DH gets home. Yes, it stinks running out the door as he walks in, but when I had a full load, I could bring in over $100 a week--we use my money for "play money", and fortunately don't need it for bills.

My first fall was hard, because I wanted to go back, but once they were in 1st this year, I started subbing in their schools, and I love the teaching without the paperwork!

Enjoy the babies, it is hard work, but very rewarding, and as they get more mobile, and communicative, even more fun!

 

The second year has gone by even faster than the first. I was a teacher also and knowing myself, I just couldn't handle kids all day and then come home to my own. Someone would suffer and I'm afraid it would have to be the students. I don't think it would be fair for me to give them anything less than my best, so I've decided the only time I'll go back is when they're in school. I've been working my butt off to start a business from home so that I can help DH financially because he's starting to feel the burden. I used to feel my job was so much harder than his but at this point I have to pretend that my days are long and stressful. They're just not. Sure there ARE days where all they want to do is scream and steal toys and disobey but they're not often. They're so much more independent now. They can play on their own for almost an hour. They feed themselves. They're schedule is super predictable right down to when they poop. We go out every day and actually ENJOY it. Of course, I tell my husband it was sooooo haaaaard watching them at the completely fenced in park made of astroturf . Otherwise I have to hear how he wishes he could just "kick back" all day like I do. Whatever. Don't get me wrong-this IS work, especially when you add on all the things you have to do after little ones go to bed. But the second year just provides so many more opportunities for fun than the first year did. Wait, actually from 14 to 16 months I wanted to jab myself in the head almost daily but that's because my boys were really having a hard time with walking and reeeeally frustrated about it. Other than that, it's pretty fun and you finally start seeing them learn things that you thought they were never even noticing. I remember when I was changing Caleb's diaper one day he kept saying what I thought was oh no, oh no (not what you want to hear during a diaper change). He did it a couple more times but I just blew it off because I couldn't figure out why he'd say that. A few days later, I'm changing him and he's fussing and I as always consoled him by saying "IIII know, IIII know. Almost done". I never would have thought that was something he'd pay attention to. I thought it was pretty sweet. So all that to say the second year beats the first year because they're actually people who listen and understand and soak up things all day and RESPOND to you. Those things made this year rewarding.

 

i still love it. i had a job that i adored for 17 years (teaching elemenary school, mostly first grade), but wanted to be a mother so badly. there are days that i want to tear my hair out, for sure, and days when i think a nanny might do a better job (or at least use better language, lol) but i love being here every day to watch them grow and learn. for me, it's exciting and amazing.

i just got my leave for next year approved! i do'nt know how long i'll stay out of work (and i do miss my students and colleagues!) but i know this is right for us right now.

best of luck!

 

Exact same situation for me. I just sent my letter in to my school district saying I was taking another year off. To be honest, I have been so happy being home. I'll return to my teaching job when my older DD is 4.5 years and my twins are 2.5yrs. My older DD was in daycare for a year and a half and I was miserable the whole time. Having three in daycare would be ridiculously expensive so I guess everything worked out for us. Really, it is working much better for me to be home -- although living on one salary has been tough.
If I don't return in 2010, I would have to resign so I will definitely be going back then.

 

I was working FT until about 33 weeks. If you can afford to stay at home I say do it! If you do go back when they are 2 they will be able to talk to you about what is going on at the daycare (a real plus!). I have found it easier since they started to crawl and could get to things they wanted. Year 2 has its challenges but nothing like 2 babies needing 100% attention. What I miss most is adult interaction - thank god for a computer and my mom who will stop by everyday for a visit.

 

it's the best and the hardest! they are sooo much more fun and they've become little people. it's amazing to watch. and exhausting (but i'm preggo again so that's probably why). I think it's the best decision I've ever made.