SAHMs- How often does this happen to you? VENT!

Ok- I am angry so I may not be looking for any answers here- just a moment to vent and to give others the same opportunity!!

DH just called to let me know once AGAIN he is running late and will "keep me posted" on when he will be home. I am home 12 hours straight with the girls most days so when DH is late it turns into 13 hours + without a break. They no longer nap so the days are long and stressful and DH knows it. When he gets home at a normal hour, he has one hour with the girls while I do dishes, laundry, etc. (this is my "alone time" and then we work together to get them to bed. I am irriated because I know that if I were a paid nanny or babysitter, he would find a way to get home on time. But, because it costs him no money and I am the SAHM it is easy to just say " I need to work late".

I feel taken advantage of. Since DH makes the majority of the money that pays for our house and bills I am meant to feel like I am jeopardizing our family income if I complain about him working late. I work too- I work 2 days a week and you better believe that I am never late coming home or else it costs the family money and inconviences my babysitter's time since she has a family as well!

Like I said, I am just frustrated and angry and I know what to do about this- I need to let DH know how I feel, etc. I just needed an outlet RIGHT NOW because he is not going to be home for at least another hour or so....

The longer I am a SAHM the more taken for granted I feel...and I feel like my time and my efforts and my accomplishments are not ever taken into consideration anymore...it stinks.

Thank you so much for listening! I really needed to get this off my chest!

Lisa

 

Ok- I am angry so I may not be looking for any answers here- just a moment to vent and to give others the same opportunity!!

DH just called to let me know once AGAIN he is running late and will "keep me posted" on when he will be home. I am home 12 hours straight with the girls most days so when DH is late it turns into 13 hours + without a break. They no longer nap so the days are long and stressful and DH knows it. When he gets home at a normal hour, he has one hour with the girls while I do dishes, laundry, etc. (this is my "alone time" and then we work together to get them to bed. I am irriated because I know that if I were a paid nanny or babysitter, he would find a way to get home on time. But, because it costs him no money and I am the SAHM it is easy to just say " I need to work late".

I feel taken advantage of. Since DH makes the majority of the money that pays for our house and bills I am meant to feel like I am jeopardizing our family income if I complain about him working late. I work too- I work 2 days a week and you better believe that I am never late coming home or else it costs the family money and inconviences my babysitter's time since she has a family as well!

Like I said, I am just frustrated and angry and I know what to do about this- I need to let DH know how I feel, etc. I just needed an outlet RIGHT NOW because he is not going to be home for at least another hour or so....

The longer I am a SAHM the more taken for granted I feel...and I feel like my time and my efforts and my accomplishments are not ever taken into consideration anymore...it stinks.

Thank you so much for listening! I really needed to get this off my chest!

Lisa

 

My DH does that sometimes. One thing that has helped is that he has begun carpooling, so 4 out of 5 days he is home by 6:30--whereas before I was lucky to have him home by 7-8. Another thing that helped is that I do tutoring and Pampered Chef, and there are nights that I HAVE to leave, so he HAS to be home. Him being home most nights makes it not all that bad when he has to stay late once in a while.

The other thing that has helped was that the boys have a regular bedtime, whether he is home or not--so come 8, they are in bed so I can then have time to myself regardless.

 

you need to take some real you time, not laundry and dishes. when he gets home, head to the gym for an hour (or to the store or go for a walk). Seriously. Do not fall into the role of martyr, its not going to do anyone any good. the laundry and dishes will be there for both of you to do, or you could do it while he puts the kids to bed, or whatever.

(((HUGS)))

 

Girl, I've got you topped! Mine not only does the late coming home thing, but he travels for work almost every week, 2--4 days a week most times and then leaves to go hunting for 12 weekends (LONG weekends, like Thursday through Monday) a year or more. I have a very hard time handling it as I think it's very unfair. I get NO Mommy time unless I pitch a huge fit and just leave.

So you are not alone. So far I have not found a solution. I'm a SAHM full time and sometimes I feel like I'm going to go nuts if he tells me he is leaving again!!!

Hang in there and know you're not alone. Sorry I had nothing positive to offer, maybe someone can help us both!!

 

Uh, this happens DAILY!

I am sorry your feeling like this. I would talk to DH about it. However, can you add a half or full day of daycare each week so that you can get some "Lisa" time?

And of course, VENT AWAY ANYTIME!

 

I also feel your pain. My dh works night shift. When he gets home, he goes straight to bed. When he gets up I had better have dinner ready then he hits the chair and doesn't help with the kids or the house. So while he maybe physically there, he might as well not be. He hunts, fishes and runs all the time. Tonight I had E&E both in the shower with me and he was asleep in the chair. He wouldn't even help dry them or anything.

Sorry to add my own vent but I wanted to let you know you aren't alone.

 

He's off weekends? Tell him your taking some mommy stress time off. Book a night at a hotel even if its 5 mins away. Tell him have a nice day, DON"T CALL unless theres blood and a hospital visit involved.

You need time doing other then 'housework'. If he's intentionally doing this...make it clear its not acceptable, its just plain not nice! I am nearing the end of my almost 75 days alone with the kids(Fh coming on Dec18th, leaving jan9th again for 4 months). He said first thing he wants me to sleep in. SLEEP IN!

I know your DH knows kids are tough but its tougher not to have 5 mins alone not even to pee!

 

DH runs late because of work-related stuff (catching up on work, meetings, or a quick after-work drink with the boss or consultant) probably two times a week, on average. Honestly, I have a hard time getting upset about it. He always calls to let me know, and it usually isn't too late anyway.

We have made an effort to look at ourselves as a team. During the week, his job is to make money and advance in his career for the betterment of our family's financial security. My job is to keep the house running and the kids safe, healthy, and happy, and earn a little money working from home. I'm so happy he makes enough that I can stay home with the kids, and he feels content knowing I'm home taking care of things, the kids are in good hands, and dinner will be waiting for him when he gets home. I know it sounds antiquated, but the division of labor works for us.

Last week, I told him well in advance that I had a church meeting to attend in the evening, which included dinner, so he'd need to be home on time to be with the kids. He called an hour before the meeting to tell me he forgot about his OWN meeting, which he had to be at. I was a little ticked, but there was no way he could not go -- he had to lead the meeting, and the bottom line was that in comparison, his meeting was far more important than mine. My parents and SIL were both out, and I have nowhere else to leave the kids, so I had to take them along. It was a little inconvenient, but we managed.

Like Sharon's boys, mine have a consistent bedtime, so I know by 8:30, the house will be quiet and I'll get my break.

 

I kind of know what you are feeling. We moved last March so DH would be home more. He now only has a half hour commute. We get to eat breakfast as a family and dinner. We usually eat dinner at 7.
My vent with my DH is on the days that he is working late, he will forget to call and tell me that he is working late because he is too tied up in his work. Usually I will look at the clock and see it is almost 7, and he is still at work. So I have to do a quick dinner for the girls and decide if I want to eat without him or wait.

 

I feel your pain, too and need to vent. DH works out of town so he's gone for most of the week. This week, he was gone 6 days straight. When he's home, he complains that I am out the door once he gets there. I usually do my grocery shopping once he gets home and any errands that I need to do. I have zero time to do anything for me and he complains when I do. He makes the joke that I am burning rubber the minute that he gets home. It really drives me crazy!

 

It's hard I know, but unfortunately we don't have a choice. My DH is active duty Army and his days consist of leaving at 5am before anyone is up and getting home at 6:30pm in time to spend a half hour playing with the kids. This is the nature of what we do. I can understand because I am retired military and know the nature of the job. We are both VERY passionate about what we do/did, so although it is hard, it is a mere inconvenience to having him in Iraq or Afganistan. He may work long hours, but at least he's not getting shot at righ now.

Angela

 

Sounds like my life everyday and yes it DOES stink! I get no thank yous or appreciation for doing what i do which is taking care of the boys from the minute they wake up until *I* put them to bed! I definatley feel your pain! Hmmm, i just talked to my dh and he says "I'll be home in a couple of hours" Mind you its 5:45 right now!! Im just use to living this way unfortunatly!

 

i have to say that this is one thing my DH is very good about.

one time when the boys were still babies he was about a half hour late coming home. i called him to find out where he was and he in traffic. that's fine, i understand that there is traffic but he had been 20minutes late leaving the office... at the time he was like, it was just 20 minutes.... i wigged out b/c 20 extra minutes plus the extra traffic turned it into an hour. i explained to him that my time was very delicately balanced and i needed to know if he was going to be late coming home so that i could wrap my brain around the idea...

this is a huge pet peeve for me. i don't buy that most people need to work late. i know that some jobs have unexpected things that come up and all but if you constantly have to work late then... nevermind, don't get me started.

i hope you got a chance to talk to him and let him know that you *need* him to be home on time!

 

There are at least 2 night's out of the week where my husband leaves the house by 5:30 in the morning and does not come home until midnight. I definatly dont feel like im being taken advantage of. Im actually lucky that he can make extra money so i dont have to work and can be home with my children. It's actually a blessing for me.

 

i think alot of DHs stay late when we expect them to be home on time. it's a matter of adjusting our expectations and when we're at our wits ends anyway.... yikes. So yes, try to calmly talk to him about it and maybe come to an agreement that on certain days of the week he can stay late and others needs to be home on time no matter what.

 

I'm SO sorry I totally understand. My DH is a teacher and is done around 2:55 but typically doesn't get home for hours later than that. I know the other teachers hang in his room after work and I just called to find him hanging in the front office just chatting. Grrrrr. I am lucky that he'll do the grocery shopping and errand running after work if I ask but I do know how you feel about not getting thanked for doing all that you do and feeling taken advantage of. Even though we're pregnant again and I'm supposed to be on partial bedrest, I still end up doing dinner and baths even when he's home. I know you DO NEED to take time for yourself but I understand how hard that is sometimes. I hope it gets better for you!!!