SAHM

Do any of you feel like you're not doing a good job at being a SAHM? I certainly do. I do a pretty good job of keep laundry done. However, I don't do as well keeping the house clean. I mean it's pretty much picked up; however, keeping the hardwoods downstairs cleaned is difficult. I feel like my husband also thinks I'm not doing so well. He mentioned getting someone to clean the house . . . which we really don't need to splurge on.

I stay pretty active during the day with the kids (almost 2). I take them to the gym at least 3 times a week. This is nice for me and the kids because we get out of the house and they have a great childcare center. This gives me a break and them a change of scenery. We often have playdates or go swimming. I try to do something outside of the house everyday or it's a long day in the house. My kids take 2-3 hour naps . . . mostly 3 hours. I am so tired and drained by this point that I don't feel like doing major house cleaning. I often sit and watch TV from 1-2pm in a veg state of mind. I do my bible study at 2pm which takes 30-45 minutes and then I will often drift off to sleep and sometimes not wake until the kids call for me. I know I'm not using this time wisely; however, I feel like I'm a better mom if I have the down time. I have found that if I work during their nap then I'm still burnt out when they wake. My kids don't play by themselves very well for me to get stuff done when they're awake.

Sorry to be so wordy! I just needed to vent!

 

:hug99: I think we all feel that way from time to time!! I take my kids somewhere every morning, but once we are home for lunch & naps we are usually home for the day. I try to break it up and vary what we do - play in the backyard (slide, water table, sand box, playhouse, run around...), then inside to the LR for some type of art/craft - play dough, crayons, putting things on sticky paper...), then to FM for play kitchen/tea party, baby dolls in strollers - they also love to push around their water sippies & binkies :lol: , out front for side walk chalk, bubbles, take a walk, back in to finished basement - the land of dinosaurs & little people, Dora/Veggie Tales video while I start dinner...I find a "loose" routine allows me to get them started on something and then I can break away for 5 mins to start a load of laundry, sweep the floor, do breakfast/lunch dishes etc. I just do it in little chunks, but that way it doesn't build up for me to have hours of work after they are in bed and they don't feel "abandoned" either. AS far as using naps wisely...I only have 45 mins and that is me time!! I do nothing productive during that time (most on TS ) and yes, I need it.

My DDs love to "clean" along with me. What is you got them both a swifter, took out the middle part of the handle and let them clean along with you - or just give them a rag? They would probably get a kick out of it. Hannah is always wiping up nonexistant spills :lol:

 

Hey I always feel that way!!! There is always something that needs done and it'll get done- maybe not perfectly and maybe not even today. So far, I am pretty good about the laundry and dishes and a few other lighter things. But, right now the carpet needs vacuuming horribly. I did have a housekeeper once every two weeks for the first year with the boys- it was great- but I still hated it!!! I got rid of her (she broke a few items and I was tired of cleaning the house BEFORE she came so she wouldn't see my mess ardon: ) I didn't ever feel comfortable leaving while she was at the house and it was difficult with the boys around the house as well- it would be worse now- they'd so be in the way! My dh says things once in awhile, too about the house- something not clean- whatever. I figure that means he needs a few hours home alone with the boys to see how much he can get done AND keep the boys safe and entertained!!
It isn't easy and I think our kids need sane parents more than a perfect house!!
Anyhow, perhaps you can tell your husband that you really can't do the deep cleaning when you are by yourself with the kids and give him an option of watching the kids while you do the work or he can do the work while you watch the kids!!
I wouldn't give up that nap time to do it!! I am finding I get a little extra time to clean with the boys awake before they start to fight about something!! I can clean the kitchen while they are eating and pull weeds while they play in the backyard, etc.
You sound like you are doing a whole lot already!!! Don't stress!!!
Best wishes
Lanie

 

I just wanted to say that I could have written your post exactly! I do not do a ANY cleaning during naptime, and yes my almost 4 year old twins still take a nap most days (it's a miracle, I know). I also have a 2 year old singleton, and when they are all down for a quiet time/nap it is MY time. I nap, go on the computer, watch tv. I too feel like I need this time to be a better mommy when they get up--if I try to clean or do anything really productive during naptime I am still drained when they get up! So, if I get my downtime I am ready to go when they get up--and I feel like I can be happier mom.

I usually clean and cook while they are playing nicely or when my hubby is around. My best times are in the morning, right after breakfast or after dinner at night when my husband can play with them. They play nicely after breakfast, and I have a lot of energy....so I get to it and try to get a lot done before we head out on our errands/playdates/classes etc. for the day.

Sometimes I feel like I never really clean my house very well until people are coming for a visit.

I also take time to go to the gym with my kids and exercise--again, it makes me a much better mom. And they love playing there.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I understand how you are feeling. I do feel a lot of guilt over taking time for ME at times, but I also know how much better of a mommy I am because of it. And nope--my house is not very clean at times.

 

I think you're all doing a great job! We, as women, have to stop equating a clean house to a good mom. That's just craziness!! I'm NOT very domestic at all. I HAVE to invite people over to get the house clean because otherwise I just couldn't care less! But, not for a minute will I believe that makes me less of a mom. Your kids are happy, healthy and well-adjusted. Your doing a great job.

Think about it: When you are older and looking back, are you going to think about how you shouldn't have left the dinner dishes until morning? Or are you going to wish you'd spent more time cuddling your babies while they were little?

I for one will NOT give the dishes a second thought. They'll be there when I'm ready to do them.

 

I also have had this problem ever since my twins hit 1 and they are now 3!!!! I still haven't been able to come up with any type of schedule/routine for myself because we're always doing something. Sometimes all my household chorse just sit for days or even weeks!!! The laundy just piles and piles up. I get a spurt of energy to get stuff cleaned and then I'm totally drained. I workout, take vitamins, do all that I can to stay energized, but I'm still napping when they take a nap. I feel lazy about it, but I'm just drained. I'm usually a night person, so I'm MOST energized after everyone is asleep, then I get stuff done, but my husband doesn't like me staying up soooo late. So, when do I have the time to get anything done? It would be nice if my hubby actually helped with the house work, but he doesn't. So, it's all on me. Y :mellow: ou are not alone. I don't know when it gets easier??? I'm still trying to figure that one out.

Take Care,
Emily

 

QUOTE(mac+evie @ Jul 2 2008, 05:53 AM) [snapback]856148[/snapback]
I'm NOT very domestic at all. I HAVE to invite people over to get the house clean because otherwise I just couldn't care less! But, not for a minute will I believe that makes me less of a mom.

Think about it: When you are older and looking back, are you going to think about how you shouldn't have left the dinner dishes until morning? Or are you going to wish you'd spent more time cuddling your babies while they were little?

I for one will NOT give the dishes a second thought. They'll be there when I'm ready to do them.


I do the same thing - invite people over because it does motivate me to really clean areas that everyone will see!!

I 'save' certain chores to do when they are awake. Like I can fold laundry in the playroom and they like to climb in and out of the basket. I use the laptop in the playroom to write emails (and be on here!) while they play on the floor beside me. I let them play with my tupperware while I load/unload the dishwasher and wipe down the kitchen. If I want to dust the living room, I take a basket of toys and the girls play in there while I'm swiping at the furniture with a swiffer. They think it's like going to Disneyland because they are not usually allowed in there.

I either close doors or put up gates to keep them contained within sight. It gives them a chance to play somewhere new, and I can get some light cleaning done. I save the floors for naps and bathrooms for when DH can watch them or take them out. I run the sweeper too while they are up....they just sit in silence and stare at it. :lol:

The house is neat because I don't like a lot of stuff laying around, but it's definitely not CLEAN clean. But spending time with the girls is much more important right now. The dust bunnies are growing, but not as fast as my girls!

Edited to say that I found some GREAT wood floor cleaner at Walmart. It's called WOW! Wood Floor Cleaner. It comes in a kit with a washable mop like thing. You just spray the stuff and use the mop. It cleans great with NO STREAKS and you can just spot clean the bad spots.

 

QUOTE(Stephanie M @ Jul 1 2008, 11:24 PM) [snapback]855998[/snapback]
...I feel like I'm a better mom if I have the down time...


I think there's your answer. You have figured out what you need to do to be what your kids need. So what if you never get around to doing any major housecleaning. I kept things picked up and tried to clean up the messes we made as we went along, but never, and still don't get around to any major cleaning. No, I don't have the cleanest house on the block, but it's not filthy, not unhealthy, and the kids are well-behaved and happy. Most importantly, I am not stressed to the max over trying to fit too much into one day or week.

 

we all feel the same way about cleaning the house. you have 2 kids that your taking care of and making sure they have things to do and keep them busy. house cleaning what i do is once a week DH would take them out of the house for me on his day off for like 3 hours. i get to do a good cleaning once a week. then the rest of the week i straighten up a. ask him if he could take the out of the house for you to do some cleaning. maybe it will help that way they get quality time with daddy and you get to be alone and clean

 

naptime is downtime for me too. I cherish it to just veg. I know what you mean by being burnt if you work all through their naps. I usually try to keep the kitchen clean, but there are some days when I just can't keep up and the dishes will sit over night or day or more. Laundry only gets done when I've got nothing left to put on myself or the kids run out of PJ's.
DH is usually gone at our house. He's out to sea quite a bit so thank goodness I don't have that added pressure.
If you kids are happy and no one is ill from food poisioning......then all's well! :hug99: plenty of time to clean when they can help!

 

My first thought was perhaps now that it's summertime, perhaps you could hire a neighborhood pre-teen as a "mother's helper" to keep the kids entertained (under your supervision of course) a couple of hours once a week, allowing you to get some of the bigger tasks handled. My niece started doing this for a woman in her neighborhood when she was just 9, and it helped her to learn responsibility as well as gave the mom a little break. The mom was always home and sometimes she cleaned inside or tackled the garage, or just talked on the phone with friends in peace.

Also, this doesn't work for everyone, but I used to find it helpful to designate a day of the week for the larger tasks, ie: Mondays were vacuum/mop days, Wednesdays were laundry, on Fridays I changed all the bed linens, etc. That helped me be less overwhelmed with the entire house needing attention! I could spread the chores out a bit more over the week and I didn't feel the pressure to have the whole house done at once. Of course, there will always be exceptions (and vacuuming had to be done more than once a week in our case!) but it did help me know what I wanted to accomplish before that day was over.

Hang in there and remember, being a SAHM is the hardest job in the world! You're doing great!!!

 

What I have found is that doing just 1-2 things per day (instead of all of them every week), helps me to feel a little better about the state of my house and not get some down on myself. Monday night is bathroom night--floors get cleaned, tubs wiped down. Tuesday night, vacummn, etc etc etc. The house is never ALL clean ALL at once, but does that actually exist in a house with kids anyway?

IMO being a mom trumps being a maid....so as long as you feel as though your being a good mom, who cares if your house is dirty

 

About the only time my house get "cleaned" (aside from keeping it picked up, laundry done and sweeping floors) is when people are coming over. I am a "new" SAHM (quit after Olivia was born) and picked up 2 daycare kids...so from 7:15 - 5:00 everyday during the week, I watch 5 kids under the age of 4. It's exhausting. Their nap time is MY time...I definitely don't want to clean. I usually check TS, my email and do some scrapbooking...or just veg on the couch. I cant' get clothes put away (b/c there are kids sleeping in all the rooms) and I cant' vacuum during nap time, etc...then, my kids aren't in bed until 8:30 pm and by that time, I just want to chill out and do NOTHING! So, I figure, I'll clean when I can, other than that, as long as the house it picked up and at least tidy, that's about all that matters these days!

 

It sounds like you're doing a GREAT job!

Okay, I'm going to say something that I've known for a LONG time but didn't want to admit it...............IT'S EASIER TO GO TO WORK THAN TO BE A SAHM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There I said it - I miss the quality time that I don't get because I work BUT honestly - staying at home to watch the kids, entertain the kids, feed them, clean up after them, play with them, etc........is a lot of work and is mentally and physically draining. I can definitely understand why you don't have the time nor energy to take care of the other house stuff.

It truly is easier for me to got to work - I've done both - I stayed home w/ my girls until they were 4 1/2 months then I returned to work. And I do find going to work easier. ardon:

I truly commend (sp) all SAHM! You guys have it tough and somehow get it done. :bow2: :bow2: :bow2:

:Clap: :Clap: :Clap:

 

I am not a SAHM, although I do work FT from home (with daycare or a nanny watching my duo). If I were to become a SAHM I would absolutely need someone to come watch my girls at least two mornings a week so I could accomplish things, I know this without a doubt. Can you swing a mother's helper?

I've been jealous of my neighbor this week. She's a SAHM to one child (15 months) and when her daughter naps, she sits out on her patio reading in the sunshine. And she's so organized, dinner planned, house is clean...argh! When my DD's nap (on the weekend) I am rushing around trying to get something done. I have a cleaning service otherwise my house would rarely get cleaned. I'm happy if I can get dinner on the table, my kitchen cleaned, keep the floors clean, and stay up on top of the laundry.

 

I just spent the last 4 days being a sahm to my boys and all I could think of is that sahms are my heroes. I honestly don't know how you do it. I've never been so exhausted. And I was at my parent's cottage so I didn't even have to think of housework (just making meals). I was soooo happy to come to work this morning! So the fact that your house is a little messy - feh! That ain't nothing! You are taking care of twins all day by yourself. If you are still standing, that is a victory.

I have a friend who is another single mother of twins and when I was sinking at work a little and not happy with they way I was parenting and feeling so torn all the time she said "if all three of you are breathing at the end of the day - it's a win!"

Congratulations, you are a winner!

 

It sounds like you are doing a great job! I'm not a SAHM, but I do need 'me' time while they nap on the weekends. I've been setting a schedule for each day I'm home with them which includes both fun stuff and chores. Its helping me feel like I've accomplished something even when I check off on my list that we played in the pool! Maybe if you do one chore per day that way you can keep up with things and not feel stressed about having *everything* to do while they nap. I also think the pp's suggestion about getting a mother's helper to play with the kids is great! We have several teenage girls in our neighborhood including my sitter's daughters and they LOVE to play with my girls.

 

It is difficult staying home and doing it all. Do you think DH just wants to take some of the pressure off of you by suggesting a cleaner? I would welcome that if you can swing it. You are doing a wonderful job, your babes won't remember how clean your house was as much as they will remember the time you spent with them.

 

I'm a new SAHM too, and it sounds like you are doing great. I think it's awesome that your DH offered up the option of a house cleaner. Maybe it'd be worth it to have her come once a month to do all the deep cleaning stuff you (meaning both you and DH) can't keep up. Things like scrubbing the bathrooms, vacuuming under the furniture, etc. (Things that for most of us, just never get done!)

What I've started to do during nap time is to spend the first 15-30 minutes cleaning, and relaxing the rest of the time. This way I can get something done and then enjoy the relax/recharge time without feeling guilty that I haven't "done" anything all day. I can wipe down all the bathrooms in 15-20 minutes, or I can swiffer the wood floors in our dining/living room, etc. Like someone else said, it's never all clean at once, but it's never all dirty at once either.

I couldn't keep up with my hardwood floors without the swiffer sweeper and swiffer wet jet. They are seriously the best. The sweeper has the swiffer cloth and a little vacuum so it picks up the crumbs and the dust and hair. The wet jet also does a great job and is much quicker than mopping.

 

I can't get major cleaning done unless my DH is home like today I deep cleaned my entire kitchen cabinets/fridge It took me all day and I still have to do the stove and my dinning room. Last year I hired a company to come in and deep clean my ditchen because the boys were only one and I didn't have the 6 hours to do it myself. It's hard and I just get to things when I can, a few weeks ago I pulled apart our bedroom and got behind everything. I also do not clean during naptime or after bedtime that is my downtime.

 

Personally I think you are being way to hard on yourself. I don't know if you realize it but you are a SAHM not a SAHC (Stay at home cleaner). There's a big difference. You are doing a fantastic job as a SAHM which is way more important than spending every second that you are not with the kids, scrubbing floors and doing laundry. Being with the kids is not only physically exhausting but emotionally exhausting which only adds to the pure exhaustion of it all. So your floors are not spotless every moment of the day. So what. Who are you trying to impress??? To be honest, I am impressed by what an involved mother you are with your kids. THAT'S what being a SAHM is all about IMO. Honestly, if you have the money to get a cleaning lady, I highly recommend it. I have one who comes every two weeks to do the hard core scrubbing of toilets and showers and floors and all that. I just do very light spot cleaning in between and that way, I have no guilt about taking a nap when my girls do or just watching a soap opera or some show that I have dvr'd. Sorry but people out in the work force have lunch breaks and additional breaks and I highly doubt most of them take their work with them. You just need a breather!

If your husband has mentioned that maybe you should get a cleaning lady then by all means, let him get you one. It's not an insult to you. It's a compliment to what an amazing and wonderful mommy you are. Your kids will appreciate and remember all the fun things you did with them and all the fun times they had. They will NOT remember that the floors were not always clean or that there was some dust on the book shelves!!

 

If your DH is offering a housekeeper, then by all means take him up on it!!! Start out with every 2 weeks, see how it goes and then, if budget permitting, have her come every week. I promise you it is the best money every spent. You sound like a terrific mom, so don't get too bogged down by the cleaning.

My mom told me that she spent way too much time worrying about a perfect, clean house when we were little kids and feels guilty that she didn't spend enough time "playing" with us. She said it didn't hit her until she saw how I spent my time rolling around in the grass with my boys, oblivious to stains, dishes, carpets that need vacuuming, etc. The house stuff can wait...our fabulous children will only be this age once...

 

QUOTE(Stephanie M @ Jul 2 2008, 03:24 AM) [snapback]855998[/snapback]
I feel like I'm a better mom if I have the down time.


YES, YES, YES! We all need downtime. Having a perfect house (or perfect anything) isn't practical or realistic. Perfection went out the window when my kids were born. We do have housecleaners and it's not a splurge, it's a necessity and it's helped our marriage!

I have 2 chronic illnesses, so I've had to learn to manage my "up" and "down" time. It's crucial to have personal time. Tonight DH is off playing sports and having dinner w/ friends. Do I like taking care of the kids solo on wed nights? nope, it's very hard. But he works SO hard too and he needs downtime too.

We as moms have got to stop the guilt trippin! We are better moms if we take care of ourselves!

 

QUOTE(Momto2es @ Jul 2 2008, 06:33 PM) [snapback]857073[/snapback]
I just spent the last 4 days being a sahm to my boys and all I could think of is that sahms are my heroes. I honestly don't know how you do it. I've never been so exhausted. And I was at my parent's cottage so I didn't even have to think of housework (just making meals). I was soooo happy to come to work this morning! So the fact that your house is a little messy - feh! That ain't nothing! You are taking care of twins all day by yourself. If you are still standing, that is a victory.

I have a friend who is another single mother of twins and when I was sinking at work a little and not happy with they way I was parenting and feeling so torn all the time she said "if all three of you are breathing at the end of the day - it's a win!"

Congratulations, you are a winner!


I totally agree! I am not a SAHM, but after just a few days at home, I have a renewed appreciation for all the SAHMs out there. I don't know how you do it either! I am way more exhausted after a full day at home than I am when I go to "work". Going to work is a break for me - you SAHMs work harder than me. Don't be so hard on yourself - you are doing the hardest job on the planet full time - being a great mom!