SAHM to 4 month old twins and older sibling

Are any of you in this situation?? I have been a SAHM since my almost 3yo DD was born and have always engaged her in activity from the time she was an infant. From tummy time as a baby, to crafts, dancing, playing pretend as an older baby. She is getting better at entertaining herself, but I feel horribly guilty when I have to repeatedly tell her that "I can't play with you right now sweetie, Mommy has to (insert baby task here - feed, change, console, etc)". I often end up turning on a show on TV for her. Which I HATE! But it's winter, I have 2 infants, waddya gonna do??? :unknw:

On the flip side, I feel like I don't "work with" the twins like I did my older DD. I think MAYBE I have read to them twice in four months, tummy time is laying them on the floor with a couple toys for a few minutes so I can give older DD attention. I am TRYING to work with them on sitting up, but don't get around to that everyday. And the only cuddle time I get with them is during feedings. :cry:

I feel like I am always in a hurry to get said task done so I can play "musical child" so thehy all get a piece of me. I am spread so thin... :drown:

 

:hug: I feel your pain, eventhough our kids orders are reversed. My boys are 3, and Annabella is now 18 months old. The boys were 19 months old when she was born. I felt more 'free' to do things with them vs her, or all three of them. I don't have a double stroller(boys weren't using it that much, so I traded it in for a single for her), so excursions have to be planned around the lack of a stroller. Library time is a bit different with #3, especially when she is the active one. And things, like a music class, are much more expensive with a third kid. I'd love to do a cooking class with the boys, but they are only held during the week, in the mornings. Having Annabella prevents me from doing that(or an art class, etc) with the boys. And the boys watched a TON of TV those early months with Annabella. A TON. But you know what-it's survival.

And I can't tell you how much I feel bad for all the things that Annabella hasn't had that the boys had. We read to the boys all.the.time. Annabella, not so much. I feel guilty about that a lot. That's one of the big things. And I feel like she is off playing more on her own than the boys ever were. I would sit and play with them, etc. But now, if they are all quiet and playing, I'm trying to do laundry, dishes, clean, cook, etc. So I feel like she's missing out on the one on one mommy time.

It's hard. Try not to beat yourself up over it though. It's a small window of time. As the babies get older, things get better. You could always try to 'schedule' some special time for just mommy and dd. Whether it's once a week, or once daddy gets home from work, you go off and play for a bit on your own. That may help! Good luck!

 

Yes! I'm right there with you. My DS is 4, my twins are 5 months. I just can't do it all. He used to have my attention 24/7, and now he's lucky if he gets 20 minutes a week it feels like. Then I feel bad for the twins, because they don't get the same attention he got. I just can't win.

Don't feel bad about the t.v. I would never shower if it wasn't for nick jr.

 

I think that's the nature of having more than one child. All of us with just twins experience this but throw in even more children and it just seems worse. They can't all live the same lives and I don't think any of them is really "missing out" on anything. I have different experiences and memories than my younger siblings, that's just life. They, too, have different recollections of our childhood than I do.

My mom had six kids by the time she was 28!! I don't think any of us feels that we were neglected as small children. We just all have six different memories and experiences.

 

Yes I completely understand how you feel. I have five children aged 5yrs old and under. DS is 5, DD1 is close to 4, DD2 is 2.5, and the twins are close to 5mos. I'm lucky that my kids are fairly independent players. DS always was. He didn't want me to play with him that often even when he was real little. If it weren't for that I would be completely nuts. When I had my third child that was by far the hardest adjustment I have had so far. Even having the twins wasn't as bad. I guess because with two you are limited but not as bad. Once you have three you have to get creative about going out - who walks, who rides, planning, etc.

I admit that the twins have cried more than any other of the babies have cried. Sometimes I can't get there right that second. I don't like it but it happens sometimes. They aren't changed nearly as often as DS or DD1 were changed. Not like I let them sit in dirty diapers but with DS I was constantly changing him. I don't keep track of how much they eat or any of that. I was very anal about that when DS was a baby.

I look back at videos and see how pretty our home looked then. Of course it was ONE baby in our tiny house. Once DD came along you could see more clutter. Not too bad but it was there. Then once DD2 came along the house is always a mess. Not dirty just complete chaos.

I'm sorry I don't have any advice. I just wanted you to know you're not alone. I know with my DD2 (almost 4) she really wants to be involved. When it comes to the babies she will do anything I allow. She even asked to change their diaper one day. I wouldn't of course. But she is right next to me when I change, feed, whatever. At first I was slightly annoyed. I liked it but I felt like I was always tripping over her. But I have truely come to appreciate how much help she really is. Even if she is just sitting and keeping me company to talk while I feed the babies. She is my big helper. Maybe that would be something you could do. If she is interested involve her. I bought my DD a baby doll that she could take care of whenever I am doing something she can't help with. Like I won't let her spoon feed the babies. So she will bring in her little baby highchair, set it up, and feed her baby while I feed
the twins.


EDIT to add: My kids watch WAY too much TV as well. I just recently got Netflix and they watch stuff all the time. BUT they are also extremely active. They will spend a lot of time playing even when the show is on and they jump around all day too. So I feel like it's okay. Of course I need to cut back on the TV. I have allowed it because we're on Christmas break from preschool and we just got the Netflix.

 

My house is complete chaos, too!!! I used to have everything nice and tidy. Oh, well...everyone is fed and safe, so who cares about a little mes, right??? There is plenty of time later for a beautifully kept house...

 

Same here. I have a 2 year old daughter and 6 months old twins. I wish I can offer you an advice. Just want to say "you are not alone". Don't feel too bad.

 

I totally agree!

 

Me too! Neicy Nash needs to come to my house!