SAHM or WAHM moms, need scheduling tips

DS, who is 3, has dropped naps all together, the girls have pushed theirs much later in the day. I get up with James at 6 get him set with juice and a handy breakfast, then I am off to get ready for work.

The girls are usually awake before I leave and deal with diapers and give them cups and leave them in the cribs to content themselves..I am out the door by 6:30.

DH says he gets up right away and gets the girls out of the room and plays. Then they are off and running for the day.

I have told him that the Library has story time at 11am each day and there are 2 local parents, 1 mom, and 1 dad each with boys DS's age that he could meet at the park or set playdates...so far he has not done either. I think he is loses interest when he remembers how hard it gets with the 3, not that I tend to have a hard time at all.

I get home at 3 (I teach) most days and I am lucky if the kids are in clean clothes (meaning not their pj's) and he leaves for his job soon after. I have to deal with a sink full of dishes and clean the house. DS is bored to tears and is being a holy terror during the day, the girls routinely tear apart the house including tossing the the dirt out of the plants around.

My routine in the evening is pretty set with the kids and chores and do not typically have hard time with the kids at all.

There are days he has to do some work, stuff that can't wait until he makes his way through traffic to the office. But they are not the majority. So other than just playing and rough housing with them and trying in vain to get them to take naps, I have no idea what he is doing all day. I could use some example routines to help my D(ish)H figure out the new no nap time with the kids.

Just so you know, we have had conversations about the need for structure, esp for DS at his age, but it seems to have yet taken a place in DH's life.

Help, I am sick of hearing about how awful they are all day and dealing with his crappy mood when I see him or talk to him.

Sorry, this ended up more like a vent, but I do need some pointers for him. TIA

 

I think you have a pretty good idea of what you want the structure of their day to be, so why not put it down on paper and see if your DH is receptive. Them being in PJ's at 3, plus you dealing with all the dirty dishes and mess they made all day, sounds bad to me. Now my DH isn't really adept at knowing exactly what should be done and at what time, but if I put it down on a schedule for him, it would get done.

Good luck!

 

Well, as a SAHM myself, I can feel some sympathy for him. But he does get out to work so that is different than me. I think maybe he is looking at his time during the day as his down time and not his dad-time, if that makes sense.

That said, I would keep encouraging him. Perhaps sign up all three kids for something once or twice a week- a lot of music classes and/or gym-type stuff is for several age groups at once so all three could join in. Also see if your local public school does any early childhood ed during the day. Around here the classes are for specific age groups, but if you pay a little extra you can put the other age in sibling care. I am just thinking a class or two a week would mean structure and if you are paying for it he might be more likely to get there. Also, getting the kids out and about consistently will also get them a bit more tired for naps, hopefully!

I'm happy the kids aren't a problem for you, thank goodness! But try to encourage him and maybe parenting will come more naturally to him as time goes on.

 

What time do the girls take a nap? Is it possible to put DS in his room or set him up with a DVD for a little quiet time? If it wasn't for naptime, I wouldn't be able to get much done either. On Tues and Thurs they have preschool from 9:00-11:00, so the morning is different on those days. I get the kids dressed right away. Maybe you could set out outfits for all the kids the night before so he's not at a loss as to what to dress them in. My husband never knows how to dress them. We belong to a Mom's Club, and usually have a morning activity with them once a week. All the moms collectively watch the children, so it makes it more manageable. You don't have to be on top of your child(ren) the entire time. We go out most mornings. If we didn't, they would be bouncing off the walls and so would I.

I can sympathize with the housework though. It is hard for me to do it when they are awake.

 

QUOTE
What time do the girls take a nap? Is it possible to put DS in his room or set him up with a DVD for a little quiet time?


The girls have been taking their nap at 12 or 1 these days and, no, all 3 share a room so putting him in a room for quiet time is impossible.

QUOTE
Maybe you could set out outfits for all the kids the night before so he's not at a loss as to what to dress them in.


I actually have a hanging shelf system in their closet and have clothes for all 3 laid out for the whole week. Usually its used by him only when they have a diaper blow out.

Money is tight so classes are out of the question, and he is weird about dropping the kids off at a daycare like at the rec center anyway...would never do it, so all activities need to include all 3 and that can be hard on one. I do not go to the park alone...ever..but he has parents willing to meet him there so I don't understand why he has been so hesitant (though he says he is going today after "Blues Clues", so hopefully his afternoon will be better) and the library is closed in a pretty slow during the weekday.

Honestly, I am at a loss for how to get him to shape up. We have talked about all this, but I hate doing it 'cuz I hate to feel put down for how I manage things, so I do not want to do it to him. But, seriously, its making me crazy thinking about the lack of structure for our "all boy" little boy...he really needs some more organization and routine.

 

I know when my kids were two there were few places I wanted to take them out on my own. I can understand your DH being a little afraid to do it. The few times I met another parent and child at the park didn't go so well either since the other parent was usually busy chasing their own child and couldn't be much help with my two. It has gotten better both as the kids got older and as we have had more practice at it.

Rather than sign all 3 up for classes you might consider just doing DS. My two started a preschool class this Fall that meets twice a week for an hour an half. They really enjoy the class and get to do all kinds of fun stuff and since it is through our local Park and Rec department, it is relatively inexpensive. While your DH would still have 2 kids, going from 3 to 2 kids for even a little while could help. Plus it would force your DH to get them all dressed and out and could alleviate some of your older DS's boredom. Just a thought.

 

I think it is much harder for men to get out and about with the kids. Mostly because most men feel funny socializing with a bunch of women, and for the most part, that is who is out there with their kids during the day. I had two friends who were SAHD's. The first was right there in the middle of the group and didn't have a problem coming over to hand out. The second one, a dad of twins, actually, was never comfortable hanging out despite repeated invitations. He was fine, one on one, but couldn't handle the group.

As for a routine, sit down together and plan one out that you are both comfortable with. Something like dressed before 8:30, lunch at noon, nap for the twins at 1, etc. Offer suggestions on what he can do inbetween. Can your son have quiet time in your room? For my boys that is a HUGE treat. By breaking down his day, it probably won't be as overwhelming for him, which it sounds like things are at this time. My guess he is also tired, since he runs out the door to work as you get home, so he is not getting a long sleep either.

 

I am actually more like your DH. I am a homebody. I CAN go out with the kids by myself, but I don't often want to. I'd rather stay home. I was like this pre-kids, as well. I also rarely put them in real clothes unless we are going somewhere. It is just more laundry! They hang out in pj's all day and I wear my "house" clothes that I wouldn't be caught dead in outside.

As for housekeeping, that may be a matter of your different personalities clashing. Some people are naturally tidier than others. I disagree about making him a schedule. That is too much like being his mom in my mind. You could ask if he would like help coming up with ideas and putting them down. But he is an adult, not one of your kids, so I wouldn't do it for him and say, "here is what you should do while I am at work."

Obviously, if your kids are bored and behaving badly as a result, they need a little more structured activity during the day. Maybe talking to him about this calmly and coming up with some ideas together would help. Us moms read books, talk to other moms, watch shows that prepare us for motherhood, and have played at being moms from the time we are kids. Guys don't do too much of that. They just don't have all the info that we do. It is always so funny when I mention something to my DH that I see as common knowledge about kids and he is clueless.

 

I totally understand what you are dealing with. DH is a great dad but.... he has a hard time finding things to do that keep them busy and out of trouble. Honestly I hate going out in the evening as I know what I will hear if I call or come home before they are asleep.

I wish I had better ideas for you.