safety issues

hi, everyone,

i saw a post here a while back about taking kids to the park on your own, and it's always made me wonder what other people do at what age and how they deem it appropriate. mine will be 2 at the end of dec, though if we are adjusting then they are 3 months less than that. dh and i disagree a lot about what is fine to do w/them, and i wonder what other moms do. how comfortable are you w/the following:

taking them to open places like an un-enclosed park by yourself?

letting them play in your front yard if you are the only adult?

i also wonder if anyone has any good resources for helping us teach our children about safety? especially street safety, as we live across the street from a park, their future preschool, and lots of other tantilizing things! right now i feel we should always carry them when we cross the street, but at some point i know we'll be able to hold hands (now it's not that easy as dh and i are tall and the boys don't have that much control). dh actually takes them on walks around the neighborhood w/out their harnesses or a stroller, which i don't feel is safe at this point. one or the other could run off at any point! (i really only think that one would ever do that--but one is enough!). how do you deal w/things like this?

(i guess i am asking mainly about how to deal w/safety issues, but also, how do you deal w/a dh who might not see eye-to-eye w/you)

thanks a bunch, jl

 

I'm finding things harder now that both of mine are walking and more mobile than ever! I took them both to an unenclosed park alone a couple of weeks ago and they stayed close enough to me but it was EXHAUSTING trying to keep my eyes on the both of them when they were going in two different directions. I'd much rather stay in the backyard of our home where I know it's enclosed. Still the reality is that we do have to get out with them! I haven't tried harnesses yet...how are those working for you? Our playdates are always at our house or someone else's right now...or an enclosed playspace.

It's got to be difficult if your DH is more lax than you are (I'm more like you!) but my feeling is if he is confident in what he's doing, is this a battle worth fighting?

 

It really depends on your kids. I have a friend who has twins one month older than mine and they are soooo good at following her everywhere. They stay on the sidewalk in the street too (at least did last time I saw her, but she's taking them out a lot so they are used to it). Maybe your kids listen better with your dh?

For me, I just don't dare letting them walk in non enclosed places anymore. I was doing it 4 months ago, but now forget it, they're more comfortable out of the house and will run/crawl everywhere. Even the doctor office is hard because they keep trying to get out of the waiting room... so I haven't dared tackling the library or even fast food playgrounds. Which really stinks as there is only one enclosed park here and it's still too big for me to be comfortable letting them run everywhere...

 

I do not let them play in the front yard or at the park. They both can run pretty fast and I can't take the chance of one getting away. Even yesterday, I let Jake out to go to the car, he was ok. But when I went to get Josh out of the house, he decided to run down the drvieway and I had to chase after him. I even have problems when we come in from the yard. They will walk to the front door and sometimes will go in and other times they think it's fun to run away.

But it has gotten better. Two months ago I could not tell them "go to the car". Now they will walk right to it and try to open the door handle.

I think a lot has to do with how much they can understand. That's why I tell them everything we are doing and over time it begins to stick.

 

I find there are things that I am okay doing with them or letting them do that DH isn't and there are things he lets them do or does with them that I wouldn't ever think of doing. A lot of the time it drives me nuts, but at the same time I know he won't let anything happen to them and I have to trust his judgement as a parent too.

I would not take them to the park by myself. The one we go to is too open and spread out for my comfort, although DH wouldn't take them there by himself either. I would also not let them play in our front yard with just me....our neighbors across the street let their kids play in the front all the time so there are always a ton of toys and activity and I'm afraid the boys would try to run across (especially since they know the youngest kid from daycare). I take the boys to church by myself and DH would never do this since they won't sit still for him, but they do fine with me and don't try to escape the pew. I also have taken them to the kiddie pool by myself, but again DH isn't comfortable doing that with them. DH lets them play in the garage or the backyard while he is working on something, but for me I find it hard to get any work done when they are around like that so I don't let them do that with me. DH lets them walk to the car by themselves and I was really leery about one of them running to get away, but I've started doing it too and they do really well now.

The hardest thing is the compromise. DH HATES when they try to stand in the bath, so I don't let them do it either for consistency. I don't like it when they stand on the seats of the furniture, so DH reinforces that with them even though he couls care less. Communicate on what you feel the strongest about and go from there.

 

I do everything with my kids, alone. DH is rarely home when we have things to do and works every other Saturday as well. So we do the pool, park, soccer games, birthday parties, and everything by ourselves. My girls are very good about staying around when we are out. If they don't stay around, they get strapped in. I can't imagine waiting for DH to be home to go out and do things. We would do NOTHING and the girls wouldn't experience near as much as they do.

 

the harnesses are ok, though i haven't used them in a while. i used to take the boys for walks around the block (it would take an hour, lol!) but now that we have the park close by and a backyard, we are able to *get out* w/out going too far. also, i have to admit that i'm sort of embarassed to use them, because once when i did a man made a really big deal about saying about ten times how one of my boys had a "monkey on his back" (unfortunately, the only animals they had at the store when i bought them were monkeys). even though i think they are GREAT for safety and i hate being afraid of what others think/say, that made me think twice about using them now... stupid, i know!

thanks for all the other responses. i really appreciate them!

~~jl

 

Mine will be 2 in December too.
1. I don't usually take them to park by myself. I am just not comfortable with it, they are too prone to go in opposite directions. This is where I think the harnesses are a good idea, especially if you are by yourself with them.
2. If my front yard was fenced in, I would have no problem with them playing out there with just me watching them. Our front yard is basically all cement and no fence, so they only play out front when there are two adults with them.
3. About teaching them safety, I agree with Judy, repetition works well for us too. My two are in phase where they want to walk every where, so I constantly explain how they have to hold my hand when they are outside.
With your DH, I would see if you can explain to him what you are worried about and that you feel the lessons you are trying to teach the kids on safety would go better if you both were on the same page. Perhaps you both can come up with a compromise. My DH is more safety minded then I am, he thinks of stuff that I would have never thought of.

 

I do quite a bit alone with my kids, playdates, music class, parks (only a select few that are far away from busy roads and have age appropriate climbing toys). I do find it to be exhausting most days, but I do notice it is getting better each month. I do let mine walk into some places with me (but most of the time I use the stroller), but when they do walk I repeat to them over and over again "you must hold my hand, otherwise I carry you, because there are too many cars here and it is dangerous". So, that seems to finally be sinking in, although I would never let go of their hands. I also have a "death grip" on their hands at all times!
Swimming I have not done on my own, but most other things I do