s/o not eating

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by silver_stardust, Feb 12, 2012.

  1. silver_stardust

    silver_stardust Well-Known Member

    My boys have up until recently been great eaters. I've always been complimented on how well they eat and how great they are at eating anything. They were my mini garbage disposals. Well that has come to a screeching halt. Particularly Aaden. It's such a struggle to even get him to the dinner table now. He's always saying that he doesn't want to eat lunch, supper, etc. Once he gets to the table it's the dramatic "I don't wanna eat", etc. Our rule has always been that they have to take one bite of whatever it is we're eating and that will usually get the ball rolling. Not really working so much anymore.

    I just really don't want to make food a battle. We always do fruit after the meal and sometimes a treat. He has no problem scarfing those down. And I really don't want to take the fruit away but I have been using it as a consequence and probably shouldn't be because I want him to eat them.

    So I'm just wanting to know how long you give your child to eat during a particular meal, do you use "bribes" (if you eat this, than you will get that), do you take away their snack at snack time if they don't eat their meal at this age? Any other words?
     
  2. Fran27

    Fran27 Well-Known Member

    I'd stop the fruit after dinner and treat. If you want them to eat fruit... give them a little bit of it WITH dinner. At least they'll know there's nothing else afterwards and might be more willing to try something else if they're hungry.

    My kids don't get any food after dinner until breakfast. I really don't want to force them to eat anything though... I have too many battles with them to have some about food too.. and really, I remember being forced to eat stuff I didn't want and it took me a long time to even consider eating it again... so IMO... even making them eat one bite is a no no.

    I know someone who used bribes. Result is that her kids overeat so much that they only have 2 meals a day and no snack. That's not healthy.
     
  3. sulik110202

    sulik110202 Well-Known Member

    We have always serve fruit as part of the meal. There are no treats or dessert in our house unless they eat a good meal. It is up to you what you feel a good meal consists of. For us, it is eating the majority of what we put on the plate. If they don't eat a good meal there is no more food until the next meal.
     
  4. Trishandthegirls

    Trishandthegirls Well-Known Member

    I did not do this right when my kids were really little and regret starting the food battles. I tried everything - bribing, only serving the 10 foods I knew my girls liked, telling them how much they had to eat, etc. Mealtime was such a source of stress for me. About a year ago I just couldn't do it anymore. So I stopped fighting. Now my kids are expected to eat one bite of a new food to try it, and that's just about the only rule. Everything else is up to them. It's my job to put the food on the table, it's their job to decide how much to take (we have them serve themselves the majority of the time) and it's their job to eat the food they take. If they don't, no big deal. But if they're hungry after whatever meal it is, they can have leftovers. We also don't do treats after meals so they know that the food at the table is as good as it gets.

    My advice in your situation would be to serve the fruit with meal, and stop the treats after meals. You're teaching them that it's a chore to eat "regular" food, and that if they complete that chore they'll be rewarded with candy/icecream/cookies (whatever). And then if they don't eat, don't argue about it. Allow them to choose how much they eat and you will see it even out over a few days. Some meals will be really light and others your kids will gobble down whatever you serve.
     
  5. cheezewhiz24

    cheezewhiz24 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    When mine get dessert, I put a little bit of everything including dessert on their plate. I don't care if they eat it first, last or anywhere in between. I don't give seconds unless they eat close to everything and are clearly still hungry. I just say, nope, eat x (whateve's still on their plate). I refuse to fight food battles myself. I don't make them try much of anything-which has resulted in them trying everything.
     
  6. slugrad1998

    slugrad1998 Well-Known Member

    Mine are probably younger (I can't see your ticker from my phone) but we have a lot of meal battles just as part of the 2 year old power struggle. I make them sit at the table regardless of whether they're going to eat or not. If I get the "I'm not going to eat" fight, I tell them chair or corner, because I'm not going to have one of them continue playing while we're eating. Once at the table, if they say they don't want food I'm fine with that. Usually what happens is when I ignore the child and start eating, they ask for a bite of mine which then leads to them agreeing to have their own plate. If they do eat nothing, then they don't get anything until the next meal/snack.

    I would probably start serving the fruit as part of a meal or as a snack by itself so that fruit is not considered a treat. In fact, if all my kids eat for a meal is fresh fruit I'm ok with it. If we do give a treat at all not is a surprise and not something we use as a bargaining tool.

    My biggest challenge with this approach is that we still do a bedtime snack and sometimes one will eat nothing for dinner and then bedtime gets pushed back because they eat a ton at snack. I'm thinking about phasing the snack out after reading some of these replies.
     
  7. trudyhm@att.net

    [email protected] Well-Known Member

    You might enjoy reading Ellen Satter's Child of Mine, Feeding with Love and Good Sense. The book covers feeding strategies to eliminate battles and stress. I really found it useful and it was a suggestion from other members here. The main idea is the Division of Responsibility - You decide what is served and proved meals at reliable times, and your kids' job is to decide if, what, and how much to eat, with no interference from you. No discussion takes place about what is eaten, just normal, pleasant conversation about the day. No comments about how good you ate today, etc. A medical doctor is a student of Ellen Satter's and has a fantastic website with a blog where you can ask questions and also a Facebook page at www.TheFeedingDoctor.com and her name is Katja Rowell. I also like to read Maryann Tomovich's blog www.RaiseHealthyEaters.com. She gives meal plans and recipes for families with young kids, plus follows Ellen Satters feeding methods.

    The best thing I did with mine is to tell them that in our family, no one has to eat anything they don't want to. Recently, one DD reluctantly came to the table and looked at the chicken strips she loves and she scowled and said she didn't like chicken strips. I neutrally said that was fine, and she didn't have to eat anything she didn't want to and she could be excused. She climbed in her chair and ate dinner like that conversation never took place and we didn't say a word. Toddlers/pre-schoolers are quite irrational and taking away all battles/arguements/debate over food has worked like a charm for us. Yes, there are times they don't eat, only eat dessert (we serve with the meal), or only eat broccoli. We don't comment, and just go about enjoying the meal.

    One key to the program is serving meals a good couple of hours after the last snack so they're hungry. We eat dinner early, so I also put out a plate of the day's left-over fruit and let them drink kefir (like liquid yogurt) about an hour before bed, which is an hour and a half after dinner. This hasn't affected our dinner, but I don't use it as a consequence. As they've gotten older I've noticed they rarely eat the fruit any more.
     
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