Rewards chart making behavior WORSE?

So we only really had a reward chart when the girls were going through PT and that seemed to work pretty well. Over the last year they have had some pretty bad behavior that we wanted to change. Mainly we made changes (starting with ourselves and the way we treated them - stop spoiling, stop letting them get away with everything, etc.) It seemed to work well. Lately I think their behavior has been WAYYYYYYYY better. They have almost totally stopped doing things they did constantly before, like refusing to eat and throwing tantrums in the store. So it's been a lot more peaceful and I love being able to tell them "Thank you" and "That's a great job" for the things they do.

Now, my husband wanted to do a reward chart. We got the supplies and last weekend the girls helped make it (out of a dry erase board, some magnets, etc.) Basic premise is the same, as a reward for good behavior they get a magnet and when they get a certain amount, they will get a bigger reward (go to the movies, lunch at mcDonalds, etc.) Well right off the bat I think it started backfiring.

My husband pretty much wanted to give them a magnet for everything they did. Eat dinner? Get a magnet. Brush your teeth? Get a magnet. Stay in bed at night? Get a magnet. Granted some of the stuff is stuff we had problems with before so for awhile wanted to reward them when they did a good job, but I don't think it is necessary now. He said he didn't have a problem with them getting 10 magnets a day. I said woooooooooah. It seemed like we were slipping into our old ways of "bribing" the kids to do things. And it shows.

In the last week they have been acting quite badly. I hear NO! All the time, from my once mild mannered daughter. If she doesn't get her way (including a magnet for whatever she did) she stomps her feet and throws things. They are constantly asking for magnets!!!! I have explained to them that we are not giving them a magnet for everything and it is ONLY for exceptional things they do. Basically I said they weren't going to get rewards for doing things they are expected to anyway (like getting ready for bed on time and talking politely.)

Now the once good intentioned board has just caused more chaos. I can't believe it! Just today, I was helping the girls clean their room, one of them did a good job, the other mostly played and wouldn't comply. Then we had lunch and they ate great without being prodded, picked up their dishes, etc. and were helpful. I said the one daughter would get 1 magnet for good behavior at lunch, and the other would get 2 for good behavior as well as doing 90% of the cleaning. The one who didn't get 2 magnets had a meltdown. "I WANT 2 MAGNETS!!! NOOOOOO!!! IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!" she began shoving things and crying and being an utter pill!!! Not exactly what I expected from "rewards".

So I think I am going to just take the board down and go back to the way things were. I never expected this all to happen and it is really disappointing. I feel bad for my husband too who really was excited about the reward system.

Anyone else had anything like this happen with bad behavior instead of good?!?!

 

Yes we've had similar issues here as well. Mostly for using good manners and eating what food is served. We have a bucket with candy in it and they would ask for a treat after every meal (that they ate)...it was becoming ridiculous to deal with the tantrums that I'm not letting you have a treat after breakfast because you are "just supposed to eat your breakfast"...common phrase in our house. So I told them that the bucket is for special treats only and I expect them to eat their meals.
As for being polite and throwing things, JT is going through this right now...he, not exaggerating, is like an teenager! He thinks hes the boss, knows everything, doesn't have to do anything...ect! DRIVES. ME. BONKERS! :headbang: But I give him time outs when appropriate,praise him when he's polite and especially make a big deal of the other 2 being polite. He gets it some days...other days I'm threatening to lock him in his room all day besides meals!
If the chart was working then keep it. Slowly phase out rewards for every little thing and only make it about big things. Or if you want to keep magnets for every little thing then up the amount they need to get the treat. I think for some kids it works, others (like mine) could care less.

 

I am sorry to hear that. I don't give out rewards if try do what they are supposed to or well behaved. But if they act bad, well purnishments will come; time out, no iPad/Lego time,.. However, if they are well in weekdays, we will take them out on the weekend; goin to museums, bounce house, soft play house, snow sledding,.. My kids love love getting out if the house. I don't do daily rewards, because they will expect it. And if they don't get it, they will whine or be upset. Too much trouble. So far this system works out well for us. We don't have much mental breakdown around here.

I would just get rid of the reward system and be tough for 1-2 weeks. Then things will be back to normal. Gl!

 

Our LOs are younger than yours, but our rewards chart totally backfired. At one point, Twin A ripped it off the wall because she didn't get a star (for sleeping through the night). Needless to say, without any discussion with the girls, we stopped offering the reward stars. They asked for them for a few days, and we pretended we had forgotten, then dragged our feet finding them. Then, one day, they stopped asking. And that was the end of that. I wish I could say I found a way to get the behavior we were trying to "bribe" with the rewards, but we didn't. BUT, we did get rid of the drama of not getting the reward, and that was improvement in my book.

Good luck.