refusing to PT

DD has been pt'd for a year now. She's even been wearing panties at night for about the last 4 mos or more. DS, on the other hand, refuses. He'll go through a phase where he wants to wear panties, but he'll never go on the potty. He'll get very interested on the days that DD gets to go to preschool. But other times he'll say "I want to stay home with you, Mama" so he wont have to PT. He will literally stand right by the potty & pee on the floor. I've tried every kind of incentive that I can think of. It's almost like he acts like he wants to, but will never tell me when he has to go. I've actually wondered sometimes if he can tell!!

He's almost 3 1/2, so I think he's old enough. Maybe I'm wrong? The only times he's ever actually asked to go potty is when we're out in public. For some reason, he likes the public restrooms! (Lovely, huh?)

He also doesn't seem to have to go as often. DD will pee like once an hour, seems like. DS, maybe a few times a day. So I think me constantly asking him if he has to go gets on his nerves or something.

what do you do???!?? I'm about at wits end.

 

If he's able to go at times, then yes, I think he's capable and now it's probably just a power/control issue. Have you tried a chart with a reward...if he keeps his pants dry for 3 days he gets....whatever. Or if he puts stickers on, after so many stickers are on, he gets a ....whatever. Even if the whatever is just a special treat, to go for ice cream, whatever is important to him.

Oh, and for what it's worth, power/control issues are SOOO completely normal at this age :hug:

 

We JUST got over this very problem! Here is the post about what we tried that didn't work and what finally did. We eventually had to literally force him to sit on the potty until he went. It wasn't fun. But, he is now happily potty trained and doing great!

GL! It is so hard when you have a stubborn one. But, mine was 3y9mo old before we finally bit the bullet and made him train. I just kept trying to follow everyone's advise and wait until he said he wanted to go even though he has been physically ready since he turned 2. We just realized that it wasn't going to happen that way and took matters into our own hands. I can't tell you how much I had done this a year ago!

 

I am having the same problem with Patrick and I remember vaguely that John got pretty obstinate at one point. I remember getting very serious with John and basically forcing him to go. I agree with Stacy, it was not pretty. But it worked and he did PT finally.

I am loathing the idea of doing this with Pat but it will probably come to this since he has no interest AT ALL, and even has told me he wants to keep his diaper forever.

 

So what do you suggest about the diapers? Dh thinks keep the diaper on til he tells us he has to go potty & then let him have panties. I think, if we keep the diapers he's just never going to do it. But, the few times I've tried "no diapers today" I just spent the entire day cleaning up messes!

 

We took them away completely. We just told him there were no more diapers and he had to go in the potty. Yes, I did clean a TON of messes. But, I know that if I didn't catch him getting ready to go, he never would have told me he had to. That was part of our forcing him to go. I only had to clean up messes on a regular basis for about a two days after starting to force him. Since then, the most I've had to clean is once a week and normally not at all.

At the times that I knew he had to go (first thing in the morning, when I saw him playing with himself...) I made him sit on the potty until he went. Otherwise, he'd just say, "nothing's coming out" and want to hop up and then pee while washing his hands. I just didn't give him a choice.

 

I agree with Stacy. I think you will have messes to clean, BUT if you take them away, he can't have them back and you will be therefore "forcing" him to make this flip. :hug: :hug: Wish I could make it easier for you Naomi. Wish I could make it easier for us too. :hug:

 

So I took the diapers away this morning. Heaven help me, I said Santa came by last night & took them to other babies!! I also told him that Santa told me he wanted him to be a big boy now & be in charge of his own pee & poop. We have had a few accidents, but he did for the 1st time tell me "I have to go potty" ..... even though he didn't.

But what about night time?? He already peed the bed during naps.

 

QUOTE(naomi02 @ Jun 30 2009, 10:39 PM) [snapback]1376448[/snapback]
So I took the diapers away this morning. Heaven help me, I said Santa came by last night & took them to other babies!! I also told him that Santa told me he wanted him to be a big boy now & be in charge of his own pee & poop. We have had a few accidents, but he did for the 1st time tell me "I have to go potty" ..... even though he didn't.

But what about night time?? He already peed the bed during naps.

When they are sleeping, they have no conscious control of their reflexes. So, if they aren't able to stay dry while sleeping, put them in a pull-up and take it right back up the second they wake up. When he starts staying dry while sleeping, you can take them away, too.

BTW, we came up with the diaper fairy to take all their diapers away and give to little babies. We originally did this when DD trained a year ago. The DF took the diapers and left a treasure chest (plastic bin) with prizes that they got each time they went. Here is my original post. It worked wonders with DD - she was trained in a week. DS just wanted nothing to do with it. But, we kept his treasure chest and did use it this time around for rewards.