Redshirting Your 5 Year Old

My girls turned 5 on June 26. They meet the age cutoff for kindergarten, but one of my girls is just not ready for a full day curriculum. She was absolutely exhausted every day after her 3 hour preschool class, she melts down after a full day playdate, & after a couple days of going places - she needs a day to just hang around the house. Her twin has more stamina, but needs alot of down time as well. They are both very bright, & we work alot at home on reading, math, nature & games. I have bought year passes to the children's museum, the planetarium & the zoo. We will take a couple of classes in dance & art a week, plus have at least a couple playdates a week.

I may send them to a half day K at the preschool they attended last year - but it is expensive & I am still trying to get help paying for it. Also, their father just moved a few hours away this week - I have no idea how visitation will play out. It will be very difficult once they are in school, because they will sleep on the Sunday afternoon drive from his house - that means they will be unable to go to sleep until 10-11pm on Sunday night & be very grumpy if they have to get up for school on Monday. Every week that they have gone to his place, they cannot go to sleep for hours after their bedtime & sleep until 9:30 or 10am.

I also will feel better about the girls graduating from high school & going to college a year older. I kept my older dd out of K until she was 6 - she was almost 19 when she finished high school & 19 when she went away to college - she was much more ready then than she would have been a year earlier.

Is anyone else redshirting their 5 year old? If so, why? If you considered it, but then changed your mind, what led you to that decision?

 

My girls have October birthdays and the cut-off here is Sept. 1. I felt very lucky, because they are some of the older ones in their class.

You have very good reasons for keeping them out one more year. My friend (recently retired teacher) said sort of the same as you - she was so happy her son had that extra year when it was time to go away to college.

I've been an elementary school librarian for 14 years at the same school and only once have I heard parents say they regretted that extra year. He was having a lot of behavior problems and they actually ended up having him skip 4th grade.

Good luck - and I think you're on the right track.

 

I think it is different with twins-holding one, not the other etc. and my twins are still young. However I held back my son. He has a sept birthday with an oct 1 cutoff. It was the right decision for him, at least so far. Perhaps I will change my mind in high school, who knows. His best friend is a week younger and went ahead. For him it is absolutely the right decision.

If the decision is based on emotional and academic readiness then the outcome should be good, imo. It is when a short parent holds back a kid because they always hated being the shortest that you run into trouble.

 

Mine have a Nov birthday (Sept 30), so it wasn't even a consideration for us. They start K in Sept just about 6 weeks shy of their 6th birthday. They will be the oldest (or near oldest) in their class. If they had had a summer birthday, I may have considered red shirting them. Last fall they weren't ready for K, but by about Feb, they were sooooo ready - to the point of driving us mad.

 

My reasons have to do with the fact that both of my girls, one to a more intense degree than the other, are still young acting for their age, had bad separation issues when they went to preschool last year (the hysteria lasted for 3 weeks but then they did great), are really tired after preschool, & if we overstay a visit with a friend or kids stay too long (more than 4-5 hours) at our house Bella is more likely than not to have a total kicking, screaming, crying meltdown - over absolutely nothing. Leave at a reasonable hour & she is the most precious mature little girl in the world...go past the witching hour & she freaks out.

I always intended to keep them out of school until they were older - it was all the rage when my oldest dd entered kindergarten in 1986. She was always older than a lot of her classmates, was always at the top of her class & just finished her second graduate degree. She was more mature than most of her classmates, held many leadership positions in high school & graduated at the top of her class. I know I did the right thing keeping her home until she was 6 & I believe the twins will benefit from it as well.

Add to the mix that life has been full of changes & problems for the past 1 1/2 years. Their father moved out, I was a basket case for months, we stayed in the house for 6 months then I bought our own house & turned the family home over to their dad. They were confused & upset about "Daddy's work apartment", didn't really want to leave their home, didn't like spending nights away from Mommy but wanted to see more of Daddy, Mommy started working on weekends, Daddy's daily visits ended with no explanation to any of us & he saw them about 5 days a month. Daily phone calls came to an abrupt halt & 2 weeks would go by with no contact with their father. Now....Dad has moved 2-3 hours away & will not be able to see them as often. I am staying home from work for the next year...but then I will have to work. Personally, I think a year of no more changes (that I can control) would set the stage for a better entry into kindergarten.

I am not going to allow them to vegetate for the next year - we will do a modified home school & seek out many socialization opportunities. I appreciate the comments & would love to hear more opinions & stories.

BTW - I am only 5'1" & the girls' dad maybe 5'5" - they may always be the shortest in their class!

 

I didn't consider it for mine, but I couldn't help but think about a question that kept coming up on the forms. Probably on at least for 4 forms for each of the kids there was a part wanting you to explain changes that happened in the last year. I think if I had to write the essay you would have had to write with kids on the younger side, I would hold them back.

My kids had kindergarten screening today. I took them to the school and they went with their teacher and just did basic things like say the alphabet to a speech pathologist for evaluation, draw shapes, show colors, etc, and then the teacher went over the evals with me while the kids were out in the hallway with a teacher and playdoh. The very first thing the kids were rated on was how easily they left their parent from easily, to tantruming and crying. From the sounds of things, it didn't go well with that at preschool, and another year might not hurt.

One of the kids' friends just started all-day in another district with a bday of June 17th. It's been tough, and Lily doesn't have separation issues. My best friend is her nanny so she's used to not being with mom and dad all day. My friend says she pretty much just comes home and cries from tiredness. Her parents won't put her to bed before 10 so she's exhausted all the time. While Lily loves being around other kids and learning and NOT being home, it's a struggle for her right now.

Marissa

 

At Nadia's school, the trend is to redshirt by default. She has a January birthday and was beyond ready to start school (very mature, separates easily, and reads years beyond her grade level), so she just started K today. But, in her class, the oldest kid turned 6 this past June, and the youngest kid turned 5 this past July. That's quite a range! As a rule, though, they don't accept summer birthdays until the following year, especially boys, who tend to mature later.

It's a challenging school, and they've found that one extra year of maturity does wonders in terms of getting the kid to focus. In fact, they go as far as to say that a child who starts young gets a lot less out of his education than one who starts later. That's a strong statement, but it's what they've found since the school started -- and of course, it depends on the individual kid.

So, I think you're on the right track.

I'm still torn on this issue, because Kevan & Karina have a summer birthday, but they're HUGE kids. Karina is the size of a 4-year-old already, at just over age 2. And, she's as bright as her big sister -- she already knows all her letters, colors, shapes, is counting to nearly 20, and can count to 10 in Spanish. I hate the thought of keeping her out of kindergarten until age 6 -- but, of course, I have no idea of how mature she'll be at just-turned-5, and that's what it's really about -- maturity.

Because Kevan has some delays, we may be faced with the decision to hold him back, or separate them somehow anyway -- so, it's useless for me to think about this until the time comes!

 

Did you try a search by chance? This has actually been asked a lot in here over the past year.
We're doing it w/ our boys, it's pretty much normal and expected here if boys have birthdays before February.

 

It sounds like you are making the right decision.

I just wanted to share that I was 4 when I went into Kindergarten (December birthday- no rules in our school district at that time) and I was 17 when I went away to college. Yikes! I remeber my mother was a nervous wreck about me going to college and I didn't get what the big deal was! I turned out fine , but had I started a year later in school I think I wouold have liked more and done better academically. I was too busy trying to keep up socially.

Also, my girls are stating full day Kindergarten this year (age 51/2). They are more than ready and will do great. But, I wish they were still going to be on 1/2 day for my own selfish reasons! Enjoy your last year with your girls!

 

My sons all have summer birthdays and we held them all out an extra year. Sean had actually been reading for two full years by the time he entered K. We were blessed with a combined K/1 all day program which was perfect for him when he did start. Academically, they were all more than ready to start K at five but emotionally they were still immature. We have never regretted our decision and have only come to appreciate the decision to hold them back as they have gotten older. Sean, having just turned 19, is much more ready for college this year than he would have been last year. The same for Brian and Craig having just turned 15 and starting high school. A year ago, they were not quite up to the mental challenge of it. But with that extra year under their belts, they all have greater confidence in their abilities to handle not only the very demanding work load but also the emotional aspects of school. We have seen this all along with them. Boys especially can sometimes need the extra time.

Selfishly, now that Sean is at college, I am also grateful for the extra year he had at home.

 

Mine are not 5 yet, but they will be on December 17th. The cut off for K is 5 by December 31st. So they could have started this year, but I decided not to send them. I didn't like the idea of them always being the youngest by far in their class, and tried to think ahead to the teenage years too when considering this. My daughter is showing more signs of readiness than my son, but I just felt more comfortable holding them back one more year. Something else I had to consider was that half day Kindergarten is no longer an option here, so it would be a full day for them, about 9am-3pm. In terms of what they know (writing/letters/numbers, etc) I think they are ready. But in terms of their maturity level - I doubt they could handle it.

They did preschool last year, MWF 9-1pm, and this year it will be Pre-K w/computer instruction Mon-Thurs 9-1pm. I think that will help significantly with the transition to a full day of Kindergarten next year.

 

Thanks so much for asking this. Although we still have 2 years, and I know that is a LONG way off, it's nice to hear many views on it. My girls are born ON our town's cutoff so it's something I have started thinking about.

It sounds like you are making the right decision.

 

I considered it, but then sent my girls. Their birthday is just two days before the cut-off. They attended pre-K (3 hrs/5x a week) at the local elementary school. I spoke with the principal, and the teacher, and they both agreed the girls were ready. They did very well in Pre-K, both socially & developmentally. They attend K at the same school, with the same friends that were in their Pre-K class, so it's working out well. I asked the principal how many in our area were red-shirting, and she said it was very few - and mostly boys.

I didn't have the option of sending them to Pre-K late, because if they made the cut-off for K, that is where they would have been enrolled.

We are 8 days into the year, and the days are long - but the girls are handling it well. They fall into bed EXHAUSTED at 7:30, and are up & ready to go back the next morning.

I think with all the changes your girls have went through in the last year, you are wise for waiting.

 

I was very grateful that Alex has a November birthday so that this wouldn't even be a consideration (hopefully) for us. The girls are March so I'm not really considering it for them either. However, just based on what you are saying, I could see red-shirting them this year.

 

DD1 was 5 on June 16 and we are sending her to preschool again this year. We just don't think she is ready, and were probably going to "redshirt" her anyway, but then her preschool teacher from last year recommended that we hold her out of K this year, and that pretty much sealed the deal. School is too important to potentially start off on the wrong foot. The way I look at it, she will be in school for at least 17 years - so there's no rush

interesting... I started K when I was 4 and was a pretty damn good student if I do say so myself yet I can totally see how this could be the case. I'm 100% certain that Rachel would have had a tough time in K this year and am completely confident that waiting was the right decision for her.

Same here - September 30th bday (the cutoff day). I don't think it was a big deal for me in early elem - of course, I think K is much more challenging now too - but it was for me when I was older. I absolutely hated being the youngest in my class - last to drive, legally drink - you know - the important things!! I do wish my parents had started me the following year. I think there is a lot more likelihood for problems with sending too early than in waiting a year. JMHO

 

Absolutely! We have a 5 year old DS - turned 5 on July 14th, cut-off is August 1st. As soon as I found out I was pregnant with a summer due date, I knew the baby would not be going to K until he/she was 6! My mom taught K for 38 years - and she always said that the younger kids were the ones most likely to struggle - most of the time just due to immaturity. We want our kids to be ready for school - not just academically, but socially and emotionally, and there is (often)a big difference in a newly-turned 5 year old and one who has been 5 for 6, 7, 8+ months.

 

I think Nikki is making the right decision for her girls. But I find it interesting that several mentioned that they want their kids to graduate from high school older.
My birthday is just weeks after the cutoff date, and I felt extra peer pressure being among the oldest in my high school class and as a freshman in college. I was one of the first to get a drivers license, and had a station wagon, so I always found my self driving a car full of noisy teens around town. And it was hard to say no. I hated having all that extra chatter distracting me in the car. At college I was one of the first to come of age, which put similar pressures on me. It's really hard to say no when 20 people are asking you to sign for the keg.

Where we live now the cut off date is Dec. 31st, so my girls will be in K and start 1st grade next year.

 

I guess the grass isn't greener on the other side...t's tough being a teen no matter what!! My point was I never felt being the youngest in elem school - but sure did notice it in HS & college.

On the plus side, Ohio now limits 16 yr old drivers to only one unrelated passenger, unless a parent is also in the car.

 

I am late on this discussion--just got back from the beach and a full week with no computer access. There are a lot of points made in this thread, and I am too lazy to go back and quote them, but here is my take:

Every child is different!

My boys turned 5 in June before going to K. I heard many people who, upon hearing that they were boys with a June birthday (without even meeting them), tell me that I should hold them for an extra year. Once you meet my boys, you know they belong in their current grade (which is second). They do not stand out from their peer in any way (other than both being ahead academically). Socially and emotionally, they fit right in with their friends. We have neighbors who are entering 1st this year, and there is no way that they belong with them socially--yes, they play together, but you can tell, and have been able to tell since they were all toddlers, that my boys were "ahead" of the two that are only 6-9 months younger than they are. My boys actually fit in better with the neighborhood children that are a bit older then them, as well as those in their grade.

Do I think that some kids should wait that extra year? Yes. But when it is for the right reasons, not simply because they are a child with a summer birthday. I had a boy in my camp group this summer who turned 6 in June (I always have kids that are going into K), I didn't know it until his mother told me 4 weeks into the summer. He fit in with the rest of the group perfectly (in fact, was a bit on the immature side), so yes, for him, it was the right decision. I have had kids who were born in Sept. who were ready for K, and some that were born in May who weren't. One year, I had two boys with Sept. birtdays--3 days apart. One belongs in his current grade. The other really should have stay an extra year. And after 3 years of camp, he still doesn't fit in with they boys that are his age--he would so benefit from being retained.

My point is to look at them among their peers, if they fit in seamlessly, then it is right for them to go on or stay back (depending which peers they are with). If they aren't fitting in, they probably belong with the other group. One last thought, there was a boy in our school, whose parents decided to "redshirt" him simply because he had a Sept. birthday. After 1st grade, it was determined that he really needed to skip, and was skipped up to 3rd, where he continued to thrive as a G&T student. So, even though he was held back, he ended up with the grade where he should have been all along--but had to miss the experience of 2nd grade in the process.

 

I agree with Sharon. It should be decided on a kid-by-kid basis. DS2's bday is July 19. He went into K about 3 weeks after turning 5. (Our school year starts absurdly early here, around Aug 10.) He has thrived. Keeping him home an extra year would not have worked for him. He is in 10th grade now, and if anything often hangs out with kids a year older than he is.

All my other kids were born in December, so after the cut-off.

 

My nephew's birthday is Aug 27. He started Kindergarted at 5, but just days past 5. Last year he started first grade either nearly on his birthday or right after. This year he is starting second grade at age 6. Something he and his mom really aren't ready for, even though its only for one day, his birthday is the second day of school. Academically he was ready when he started, and he is larger than most of his class (he is larger than much of my girls 3rd grade class), socially well that's another story, I'm not sure he is socially ready for Kindergarten now as he enters second grade. He is gaining socially, but is still pretty far behind. Yet he is still the youngest in his class. Would he have benefitted from starting later, I don't think so. I think he would have been even further behind socially, and ahead academically, and he would have towered over his classmates.

I really think its a matter of individual children and their readiness for school. Nikki, you have thought this through, you know your girls and what you will be doing with them in the interm. You will make the best decision.

 

Knowing your child is key in deciding whether to hold them back or not. I the youngest in my class, also having a summer birthday. I did well although I was always shy in school. But I had the reverse situation, my friends were all driving long before I was and the drinking age was 18 at the time so my senior year I was the only one in our group who could not legally drink at graduation, lol. Anyway, that's not important. I only mentioned that I am grateful my boys all have an extra year of maturity and I can see the added benefits now that Sean is college age and B&C are starting high school.

BTW, in Tennessee, a new driver with a probationary license is allowed only one non-related passenger for a year until they get their unrestricted intermediate license. So having a car load of noisy kids was not really ever a problem for Sean because by the time he could actually drive more than one friend with him, all the rest had their licenses and were driving too.

It's not easy being green!

 

This is a good topic. My oldest DS is 5 1/2..Jan birthday. He missed the cut off last year; I think its September 30. At that time, I was actually wondering whether there was any way I could get him in early. He has always been extrememly intelligent and ahead of his class. I used to teach in the preschool that he and my other kids go to, and Ive known people who held their boys back for maturity reasons. The daycare/preschool actually had a lady come out from the school district and talk about kindergarten and what is expected, etc, and thats what put it in perspective for me. I definitely think my son will benefit from starting school 9 months after he's been 5.

My next child starting K is my DD who has a Feb birthday so she will benefit from that extra time as well. However the twins have a July birthday, and I always thought it was cool that even though the twins are 18 months younger than DD they would start school the year after her, rather than skipping a year. So, all my kids will be one grade apart. The thought hadn't even crossed my mind of holding them back another year. I guess that will be something to think about once they get older and we see how mature they are at that point.

I thought it was interesting that someone mentioned they had to answer a bunch of questions about any changes the children have been through in the past year. I wonder if the school would actually tell you that you should keep your child back, if they had been through a lot that year before they were set to start school.

The school my son will be going to only has half day Kindergarten, but they have Extended Day K for children who are behind. My son had to go in last week and be tested to see if he needs EDK, and they said the testing would take 15 minutes, he came back in 5 with a HappyGram! No EDK for him!

I actually started Kindergarten when I was 4 because I have an October bday and I think the cutoff when I was little was the end of October. I was always the youngest in my classes but I always did well in school. I could have done better in highschool if I was more mature/older. I graduated when I was 17 and started college at 17, so I think I could have benefited from being older.

 

School started today - I went to the pool & there were two other five year old girls who did not start today. One older than my girls & one younger. I feel I made the right decision.

The girls' dad recently moved 2 1/2 hours away. He has been taking them there on some weekends. Every single time they have gone there, they sleep in the car on the way back. That night, usually Sunday, they stay up until midnight. I put them to bed at 9, but they just can't go to sleep. Monday morning they wake up at 9:30-10:00 am. That will never work on a school night. I did not want them starting school when visitation has not been well established. He just started his job there this week, so time will need to tell how things work out. I have no control over some things & asking for consideration of their sleep schedule would be completely futile - it could even initiate things being made worse. I would rather them start school on an even keel, knowing what to expect, having another year of maturity, & with Bella having more stamina.

I am a good mom & I will not spend the next year lolly gagging in front of the TV or at the mall. This will be the last year of their childhood that I will not be working, we won't be limited by the school calendar, & we can create a new normal for our little family. We will visit family, plan my oldest dd's wedding, go to museums, take art & dance classes, work on learning to read at home. I may enroll them in a reading readiness class at the local university. I am not going to homeschool them - but I will do the next best thing by making sure they can read, write, draw & do some math during the year. I, honestly, can not see one downside to keeping them home.

Thanks for all your feedback. I appreciate the differing viewpoints, the support & the personal stories. Keep 'em coming!

 

Nikki, I am sure you made the right decision for your girls.

I did want to mention that my boys all went to 5 day per week preschool during the year we redshirted them. B&C attended a wonderful Fabulous Fives program here which was a class entirely filled with redshirted boys and girls. They had an amazing teacher and it was really a beneficial year for them in many ways. If anyone is in doubt about whether or not to start your young 5 year olds, check and see if any preschools in your area have such a program (many do). It was a great "filler" in that extra year and well worth the money.

 

I really, really wanted to send my girls to the 5 year old preschool - they were in the 4s last year - but it is too expensive. I am losing my childcare since XH moved, therefore I am losing my job. I worked 35 hours in two days almost every weekend to afford preschool for the girls - I can't leave them them with anyone for that long - I have no family in the area. The ideal solution would be to send them back to the preschool again, but I cannot afford it on my own, & I was flatly turned down when I asked to split the tuition. My only options were sending them to K that they are not ready for, or keeping them home & as busy as possible.

I am really fighting an uphill battle to do what I think is right for my girls - I wouldn't be so resolute about it if I didn't feel it was in the girls' best interests.

 

We are considering keeping our 2 back another year. They will turn 4 this September and 5 next September. We still have a Dec. 1st cutoff, but I'll have to think more about it the closer we get next year. We still have Jr. K here in our district, so we are leaning that way. They would mean they would turn 6 a couple weeks after school starts. I think Abby would probably be ready, but Gabe might not be and there's no way I can send one and not the other. It just wouldn't work for us.

 

Can you apply for a scholarship for the girls for the 5's program? This is what I did for B&C and the church that hosted the preschool granted a scholarship worth one child's tuition for the year. So effectively, both boys went for the cost of one. It's worth a shot.

 

I did & they were able to find enough money to cover $1200 of the years' tuition - that leaves $4800 left to pay & I would be scraping by with no ability to save anything. I would do it if I could get a job that would allow me to work M-F from 9-12....but I haven't been able to find anything that conforms to those hours. I would also have a problem during holidays, & breaks - it would be impossible to find a job that would let me take all those days off....and I would make less than a sitter, even if I had one I trusted, would charge.

Frankly, I am ready, as are the girls, for a little time of peace with little stress.

Thanks Kim, for your creative thinking - I appreciate your concern.

 

We are considering waiting a year...my girls will be 4 in oct (so 5 next Oct)--the Cutoff in MI is Dec.1. So we make it, but barely. We are doing Preschool this Fall and then will have to decide between JK & K. It is not common here to 'hold' kids with early birthdays, though I know in many areas it is. We will have to wait and see---I wont split them.

Another factor is it all day or 1/2 day? I would be Ok with 1/2 day K, but it is all day here---and that seems so long for an old 4/young 5. Kids will be in school for a long time, that seems a lot at that age.

Could you work for the preschool?? I know that in our area they are short preschool staff (teachers aide,office, etc). Often the staff kids not only get to go for free, but you also would have the same holidays off and possibly extra $ after working for tuition.

Would your XDH foot the bill for preschool? Are there any 'less' expensive options for you? Could you take some time 'off' and start preschool in Jan? (less tuition, some time to rest/recover, and also gives them some preschool before K next Fall).

It is so hard to decide---with all that you have had going on this year- I hope you get a peaceful resolution to preschool/K at least.

 

My girls did 3 1/2 day preschool. is that an option for you??

 

We actually considered not starting Grant this year! He turned 5 in February, but wasn't PT'd until June and just did not seem socially or emotionally ready even then. After he finally got PT'd we decided to go ahead and start him b/c he seemed like he was talking more and seemed more ready. His first day was Monday, but the rest of this week the Kinders are out b/c of testing/assessments.

His testing was this morning, and now I am second guessing our decision to start him! He just didn't so very well at all!! He only knows a few of his letters (like less than 10) He knows most of his colors and can count to 10 (but sometimes skips #'s when he counts). Mrs N asked him to point to the word that starts with ___ or the word that rhymes with ___ and he didn't know what she was talking about. I think I may call her or go talk to her tomorrow and see if she thinks he is really ready to start yet.

My MIL and her sister are both Elementary school teachers (both have taught for well over 30 years) and told me before the twins started "If they are not ready don't start them! It's better that they are a year older and ready than just old enough and not ready." Well the twins were ready at 5 1/2...partly b/c they had gone to Preschool for a year. Grant could not go to Preschool b/c he was not PT'd.

So there are my 2 cents. Not sure if that helped at all, but that is my experience. I will have to let y'all know what I have figured out after I talk to his teacher.

 

The girls school has a period where the teachers actually will evaluate children in school and let you know how they are doing. For those parents that are questioning if they started their kids to early. I think it is the first 30 days. So that way if it is just too soon and not working out they can be pulled out and try again next year.