Ready To Drop From Exhaustion

Is there any possible way to start the boys on a sleep schedule before 4 months? My DH is almost at his wits end with not being able to get enough slep, and then having to be up at 6am to go to work. Theyre only a month old, and twice already he has had to stay home because after the 3rd day of my having no sleep, im in tears from being so exhausted. We're trying to keep them awake from about 6pm until 10pm and then feed them and get them in the crib for the night. That in itself is hard enough because by 930 they are just out and waking them again is almost impossible; but then as soon as we transfer them to the crib they are wide awake again. ive already spent two nights this week out in the livingroom with them so he can sleep, but he's not happy to spend the night without his wife, and i dont know what else im supposed to do. Last night i thought i was going to get to sleep, but i was kidding myself. Got Ian in his crib, stood there a few minutes to make sure he wasnt going to fuss, pulled back the covers, climbed in bed, and i kid you not...as soon as i laid down he was wide awake and crying. Its like he somehow knew i was going to bed and chose that moment to wake up.

im not expecting to have them on a solid schedule this early, but there has got to be some way to start them on one. Twice now Kenneth has slept from 11pm until 5am, but Ian is still getting up at least once by 3am, and will most often start grunting and wake his brother. Please, any suggestions would be helpful.


Kenneth and Ian are 1 month old

 

:hug: Those early days were so exhausting! There were many times I thought that I couldn't do it anymore, but I got through somehow, and so will you and your DH!

Are they on a feeding schedule during the day?
Are you feeding them at the same time? It saves so much time.
The biggest thing I did was find out where they would sleep the longest, and that became their new 'bed'. For Emma it was the swing(yes, all night!), and for Jake it was lying next to me. I did that for the first 3 months and then transferred them to their cribs when they were stretching out their feedings longer.

QUOTE
ive already spent two nights this week out in the livingroom with them so he can sleep, but he's not happy to spend the night without his wife,


:huh: Personally, I think that if he wants to get some uninterrupted sleep, I think he needs to get over that! It's not forever. We stayed in the bedroom and Jeff took the couch so he could get some sleep. A more than fair trade, I think!

:hug:

 

You are in the thick of it right now and it will get easier! My only suggestion would be to do whatever it takes to get through- even if that's having them in your bed, in a swing, in their car seat- where ever they will sleep. They're so young that you're not going to be creating bad habits. You just need to be able to make it through these first few months. My boys slept in bed with me for the first 3 months. Dh slept in our dd's extra twin bed and once we were able to get them on more of a schedule we transitioned them to their cribs. They are now wonderful sleepers. Good luck- these early days with twins are so hard and exhausting!

 

In the early days the girls did not even know what a crib was. They slept in bouncy seats, swings and if we were lucky enough to get them in the basinet, they slept there. Basically we followed the "let a sleeping baby lie". Good luck.

 

Ours are 10 weeks and I've been sleeping on the couch for the past 6 weeks now! My partner has the babies in our bed from 11pm-3am. Then I come in and take them out to the living room until we start the day -- so we each always get 4 straight hours of sleep no matter what. I really look forward to that last 10:30pm feeding because I know it's almost my "free" time.

Even if they've conked out at 9pm, we change them, swaddle them and give them a last feeding at 10:30. The amount will vary depending on when/how much each ate at their last feeding. We're still on every 2.5-3 hr feedings by the way. Sometimes we get a solid 4 hour stretch from 11pm-3am, but only 1-2 week.

We're getting ready to transition to cribs (fingers crossed) soon. I am really looking forward to getting off the couch, but it helped to provide us some structure when I thought I couldn't take another night of unknowns. That's just so stressful.

Hang in there. Try different things maybe - even things you've already tried that might not have worked before.

 

The first little while is so hard. I spent the first 12 weeks sleeping downstairs with the babies because I didn't want them waking my toddler up all night long. Is there any way you can get someone in to help out overnight a couple of nights a week? A night nanny or a relative? I hope things get better for you soon.

 

Do you have Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child? A lot of folks around here love that book. They don't recommend a schedule until 5 months, and your boys already seem to be consolidating their sleep, which is great.

One thing I would recommend, and I know it sounds counterintuitive, is to not keep them up for long periods of time. According to that book, it actually causes them have more interrupted sleep. At that age I'd say 1-1.5 hours is the longest they should be awake.

Until about 3 months old..I do the eat play sleep routine around the clock, and try to sleep when they sleep no matter what time of day it is.


In the mean time, do you have someone who could help you for a night or an afternoon, so you can get some rest?

 

QUOTE(PCtwins @ May 19 2009, 02:35 PM) [snapback]1319907[/snapback]
In the early days the girls did not even know what a crib was. They slept in bouncy seats, swings and if we were lucky enough to get them in the basinet, they slept there. Basically we followed the "let a sleeping baby lie". Good luck.


this was our strategy too. i decided to let them eat on demand and sleep where ever they would and once they were down we didn't move them. they slept in carseats, strollers, boucy seats, the cosleeper and in bed with us.

my boys are almost 11 weeks now and we're just working on sleeping in their own cribs. i'm successful about 75% of the time.

around 8 weeks they started to go longer at night (maybe 4-5 hours after the last feeding) and now some times i get 6-8 hours.

sorry your DH is struggling, i think in a few weeks he'll be able to sleep thru any sort of crying; mine sure can!

 

I agree with get them sleeping whereever you can. Ours slept about 50-75% of the time with us, each of us had a baby, or occassionally I'd get them both in bed beside me if dh was truly exhausted. Those first 2 months are about survival only, you do what's gonna keep you sane.

And ditto make sure you are feeding them at the same time, day and night. If one wakes earlier after a nap, wake the other. It helps to keep them on the same feeding schedule because then the sleeping schedules just kind of fall into place between feedings.

I'm just now starting to get mine on a "schedule" of sorts, but it's by no means perfected yet!

 

It is not unreasonable at all to think that you could have them on the same schedule by now. Four hours for that age babies is way too long to be awake. I would think 1 hour would be about right, including feeding time. I would establish what time you want their bedtime to be (at that point for us it was 9:00) and then go from there. Do you have a bedtime routine yet? Try to find something that you can do that will tell them it's time for bed, such as rocking/singing, reading, baths, etc. Then, put them down drowsy but awake. Swaddling might help if you aren't already doing that. When you wake them for any night feedings, which I would consider past their bedtime, keep the lights low, no talking, and put them straight back to bed once they are done eating. Those are some things that have helped us.

 

My girls will be 3 months old tomorrow and we are still trying to work out their schedule. They are sleeping in their cribs at night and seem to have made that transition pretty well. We are by no mean sleeping through the night yet, but they do sleep in their cribs. One of them has started sleeping 5, maybe 6 hours at night, but again, not always every night. Her sister is still doing about 4 hours. Some nights are worse than others. Right now they seem to be doing a big morning nap and usually a pretty good mid to late afternoon nap. As everyone said, it's hard and my and my DH are just trying to keep up. I have Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child and like people said if it's under 3-4 months try not to stress about a schedule too much. My girls were 8 weeks early and it said premies may need more time to work out a schedule. It sounds like you are doing everything you can, and as tough as it is you can do it!

 

DH may just have to choose between a good night's sleep and having you in the bedroom. I spent many nights downstairs with them when they first came home. They also slept in their bouncy chairs for the first 2 months. Most nights I end up having one or the other or both in bed with me at some time.

 

Mine are 9 weeks old and we are just now getting a schedule and for the past 3 nights they have slept 5.5 - 6 hours a night. We also just started taking walks at night. we bundle them up and go and we think that has made all the difference. We also try to keep them up for 1- 1.5 hours between naps during the day. This is hard when they are still so little. Also I feed mine at the same time, I bf with bm and f. and I would put them in their bouncy chairs and then feed them at once during the night. This saved time so I could get back to bed quicker! I know its hard but it does get better. It was just a couple of weeks ago I was still crying from exhaustion and now I am soo much happier. I wish you lots of luck!

 

I really feel bad for you, I've tried to block those memories from my mind
Can I just say though, that keeping 1 month olds awake for 4 hours is completely unrealistic and not fair to any of you. Mine could only stay awake for four hours straight around 6 weeks ago, and they're nearly a year old! When my two were that age an hour or two was the most they could handle. I hate to say it, but it'll be that way for a while. Ours didn't sleep for longer periods until they were close to 2.5 - 3 months of age. They still need to be fed every 2-3 hours until they're about 12 or 13lbs.

The only thing you can really do is try to feed them at the same time, and if one is asleep, wake that one up to feed as well, just for your own sanity.

I'm so sorry, I know what thats like, we all do, but the good news is that it really won't last forever. Promise!

 

Mine are 3 1/2 months now and they are just now starting to sleep through the night half of the time, but they seem to never do it on the same night! I think it's coming soon though.....I'm so sorry you are at your wits end. I totally understand the frustration and pure exhaustion. I was in tears SO SO much in the first month or two. It will get better I promise. Our twins finally made it up to the crib at about 3 months of age.

 

many of the prior posters said great things. here's what worked for us:

Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child, Baby Whisperer and Baby Wise. Happiest Baby on the Block.
One of the books said "more sleep begets more sleep"... and to not keep them up so long... they need to be rested to get good sleep (seems crazy...)

SWADDLING... I am a big believer of this! we started again at 5 weeks and they slept through their 1am feeding and they kept sleeping more and more and by 6 weeks they were going to sleep at 10p, waking 3a then 7a... so only 1 night time feeding! and by 2 months they were sleeping 10p to 7a... woo hoo!

Baby Whisperer talks about starting a 7pm sleep and then a dreamfeed (not waking the babies) at 11pm... I can't remember but we didn't really do that... we just started putting the babies down earlier... 10p then 9p then 8p etc (many months later...)

anyway, my suggestions would be to not keep them up so long in the evening... it is probably just working them up into a frenzy, and then really try to swaddle... they might not like it at first, but keep trying... make it tight so that they don't get out. and white noise... during naps & night time.

good luck.

 

when they were that little it was easier for us to keep them in our room. having them sleep close to you is a sure fire way to get them to sleep...they just know you are there and that in itself is a very secure feeling to them. i feel your pain, my dh missed a lot of work in the early days as well. he got written up for it! is there anyway to get your MIL or mom to help out? i know i had to call my MIL a few times to spend the night so we could both catch up on some sleep. you can try to set a routine but a schedule would be impossible at their age IMO. Don't keep them awake at that age, they need all the sleep they can get and they will sleep a lot until they are about 3 months old. I would take advantage of their sleeping a lot and nap whenever, wherever you can. Most babies get really cranky after being awake for only 2 hours at a time so it sounds like they are getting over tired and not sleeping. HTH and good luck!

 

QUOTE(orangeyaglad @ May 19 2009, 09:32 PM) [snapback]1320562[/snapback]
Most babies get really cranky after being awake for only 2 hours at a time so it sounds like they are getting over tired and not sleeping.


I have to laugh... ours are just over 12 months... and they still get cranky after 2 - 2 1/2 hours! anyway, good luck. hopefully you'll get good sleep soon!

 

QUOTE(sullivanre @ May 19 2009, 01:51 PM) [snapback]1319933[/snapback]
Do you have Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child? A lot of folks around here love that book. They don't recommend a schedule until 5 months, and your boys already seem to be consolidating their sleep, which is great.

One thing I would recommend, and I know it sounds counterintuitive, is to not keep them up for long periods of time. According to that book, it actually causes them have more interrupted sleep. At that age I'd say 1-1.5 hours is the longest they should be awake.

Until about 3 months old..I do the eat play sleep routine around the clock, and try to sleep when they sleep no matter what time of day it is.
In the mean time, do you have someone who could help you for a night or an afternoon, so you can get some rest?


This book helped us BIG TIME. And Healthy Sleep Habits Happy TWINS comes out June 9th. I totally agree. IMO I would not try to keep them up! This (as explained in the book) just causes an overtired baby. When babies hit that stage they cannot fall asleep easily. Basically sleep promotes more sleep. It's chemical in their brains. And likewise, lack of sleep produces less sleep. My twins are 10 weeks old and sleeping through the night. They have their last bottle around 10:00pm and sleep until about 5:00am. For us it's not so much "schedule" as ROUTINE. We do bath, bottle, bed. And we dim the lights and make the house quiet. They totally know when it's time to go to bed. They've been sleeping through the night for 2 weeks straight now. I totally recommend this book, or wait until the "twin" version comes out in a couple weeks.

 

my husband and I bought the "contented little baby book" by gina ford (a british childrens' nurse). she also has one out for twins (contented house w/twins). we've been following her routines from week two and found that the boys are sleeping great! i wish you much strength for the next few weeks - it gets better!!

 

During those first months, I would go to sleep right after an early dinner and sleep until around 11:00. My husband would watch the girls during that time. Then I would get up and my husband would go to bed. We had the girls in our room at first, so he would sleep in a different bedroom. This worked best for us. There were times I would have to wake him up for help, but most nights he was able to get some good sleep before getting up for work.

 

I agree with the sleeping in separate rooms idea. I slept in the same room with the babies for the first 5 months, and their Dad slept in our other bedroom. We did the shift schedule. The babies were mine from midnight to 6AM, and his from 6-9AM.

 

It will get easier, I just finished this phase at about 7 weeks. The co-sleeper was a big help for us. Also, we started giving them a few ounces of formula right before bed, and that got them sleeping six hours. Do you swaddle? Mine can't sleep without being swaddled.

 

swings or bouncy seats or carseats or strollers are wonderful places for babies to sleep - I remember one time they fell asleep on a walk - I rolled that gigantic Duoglider into my living room and left them there for 3 hours until they woke up!

ours were in swings for the first 3 months due to colic and it was a life saver - by 8 weeks DS was sleeping through (11p to 6a) and DD was only getting up once per night (and not every night)...

DH just learned to live on 4 hours and coffee!

 

QUOTE(laurenlantz @ May 19 2009, 02:19 PM) [snapback]1320205[/snapback]
It is not unreasonable at all to think that you could have them on the same schedule by now. Four hours for that age babies is way too long to be awake. I would think 1 hour would be about right, including feeding time. I would establish what time you want their bedtime to be (at that point for us it was 9:00) and then go from there. Do you have a bedtime routine yet? Try to find something that you can do that will tell them it's time for bed, such as rocking/singing, reading, baths, etc. Then, put them down drowsy but awake. Swaddling might help if you aren't already doing that. When you wake them for any night feedings, which I would consider past their bedtime, keep the lights low, no talking, and put them straight back to bed once they are done eating. Those are some things that have helped us.

So if they are up for longer then that, should we be concerned? Currently one of mine is going on 2.5 hours being awake.... It's killing me. And now she needs to feed again, and I have had 1.5 hours sleep.

 

QUOTE(indisbelief @ May 19 2009, 07:56 PM) [snapback]1319840[/snapback]
Is there any possible way to start the boys on a sleep schedule before 4 months? My DH is almost at his wits end with not being able to get enough slep, and then having to be up at 6am to go to work. Theyre only a month old, and twice already he has had to stay home because after the 3rd day of my having no sleep, im in tears from being so exhausted. We're trying to keep them awake from about 6pm until 10pm and then feed them and get them in the crib for the night. That in itself is hard enough because by 930 they are just out and waking them again is almost impossible; but then as soon as we transfer them to the crib they are wide awake again. ive already spent two nights this week out in the livingroom with them so he can sleep, but he's not happy to spend the night without his wife, and i dont know what else im supposed to do. Last night i thought i was going to get to sleep, but i was kidding myself. Got Ian in his crib, stood there a few minutes to make sure he wasnt going to fuss, pulled back the covers, climbed in bed, and i kid you not...as soon as i laid down he was wide awake and crying. Its like he somehow knew i was going to bed and chose that moment to wake up.

im not expecting to have them on a solid schedule this early, but there has got to be some way to start them on one. Twice now Kenneth has slept from 11pm until 5am, but Ian is still getting up at least once by 3am, and will most often start grunting and wake his brother. Please, any suggestions would be helpful.
Kenneth and Ian are 1 month old


You are in the thick of things now and I know how hard it is :hug:

I got mine on a 3-hr routine as soon as I got back from the hospital, when my LOs were 3 days old. It took a couple of weeks to settle into but it worked. One thing that stood out in your post is that you´re keeping them awake from 6-10pm and for a month old that is way too long. My LOs are almost one yr old and my DS has a hard job staying awake that long! I would let them sleep when they need it.

I used The Baby Whisperer with my LOs and they were sttn 12 hours by 4.5 months. It does depend on the type of baby you have too. I used an E.A.S.Y routine which is Eat, Activity, Sleep, You. This means that you feed the babies, let them play a little, put them down for a nap then you get ´you´time. It doesnt always work out to be this simple but it does help you to get some kind of routine established. At one month the activity can just be staring at a picture on the wall or having a nappy change. My LOs moved themselves to a 4-hr routine but they sometimes wanted to eat after 3 hours so I just went with the flow. The key is not to follow the clock exactly. If the baby is crying and it´s been 3 hours since their last feed, then you know the likelihood is that they´re hungry. Thats what I loved about EASY. Here´s what I used to do:

7am , 11am, 3pm, 7pm, 11pm - feeds. I used to wake my LOs for their feeds, until they were about 3-4 months old. I only didnt wake them if they´d had a bad morning/afternoon and were overtired, etc.

I used to bath the babies before the 7pm feed and I´d give them a "dream feed" at 11pm. I woke them for that and never had a problem getting them to sleep after. DD was sleeping from 11pm-7am by 6 weeks. DS didnt do this until 2.5 months or so.

Also, have you tried separating them for nights? I separated my two from 6 weeks to 3 months as DS would always wake DD. We each took a baby for the night. I FF. After 3 months, I put them back together for nights only.

GL & feel free to PM if you have any other questions.

edited for typos!