reading old post about being scared

For the past couple of weeks, I have been really scared about having twins. This is my first pregnancy that has gone this far (3 previous mcs without fertility drugs, now I took clomid). ANd now that I start seeing my body chaning for the first time is hitting me that I'm having twins and I'm
just plain scared....scared of not knowing what do when they cry, that I'll get depressed, that I won't be a good mommy, overwhealmed, etc
my mom lives far so she will only be able to be with me for a couple of weeks, and dh will be at work during the day...
THen I read all the problems and advice, which is great to have a place like this to turn to but it just brings up so more worries...
I just wanted if you could share some of your good moments and success stories

 

I was scared my entire pregnancy. I used to work in an OB/GYN office so unfortunately I saw more than I should have prior to being pregnant. Fortunately for me, all turned out well. I think a certain degree of nervousness is just a natural part of carrying babies. :hug99:

I was nervous as all heck once dh went back to work and mom went back home. I had no help at all with the girls, other than an occasional friend to drop by and hold one, and I mean very occasional. I did it though. It was hard, very hard, but it started to pay off with the smiles and cooing and then bright smiles, hugs and kisses.

 

It's ok to be scared! Having twins is a ton of work.

Try not to scare yourself reading the forums, though. You read about so many different problems, and it's only too easy to imagine them all happening at once. And what you probably can't imagine yet is your own maternal instinct. You will AMAZE yourself at how much you can figure out about your babies! Sure, there will be times when you just can't figure it out, but a lot of it just comes naturally. One of my most special memories is of the first time I held my DS in the NICU. He started fussing, and I just held him close and very gently bounced him a little, and he calmed right down. There I was, a brand new mom, hardly any experience even with other people's babies, and I just KNEW what to do. Nobody had ever told me to do that, it just happened.

One thing you can do to hopefully ease your worries is start preparing a bit now. Since you mentioned being worried about not knowing how to comfort crying babies, I would HIGHLY recommend Happiest Baby on the Block (there's a book, and a terrific DVD). It has great demos of how to soothe fussy babies.

If you're concerned about PPD (and simply having multiples puts you at higher risk for it, as does previous mc, and going through fertility treatments), you might want to start looking around at what resources exist in your area. I was half-expecting PPD myself, and came up with a game plan ahead of time, which included telling my DH what signs to look for, and asking him to contact a doctor on my behalf if I was too depressed to do it myself, or in denial about needing help. NOT saying that you'll get PPD! But if it's a worry, then see what's out there.

It's also good to read some basic baby care books. The American Academy of Pediatrics' Caring For Your Baby and Young Child is a really good, reliable, "plain vanilla" reference. You could also see about baby care and breastfeeding classes at your local hospitals.

All your worries right now just go to show what a GREAT mom you're going to be! 12 weeks pregnant, and you're already anxious to do your best for your babies! Nobody's saying it will be easy, there will be some bad days, you'll be overwhelmed sometimes, but you can do it! And the rewards are just unbelievable.

 

QUOTE(fuchsiagroan @ Mar 26 2008, 11:55 PM) [snapback]689073[/snapback]
I was half-expecting PPD myself, and came up with a game plan ahead of time, which included telling my DH what signs to look for, and asking him to contact a doctor on my behalf if I was too depressed to do it myself, or in denial about needing help.


This is really great advice. Having a sense ahead of time of what the signs are, and SHARING them with someone else so that you'll have backup, will really help you feel safe, which automatically knocks out a source of anxiety.

I'd also second Fuchsia's advice about looking for childbirth and childcare classes. I really wish we'd taken a couple more. In some areas, hospitals also teach classes in caring for multiples - you might explore whether that's available.

My mom is across the country and we have no other relatives nearby, and our friends are pretty busy people, so we spent a lot of time planning ahead to figure out how we were going to manage two babies. Part of the answer for us was having DH work from home when he can. I also found a mothers' helper - a younger babysitter type who can be a second pair of hands. She's a neighbor with a little babysitting experience with older kids. Just keep your eyes open for people like that who might be able to come regularly to give you a break and keep you company. I always thought it would be fun to see whether there were any grandmothers in my church or neighborhood whose grandkids were far away - and offer them a chance to hold babies when they missed their own.

Anyway, you have lots of time to figure things out, to read great books about raising twins (you might look for Mothering Multiples - it focuses a lot on breastfeeding twins, but there's a lot of good logistical information in there, too), and to get your head around the awesome responsibility of being a mom. But you are totally on the right track.

Wishing you a very very healthy pregancy! :hug99:

 

So glad to see you here ! I can't even begin to tell you how scared I was when we found out about the twins. Our 1st set was only with clomid so we were SHOCKED to say the least. I m/c'd one twin within a month though. We didn't use clomid when we started TTC again because we didn't think we could handle twins financially or emotionally. I left the doctor's office crying when I found out I was pg with twins again. I cried for over a month because I was stressed. DH wasn't happy, he kept insistently we couldn't do it financially. People we knew that had been pg with twins had had terrible pg experiences so I was terrified. One day we both just decided we had to do it and we pulled ourselves together. I was still terrified of something going wrong - we didn't even buy cribs or paint their room until I was about 7 months. Turns out I had a fantastic pg - no problems at all except for my heartrate got really fast for about a week. I was sitting on the gymnasium floor at our bi-annually twin clothing sale the night I went into labor at exactly 38 weeks. One baby was breech the whole pg, but my c-section experience was even better than my 8-hr vaginal birth with my oldest DD. Both babies were healthy, good weights and it has been the MOST aweseome experience having twins. I have absolutely no complaints although it is really tough when both are sick at the same time. I love watching them interact, I love how amazed other people are when they see them. I can't imagine not having them and feel horrible that my older DD did not get to experience this with the twin I m/c'd.

I absolutely think everything you are feeling is completely normal. I was so scared to ever express my feelings about when we first found out about the twins because I didn't want anyone ever thinking we didn't love them - then I found this board and discovered a lot of people are scared in the beginning. People that don't have twins don't understand the fears mentally, physically and financially! It's easy to say "oh, I always wanted twins" when you've never experienced it. You will do absolutely great, just take a deep breath!

 

It is scary at first at the thought of having 2 newborn babies at the same time. I thought that it would be so much work that I wouldn't have any semblance of a "normal" life again. Now that our babies are here, while it is alot of work at times, it is the biggest blessing that I could ever imagine. I was just sitting on the bed with them this morning thinking of how lucky we are and how I will miss this baby stage (they are laying next to each other right now looking so cute side by side). Although, I must say that last night was the first night that they only woke up one time instead of two during the night, so I am writing this with more sleep than normal! I think that one thing that has been important to me is getting them out and not being tied to the house all the time. When I have had relatives over with me, I will take them out to lunch, go to grocery, go to park, etc. They are actually pretty easy taking out at this stage since they sleep so much. I also have found someone to come over 1-2 days per week for a couple of hours so that I can go work out and go to the grocery, etc. It is nice to get off on your own for a couple of hours. Overall, I love having twins and I couldn't imagine now just having one!

 

It is valid to be worried about the pregnancy as well as caring for two newborns as a first time mom-I already had a daughter (3yo) had a mc and then like you took clomid and ended up with twins-I was by myself at the ultrasound that revealed the fact of me being pregnant with twins and I FREAKED OUT! I was thinking that this is not what I wanted...I wanted an easy going laid back pregnancy, I wanted to really enjoy my last baby, I didnt want to worry about finances or how in the world I was going to care for two at once. Honestly I called my mom and told her before I told my husband and I just cried.
My pregnancy went fine-I had preterm labor at 31 weeks and I went on bedrest until I delivered at 36 weeks-that was tough because I had another child to take care of but we managed. My delivery went great! Really! I delivered them vaginally with absolutely no complications, my babies were perfectly healthy and came directly to my room with me.
The first couple weeks at home were pretty easy going-they do wake up a lot all night long to eat and you get pretty sleep deprived which is hard to deal with...just get it in your head now that you will no longer sleep and you will be okay.
The first two months are purely survival mode-do what ever it takes to get by and then it really gets much easier. You just have to get through that first part.
All in all we have our good and bad days-but the good days are really GREAT! My dd loves her brother and sister, the babies now smile when they see us and make cute little noises. They love to snuggle and be rocked and sang to. They no longer cry all the time and they are doing new things every day. That is the reason we go through all of this...to live in these special moments and cherish them!
You have come to the right place for support and advice-this forum has been a saving grace for me! It is the one place that I can come to and everyone understands what you are going through...the good and the bad.
When you read these posts please dont feel like all the bad stuff happens all the time-that is just one instance in that particular persons day-the rest is really great!
I wish you all the best! Please enjoy your pregnancy and take care of yourself-you are going to be a great mommy!

 

Hello and Congrats on your sweeties... Oh i dont even know where to start. We tried for over 3 years and it was our second IVF! Success... then the emotions set in and i was a basket case. I swear it all comes together... After the first trimester my emotions settled. I was never sick or anything just emotions ran so high. Like what have i done, omg how is this going to work. Etc. It all works out more than i ever imagined. I have honestly had a very easy time. Easy pregnancy, so-so delivery (surprised and early but not horrible) and then they came home and honestly life has been great. I mean you have little time for your spouse and really have to pull it together to make it all happen. We never had any help at home and my mom lives 7 miles from me. I am one to do it on my own and it all worked fine. babies were easy and slept well from the get go. I mean twins has not been hard to me at all. EVeryone has issues here and there but in a whole it has been easy and it keeps getting easier... They are happy babies and took to the bottles, took to us, took to sleeping it all fell into place and mine were so small yet so good. I hope that you get the same success. I dont have any horror stories because it was nothing like that for me. I really hope that it all comes together for you in the same sense. Take it one day at a time and watch the best thing ever happen for you and your spouse.

 

Thank you so much for sharing all your stories and positive outcomes I feel beter now and it helps a little to know that my scared feeling are normal.