raising b/g twins

My b/g twins are 16 months and have very different personalities. Let's just say DD would have been happier being an only child! lol. She is very much a mommy's girl, loves her books, dolls, teddy bears and being picked up so she can point at things and ask 'was dat?'. DS is such a boy, loves rough and tumble, shape sorters, blocks and his daddy.

The trouble I'm having is that during the day when DH is at work I find it so hard to cope with them. Meal times and nap times are perfect. Play time is so hard. DD is starting the 'mine' phase already and DS is pushing his sister down and sitting on her. She won't let him join in anything she wants to do with me (read a book etc). She has also started crying to get my attention so I am not really sure sometimes if she is truly in need of hugs or if she is just trying it on and being a spoiled little girl. DS is into everything he shouldn't be to get my attention.

How do you other moms of b/g twins do it? How do I play with them both so we can have some fun and giggles? How can I gently ease DD into letting her know that mommy needs to spend time with both her babies and that we can do things together. The only time we seem to have a great time is in the tub and when daddy is home to help.

Feeling so frazzled!

 

I think you are at a perfect age to start establishing boundaries and rules. If DD wants to read a book, but won't let her brother join, then explain to her that you can either read together or no book. Mine have totally different personalities as well, but often time I have to put my foot down and not give them an option. They can either do it my way or not at all. I also remember the clingy stage when all they wanted was to be picked up. One of my favorite things to do was to tell them that "Mommy can't pick you up right now, but I will give you a hug". I found that it really helped with wanting to be picked all the time and also taught them a little bit of independence. Also, if you can avoid it, don't run to her as soon as she starts crying. If you know it's nothing serious (like she isn't hurt), it will do her some good to know that you will not come running at every little cry/whine.

I hope my experience helped a little bit. Good luck!

 

Another thing that really helps us...... the girls get scheduled weekly 1 on 1 time with each parent. Every Sunday, DH takes 1 to the pool and I take the other 1. This gives them a break from each other and it gives them 1-on-1 attn that they so desperately crave. So look for opportunities to do stuff like that. Besides DH and I are always amazed how easy it is to only have 1 kid to care for.

Also, Around that age, we started some daycare. I have 2 chronic illnesses and so needed the time for drs appts and rest. Now they've learned to play w/ other kids too. It helps!

 

It is definitly hard at times. My DD is typically more clingy, and more territorial than my son as well. My approach is simply not to allow certain things. For example you mentioned this...
"She won't let him join in anything she wants to do with me (read a book etc). "
My DD will TRY to do this...DS will come up while we are reading and try and sit in my lap, and she will start trying to push him, and throw a fit. Well that does not fly with me. I always tell her, either brother can read with us too, or you can go play by yourself. There have been many times I have taken her out of my lap, because of how she is behaving. They will always have different quirks, and different things they are really intense about, but you have decide what is really acceptable. Regardless of how much more my DD seems to cling to me, I am not going to encourage that behavior at teh detriment of my DS. I have found with mine, that the simple corrections have really helped, and they play with each other a lot now. They are 19 months.

 

I think it's the age. My DD was very clingy at that point, too. She is better now and they play together great.
At their daycare when they hit, they say "We don't hit/push our friends." "How would that make you feel? Sad, huh?" I continue that at home. They are really good with each other. They are really good about sharing, too. They take turns but the 2nd kid always has to give it back to the one who had it first, after a few minutes. They now understand that and it's great.
Sure they still fight over my lap, but like PP has mentioned, you either share or go play/read by yourself.

 

((((((hugs)))))) Hang in there - it is the age - toddlers are TOUGH no matter the sex! My DD is the same way, but if she will not share during story time, then we do not do story time or I read another book to both of them. DS think that DD is a human jungle gym or stepping stool! When he tortures her, I step it to stop it. LOL!

Try to look at them with amazement - they are so lucky that they are so different and do not have to compete for a separate identity...they are as different as they could starting at birth and, to me, that is a great thing. There are going to be fights for your attention and with each other, but that is normal. They are siblings. People without twins just see fights a few years later than we do because there is not a sibling at birth to fight with! :blink: All siblings have squabbles, we just "get" to see them a lot sooner!

One on one time is a great thing and having a special activity that you only do with one is also great. My DS has a favorite toy that he knows is his...as does my DD. I hug them and love them as much as I can...some days I spend more quality time with one, but the next day it is with the other. The love always seems to find a way to even out.

Hang in there, Mamma! You are doing the most important job on Earth and it is not easy! This weekend, you should take some time just for yourself if you can!

 

i have the opposite.. both of mine are mommas kids.. ie im a single parent..

the big piece of advice.. is use ( pass to) with everything..i started with 1 toy.. then their milk cups.. also color coded .. and now they have no problem sharing.. mine is normal.. but pass to works
good luck
m

 

Thank you so much for all the encouraging advice! I now have some ideas on how to deal with her tantrums. So far so good today, but DH is home due to snow. She did try and sit on my lap when I was about to change DS and I just picked her up and moved her over and said not now, mommy is changing Max and she was ok!

I feel better already!

PS-I am taking saturday afternoon off to get my hair cut and enjoy some me time!