Quick question

Samantha got herself into a bit of a snit earlier (over not getting a cookie) and was whining and stomping around. Alexis came over to comfort her and Sam swatted at her. Alexis was undeterred and finally got a hug from her sister, but should I have stepped in? I don't want either of them to go around hitting the other but the soothing that Alexis provided seemed like a natural way to calm things.

Thoughts?

 

Hitting is an automatic time out at our house. I usually try to let them resolve disputes over toys unless I feel that one kid is getting bullied to often during the day, but if there's hitting or shoving the offender goes into time out on the spot. When he comes out he has to go be nice to his brother and although they won't say sorry yet, they are instructed to.

 

I agree that hitting is automatic time-out here. But I would also take into consideration the age and the fact that neither may have the words for "Leave Me Alone!" yet. So I'd maybe also try to verbalize that and start talking to them about personal space and alone time. I have one that just needs a minute by herself to calm down sometimes. Her brother has had to learn that. (Well, we all have! LOL)

 

Dang. The histrionics over timeout can be their own punishment. Okay, I can do it.

Alexis was pretty cute. She really was determined to get some love from her cranky butt sister.

Gina, they clearly don't understand personal space- they haven't given me any in two years! That's a good point though. I'll see if there's a way to incorporate a "quiet minute" or something after fits.

 

I don't necessarily do automatic timeouts for anything, and probably would have let that situation go since they worked it out & both were happy. I probably would have said, "Sam, remember we don't hit" or something to that effect so that she was aware that I saw it & that it wasn't okay but then let it go since it doesn't sound like she was necessarily being mean, just frustrated, and did end up hugging her sister. I like that they can soothe each other, take what the other dishes out & work through things for themselves. I think it is a life skill. I just take each situation as it comes, but that is just me.

For timeouts, since you said they are difficult, I don't know if you saw this idea on Pinterest. I have been meaning to do this & haven't gotten around to it. You are supposed to shake it up and then they watch it in timout until the glitter settles. It looks like a great idea & I like that it makes the timeout more about calming down than punishment, which is my theory on timeouts. Could be worth a try!

 

I do timeouts for hitting/shoving as well. I also have one DD who is much more kissy-huggy than her sister so when she gets pushed away when she's trying to console her sister I always tell her that "Amélie says no thank you right now" so Audrée understands not everyone wants to be hugged and kissed all the time .

 

This...

 

I also do timeouts for hitting, but I have to say I sometimes pretend I don't see little mild swats like you are describing - especially when the recipient seems a bit at fault too. I do find that they work out their problems on their own if I give them some time.

 

I don't think there is one right way to handle it. Henry is a lover and when Jacob gets upset, Henry tries to comfort him. I've had to explain to Henry that when Jacob is upset, he should ask Jacob if he needs a hug. It is hard right now because they can't say how they feel all the time so they get easily frustrated. In this situation when I think both kids are not doing the behaviors that I would like, I separate them and leave it at that. If the fit worsens, I put the tantrum kid somewhere they are safe. If the hugger keeps insisting on hugging, I move him to another activity or some place where he cannot access his brother.

 

Hitting is also a T/O in my house as well (Tina, I love the link you posted!). But in the situation that your daughters were in, I probably would have let it be since it seemed like the situation worked out on it's own.
Usually, in my house the tantruming child gets ignored until they calm down and when my kids are that upset, they usually stay out each other's way.