Questions regarding sharing workload with DH

Jack and Lily are 4.5 months old and things are starting to change up a bit. With them sleeping better throughout the night and waking less, I think it is time for DH and I to change our "system".

We started doing shifts immediatly when the babies were born and it was obvious we were not going to get ANY sleep. Logistically, our house is a nightmare for nightime feedings. I do not know what we were thinking when we built it but we put the master bedroom on the first floor in the back of the house and the other bedrooms are all upstairs. Our house is set up lenghtwise so it is really kind of far to get from our room to the nursery upstairs. As a result, we have had the person "on duty" sleeping in the guest room next door to the nursery for their shift. We just bring the bottles upstairs and mix them up there when the baby wakes. This was working great and DH had the first shift and would come down and get me after the babies had eaten once. Well, now that they are waking only here and there DH does not come down until about 5:30am sometimes to get me. They are such light sleepers though so if he hears one and comes down to tell me by the time I get up there they are usually both up. To prevent this, I have been going upstairs around 4:30 or so or when I wake to use the restroom and I go into the other guestroom by the nursery and wait until DH comes in there to get me. A mess, I know!

Now, things are a changing again and they are starting to alternate sleeping through the night. Last night they both slept 7:30-6:45. I am thinking it is time to both just sleep downstairs like a normal married couple and take turns going up when one wakes (or doesn't ) but I am afraid by the time DH shakes out his cobwebs and gets up there they will both be up. Maybe it is time for me to do it all myself?????? I am such a wimp though. We both work, I work from home and have a nanny 3 days a week and the other two week days I am working AND watching the babies myself.

For those of you who bottle feed and whose DH's helped, is there a point where you just told him not to worry about it and you would take it from there? What age was that? Anyone else with a master on a different floor or further away from the nursery than you would like? I cannot imagine I will ever be comfortable with them being all the way up there. I am afraid I am going to end up with two babies awake at 5:30 and that if I have to feed them, change them, and get them back down myself they will never go back to sleep! I think it would much more streamlined with both of us!

Also, I kind of liked when they were waking in the night once to eat because then I knew I could leave them to fuss around in their crib until 7:15ish (when DS usually wakes) and we could take our time changing diapers and getting bottles. This also allowed our first nap to start around 8:45-9ish. This morning, DS woke screaming to eat at 6:45 and by the time I got them downstairs and their very wet diapers changed they had to eat in their diapers only...too hungry to wait for clothes! That meant that our first nap started at 8:15-8:30 and here we are back at 4 naps a day instead of three.

Our ped has given us the go ahead with rice cereal and DD takes it and veggies with a spoon but DS won't touch it. Is there any harm in putting some in his last bottle? Maybe that will help him make it through without waking sooooo hungry? If so, how much - he drinks 6oz. bottles.

Thanks,
Amy

 

hey amy-
we also are on a different floor than the kids,though we are upstairs and they are down (bungalow). so once we moved them to their cribs aroudn 3 months or so, we started sleeping together ni the guest room, which is right next door. that way it was quicker and easier to get there, like you said. we didn't have "official" shifts, but if i got up first, the next time i heard them i would nudge DH (or maybe slightly more than nudge... ) and he'd have his turn. i work partttime, so if i wasn't working the next day, i might be nice and just take it all. luckily, we had pretty good sleepers who only woke a few times a night. I would say that around 4-5 months, we finally stopped any nighttime feeding. but it wasn't until 6-7 months that they really got on a good schedule that allwoed them to wake at a decnet hour, eat, then start naps around 8:30 or 9. So as anxious as you are to cut that out, it may jsut be a little early yet. what we would do is feed DS around 3:30 or so when he woke and then wake DD to eat after that. as was able to sleep a little longer, we'd let him go for 15 mins. then go in, until if he was waknig with 15 mins. of normal wake up time, we'd just leave them and start the day then. it took longer for him than DD, but he was also the smaller baby. I think the time they are waking for you right now is probably pretty normal, actually. and as tough as 4 naps are, i think that also isn't out of the norm. it's tough, because you feel like all they do is sleep and eat and you can't get out of the house to do ANYthing, but within a few months it will all start to spread out abit, and once you can get down to 2 naps (for us that was ~9-10 months), things get a LOT easier.
as for your question about putting the cereal in the bottle to hold DS over longer, i believe there is no evidence to support that theory, frmo what i have read. solids do not cause longer sleep periods. i think people get that idea, becasue once your kids are able to start solids, they also are able to start stretching out their sleep periods. i don't think one happens to influence the other, they just so happen at the same time developmentally. we started solids at 6 months, and even now have issues with new textures. your son may just not be ready yet.
i know it is so hard to function on limited sleep and you cannot wait until they can do a good 12 hours, and that day wil come soon! just keep doing what you can. maybe you can both sleep upstairs in the meantime? i was nervous at 6 months about moving back upstairs, but they did great. and actually allowing them to fuss for a few minutes, surprisingly, worked out nicely. they actually would most often go back to sleep on their own without our interference. i couldn't believe it, but they did!
good luck

 

Don't tell your husband not to help!! If you do that, you will never get any sleep. Keep taking turns, soon they will be sleeping through the night.

 

QUOTE(ahmerl @ Oct 18 2007, 01:29 PM) [snapback]456118[/snapback]
For those of you who bottle feed and whose DH's helped, is there a point where you just told him not to worry about it and you would take it from there? What age was that? Anyone else with a master on a different floor or further away from the nursery than you would like? I cannot imagine I will ever be comfortable with them being all the way up there. I am afraid I am going to end up with two babies awake at 5:30 and that if I have to feed them, change them, and get them back down myself they will never go back to sleep! I think it would much more streamlined with both of us!

Our ped has given us the go ahead with rice cereal and DD takes it and veggies with a spoon but DS won't touch it. Is there any harm in putting some in his last bottle? Maybe that will help him make it through without waking sooooo hungry? If so, how much - he drinks 6oz. bottles.

Thanks,
Amy


We changed our nighttime battle plan once the kids were sleeping better. For awhile one was sleeping through and the other baby would wake once a night and then the next night it would change. I started doing the majority of getting up and letting him sleep because it was just easier for me to take care of it and not have to answer the same questions all the time. But that is just me being an enabler....and that is for a much different post But if I needed him to help he would do it in a heartbeat.

Our nursery is on the other side of the house and at about 5 months we evicted the boys from our room and moved them over there. It was hard but we have the monitor and that always wakes me. So I have gotten more and more secure about it. As for the rice cereal in the bottle, you can try it. It never helped ours sleep through or longer and we had to add alot of it for reflux. But my cousin swears by it for her twins. You could start with just 1tsp/ounce and if its too thick go lower. Glad to hear you are finally getting some rest.

 

I wouldn't tell your DH not to help, you are equal partners. We aren't on a different floor, but if they happen to awaken prior to 1am DH hears them and gets up (I sleep right through it a lot of times). If it is after 1am, he sleeps through it and I get up. These were sort of how our shifts were when they did eat at night, so I guess our bodies got used to it.

I don't worry about one waking up the other, they are used to sleeping in the same room and it is rare that one wakes up the other.

And starting cereal really didn't do anything to fill my kiddos up, it was all for practice. But they were never into baby food and really didn't eat a lot of it. They were better once we started table foods.

 

My husband and I both work full time away from home. My girls only wake once a night. They are in my bedroom in the same crib. When one wakes the other wiggles too so I just get both of them prop them on my bed pillow and feed together. My husband never wakes at night with them, because I never ask him. After they get done with their bottle I just lay them back in their crib and they go right back to sleep. Someday I guess they should be in their own cribs in their own room but I can't stand the thought of seperating them or moving them out of my room. I guess if they ever start bothering each other from sleeping together then I will seperate them. If your husband helps then I wouldn't tell him to stop. Maybe like the pp said you could both sleep in the guest bedroom so that you guys could be together. I probably wouldn't put any cereal in ds bottle. I tried cereal a couple of weeks ago and my girls wanted nothing to do with it, so I am going to wait till they are closer to 6 months old or when they seem ready.
Good luck
Missy

 

When mine were waking every 3 hours to eat, we did shifts -- I, too, slept in the guest bedroom, and I'd do the first feeding, then put the monitor next to my DH's head in the master bedroom, sometimes with a note saying how much they drank, etc. He would then do the next feeding, and wake me up afterwards to pump. So, we each at least got a few hours of consecutive sleep....

Once they started sleeping longer stretches, I pretty much did it myself, since I had to wake up to pump anyway. But, my DH is home a lot, so he would take care of all three kids in the afternoon and let me take a long nap, which I really needed.

I'm not sure what to tell you to do, but no harm in changing up the plan if it's not working for you anymore...

Do you use white noise in the nursery? Ours is cranked up really high, and I think it helps prevent the other baby from waking if one is screaming. It seems to work for us, anyway....

 

Our house is set up with the master downstairs and all the other bedrooms upstairs. We have a video monitor with a camera above each crib and I couldn't live without it. The monitor is small and rechargeable so I can carry it around with me while they are upstairs napping.

I don't work, so during the week I'm on night duty. They are sleeping through much of the time now, so I sleep downstairs with DH until I hear somebody on the monitor. I check the monitor to see if they are really awake, and if so then I make a bottle or bottles in the kitchen, and feed one or both of them in the guest bedroom upstairs. Usually I just sleep up there the rest of the night because it's hard for me to go right back to sleep and I can watch tv or read until I get tired again. On the weekends, DH gives me a break and he does the same thing...only usually he comes back to our bed after he gets up with them.

 

Nice to know we are not the only ones who have the kiddos sleeping in another part of the house - I am nervous about leaving them up their by themselves but I do think that the video monitor will help! Mostly, our dog is going to be mad when he loses his spot in our master bed when DH and I start sleeping together again! If we both decide to sleep upstairs in the guestroom next door to the nursery then the dog is going to have the best bedroom in the house all to himself .

I think I really need to get rid of my fear of both of them waking up at the same time. They have such different sleep needs and habits that we have never woken one during the night when the other was sleeping. As a result, they basically trade off sleeping through night by night with one waking one night and the other the next. I practically rip DH's head off if he comes down to get me and leaves the crying baby in the crib in the middle of the night for fear they will wake eachother up when in reality he is doing the right thing. Regardless, we have been soooo lucky having them only wake up once each for quite some time now and not having any paci's to reinsert or anything like that.

I think I am just a big wimp about my sleep.

Thanks for your suggestions!
Amy

 

Since I don't work either...I typically handle all of their feeds alone, nighttime as well...I feed when they're hungry, I don't wake the other twin if he's not ready to eat yet..typically, if they both want to eat, they're both up at the same time or one right after the other...
I've always been a night owl, so I don't mind being up with the boys at night..it actually allows me more time to be alone with them than at any other time during the day (I have a 4 yr old as well)...but I can function with very little sleep, everyone's built different that way..
I haven't tried the cereal yet, either...so, no comment there...
We don't have an upstairs; but we were split up between our master bedroom, and the livingroom couch where I slept when the babies were in their swings...I would put them in their swings and let them get over being fussy, then transfer them over to their individual cribs in their own room when they were already asleep, then I would go to bed with my husband and turn the monitor on...Mine have yet to soothe themselves if they wake up at night when they're already fed & changed & burped..if I leave them to soothe, they go straight to screaming! I go in, put their pacis back in their mouth, calm them down and they're out!
I am always looking for different ways to try out dealing with the twins..learn by trial & error, and I hate to do this in anyone's presence b/c I can't stand unsolicited advice, ya know? So, I use their nighttime feeds to try out new methods..like feeding both at the same time (which I am usually doing)...after the first time I did this and it went off w/out a hitch, I was so dang proud of myself! You could try it without your husband's help if you wish, I can tell you, you will feel a great deal of accomplishment afterwards...but I wouldn't let my husband "off the hook" by telling him I didn't need his help ANYmore...don't say anything to him, just do it yourself, if you don't like it...go back to letting him help!

 

Congrats on your twins starting to sleep more! I can totally sympathize with the confusion though -- when schedules start shifting, it always takes a little while to adjust.

First, I do not think that doing it all yourself is the answer! If you wake up and it's DH's turn, you can poke him until he gets up there. The babies may wake each other up, but if he's on duty and it's his job to get them back down, he will have an extra incentive to get up there quickly.

Also, try not to worry tooo much about the crying baby waking the other one. It's a myth that "twins always sleep through each other's crying," but it did happen surprisingly often. Sarah started sleeping through at 3.5 months, but Amy continued to wake once or twice per night until over a year, and I could count on one hand the # of times that Amy's crying woke Sarah up -- even when we were trying to break Amy's habit and would let her fuss for awhile. The only time she woke Sarah up was if it was close to morning.

DH and I took turns being the one who got up for Amy's feeding, versus being the one who got up first in the morning. If I got up and fed Amy at 4:00 a.m., he would then get up when both babies woke at 6, and his job was to do whatever was necessary to let me stay in bed till 7. The next night we would switch.

I never tried cereal in the bottle, but based on everything I have read, it has zero effect on sleeping through.

Good luck -- you will figure out something that works!