Question regarding table manners

Lily and Jack each have their own little idosyncrisies (sp?) when eating ..what toddler doesn't? I try to keep the table rules fairly simple like no feeding the dog or throwing food. Other than that, I like to let them explore with their food and try new things and use spoons and forks even if it makes a mess. Lily has always taken bites that are pretty big and likes to "chipmunk" her food. As a result, she often has an overstuffed mouth. We obviously make sure she is safe - she just likes to shove a lot in, she never comes close to choking.

So, MIL is here and she keeps telling Lily in a scolding voice that she needs to take smaller bites. I could not contain myself any longer and simply said, "it is okay, I do not mind." And MIL says "well, she needs to learn to take smaller bites now" and I said "why?" and she said "because it is gross!".

I said that we were trying to be (on advice from our ped.) a little lax on table manners right now until they were ready for some more rigid rules and I did not mind the way she eats. As a matter of fact I think she does very well...she always eats almost everything in front of her and she uses her spoon and fork very well. And, she is finally sitting in her high chair and not trying to jump out.

So, my question is...I believe that we can wait a bit for more stringent table rules. Aren't they a bit young? Maybe I am just annoyed because they are here but I wish she would keep it to herself or even better, stop judging every move I make.

Thank you for the vent!

 

I agree with you. There's going to be plenty of time where you can be more rigid on table manners in the future. My girls still eat the majority of their food with their fingers even though they can use a fork and spoon well. I don't stress over it too much because they will eventually get to the point where we need to be a little more rigid about their manners. At the age yours are, I'd just be happy that they are eating and not trying to throw their plate in the floor.

 

It sounds like they are doing just fine.

I would try to ignore it and don't let her get to you. :hug:

 

Um yeah, I definately was not concerned about table manners at that age. They are eating their food and that is all that should matter.

 

Heck no, I wouldn't bother with table manners at this stage! My approach is pretty similar to yours - I just focus on the absolute basics right now, like not dropping food on purpose.

It's so funny, so many people seem to think that if you don't do X super early (whether it's take away pacis, or drill them on impeccable table manners, or whatever) they will NEVER learn, and you'll have spoiled brats who will end up in juvey... When it should be obvious to anyone who has kids that they grow out of behaviors practically as fast as they grow into them, and that some things are just much easier to do/teach if you wait.

 

i agree with everyone else...I've noticed a marked improvement in the kids table manners and cleanliness as we approach 2 years old. We started and encouraged self feeding early (mostly out of laziness) and it's paid off.

I know what Holly is saying as well, there is the pressure that if we don't 'program' them early they will never be upstanding members of society. And to some degree I get it - i mean the ability to shape behavior is probably most advantageous in the first few years - but that doesn't mean it won't backfire later.

So, in short, I agree...and the overstuffing I expect will calm down as well, Becca does it less than she used to do it.

 

WE do the same thing, don't throw your food and don't feed the cat. I don't make a big deal how they eat or how much or if the chew it all and spit it out. I want them to get used to taste and texture and food in general and not view mealtime like a bad experience or else who would want to sit there. Right now in this age they are so picky so I know what you mean by taking what they can get.
BTW DD totally "chipmunks" her food too! DS holds food in one hand,eats with the other until the food is gone then eats what is left in the other hand! LOL

 

Generally speaking, I'm big on manner. But Evan and James are too young to impose a lot of manners, in my opinion. Right now we're happy with the basics. I encourage them to say "please" when they want something, to use a fork when they can, and not to throw their food or tip their bowls. Some meals are better than others. Often I'm just happy that they're eating! We can work on the other stuff as they get older. What's the rush? It's not as though I take them out to fine-dining establishments!

 

OMG! Your post so reminded me of what my boys did at that age! My little Nathan used to "chipmunk" (love that term!) all the time! We have friends that have a little boy who is 13 months old and he is doing the same thing! My boys are almost 3 now and haven't done this in a long time. I think your MIL needs to relax . . . since I doubt that'll happen, you're doing well to just smile and ignore!

 

Heck, mine are 3 1/2 and my mom still gets on my case for this. It is what it is. They have great manners, but Ben takes big bites and eats fast. ardon: Things could be worse! Just grin and bear it! YOU are the mom!

 

Sounds like you are doing a great job.

 

Trent was a chipmunk at that age and he's already grown out of it. No, I didn't have to put him through "small bite" boot camp. He just eventually realized the food wasn't going to run away and he slowed down a little. I wouldn't sweat it.

 

David was a chipmunk (I love that term too) and he grew out of it on his own. He does still tend to eat with his fingers, half sitting and half standing while slouching, but he can be a wondrous gem with good manners when he chooses. Emma was always a neat eater and she has delightful table manners. Sean is like Emma and James is our little chipmunk. He crams one handful in then crams the other handful in and somehow chews it all up and swallows then begins cramming again.

 

Hmm-I think you're doing just fine for the age they are. I feel that if they're actually EATING what you fix then you're right one the money. I didn't get too worked about it til I knew Owen was capable of using a fork well.At that point, I got a little tougher about it gradually and now that he's 8, he's a delight to eat with. That being said, I do think it has to be started *fairly* young (4 or 5) or you'll end up with what I hve with my step son who is 9. He eats with his hands, smears his food all over his face, chews loudly and with his mouth open, and that all when he *will* eat what I've made. It's maddening and franly makes me ill to eat beside him. It's just that his Mom (and if I'm to be fair, my husband) never taught him anything when he was small.
Gah.

I think MIL's just think it's their job to annoying sometimes. Try to ignore her!

 

I think that its great that they eat so well! Manners come with time and I think a good example is really important. My three youngest are at different stages my daughter is really good my other twin son is getting there but my youngest is just enjoying his meals!

 

My best comeback to this kind of anything is...."It's not like they're going to go off to college with out good table manners or still in diapers, etc...! " They'll get there all in good time. I think you're doing a fine job and it sounds like she's right on track. My 2.5 year old still looks like a chipmunk when eating...both of them. I've just begun to tell them to slow down and chew their food before putting more in. Some days they 'get it' some days they don't. But we'll get there. Stick by your guns. As much as I love my MIL and Mother for that matter, I'm so grateful I don't have them over ever! We live in Guam, kinda a long way to come to visit.
Good luck and hang in there. She'll be gone soon.

 

I think that's too young to even understand the concept of what's little & what's big! Sounds like you're doing just fine. We just now are starting to work on table manners. Dd always chews with her mouth wide open till I showed her, "This is the way a princess chews her food" so she thinks it's very special to close your mouth when you chew.