question for stay at home moms

this is for stay at home moms -- i'm wondering how much help you have if any a week? hired help or family?

 

None. My family is 1 hour away.

 

No, never have.

Have always done it myself.

 

None. My family lives 12 hours away by plane, and DH's mom lives an hour away, and his Dad is just not hands on with the babies at all. I get help when DH arrives home from work in the evenings, and when he is here in the weekends.

 

how old are your twins? how do you manage? i had some help in hte begining.. now my twins are 3 months, i'd love to do it alone - (i have been trying it for the past 2 weeks) but it is hard. i'd love to do it all, but i never know what i should be doing! they are both asleep now and when they sleep i just need to relax.. when they are up, i'm not always fully there as i'm tired! how do you guys manage? i also don't get out with them much because it's hard taking them out alone -- we take them out on weekends when my husband is around. do you take them out? i feel like by the time i got them into the car -- hard enough, theyll need to eat, ect, hard o manage on the road alone. what kind of schedules do/did you have when they were three months?

 

I had my mom help for the first two weeks, but after that I was on my own. If I was able to afford hired help I probably would have done it for the first month or two.

 

My DH had some staggered time off over the first 6 weeks. My dad has stayed with me a couple of times when my DH has been out of town on business, too. My MIL came over to help out one time when the boys were a few weeks old. I have had a couple of friends pitch in when I get all-day migraines, or my DH comes home from work. When my dog had catastrophic prgan failure, and needed to be put to sleep, I called on a neighbor to come and sit with the kids. I think that is about it! As for day-to-day stuff, I just do what I have to do! It can be a challenge, sure, but what are my options? As the homemaker, I have to run errands, do grocery shopping, get DD to preschool, plus I like to get out and have fun with the kids, too! The 4 of us (me and the 3 kids) leave the house almost daily. I just try to go at the kids' pace (can't expect to be able to rush!), I nurse them when they are hungry, bring them home when they need a nap.

 

I've always done it alone. My mom stayed with me the first 5 days, and then when they were about a week and a half old, I went there and stayed for about 2 1/2 weeks, but I really didn't get any help when I was there, anyways, so I came home. I have family around, but no one really wants to help, and I'm not going to make them. My DH has been away at training for the military since June (before they were born) and comes home next week. I've always done it completely alone. You just do what you gotta do....you get used to it, and it gets easier as it goes, I think. I take them out everywhere I go with me...as I don't really have much of a choice.

 

Now I am by myself. I do most all of it. DH gets up for the 2 am feeding, and the 5 am to help me. Other than that, it is all me. The first month I had a both sides of the family in my house. While I appreciated the help, that had its own set of issues.

 

My parents keep the girls on Saturday nights for me - so I get a break from Saturday at 3 pm usually until Sunday morning.

 

Never had any help here either. I used to sleep when they were sleeping as that helped me not to feel utterly exhausted!! As for getting out and about i used to put them in the buggy and take them for a walk every day. Their routine was feeding every 4 hours stay awake for about an hour and play (as much as 3 month olds can play!!) and then they used to sleep for the rest of the time. Once you do it yourself for a week or so you get into the swing of things . DOnt worry you will be fine!! Big hugs to you x

 

QUOTE(someone @ Nov 13 2008, 04:44 PM) [snapback]1069360[/snapback]
how old are your twins? how do you manage? i had some help in hte begining.. now my twins are 3 months, i'd love to do it alone - (i have been trying it for the past 2 weeks) but it is hard. i'd love to do it all, but i never know what i should be doing! they are both asleep now and when they sleep i just need to relax.. when they are up, i'm not always fully there as i'm tired! how do you guys manage? i also don't get out with them much because it's hard taking them out alone -- we take them out on weekends when my husband is around. do you take them out? i feel like by the time i got them into the car -- hard enough, theyll need to eat, ect, hard o manage on the road alone. what kind of schedules do/did you have when they were three months?



My twins are nearly 6 months old. Its hard at times, and it can drive you crazy, but you do what you have to. There is absolutely nothing wrong with relaxing when they're asleep - thats why I'm on here right now! You prioritise, and just forget about the stuff that isn't necessary. As you have no doubt heard a thousand times before, it does get easier, just not easy. We have a routine we stick to for the most part. It hasn't changed much since they were 3 months, but the play activities are a little more varied. I feed them on boppies (when DH is at work), and have set "burp stops". I change them before they eat so we don't have to stop mid-feed unless someone poops.
Play time at that stage was really just sitting in their vibrating rocking chairs having stories read to them or looking at toys, using the baby gyms, and I would do tummy time with them on their boppies. We had 2 hours of awake time before they had a sleep (actually, that hasn't changed much). I still find that if the day is broken up into increments, its so much more do-able.

We didn't get out much because it really was a pain in the butt, but when we did, I made sure they were fed first and back in time for the next feed.

Cleaning doesn't become a priority anymore. We don't live in filth, but it becomes more of a weekend thing. I don't think there is an easy answer, you just develop your own little tricks along the way.

 

Not much help here either. My friends at Church brought me two meals and my mom came for two weeks at the beginning. The first month, I also hired a babysitter to come three times a week (6 hours total) to play with my older kids so I could nap. The second month, that went to 3 hours a week, then 2 hours a week for the third month. It helped a lot and might be something you could try.

If I were you, I'd start taking them places; you'll really start to enjoy life a bit more if you don't feel cooped up. I started taking mine (plus my 2,3 and 5 year old) to the library when they were two weeks old. If not storytime, then try grocery shopping or the mall or a park if you have any warm days. You'll feel better and it doesn't hurt to get a few comments on how cute your twins are!

 

Other than after school, and on my DH's days off, I have no outside help. I usually get some help from the kids when they get home from school, but sometimes older kids are more trouble than the twins! I am and will remain primary care giver for my little monkeys!

 

none, family is 6-16 hours away

 

No help here either well Dh is home in the evenings and weekends and my oldest DS is a help with going and getting things for me when school is over.

 

In the beginning my DH took three weeks off and my mom came over several days a week for about a month after he went back to work. Now, she comes over one day a week for about 4 hours so I can get out and run errands, go to appointments etc. My DH is very helpful when he gets home from work and on the weekends. He even gets up every night when the babies wake and shares the night feedings.

 

No help during the day either, but help makes things worse for us because we have a dog that jumps on people but has separation anxiety, so when there are people over he's either jumping on them or barking in another room - and that's just more stressful than taking care of the babies alone. I go out with them once a week or so, used to be more but with the cold and the convertible seats it's really much more of a pain, so I'm lazy... Most days are fine but some days are hard. I set up a totally baby proof area though so I can get things done and relax when I'm awake, they're fine playing on their own for a while, so it really helps. If I had to stay with them all the time I'd go crazy, there's just nothing except the tv in the living room.

 

Nada. Just me and DH!! I'm soo used to it, I don't think twice about it I kinda figure, and have, that it's my life.. might as well get used to it. I wouldn't have help forever anyway

 

I had a friend that came over every day during the week for the first 6 months. But since then, I am on my own. It's challenging still somedays, but somehow the work gets done and everyone is pretty happy.

 

i have a babysitter who comes 4 hours/week. i don't leave the house when she is here, though i trust her completely. also, i have my mom, mil, two sils, my brother and a bil who will help out if/when i ask. generally once or twice week one of them will help me out.

i could use a little more time w/a babysitter but it's really hard for me to leave them w/anyone that i don't know. even if it's just to go in another room!

best of luck!

 

nope no help here. Just me and DH. My mom is 5 hrs away and my MIL is 3 hrs. Both have come for visits are different times so when one is here I maybe have a few hours to do stuff but I also want to spend time with them.
I take the kids anywhere I have to go. We all went to vote last week. I am that mom in the grocery store with her kids in one buggy and pulling another one. My DD calls it the train.
Also since mine are 4 mths we do the same as others have posted. Sleep, play, eat when we are home. Some days when I am tired I put everyone down for a nap and I lay down also. In the beginning I did it more often. I just figure the dishes and laundry can wait. I do alot more of my cleaning once DH gets home. But he has always been a big help with feedings and stuff.
Good Luck.

 

I have a college girl who works 20+ hours a week. She is a driver so sometimes she shuttles the kids after school and I stay home with the little ones and play and prepare dinner or vice versa. When the triplets were babies, I got as much help as I could. Anytime from anyone (w/in reason of course).

 

We have a lady who comes two mornings a week to clean and watch the babies and I GET OUT during those times by myself. Otherwise I'm on my own.

 

I am very lucky, my wonderful mom has been there since day one and is still there helping today and they are 3yrs. My older ds has also been a lot of help. My dh works a lot and is not around a lot.
I have taken care of them by myself when my mom and ds were out of town on weekends or for week at a time here and there. (Reason out town my ds sport events, he was on jr olympic team and travel to a lot of tournament) I don't know how you ladies do it alone all the time.

 

No help. Lucky if most night's if my husband is home before they are in bed, and if he is, he gets about an hour with them. I have had some offer help, my inlaws all live around here, but I am very bad at accepting help. I tend to get offended when people offer it. But I am strange LOL

Dianna

 

I had my mom here for 2 months then no help after that, with my dh going away often. This website helped me alot to encourage me to "just get out of the house" which encouraged me to TRY to get to the mall even for a couple of hours. Yes it is alot of work, but you really need to see something other than your house.

I often would pack the car the night before and always re-pack your diaper bag as soon as you arrive home.

Having any extra items in your car will give you confidence that even if you need more diapers, formula, etc. it is only a trip back to the car.

Seriously look for a multiples group in your area, or even a singleton mother's group. It helps to get to know other moms with babies the same age. It is nice to have someone visit you for a coffee and watch the kids play together.

Call up friends to go out with you to the mall. Each trip out you get better and better at it I promise.

Look for online shopping for diapers, etc. to make things easier. Housekeeper if you can afford it.

For any early doctor appts. The night before -- you can put the babies in clothes that they can wear out or just leave them in their sleepers. I haven't had to do this one, but it was a great suggestion from someone on here.

Bathes every other day

A great sleep schedule (I read Happy sleep habits happy child) and eating schedule helps.

different toys for "outings" keeps them entertained -for the older baby.

Hope one of these ideas works for you. It really can be done but any help will make it more tolerable.

Heather

 

I know a lot of people do this on their own, but it really depends on the temperaments of your babies and your own mental health. If you need help, do whatever you need to do to find it if you can. There's no glory in doing it on your own if in the end your babies get a mom who is completely spent and not healthy. I've been doing it mostly on my own and have finally determined that I really do need help, so we're doing what we can to get it. But do hang in there, it absolutely will get easier. Good luck and God bless!

 

I don't have help as a general rule. In the first month my in-laws came out every few days to help but we were mostly on our own and then my dh went back to work the next week so it was really tough. My mom lives in another state and my dad has been dealing with my step-mom who has been sick so he hasn't been able to help too much. My in-laws live about an hour away so they come out as much as they can, but not often enough-in the beginning. It does get easier. The key is to ask, people are more willing to help than you think. If you don't ask they may not know you need help. I didn't ask enough and I should have. Hang in there.

Jen

 

I had none.... actually I had more with my first sigleton than the twins... but I liked it that way because i had a system and it worked just fine.... we have tons of family but they all work too...my kids go where I go which is funny because I know people who have a singleton and cant even make dinner with them or go to the doctor much less the grocery store.. makes me laugh...

 

Just myself when Dh is at work.

 

I am extremely lucky and have a housemaid. But everyone has them here and some people have two! I have had one since they were 10 weeks old. She mainly does the housey stuff and I do the babes but of course she helps with feeding and naps and will watch them so I can go out - which I have begun to do a bit more of. I realise how lucky I am. We were in Canada for 3 months over the summer and met another mum of twins. So we were talking and she asked if I had any help and I told her yes, etc, very lucky - almost feeling guilty about the help I get - and then she said 'oh I know - I couldn't do without my 2 nannies!' She had one nanny for each babe! Then the woman over the road has a 3 year old and has just had a new born and she has a night nanny! So really do what you have to do and get help if you need/want it. It is doable to do it by yourself as many fantastic mums on here do.

 

I've never had any help. My family is on the east coast and Dh's is in Colorado. I have 4 kids total so you just get used to it. It is doable.

 

If I wasn't in school, I would have less help, but my stepdad watches them for two days for us while I do school and my clinical work. My SIL comes over for a few hours on Saturday so usually DH and I get some errands done.

 

I had help for the first week. After that, I was on my own. Sometimes family comes over for the weekend or a day during the weekend, but it's all the same to me cause DH is usually here also on the weekends. In the begining though the MOST help for me was when someone would wake up with the girls at night.

Closest family/friends are 45 mins away. Other than that it's about 3.5 hrs away.. [sigh] kinda sucks though. This site gives me sanity and piece of mind. Thank God!!!