Question for 'extended nursers'

I am debating weaning at 12 months. That had been my original plan ( I weaned ds at 12.5 months) but suddenly I am dreading it coming. This is strange since I have had dread about bfing but that is another topic! Anyway, knowing these are my last babies and that they love nursing, I am not sure I am ready to stop or will be then.
I am certain that I won't have much support on this. How did you approach this. I have noticed in some posts that people have said that certain family members dont' know that you are nursing, etc.. How does that work? How do they not know? Is anyone nursing without the support of your dh?

 

There are a lot of benefits to both you and the twins in continueing to nurse. Good luck with your decision. It is a lot easier too!

eta: Here is what Kellymom.com says! I've heard that if you breastfeed a minimum of 5 years, it reduces your chances of cancer (I forgot what kind). With twins, one year = 2 years.

 

Nursing is between you and your babies, never mind what anyone else thinks. So many benefits for the three of you as well where there are really no tangible benefits to quitting. I never made an issue of whether or not I was nursing, like it never really came up in conversation and if it did I was honest but I didn't boast about it nor did I hide out when nursing... Good luck with whatever you decide!

ETA I told my dh that I would stop at 18 month and when I was 18 weeks pregnant (only due to pregnancy!) but he was shocked I still nursed them because I hadn't mentioned it and he assumed I had stopped.

 

My original goal with bfing was 6 months, anything after that was gravy. Then it got so easy after 6 months that there was no reason to quit then. Around 15 months I weaned down to twice a day because I did not want to pump at work. Then shortly after that I weaned down to once a day in the morning so I could quit pumping when I got home from work (I work 2-3 days a week and am not home till 10pm on those days, but was still bfing at bedtime on my days off).
Once I was down to twice a day no one knew I was still bfing because no one is really ever present at those times (wakeup and bedtime). The only reason anyone besides dh knows is because my mom and SIL watch the babies sometimes when I work and they get here right when the babies wakeup and I then nurse them.

No one in my family would ever say anything negative to me about bfing period, they know better than that, lol!!! They know how BIG of an advocate I am, etc. So if any of them thought much about the extended nursing (and I know of atleast 2 people who I am pretty sure were disgusted by it) they never really showed it to me. I have had people make comments like "oh my god, I just someone nursing a grown toddler!!!" I just roll my eyes and walk away.

As for dh He vasilates. He can be VERY, VERY, VERY against continued bfing on certain days and we do fight about it then. Honestly I often tell him in the end if it means that much to him I will quit, but then when something like that comes up with him he will have to do the same.....that usually makes him think and the next he is fine with it. He was pretty freaked out then they started asking to nurse and when they would grab the pillow and drag it to me. Really he is mainly jealous and admits that, he wants us to be on equal footing and with boobs that is hard :lol:
I am lucky we have a great relationship and in the end I tell him it means a lot to me and it really hurts my feelings that he can be so rude about it. That is why he concedes, since it means so much to me. And he knows it gets him pull in other arguments whatever, marrige is give and take, even with bfing.



So after that long, boring discussion, lol, my advice is to see how it goes. Know the facts that Jackie posted, be preapred to explain them. Its not all or nothing you can bf alot or a little after 12 months.

 

If you want to keep going, by all means do it! It is SO good for the babies, for many reasons. Jackie gave you a great link about that.

I am very lucky to have great support from my family. If I didn't, though, I would just try to question their assumptions and educate them. Some people have this knee-jerk reaction that nursing beyond 12 mo is icky, but can't/won't say why - start probing that. And share all the wonderful info on that Kellymom page.

You won't be able to hide nursing from your DH, probably, but with any other family members you could have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy.

And at the end of the day, it is YOUR decision. If you don't want to stop, don't let pressure from anyone else make you stop. Polite but firm - it's your decision, and that is non-negotiable.

WTG for so many months of nursing! :clapping:

 

I didn't consider weaning at 1 years old. Mine are now over 2 and they only weaning I've been doing is night-weaning (we co-sleep) The only heat I hear is from my MIL, who has no idea what she is talking about. She recently told me that they throw tantrums because they are still breastfed and think they are babies!! WHAT?? This is from the same woman who thinks I should introduce bottles NOW, she makes no sense.

Anyway, tangent, World Health Organization (WHO) recommends breastfeeding until at least 2 years old, so if you decide to continue you have a who organization backing you. The other things I've heard about is getting them on a schedule with breastfeeding, so they don't ask when you are out and about, they begin to understand nursing is only at home.

 

I nursed mine until 27 months. At around 18 months they were only nursing 3 times a day (their choice), and by 24 months only first thing in the morning and last thing at night. The morning one was the last to go. I think most of my family knew I was still bfing, but it was at times of day I wasn't out anywhere, so I'm sure casual acquaintances were unaware. I never had any problems and I never got any negative comments.

 

I'd be one of those with a non-supportive husband. He bought a gallon of whole milk on their first birthday (without asking) and I told him he'd be drinking it himself. Extended nursing was a topic of debate for months. I did my best to educate him but no matter how much he learned, he still had this idea burned into his brain somewhere that weaning begins no later than 6 months and should be complete by 12. I have no idea where it came from and his reasons are vague at best. Part of our issue was that he's not around very much and so when they began to strongly prefer me for anything related to comfort, he blamed nursing. So, I believe his issue is really HIS issue.

Part of my motivation for continuing was that I didn't want to deal with constipation from cow's milk. T&T would get constipated after sharing a yogurt and I couldn't imagine dealing with a full-blown switch when they reacted that severely. When that finally (and abruptly) stopped happening about a month ago, I quit worrying about them getting a few ounces of milk here and there. They're becoming less reliant on nursing gradually and I think that with the Summer busy months approaching, they may wean down to once a day. DH won't be happy until they're done and I'm sure DH will start his fight anew as they approach 3. Oh, and I don't think it's a coincidence at all that Trent quit sucking his thumb just before they started skipping the morning session. The need to suck is diminishing.

Most people were supportive until age 2 and now I only mention it around those I know still support me or people who ask directly. I just don't want to deal with more debate than I must.

 

I was down to nursing only a few times per day and they were times when nobody was around (naps, bedtime, night, early morning). We were living with my parents at the time (My husband was doing temporary work in our hometown) and my step-dad had no idea. One of my closest friends didn't even know. Dh was supportive so I did not have many issues with him. Although, he would ask from time to time how long I planned to continue. Ds was weaned at 23 months. Most people assumed he was weaned. I never lied, but nobody was asking after 13 months.

 

BTW: we ds called it nanee, so nobody knew what he was talking about. I read "How Weaning Happens" Great book!

 

QUOTE(clkafka @ Apr 6 2008, 04:21 PM) [snapback]707636[/snapback]
BTW: we ds called it nanee, so nobody knew what he was talking about. I read "How Weaning Happens" Great book!



STRONGLY recommend 'How Weaning Happens' also.. that book was amazing, comforting, uplifting, good for the soul.

 

We tend to operate under the "don't ask, don't tell" policy. I figure it's not anyone's business if I nurse my kid until he's in elementary school (which I don't really plan on doing, but then again who would know?). Big kids don't really nurse very often, especially in public where there is always other things going on. I nursed DS until his 3rd birthday, but I don't think I nursed in any kind of public place after about 15 months (his choice-he was just too busy). DH is marginally supportive, but honestly, I'm the one with them all day, and if nursing makes our day easier than that's what we're going to do.

 

QUOTE(andrew/kaitlyn/smom @ Apr 6 2008, 03:53 PM) [snapback]707928[/snapback]
We tend to operate under the "don't ask, don't tell" policy. I figure it's not anyone's business if I nurse my kid until he's in elementary school (which I don't really plan on doing, but then again who would know?). Big kids don't really nurse very often, especially in public where there is always other things going on. I nursed DS until his 3rd birthday, but I don't think I nursed in any kind of public place after about 15 months (his choice-he was just too busy). DH is marginally supportive, but honestly, I'm the one with them all day, and if nursing makes our day easier than that's what we're going to do.


Ditto that! I'm not sure they'd still be napping without that nursing session. It makes such a difference in calming them in the middle of their busy day.

 

Well, I'm only 3 months into nursing my twins, but I nursed my DS until he was 20 months old. I have to say, my DH wasn't terribly supportive after 12 months, and routinely made comments to me about him needing to stop nursing. I stopped pumping at work at 12 months, so after that, DS was only nursing first thing in the morning, after work, at bedtime and occasionally during the night if he woke up (which was no big deal since he slept with us). For the last month or so of nursing, he was only nursing at bedtime or occasionally during the night.

I had a miscarriage when he was 20 months old. I know there's literature that says it's perfectly safe to nurse while pg, but I always seemed to have an excess amount of oxytocin when I nursed - even 6 months after delivery, I could still feel uterine contractions when I nursed. I had preterm labor with my DS also, so I know my uterus likes to contract! I don't really think, now looking back, that my m/c was connected to nursing, but at the time, the thought crossed my mind a lot, and I didn't want to start to resent my DS for it. That, in combination with pressure from DH to stop, and I did so. We were on a trip out of town a week after my m/c, and since we were in a different place and out of our normal routine, it was pretty easy to wean him. Actually, I believe there were 2 occasions after that, back home, when I nursed him, without DH's knowledge, but other than those 2 times, we were done. DS would still talk about my bbs and ask about milk forever!! When I was pg with the twins, I was worried about how jealous he might become that the babies got to nurse and he didn't, so I started preparing him several months before their arrival, telling him the babies would drink mommy's milk. I still halfway expected him to ask to nurse once he saw the babies nursing, but he never has. In the beginning, he wouldn't leave my side and had TONS of questions and comments about them nursing and me pumping, but never once did he ask to nurse, and he hasn't shown any jealousy.

This time around, knowing I've had my tubes tied and won't be having any more babies, and having a TON more BFing education under my belt, I will NOT be allowing DH or anyone else to put pressure on me to wean before the girls and I are ready!! I definitely encourage you to keep going, as long as both you and the kiddos want to. Good luck!!