Question about preschool

Hello,

This is actually a question regarding my 2.5 year old daughter. My husband and I are in disagreement as to the benefits of sending her to preschool. He thinks she doesn't need it (he is a SAHD) and that she gets enough socialization from trips to the playground, playtime with cousins, and eventually playtime with twin brother and sister (currently 6 months old). I disagree and think that she really needs more structure and interaction with peers. I don't think that her twin siblings will be able to fill that gap soon enough (born premature by 2 months and developmentally delayed) and I think that now is a great time because she is smart, eager to interact and she is potty trained. My husband also worries that she will just pick up bad habits from some of the kids there and she will be bullied because she has a very gentle and soft temperment. I would love insight into this from both sides. (By the way we have about 6 months worth of help from MIL coming in December so financially we don't need to get kids into daycare yet, DH wants to wait until we MUST put them all in daycare) I also suggested maybe music, dance or swim classes instead (1x per week). Is this enough to get her into a academic type of environment? Am I trying to hard to get her into a social environment? Does she need this at such an early age? I appreciate all perspectives. Thanks!

 

I would think a dance or music class once a week will be plenty for right now. I would wait until the fall to start preschool, then she will have 2 years of preschool before going to K. Preschool is about more than just socializing, it is about learning to listen to an adult athority, taking turns, making new freinds, and working in a structered environment.

So, I would say you are both right

 

Our older DD was 2 1/4 when the twins arrived and I would take her to a music class (lots of movement and instruments) at the community centre but we all went. As soon as she was old enough I put her in the preschool there for 2 mornings a week. It gave me a bit of a break but it also gave her a special place and time that had nothing to do with the twins. She is a social outgoing kid and really enjoyed the time. It was a play based program and allowed her to do a lot of things (painting, crafts etc) that I just wasn't ready to get into dealing with the demand of the twins. She's now 3 1/2 and at her 'real preschool' and still excited to go each time. For her it was a great idea.

 

I started my girls in full time preschool at 2-1/2 (out of necessity, since I'm a single full-time working mom), and it's been amazing for both of them. One has always been advanced, and the other is extremely delayed, and they both have grown leaps and bounds - plus they absolutely LOVE it. I adored our nanny, and she was great about constantly teaching them, but there's something about the structure that has really caused my girls to bloom. I was extremely fearful about my little Kerry, who looks much younger, walks with an odd gait, doesn't speak at her age, etc., etc., but it's been great because she's feeling like a big girl and has her own friends. I will say that it was torture the first three weeks because they wailed and wailed every time I left them, but I'm glad I stuck it through. I'm not thrilled that they have to be there all day every day, but that's our circumstance. If you can send yours for a certain amount of time each week, I don't see a down side - and there's potential for an amazing experience for your daughter.

Best,
Mia

 

My girls go to preschool twice a week, for two hours a day. Some people act as if I have shipped them off to boarding school. Really, it's just another activity and a little break for me. They love going and have started asking to go on days we don't. I think it has been really good for them, one big thing they picked up from preschool is cleaning up. I can't think of anything negative except that they serve juice and I don't give that to them, and then they kept asking for it.
We also do Gymboree once a week and they have a lot of fun with that.

 

I sent mine last year at a little over 2.5. I was going to wait until this year and was just calling around to find out about waiting lists and when to register, etc. As you can tell I'm a planner. The one center I called had a program called "On my own" and she totally sold me on it. She said the teachers were very nurtering and it was all about socialization and not overly structured. It was a good program to get them ready for real pre-school where they will be required to follow more structured activities.

I'm really glad she did. She was absolutely right about everything. Thier teachers were great and helped them get over the separation anxiety of school. They got to interact with other kids. You DH is right that not all of the interaction is positive. However, exposure to bad behavior does not mean they will pick it up. It was just another teaching opportunity for us to talk about right and wrong and why certain things are wrong and how it makes other kids feel. My boys are not violent at all and there was a biter in their class. And yes right after they started they did pick it up for a short time but I was very adamant about no biting and took away their loveys and they got over that bad habit quickly. I haven't really noticed any negative behaviors from school.

Anyway my boys went from not even able to get on an amusement park ride by themselves for fear of being away from me to full participation in the graduation ceremony in front of all the parents. I was so very proud.

This year they are having a great school year and didn't even shed a tear at being dropped off. For me it was totally worth it. I had a sister who suffered from extreme separation anxiety to the point of throwing up every day her 1st grade year. I saw that my boys seemed to need a little more confidence in that area and I was going to do what I could to help them with it.

If you believe there is something in preschool that would benefit your child I say you should do it. I went with my instinct and believe I made the right decision. I can't really think of any cons. The only one may be that possibly it wasn't school that boosted their confidence and maybe they would have made the same improvement without school and I paid for it for nothing. However, the boys have had only positive experiences there and it can't hurt to start them out with a positive school experience.

Find a school you love and that you think she will too. The one we go to offers Gymnastics one day, Kindermusic the next day, and swimming the 3rd day. It was nice for me I didn't have to fill up the evenings with that stuff and they were getting it at preschool.

 

Here's my 2 cents. If your DH is the one home with your children every day, and he's enjoying each day with his children and isn't interested in sending your DD to preschool, I wouldn't. She's going to be going to school soon enough and at that point it won't be a choice. Whether preschool truly helps these little ones be prepared for Kindergarten is anyone's guess. Some may say it definately does, others disagree. I teach Kindergarten and have been teaching for over 13 years. I have students that have never been in preschool that are my best behaved, most intelligent students. I also have students that have been in preschool that are struggling socially and academically. It can go either way, and enrolling your child in preschool is not a guarantee that it will help him or her be more successful when they begin Kidnergarten. What makes the biggest difference to each of these children is the quality time they have with their FAMILIES! Not at daycares or preschools. If your DH is spending quality time with your daughter, and doing fun activities that expose her to life outside of your home, your DD is going to be just fine. You can never get these years back and if he wants to keep her with him for just a little longer I say kudos to him!

 

We've had this conversation at our house, as well. Let me say ours are NOT in a preschool program yet, so take it with that slant. You know your child better than anybody, and good points have been made by PPs.

I've noticed an amazing change in my boys' maturity level this year, and they began going to the Y with me 5 days a week. While it's not exactly preK, it does provide the main things I was looking for: following another adult's lead, lining up, etc. They have done well with it so far, but there have been a lot of outside influences - I'm really happy with the fact that we sort of had them 'programmed' They frequently ask why kids do certain things that we don't allow; luckily there hasn't been too much limit-testing, and they often say the way we do it is better (fingers crossed this continues)

One thing that I haven't read yet concerns the germ issue - many of the people I know who started their kids in preschool have had a LOT of sickness. IDK where you are on the germ-o-phobe continuum, but it may be worth a thought, especially with teeny preemies in the house :unknw:

GL with whatever decision you make - I'm sure she'll do great with such loving parents behind her!

 

My oldest started at little over 2 yo, 2 full days a week, which worked out well b/c of the twins. Last September she started 3 days (8 to 3) at a different school. I am happy with our decision. I am SAHM, and I believe, even though I did lots of things with her, classes, playgroups, etc. she needs to learn how to interact with others, socialize with others, etc and needs to be around other adults except her mommy. Everything she learns is an advantage, not a must (and it's no guarantee for anything), but in combination with having the twins, I am really happy I made the decision and that she's actually in school now. It also gives me more time to do things with the twins, and they deserve that as well. My oldest has been with me for 2 1/2 years, by herself. I think it's fair to give the twins an opportunity as well. She has done amazingly well, her language exploded, she's pretty independent, and likes to go to school. She's never sick in the first place (knock on wood) and she has never missed a day of school b/c of sickness either.

 

My daughter is 2.5 and started preschool in September. For me, it was the best choice. She had been an in home day care and I felt she needed more structure, regular naps, social interacion, etc. so she does go 2 days a week. It was tough at first, she cried quite a bit when I'd leave her and I even doubted whether she was emotionally ready for it. Now, she loves it. She talks incessantly about the other kids and all the fun things they do.

The one big con that I can think of is that she has already been sick twice since starting. This was a child who NEVER got sick for the first 2 years of her life. It makes it really hard because then the twins get it and I get it and DH gets it, it's a vicious cycle. But, I figure she and the twins will have iron clad immune systems by the time they start real school.

 

I'm with your DH on this one. It sounds like they get out of the house enough and he likes spending time with her. The person she really needs to learn from at this age is a parent, not a peer. Honestly, there isn't much another 2 year old can teach her that her Dad couldn't. If you want to sign them up for some music or gym classes or one morning a week at preschool, that may be a fun activity but I definitely wouldn't send her everyday or even every 3 days.

Just based on past threads and these responses it seems like most parents send their 2 year olds to preschool because (1) they work so they need daycare (2) they like the break or (3) they think they have to or their child will be behind. #3 isn't true and numbers 1 & 2 don't apply to your DH so I'd go with the status quo.

 

I am looking into starting them in Montessori daycare at age 2, and they get transitioned to preschool around age 2.5 (whenever potty trained). It's all Montessori and the same location though.

Grace goes to an EI playgroup at school two times a week, and we can take Lily too. If Grace continues on next year, they move her to the group of 2.5-3 year olds, and they meet three mornings a week for 2.5 hours (without mommy or Lily there). So that complicates things a bit, because ideally Lily would attend the same preschool class as Grace.

I'm just researching right now. I think it is important for my girls to get some socialization. They've been with a nanny since birth and I work from home. We do take them to various classes, but that's normally just once a week for 45 minutes and I think by age two they will be ready for more than that.

 

Thank you so much everyone! These comments are so valuable to me right now. Everyone is making such awesome points and I will further discuss the issue with my husband. I believe that we both have our daughter's best interest in mi nd and although right now we haven't yet made a difinitive decision, we will soon, and it will be a good one based on all of the information everyone has given. Thanks again!

 

I think it'd depend greatly on what kind of opportunities you have. We're lucky enough to have a public program that offered a "Pre-preschool for little ones" type class - with a fantastic teacher with a lot of experience and a loving heart. We initially worried about our boys picking up bad habits from other kids, but their teacher is so good about defusing those behaviors that they really haven't manifested. The little ones class (for the 2 1/2 year olds) is really just sort of a organized playtime - really just got their feet wet to the whole notion of going to school. It wasn't until our boys got into the regular preschool (at 3) that we started to see more structured activities and learning going on in class.

But if you don't have those kinds of opportunities, I'd say (like the others above) that at least some music classes or something where you or DH can participate as well can help. It's not just about socialization with other kids, it's about them learning to function normally without mommy or daddy always there.

 

You didn't really mention much about structured learning. IF you find a good daycare (or in our case, more like a day school), it offers the chance to get your child into a structured learning environment. Yes, she'll exhibit an undesired behavior that she probably picked up at school, but is the same thing not possible from other kids on the playground, cousins, siblings? My girls have been going to this day school since they were 1 (last June). It's been the BEST choice we've made for them. They progressed so fast and have gotten to the point were they'll be at home and make a statement or point out something that blows our minds because it's not something we taught them, but rather something that they learned in school. As of a few months ago, the girls could sing the alphabet song from beginning to end with no problems and are now coutning to 15. It's not clear as a bell mind you, but they know that life doesn't stop at 10 and you can hear them saying the -teen suffix. Although a little out of order once past 10, they end with 15. I can't believe it. Doesn't sound like much, but you realize just how much of a little person they are now and not JUST a toddler, and certainly not a baby any more. They are bonafied little people. The place the girls go to is a christian academy run by one of the big churches in the area although we don't attend the church. I think it's about so much more than soicalization at this point and would be a great idea to get her involved in a program. Maybe you can find one that offers 1/2 days? Good luck in your decision.


I wanted to add....some folks NEED to work so as to provide comfortable lifestyles for their families. I have been working 2 full time jobs the past 2 months (which ends finally in December) but prior to that, when I was working the one job and would have a day off during the week, I still didn't let them stay home. The routine is something that they are use to and enjoy. They love this place. No, they don't tell me that, and I'm sure they would prefer that mommy didn't wake them up at 6:15am to get up and get ready but they are super happy and appear to be well adjusted kids. As for getting sick, I've not had ANY of these problems. Do they get the same social sniffles that the rest of us get by being around other human beings, yes. The last time either one stayed at home with a fever was last fall. I will also add that they were originally 30 weekers, one on respirator when born, etc. You'd never guess now. I think that part of what's helped them become who they are is the school that we enrolled them in last year. SO, like I said, IF you find a good one, you won't regret it.