Punishment for one and not the other?

We have been having behavioral issues with Cam at preschool. We have rewarded him for good behavior, but can't seem to come up with a punishment/consequence for bad behavior without it affecting Slaton as well. For example: if we take away TV time at night, that punishes Slaton, too. We aren't sure what to do at this point. Any suggestions on consequences for one and not the other?

TIA!

 

My preschool punishment was being in their room. This way the other child was only effected in terms of their bedroom (they share) which at that age they really only used for sleeping anyway. I will never forget the night we were coloring Easter eggs and my one child had to be in their room and miss the whole thing. Broke my heart but I had to stick to it.

I did take away a favorite TV show one time while the other child was still allowed to watch. The punished child just had to be in a different room (until I discovered that they could see the TV in the glass of the window and that ended that.

 

We spank, so I guess thats no help to you.

 

QUOTE(ehm @ Mar 9 2009, 02:16 PM) [snapback]1220616[/snapback]
My preschool punishment was being in their room. This way the other child was only effected in terms of their bedroom (they share) which at that age they really only used for sleeping anyway. I will never forget the night we were coloring Easter eggs and my one child had to be in their room and miss the whole thing. Broke my heart but I had to stick to it.


Thanks for the replies! With the spanking...unfortunately it doesn't work for Cam. It just makes him madder...and therefore the behavior issues keep escalating.

EHM...how long did they stay in their room? Until bedtime? Do they go to their room when they come home from school and just come out for dinner and baths? Sorry for all the questions...I'm just trying to get an idea of how this will work before I start implementing it. They don't have toys in their room (other than some stored under the beds) but they do have tons of books and they read in there a lot.

 

I agree, the punished one should be isolated away from the family. As for how long, to me, that would depend on what is going on. Many times, it was just around 20 min, because that was what it took, for Jonathan to calm down, and be able to talk about what is going on.

 

I am sad to say that it got soo bad that it was from the moment I got home until bedtime with yes, just the exceptions of meals and bathroom. Thankfully I only had to do it for a couple of nights because it really sank in. I know some people will say that was too much for the age and too long after the offense to matter but for us this was not true for us. For us, it did the trick very effectively. There was also immediate discipline from the teacher's at school but that was not enough and the less strict home discipline things did not work, nothing did until a couple of entire nights in the bedroom. It was very very hard for me and I will admit I spent much of the time crying myself but what was happening was serious and I had to 'fix' it.

 

Gosh...I can't tell you the nights (and days!) I've spent crying over this. I am literally at my wits end and don't know what to do anymore. We had to switch preschools (our choice, not theirs...the director kept giving him special toys to help calm him down, thus reinforcing his behavior), both my husband and I have had to leave work because of these meltdowns...it's been a complete nightmare. I am just at a loss, so I'm desperate to try anything.

Thank you again, ehm.

 

:hug: I remember it like it was yesterday, it was exactly 3 years ago. The thing for me was that what my child was doing had the potential for injuring classmates. The issue was always during their outside recess and I would sit and watch the clock during that time thinking come on you can do it, you can do it. The teacher sent a note home everyday so I could take the appropriate action when school was over and gosh I used to sweat when I went to look at that note!

I hope you can find something that puts you (him) over the hump and until then take each day at a time and grasp for the tiniest positives you can find!

 

While you do have to punish the behavior and isolation from the family is probably the best step, you also have to find out why he's acting this way. Is there an underlying cause that is being missed somewhere? I know kids can get in trouble for the sake of being in trouble, but sometimes, there is a contributing factor that you may need to teach him to deal with in addition to the punishment.
We just went through an awful period with Nat at school. She just kept losing it through out the day there. She wasn't as bad at home but had her moments on occasion. We realized that she was not being out and out defiant there. She was asking for help and no one understood her. Her frustration led to anger that led to outbursts. Once I was able to isolate the problem, I was able to treat the problem and her outbursts have become less and less frequent. She still has times when she loses it, but it's not a regular occurance.