Provocative/defiant behaviour

One of our boys has begun doing things just to annoy the other! If R is concentrating on something or playing with something and minding his own business, J comes up and will do something just to bug his brother. He'll take a piece of his puzzle and throw it into the other room or at his brother. R gets really upset--he doesn't do anything defensively, but just starts crying. We tell J how much it hurts R's feelings and to please leave him be, but this defiant behaviour is getting really difficult to deal with.

And if we do manage to catch J in the act and agressively pull the piece out of his hand before he pitches it away he then starts crying uncontrollably. I think he feels as though he has been wronged!

How do you deal with this? How do we get him back on track? We'd love to hear your ideas. Thanks! /Joel

 

How is J's speech? For us, we had a lot of acting out behaviors from Jonathan, and discovered that he has an expressive speech delay, and because he couldn't communicate, he would do thing like you describe.

Another thing is to get him a parallel activity, or invite him to join R's activity.

 

Age 3! Welcome to the fun age.

 

Ha! I like the age 3 comment!

Actually J's speech is REALLY good. He is very expressive with words and easy to understand. Perhaps we need to try to get him to tell us what he wants/needs? It is difficult in those moments when he is so misbehaving though.

 

Try giving him an A or B choice--both of which would be acceptable, like to you want to help your brother with his puzzle, or do you want to do your own? Sometimes young preschoolers have difficulty making decisions and giving them 2 choices really helps them figure out what they want.

I hope this helps-- I do agree, 3 is a VERY frustrating age. I think preschool did really help with behaviors though.

 

QUOTE(CapeBretoner_123 @ Apr 27 2008, 12:53 PM) [snapback]741643[/snapback]
Age 3! Welcome to the fun age.



here what we do.
Make the offender give it back. then have her say, "R, may I please have a turn?" then R says, "yes" and gives it, or says "yes, when i'm done". then A has to wait and play with something else. I call it "playing with the waiting toy." we have to practice this alot.

we also give time out for similar behavior. I say, "no you cannot take what your sister is playing with, unless you ask first. if she says 'no, not right now please wait', then you have to wait. if you start hitting or biting to get what you want, then you get a time out." when the other one cries, I say, {no you can't cry. did you ask, "please may I have X back? or did you say please don't take" } usually she hasn't said 'Please Dont' and so she has to go back to her sister and say that and if there is still a problem of possession then I wil intervene. Sometimes they just can't play well together with a toy and the toy goes in time out. other times, I put a timer to use, and R plays with it for 2 min and A waits her turn. The A plays for 2 min and R waits. But everytime there is a "stealing", the same language is used. "please don't take" and Please may i have a turn. during the teaching time, I use stuffed animals or dolls to role play the wrong and right responses. We talk about virtues like sharing and kindness etc.

if they're fighting over identical toys (say 2 princess carriages of mega blocks). then I put them on thier own blankets on the floor and put each girl's toy and its pieces on her blanket and then lay out the ground rules. These belong to R. These belong to A. don't take unless you ask first. then we practice what we are "supposed to say".

 

QUOTE(p31heather @ Apr 27 2008, 08:28 PM) [snapback]742100[/snapback]
here what we do.
Make the offender give it back. then have her say, "R, may I please have a turn?" then R says, "yes" and gives it, or says "yes, when i'm done". then A has to wait and play with something else. I call it "playing with the waiting toy." we have to practice this alot.

we also give time out for similar behavior. I say, "no you cannot take what your sister is playing with, unless you ask first. if she says 'no, not right now please wait', then you have to wait. if you start hitting or biting to get what you want, then you get a time out." when the other one cries, I say, {no you can't cry. did you ask, "please may I have X back? or did you say please don't take" } usually she hasn't said 'Please Dont' and so she has to go back to her sister and say that and if there is still a problem of possession then I wil intervene. Sometimes they just can't play well together with a toy and the toy goes in time out. other times, I put a timer to use, and R plays with it for 2 min and A waits her turn. The A plays for 2 min and R waits. But everytime there is a "stealing", the same language is used. "please don't take" and Please may i have a turn. during the teaching time, I use stuffed animals or dolls to role play the wrong and right responses. We talk about virtues like sharing and kindness etc.

if they're fighting over identical toys (say 2 princess carriages of mega blocks). then I put them on thier own blankets on the floor and put each girl's toy and its pieces on her blanket and then lay out the ground rules. These belong to R. These belong to A. don't take unless you ask first. then we practice what we are "supposed to say".


Ditto as to how we deal with this as well. There is a lot of roll-playing and reminding to use words at 3.