Protective

My b/g twins are 10 weeks old and we still have a constant flow of people coming to meet them. I am very appreciative that people are happy for us and excited to see the twins - if no one came over to see them then that would be a whole other post

My problem is that I get so protective. I watch people like a hawk and am so tense when someone is holding my babies, especially my daughter. It's to the point where I don't want anymore visitors, but how can I say no to family or friends that are genuinely happy and mean well. I feel very anxious when people touch my babies and I am in shock at how many have kissed them!! They mean well, but WTF!! Another pet peeve, is when someone picks up one of the babies if they are fussing without asking me and this happens all the time!! A friend of mother's came over and I got up to answer the phone and she was changing my daughter's diaper - I almost had a heart attack!! Normally, I keep quiet and don't say anything, but should I speak up? How do I handle this situation? Would this bother you?

TIA,
Brooklyne

 

I'm just like you I'm very protective and watch most people like a hawk while they are holding them. I'm also bad about speaking up, but I need to get better. I think it is natural to feel that way

 

QUOTE(Brooklyne @ Aug 11 2008, 08:17 PM) [snapback]925251[/snapback]
My b/g twins are 10 weeks old and we still have a constant flow of people coming to meet them. I am very appreciative that people are happy for us and excited to see the twins - if no one came over to see them then that would be a whole other post

My problem is that I get so protective. I watch people like a hawk and am so tense when someone is holding my babies, especially my daughter. It's to the point where I don't want anymore visitors, but how can I say no to family or friends that are genuinely happy and mean well. I feel very anxious when people touch my babies and I am in shock at how many have kissed them!! They mean well, but WTF!! Another pet peeve, is when someone picks up one of the babies if they are fussing without asking me and this happens all the time!! A friend of mother's came over and I got up to answer the phone and she was changing my daughter's diaper - I almost had a heart attack!! Normally, I keep quiet and don't say anything, but should I speak up? How do I handle this situation? Would this bother you?

TIA,
Brooklyne


Ah, it's that protective Momma instinct coming in. If you see stuff going on that you cannot absolutely tolerate, then definitely say something. You are their Momma and people should respect what you would like for your children. I don't know if the diaper change would bother me -Heck, I'm lazy if someone else is willing to change a diaper, then I'm all for it!

 

Yup that bothers me too. I'm still telling people to wash their hands before touching them. I would stand firm, and tell people that they are still very young and you have to be careful with germs and such.

Your not being mean, your are being a mom! A good mom!!

 

I wish I had some really good advice for you but I think I find myself in the same situation. I think sometimes it might be appropriate to ask people politely to back off. I know what you mean about somebody not asking first to pick them up! We have identical girls who were born at 29 weeks so for the first few months at home I had to tell people that just anybody could touch them. I've gotten much better about it now (they are 6 months now) so maybe it wears off. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being protective in my opinion. I don't feel that I have any obligation to let just anybody handle my girls or tend to them. We have also found that they draw a lot of attention in public and there are people out there who think that just because you have twins you have some kind of unwritten agreement with them that you should stop and let them see them. I actually had a woman in the mall stop me as I was walking past and say "well let me see them!" like I was supposed to just assume that every stranger I saw would want me to stop and introduce myself and the girls! I agree I would probably be upset if nobody came to see them or if nobody oohed and ahhed over them but sometimes I just want to be left alone!

 

I'm still this way. :blush: It does get better though. :hug99:

 

I was like that with ds1 but with him I realized how quickly the baby stage goes. Plus I get the babies all of the time and there are 2 of them so I am usually pretty happy to share my wealth. I will say I was more protective of them when they were itty bitty and just out of the NICU. Now there are some days a passing stranger who looks relatively friendly is eyed up as a potential babysitter.

Christy

 

QUOTE(itsnancycozzi @ Aug 11 2008, 07:21 PM) [snapback]925259[/snapback]
Ah, it's that protective Momma instinct coming in. If you see stuff going on that you cannot absolutely tolerate, then definitely say something. You are their Momma and people should respect what you would like for your children. I don't know if the diaper change would bother me -Heck, I'm lazy if someone else is willing to change a diaper, then I'm all for it!


LOL me too! I'm a pretty laid back mama - but I agree, if it bugs you, say something! You are the mom a/k/a "boss of the babies" - that's what I always say!

 

QUOTE(Flutterbymama @ Aug 11 2008, 08:34 PM) [snapback]925284[/snapback]
I was like that with ds1 but with him I realized how quickly the baby stage goes. Plus I get the babies all of the time and there are 2 of them so I am usually pretty happy to share my wealth. I will say I was more protective of them when they were itty bitty and just out of the NICU. Now there are some days a passing stranger who looks relatively friendly is eyed up as a potential babysitter.

Christy



:lol: Too funny!!!!

 

I was like that in the beginning as well, but as the babies got older I realized they weren't as fragile as I thought they were and they would be ok even if someone else held or comforted or did something different than I did with them. It's funny b/c I have done a complete 180 and am now super laid back, which no one ever thought would happen (I was very type A control freak before the babies). That said you are the boss and you have to do what is comfortable for you, just try to take itty bitty steps out of that comfort zone once in awhile, it really is empowering!

 

I guess I'm pretty laid back. I would expect anyone that came to see the babies to be holding them and kissing on them - how can you resist! That said, I did make everyone wash their hands and we don't live close enough to family to have random friends of the family stopping by. I was usually glad for the small break it gave me.

I do get aggravated though when someone is holding one and they get fussy that they don't seem to want to give them back. Right now they are still tricky to comfort and get to sleep and it's honestly just easier to do it ourselves if they aren't being cooperative. I don't mind letting someone have a shot at it though!

 

I was like that too since mine were NICU babes as well. But it will get easier for you once they get a bit older and you arent afraid of them catching every germ under the sun. If it REALLY bothers you speak up, but just realize that I think they all mean well and think that they are just helping you. :hug99:

 

I am a very laid back momma now, but when my girls first came home after being in the NICU for 10 weeks I was VERY protective and I definitely (politely) spoke up. The bigger they got, the less I stressed about it.

 

I was very nervous when mine came home. We told everyone to stay away. My advise to you is if you need a break is put a sign on your front door that mama and babies are resting or something like that. We made everyone wash hands and we had bottles of sanitizer in every room. I am still picky about who holds my babies. I do speak up especially if they or crying. Or you could just go grab the crying baby out of the persons arm if they dont just hand you the crying baby.

 

I think a twin mom is twice as mommy bear protective and I feel like we have to be since we have two. I think with premiees they can't afford to be sick and just lose a pound from being ill. I was lucky and didn't have a steady stream of visitors but my parents were here for the first two months. I often just said "just leave them see if they will cry a bit then sleep". There is a great website www.mytinyhands.com that has a sign I bought but they were a bit older then. it says "please wash your hands before toudhing mine". I also put a sign on our front door "please do not enter if you have been ill recently and please wash your hands". We found it worked best to ensure people CALLED first and NOT just drop by and we asked them on the phone the same questions.... "have you been sick the past 10 days". My dh would ask the same questions so people just got used to it.

You MUST get a double stroller mesh cover... http://www.greatbabyproducts.com/ProductDe...00&CartID=0 this is the one I have and they do have individual white mesh ones somewhere for car seats. This prevents people from just sticking their heads in. But beware people will STILL try to lift the mesh ... so always be ready for a "NO" The word "NO" is just quicker and followed by "I DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO TOUCH THEM".

Somehow people think because you have 2 that they can have 1 of them !! The "I won't disturb them" when you tell them they are trying to fall asleep.... that one kills me. You just have to repeat "no I don't want anyone to go in there" (yes they will see your BIG fat head looking in their crib !!))

I must say I lucked out in someways not having all the attention. Try to limit your visitors and say "well if you come at 5 until 7 -- but after 7 I like to head to bed for a nap". then "I hate to kick everyone out but..... " Limit visitors to only 2 or 3 days per week. You will know the ones who are there to help and those who just want to hold or feed the babies. You need someone to help you so YOU can hold them.

I must say it really does get easier the older they get. Mine are 8.5 months and the attention is really starting to dwindle. Get those mesh things... and remember YOU ARE THE MOTHER YOU SAY WHAT GOES. They have had their babies and now it is your turn.

Heather