problems with jealousy

Hello My twins are 3 going on 4 in Aug. My kids fight over everything. If one closes the door the other one has to. If one turns off the light the other one has too. This then turns to a screaming range fit if they dont get a turn. Its driving me crazy!!! Is anyone else having this problem and if so does it end? I also have a 2 year old also is she going to do the same??? Am I do somthing wrong?

Thank you for any help,
Megan

 

:wavey: Megan and welcome to Twinstuff!!

Yes, it's the same way here. :wacko: Actually, it is my son who has to do everything my dd does. She wants to sometimes but I can reason with her more, he wants what he wants when he wants it and if he doesn't do what she does it's caos. :crazy: Hopefully this phase ends soon.

 

We're right with you on this one. The only thing that helps, sometimes, is to get them to do it 'together' (and we say that word several times a day), eventually they start saying it themselves.

Oh and occasionally, if tempers are not running too high, I get them to try to think it through for themselves ('Sibling Rivalry' (a very good book) style) ie "Tal really wants to open the door and so does Maia. What can you guys do so you're both happy?" Sometimes they'll even come up with a solution like Tal opens the door and Maia closes it.

 

Welcome! Mine do this sometimes, too. If I'm not in a hurry I'll let them each do whatever it is. But, sometimes I have to say, "Bubby/Sissy got to do it this time. You get to do it next time." If it ends up in a tantrum, I consider that misbehavior and disciple comes in. While I strive to keep things fair, I think it is important to teach our kids that we can't always have our way and the proper way to deal with disappointment. Tantrums are not the proper way! This is a bigger problem for my DD than my DS. She tends to be very demanding and we're working to break her of that.

 

My kids do this all the time. I try to reason or suggest a different task to keep the jealousy at bay. I must say that my 2 year has picked up on what her sisters are doing and trying to get in on the action.

 

Mine do it and it drives me nuts. It makes Dh flip out sometimes!

I wish I knew a way to stop it w/o major tantrums but we are still working on it.

 

It's definitely an issue (way more with one of my DDs than the other). If I were a better mom, I'd do what Lisa suggests (get them to think of a solution) more often. That is a great idea, and I'm also often surprised at my DDs' ability to work these things out. But it takes direct supervision and encouragement, and they also have to get in the habit of thinking that way.

We also do a lot of taking turns. This drives me insane in a different way, since I have to remember whose turn it is to do each of the million tasks we do each day, but at least they don't usually fight about it as long as they can trust that they will get their turn.

I also agree that at some point, having a tantrum is considered misbehavior. Yes, we try to resolve the situation to everyone's satisfaction, but sometimes that just isn't possible. And at this age, I think they are old enough to learn to deal with disappointment in a socially appropriate fashion.