Preschool sick days - how strict are you

Last year, when they were 3 they went 2 mornings a week. If they were sick, recovering from something even though they were mostly fine, I was overly cautious and kept them home. To me, they were still babies, and there is no attendance policy. Kids don't have to be in school at that age. My husband (a teacher) would get irritated by it and thought I could have taken them on some days I chose to keep them home.

This year, since they're 4 and closer to kindergarten, I'm trying to be a little tougher. But I still can't help but want to keep them home when in doubt. It's so hard to tell some mornings because when they have a cold or something, they always wake up stuffy and coughing and miserable. Then an hour later they're better, and you feel guilty you didn't send them. I also really really hate waking them from a deep sleep when they have a cold. But I know kids go to school with colds all the time, and they'd be home all the time if I kept them home for every cold. I just figure I'll be more strict about it next year in kindergarten. I know my husband will be mad when he gets home and hears I didn't send them today. But I just couldn't do it. They were both in such a deep sleep and I didn't want to wake them. They both have colds, and my son had a fever on Saturday. He didn't sleep much Fri night, and I think he's finally trying to catch up. He woke up a crabby monster, but now he is himself and playing like nothing is wrong.

My other thing is, when one is sick I always call them both off. So it's like twice the sick time. But I drive them, and I don't want to wake the sick one up and drag them out. I have no one else to watch the sick kid, or take the well kid. It would be different if they took the bus or something, which they will next year so I won't have to do that anymore. Am I the only one who does this?

 

I have always only kept the sick kiddo home.


Sometimes they are both sick! But more often than not, one will get sick first and pass it along. It is often one kid sick then a few days later two kids sick and then back to one kid.

It was nice to let the 'sicker' twin rest and play quietly/sleep without interruption from a healthier sister. Some how one of my DD gets 'sicker' than the other and takes longer to recover, it is not fair for her sister to miss school waiting for her to feel better.

A few times, I took the recovering twin to school after letting her sleep in and seeing that she felt better. Then that DD only missed the first part and/or 1/2 the day.

Yes, I have carried one DD in jammies to pick up/drop off the other! We also had a neighbor stop by for the ten minutes it took to drop off the other twin.




Now mine take a bus so it is not a problem for getting to school-- I pick them up in the afternoon, but we have always managed it.

 

It's not really an option to take them for part of the day because they're only there for 2 hours. It would be much easier if I had someone nearby that could stop over, but all my neighbors work (I'm pretty much the only SAHM I know). Part of the problem for me with taking the sick one along for the drive is it's often after a bad night of sleep and I don't want to wake them - part of the reason I'm keeping them home in the first place. My kids sleep later though, so I usually have to wake them for school in the morning. It would be easier if they woke on their own and had time to snap out of it before having to get ready to go. Then it would be easier to judge. They missed 3 days so far since the end of August. If it was based on the individual kid, one would have missed 2 days and the other would have missed 1.

 

We only keep the sick one home too. They get a lot more rest if they are the only one home. And I only keep them home if they are miserable or running a fever. But not if they only have a cold.

I am keeping them "home" from their real (morning in the public school) kindergarten classes so they can go on a field trip with their Kindergarten Enrichment Group (afternoon 1/2 day K group.) Then I'm feeling guilty about keeping them home from their kindergarten classes again for a party at their Kindergarten Enrichment Group again. So I'm not sure that I'm going to let them do that. My husband sees no issue with them missing Public school. "They're only in Kindergarten." And he has a point, but they're already missing one day this month.

 

Another "problem" that I haven't wanted to deal with yet, is if my son stays home there's no way my daughter wants to go by herself. (I know this is a problem on various levels). My son would have no problem going alone. I should start preparing her that there will be times when she has to go by herself, because I know I won't be able to spring it on her last minute in the morning.

 

For a few days a week and a couple hours a day I dont really think its a big deal to keep them both home when one is sick...I know its hard to make the one that isnt feeling well get in the car and go to drop off and then pick up again two hours later. If you dont have someone that can drop off and or pick up for you then its quite a hassle. I get that.
It would be a lot bigger deal next year for kindergarten but not so much now, imo.

 

Ok, it is only preschool, it is optional. I realize it gives them a good academic foundation but keeping them home will not harm them and they probably love being at home with you. I keep them home whenever they are sick and if they aren't recovered, the next day. I also keep them home when Grandma visits, when mommy doesn't feel like going to work or if the moon is full. I keep both home because our drive to preschool is 20 mins each way.

 

It's preschool, not elementary school, where attendance counts. I'd totally keep them both home, if I felt like it. I have done it both ways. I have to drive my oldest DS to school anyway, so sometimes I'll get the healthy one ready for school and drop him off after I drop my oldest DS off - but more times than not, I just keep them both home.

Some kids don't even go to preschool, I'm totally not going to sweat them missing some days here and there. We also keep them home when grandparents come and visit and sometimes they go to the grandparents' houses and miss days then, too.

I wouldn't even think twice about keeping both home even if just one is sick.

 

I am very strict about them going to school, definitely would take the well one in (dragging the sick one along for drop off/pick up if needs be) and would be on the side of 'if they're feeling a bit grotty (like a cold) take them in anyway, they'll probably perk up later and the school can always phone if they get worse'. My Mum works as a truancy officer so I grew up with the attitude that you have to go to school unless your arm is falling off, and even then only if it's your writing arm.

Honestly though missing a couple of sessions of morning-only pre-school is not really a big deal. I'd say the real problem with it is more that you are setting them up with the expectation that they will get to stay home whenever their sibling's ill. That may be hard to break later when they are in 'proper' school and it does matter.

 

I have dropped the well one off at preschool and kept the sick one home. Usually what happens is that the sick child usually does need to see the pediatrician, so it is easier for me to take one rather then both.

 

When the girls were in Pre-School, we did have a couple of episodes where one or the other needed to stay home sick, and I would often send DH to drop off the non-sick kiddo and then I'd do pick up. It wasn't easy or fun when it had to happen but I was concerned that precedent setting was going to be a problem if I allowed them both to stay home, when only one was sick. My girls would have latched onto that in a heartbeat! And as it happened, we've already experienced it with Kindergarten as well. Searra was the first one to come down with a random fever (she was almost 104! - no way could I send her ). I thought I was going to have to bodily put Ellie on the bus, but she came around and got on the bus all smiles. Then she recovered and a week later Ellie came down with it, kept her home and Searra trucked off.

 

For preschool I wouldn't think twice about keeping them both home. I kept my preschooler home a couple times when my oldest child was sick as well.

I too would worry a bit about setting a precedent though, so I'd try to keep it to a minimum. But I usually send my kids to school unless they have a fever or are feeling truly awful. Sniffles and coughs...dope them with cough meds and off to school you go!

 

Depends on what they have. If it's a cold with coughing and running nose, I send them as long as they don't have a fever.

But I'm not sure how I would handle it. I'd also have to pack the sick kid in the class and go to the classroom to drop the other one, so it's just not very practical if one is very sick... so they'd probably both stay home, unless it's a 6 hour school day. In our case though, no school bus next year so it will be the same issue for kindergarten

 

I would try to get them to bed earlier and have an earlier wake time if possible, I know it is not always possible- but it may be a solution.

Or try to move to a PM preschool slot.

I would not worry about a day a month, but our area has a 10 day truancy for K-12. After 10 days of unexcused (Dr note) absences (and no a sick sibling does not count). After 10 parent called in sick days, they can require a Dr notice for every other day and/or contact the truancy office.

I was surprised when I was working how many kids got referred to the truancy office! Although, I only know of one child that went to court over it and she missed at LEAST one day a week of 4th grade.

Yes, I would do a trial run at some point this year (maybe later in the year). 2 hours is a lot easier to deal with than 6 hours!

If you split them in K, it is also a good idea to test the waters this year!


In K, you may want to ration your 'sick' days. Plus A LOT of kids get sick often in K when they are in a new building with new kids.

Yes, I would worry about setting a precedence. Preschool is not huge on attendance--- but it will be an issue if next year in K they want to stay home because they are tired, family is visiting, their sibling is sick, etc.

Plus-- -the next few weeks will set the tone for the year. You may find that they get ill often and you end up missing a lot of preschool for one kiddo or another just by the nature of preschool germ exposure.

I have had this happen too. It is MUCH easier to wrangle one sick kid than one sick and one very active kid!





Hope your little ones feel better soon!

 

After going through our first winter of daycare I became a lot stricter about having them go to daycare or pre-school with sniffles or runny noses if they do not have a fever or are clearly miserable and about the well twin going to preschool. Otherwise, they would have been at home as often as they were at daycare - that first winter was hard. Normally, because of this policy the sick one at home also needs to be seen by the pediatrician and I agree that this is much easier with just one.

Also, I cannot take the day off from work every time one of the children is sick. I am lucky to be allowed to work from my home office and that is also a lot easier with just a sick child who is sleeping a lot and content with cuddling next to me as I work or with quiet play and without the well sibling bouncing off the walls from lack of exercise.

The first times of sending just one to daycare or pre-school were a bit difficult but they got used to it quickly and it was good practice for them to be separated. Also, it gave us a rare opportunity for extended one-on-one time with one child.

EDITED to add: If the sick child was really too sick to leave the house unnecessarily (e.g. we had two cases of very critical pneumonia last winter), I kept them both at home if DH could not handle drop-off and pick-up for the well child. But that is rare.

 

I'm not too worried about setting a precedence for next year because I think they'll get that it's a new situation. The bus will be a new thing. I've already explained this year when it has happened, that next year we won't be able to do it this way and the well child will have to go to school on the bus. I know I won't have a problem with my son. He loves school, says he wants to go when my daughter is sick, and cried yesterday when he had to stay home because he was sick. My daughter, we'll have to work on. But I know she would do it if I made her. So it will probably be harder on me.

As for a new schedule, I try to get them in bed by 8:30 - probably aren't settled until closer to 9 (and this is much earlier than we've done in a long time - I just don't think I could get them down any sooner without it backfiring) and on non school days they are up by 8. I need to start getting them ready by 8:15. But just to make things tough on me, they sometimes sleep later on school days, and especially when they have colds. I would never switch out for a PM option because 1 it's not an option at our school (they go to our catholic school and there is only one class), and 2 I'd prefer they get used to the mornings since K is full day next year. They'll be at the same school/building next year, so it at least won't be a total change for them. I also don't plan to separate them next year. I may in the future, but there are already too many changes happening next year and I want to make the transition as easy as possible.

I think next year is going to be hard. Not just because of this, but because they're going from 3 mornings a week to 5 full days a week and on the bus - they've always been home with me, not in daycare or anything, so it will be a BIG adjustment. So I'm not as worried about the sick time now. I think it will work out when it gets here. I was more interested in how much do you push them at this age when they're not completely well, and how/if you actually get the sick kid out of the house with you if you have no one else to help. I even wonder how parents with older kids (not twins) do this when they have to drive their kids. I assumed the spouse is around to assist, but know that can't be true all the time.

 

I remember once when my girls were 3. I put the sick child in a stroller to walk the well one into to preschool.
I had a friend who used to have to deal with a baby while dropping and picking up her daughter from preschool. She would park and ask another parent to either stay next to her car or get her daughter for her. Make friends with the other parents in the class so you can use them in that way.

 

My girls only stay home if they have a fever or are puking(or that sort of thing) even in daycare/preschool. The other goes to school because your sister is sick is not an excuse. I know I worry about them passin it to the other but until that happens no reason to keep them home but mine have need asked to stay home when feelin bad either. Last yer for k jazz had a perfect attendance record and Jess was absent twice (out of 10 days allowable).

 

No worries for this year unless your school brings it up,but I would check into your schools attendance policy for next year.


My girls attended a federally funded preschool program and it also had fairly firm absence policy-- granted I am sure they recorded exceptions (such as when DD missed 2 weeks due to pneumonia and then also had more standard sick days but she had medical needs/medical plan that allowed for more than standard absences) .But I do know that a family was asked to leave because the preschool program lost funding if a child missed too much and it was not documented (per Dr)-- their child missed a Mon or Fri almost every week.

Just something to look into if you are at a private school-- if it has a wait list, it may be fairly strict on attendance.



As for getting a well-child to school---- I would suggest as PP said, have someone keep an eye on a little one in the car while you drop off/pick up and/or have a back up plan (spouse or grandparent) when needed or if possible.

I even took one DD 'early' to preschool when her sister had a Dr appointment- the teacher OKd it to make sure at least one of them went to school! Check with your teacher if you need to take one the DR and need to drop off/pick up later or earlier than standard. A lot of teachers are parents and will get the juggling that comes with sick kids!

 

This is one of those very gray areas. Our boys are in nursery school 2 mornings/week. I knew this would be their first time starting to catch everything that's going around, and so far, that's what's happening. They have had colds for the last two weeks and had one about one month prior to that. They were in school the first two weeks and I kept them out the third week. They had runny noses, bad coughs, and some fever. It was bad enough to warrant a doc visit, so to me, that's bad enough to keep them out of school. They went during the fourth week with just lingering coughs (you know how those toddler coughs can linger). Well, this 5th week they seem to have either contracted something else or are having some sort of resurgence of the virus from two weeks ago! I made the decision to send them today, half-heartedly. They are coughing a little, but the cough is deep. Their moods seemed fine this morn and they are not running fevers. I was really on the fence though. It's so tough to know where the line is drawn. I mean, are these just lingering symptoms or do they have something new that they'll pass around. The teacher made no mention of anything upon pick-up, so I guess things were fine. Although, I can tell my one son isn't himself. I'll just have to see how they are on Thursday.

A year ago, I would not have dreamed of sending them... or even enrolling them at all. Our guys were early preemies who we have kept pretty well protected (doc thinks DS1 is asthmatic which we need to be careful with). That's another reason it's hard to let them out into this world of germs and viruses. But, they do need to build immunity. I'm just afraid this season is going to be one continuous cold.

As for sending one and not the other, I personally would not do it. If one is sick enough to keep home, the other has been exposed and may just be a day or two behind presenting with symptoms or may have a milder version of whatever it is.

 

I would agree if it was kindergarten and forward. I'd definitely be more strict next year because there actually is an attendance policy. There isn't this year (I always check stuff like that before the year starts, so I know what I'm dealing with when it comes to last minute decisions), and if there was I would be more strict (I was one of those that never missed work, even if I was sick because I felt it "looked" bad), but they're still really young, they don't need to be there, and I hate when parents send sick kids out and spread the germs when they don't have to. I know it can't be avoided at school-age, but at this point I think it's fair to be cautious. I have noted that the teachers (there are 3) have each had more sick days than my kids and one of them had a week of for a family vacation, so I'm not worried at all about the amount. If I was at all worried they were counted, I would definitely only keep the sick child home.

My main issue with taking the sick child to drop the well child off, is waking them up to do it. Especially if they were up a lot (fever/coughing, etc) the night before. If I wake them, they won't go back to sleep later, and they will be worse off. If they were both awake when we needed to leave it would be less of a problem and maybe I'd consider it. There is a drop off/pick up line, so no need for me to get out of the car.

I know this thread may sound like I do this all the time, but it hasn't come up that much - they maybe missed 3-4 days last year (only 2 mornings a week though) and now 3 this year. But since it happened recently, I just wondered what others do.

 

I follow the school's policy on 24 hrs after fever, vomiting or diarrhea, or if they're really miserable with a cough/cold I keep them home. However if the other one is still healthy I'll still take him to school. I did that a few times last year. It was nice to get 1:1 time with one kid for a change!

 

Ugh, I did it. My daughter is at school and my son is here on the couch. My son was up several times coughing and miserable last night. This morning he woke on his own, so even though he seemed miserable with his cough and stuffiness, I got him ready to see if he'd perk up. I warned my daughter she might be going without him. I caught her in the bathroom quietly crying with big crocodile tears. Talk about heart breaking. I just wanted to say forget it. My son kept coughing, coughed up some of his cheerios, his eyes a watery mess and his nose all stuffy I finally said forget it, I can't send him like this. He's 5 days into his cold and it's still awful. By the time I made the decision to call him off we were running late. I got them in the car, I was still in my pajamas - no time to change or put shoes on. We got there at the very last minute of drop-off and no one was out there (it was pouring rain too). I was like great, I can't get out and walk her in looking like this! And I can't just drive off after I was trying to teach a lesson and do the right thing. Luckily after a few minutes, one of the teachers came back out. Of course my son stopped hacking up a lung, and is just sniffling on the couch right now. I pray my daughter is doing ok by herself. I hate how I never know if I'm doing the right thing!

 

I hope your son feels better soon. Good for you for sending your daughter without her brother. I hope it was successful and she learned that she can do stuff without her twin. :hug:

 

thanks!