Preschool - Is it time to find a new one?

:sorry: It's been a bad moring - I feel like an awful mother. The kids were cranky and I yelled too much. I hate days like today - and I put the blame solely on my shoulders. So I sent the kids off frowning at me and to school which they don't want to go...... leading into my main topic:

Long, sorry!

The kids were home with a nanny for 2 years. When we had to fire the last nanny, we visited several schools, and chose one that seemed pretty good and affordable and could take the kids right away. They've been there maybe 8 months now? It's a montessori school.

Anyway, they started out in a room for 18 mos - 3 yrs olds. In the first 6 months, they had over 6 teachers - one was always leaving for some reason. the ratio was about 2 teachers to 16 kids. The kids also had a hard time napping in the classroom - they are used to the quiet calm of their bedrooms and that was a huge adjustment for them. The finally settled in somewhat. And they finally got a teacher that stayed for more than a month, and she is kind and affectionate. I really liked her. Come to find out, she's not a montessori trained teacher and she was just filling in for the "real" teacher who was visiting family in Africa for two months. So the new teacher came, the old teacher reverted to the asst teacher position. From the start the new teacher was more strict and not as affectionate. The kids had a hard time adjusting to her, and never really did.

Two months ago, the mgmt approached me and asked if I would be OK if they separated the kids and moved DD up to the next level. I asked if DS would be moved? They said no, he was ready to be moved, but they didn't keep twins together after that level and there wasn't another opening in another class for him. So I said, they're both ready to move up, but you're holding one back because they are twins? I told them I wanted both to move up and they needed to ask if we could keep them in the same room (mind you, I had no problem separating them - I had a problem holding DS back when he was ready to move up). This all came up at 10 AM on a Monday morning when DD was home sick. By that afternoon, DS came home saying he was going to a new classroom (they had not called me to confirm anything, just told DS he was moving, I hadn't had time to talk to the kids about it at all). Tuesday morning, both kids were moved to the new room. Come to find out, the new room has 3 to 6 yr olds and 30 kids to 2 teachers. My kids still aren't 3 - they were about 33 months old when this happened.

Skip to today - the kids won't nap. They take all the 3 & 4 yr olds out of the various classrooms, pack them in the gym together with one teacher (not their regular teachers), and expect them to nap. There's 40-50 kids in there, and it's not a huge gym. They are not that fond of their head teacher. I've met with her once, in a PTC, and she was quiet and reserved, and kept giving me half smiles. I don't think she likes me, which isn't a big deal, unless that transfers to the kids. She's also pregnant with her 4th child and will be leaving in August for 2 months maternity leave. She is also only there 7 to 3 PM and the asst teacher takes the rest of the day. They don't help the kids with artwork, or putting their name on what they do. They expect the kids to ID their own work, and put it in their own folder for the parents to find. But there's never any work in there b/c my kids can't find their folder. And when there is work in there, it's some other kid who thinks DD's folder is his folder. The kids are always saying so-and-so is mean, one of the other kids. I don't know how much to trust them, b/c they have started telling lies - tho not intentionally, I think it's more of stretching their imaginations at this point.

I find out that the kids spend time during the day in one of 3 other classrooms depending on the teacher load that day. Sometimes I have to search the school to find my kids coats/nap stuff. The kids are really starting to resist going to school. They cry about it sometimes, and if one has to stay home sick, the other gets really upset to be going in. Every day they ask, we aren't going to school today, are we? several times. They don't like some of the other teachers in the school that they get shuffled between, but they do like some of them.

The asst teacher is always telling me they had a good day, but the kids can't tell me what they did that day. From day one, I've asked the teachers to post some kind of a schedule for the week, so I'd know what my kids are doing, but they refuse. I ask my kids all sorts of questions trying to hit on something they might have done that day, but rarely hit on something. The teacher says they'll discuss their progress with me during the twice yearly PTC, but there's no way to get a good day to day or even week to week idea on what the kids are up to.

I'm welcome to come visit the school at anytime and observe, but that really upsets the kids day. I can't do that without making them so upset when I leave - to the point of vomiting in some cases. So I have tried to familiarize myself with the "learning tools" (read toys and activities) in their new rooms, but due to the montessori thing - they all have special names, and don't just go by beads or blocks. It's the peace station, or the math station, or something, and my kids don't know those terms yet either.

How much is too much? Is the teacher to kid ratio too high? Is the age range in this room too large? I've done some research and these are both normal for the montessori method, but it just seems so strange! And I worry that the kids haven't yet adjusted to the napping situation (who could nap in a room filled with kids with a radio going? That would drive me insane!) They come home so cranky because they haven't napped. On the weekends, they nap very well, in their own rooms, for at least an hour and sometimes up to 2.5 hrs, so I know they aren't ready to give up naps.

I just don't know whether these are true warning signs that things are not right and I need to find a better situation, or whether I'm just being too paranoid and I need to give my almost 3 yr olds more time to adjust to strange and new things? If I wait too long, we'll miss any openings that other schools might have for the summer enrollment. I may have already missed that boat. And I don't know where to turn for a good school. Help!

 

Elizabeth is waking up, so I can't post everything I want to right now, but I'll be back. I think I would move them based on your post though!

 

Deosn't sound like the best situation. The changing of the teachers would be a red flag for me. I would look for an alternate school


amanda

 

I'd trust your gut. If it says your kids aren't doing well and need moved, then they probably do. I don't think you should have to search the school for coats and artwork. I also would be curious as to why the teacher turnover is so high.

Marissa

Wish you were closer. My best friend here is an awesome nanny who just found out her family's moving and has to find a new job.

 

I think I would find another school too, based on your info. My girls' preschool is much more helpful to each child (your artwork naming example sticks in my mind - the teachers label the kids' papers for them). The teacher-child ratio sounds high to me too, although I know these things are somewhat regulated by state rules. We have one teacher for at most 10 kids, and there are always assistants floating around too. But if you're not getting the right level of communication with the director that is the biggest red flag to me. If you're going to entrust your kids somewhere, I think the director and teachers need to make you comfortable with everything that goes on there.

 

I would definitely switch. It sounds like they're not taking your wishes into consideration and your kids aren't happy there. Plus, IMO they are very unrealistic in what they expect of young children -- napping in a room with 40 other kids? Constantly switching teachers and rooms? Taking so much responsibility for organization and keeping track of their own stuff?

I wouldn't say that anything is seriously wrong -- I mean, it doesn't sound like a harmful situation -- but definitely not ideal.

 

Thanks all, for making me feel a little more confident in this decision. I just hate to over react, but it's just felt so wrong for a while now. As PP said, nothing really harmful, but just not the best situation for my kids at least.

Next question: We live on the west side of Houston, TX. Anyone have any good preschool recommendations? (Is there a hopeful smiley??)

 

I live in SW Houston- what part of W Houston do you live in? I, personally, wasn't fond of the Montessori method... I looked into one when my oldest was in daycare and I preferred smaller, more intimate classes with less of an age range. My oldest attended Primrose when he was in daycare and I know that they are located all around the Houston area. I don't know of any others off hand. Good luck in your search.

 

We have a Primrose near us and looked at them, but I was not impressed with their lunch programs - you had to buy the schools lunches, and they were less than ideal - lots of preprepared food and canned veggies and fruits. There was no option to send the kids lunch with them - which is something I'm interested in. But I liked their classrooms and educational style, what I could determine from a short visit and brochure materials. So maybe I reconsider. It's not like the kids eat a ton of food anyway. But I really wanted to try to get away from the preprepared and canned stuff, and more homemade and organic (like I have the time in my schedule for that, but I was going to try!) Pluses and minuses. Thanks for the suggestion. I'll reconsider.

We're near Richmond and Dairy Ashford. Hubby works near Westheimer and Beltway 8, and I work from home - no way I can get in my 40 plus hours and keep the kids here without a nanny, which we are not really interested in going back to a nanny - costs too much and too hard to find a good one!

 

I would switch- sounds like there is too much confusion for an adult, let alone a small child!

I also second Primrose, my niece is in one in Dallas and they love it.

Call around get a few ideas and see you your kids cna do a 'visit'. You can judge the teachrs and your kids reactions better that way.

Good Luck- I can imagine it is hard!

KC

 

If I were in your shoes, I'd be looking for a new arrangement. Isn't Montessori expensive? And isn't it supposed to be very child-centered? Doesn't sound like you're getting good value for money. Honestly, I don't think your kids are in an ideal situation. You won't be able to concentrate on your own work, you'll just be worrying about them every day. Hopefully you can find another day care or even a home day care (a nanny is no longer an option I gather?) where you kids will get more attention, TLC, and a cozy spot to nap. They're still really young and these formative years are so important. There's no "do over" down the road - you have to do what you feel is best for them now. Anyway, just my 2 cents. I really sympathize with you - I'd be going crazy if I were you. I heard an expression the other week: A mother is only as happy as her unhappiest child.

 

Montessori can be expensive, but this was one of the less expensive schools we looked at. That's less of a concern for us, as it's still $10K or so a year less than having a nanny. I liked having the kids at home near me, but I feel they are at an age where the classroom socialization and acitivities are more beneficial than a less than adequate nanny. The nanny situation would have lasted longer had we had a great nanny, like my cousin was the first year, but we never found a good replacement - just women who wanted money for the least amount of work - I had babysitters in my home, not nurturing, challenging women. That frustrated me no end.

I've talked with a cousin and aunt, mother and educator, and you guys, and you're all saying the same thing, if I can't get the response I want from the teachers/directors, and the kids aren't happy, then I need to make a move. This is all so intimidating! Thanks again.

 

I would also say switch--I can't believe there is a preschool that HUGE! I've never heard of one so big. But then I went to a "church basement" preschool where there were like 15 kids total. My girls school is a daycare/preschool with babies from 40 days until 4 years old and it always seemed really big to me, but there are only 20 kids in the 3 to 4 year old group and those are devided into two groups with 1 teacher and 1 assistant each and an RN who goes between the two rooms.

There must be hundreds of preschools in a city like Houston.

Or have you ever looked into having an au pair?

 

Good luck finding another preschool.

I agree with you and all the pp that moving them is the right thing. It's just too many little things. No single thing says this is a bad school, but all the little things add up. I do think a lot of the issues are because it's Montessori, and it sounds like that method just isn't a good fit for your kids. As I understand it, Montessori is great for some kids and not for others....unfortunately I guess you have to live through it for awhile to find out which yours are.

 

I'd switch them too. I just moved from having a FT nanny to daycare 3 days/week and the nanny 2 days/week, which is working out beautifully. The things the nanny was doing to annoy me have worked themselves out and they girls absolutely love daycare. They have their own labeled cubby for their stuff, so it would never end up somewhere else. And the ratios you are talking about seem very high to me. I know our ratio is 4 to 1 right now, and I'm not sure what it moves to in the 2.5 and up room. But they did bring up moving one twin without the other if one is potty trained before the other, but I'm just sort of ignoring that idea for now.

The biggest thing is that your kids don't seem to like it, and I'd trust your mommy instinct on this one.

 

I would DEFINITELY switch! What you are describing as "montessori" is NOT what montessori is supposed to be. Montessori is purely child centered, meaning the child leads the learning experience. It is also about teaching love and respect among students and teachers, which obviously is NOT happening in the current setting. The numbers, while within "normal" montessori range, are too high for most state's legal limits. With a multi-age classroom, the ratio should be for the youngest students, not the oldest (for instance, in GA, I believe it's 13-1 with 3 year olds). Your post seems to show that you know a lot of this stuff just doesn't "feel" right, and I would agree whole-heartedly!
Best of luck with finding a new center or caretaker...
Hugs!!
Nicole