Pre-School- Do we keep them together?

Hello! I know, blast from the past for a lot of you. I think of my twin stuff friends often and hope you are all well. Just a quick update- Sally and Sophie are 3 years old and doing AWESOME!! They have a little sister, Sadie who is 6 months old and was born full term (which was super!)

They are starting pre-school in the fall. They have been in day care for the past 2 years and in the same classroom. They have different personalities and do fine together or apart. When they are not with eachother they ask for other one, but they are fine to continue to play (they don't get upset, etc)

The recommendation is to split them up next year. They are going to a new school (FREE! Magnet through the town) Their current classroom is 8 kids and the new school will be 16-18 kids. I am less worried about them being separated because they will be upset by it, but more thinking that they are so lucky to be twins so why am I going to push this early separation on them. Their current teachers also think it will be good to separate them since they are different kids and should have the opportunity to develop separatly.

What have your experiences been? What do you think we should do? The school will let me keep them together if I push the issue.... should I?

Thanks!
Debbi

 

I had a discussion with my ped about this last week. My girls are in a developemental preschool through our disctrict. The school wants to seperate them in the next year or two based on the idea that twins can't develope individually if they are in the same room. I threw a BS flag. My ped and I agree that since both girls are very different and don't depend upon one another, then there is no need to seperate them for individual development. They are already individuals. They may ask where the other is if she's not in the room but they don't seek each other out. They are content in different activities and at different tables during group activities. There is no reason to seperate. If they clinged to each other and were unable to do anything on their own, then it would be worth considering but not at the emotional health of the kids. Seperating just to seperate them makes no sense. If anything, keeping them together gives them the confidence to seek out new friends.

 

Personally, I don't think I'll even consider separating my boys until after Kindergarten. They are already individuals and developing their own interests, finding their own strengths and struggles, and doing things they way they want. As I'm sure most if not all, moms on TS would agree my boys have never been thought of or treated as one half of a whole. They don't need to be separated to continue this (in my opinion). I think being a twin is so special and they have such a special bond and relationship, I don't want to take that away from them while they are so young.

My boys are very close to one another, but are not dependant on each other. They enjoy totally different things and react differently to situations. When they go to Sunday School or nursery while we're at church service, they sometimes hang out with each other, but they just as often are doing different things and interacting with different kids. However, they always seem to like knowing the other is nearby.

If my boys continue to be independent but together, we will try to keep them together past Kindergarten. That is so far down the road though. Who knows what the next few years will reveal??!

 

Mine have always been in separate classes. One of the great advantages is that they don't see what the other is doing all day, so when one was excelling in an area that the other wasn't yet, they didn't have to be constantly reminded that their twin could do it, so why couldn't they? Another advantage is that other kids stopped calling them "MarcJon". Now, my boys don't look anything alike, but because other kids always saw them together, they automatically grouped them together. Also, they each were able to develop their own friends. So we don't have them fighting over who "Sammy" came to play with.

Think of it this way, if they were 11 months apart, but had a birthday which would allow them to be in the same grade, would you do it? Or would you keep the younger one back a year to give them their own space. Why, because two children are born together, do they have to be together all the time? I can tell you, my boys get along, much better after having the time apart.

Funny, though, I was speaking to a 3rd grade teacher last week, and said my one regret is that they both can't have her as their teacher. And, brave soul that she is, asked why not? And I responded that that it wouldn't be fair to a teacher. They do know how to push each others' buttons, and can get very silly when together. Even their swim teacher pushed one up to the next group as soon as possible, just to separate them.

Finally, my boys have blossomed on their own. Where Marcus used to answer any question with "ask Jonathan, he knows", he is now, without the competition from his brother, at the same level in reading--he has caught up big time!

 

Is there any kind of middle ground? My twins are in the same preschool class at daycare (it's full time M-F), but they're in different "small groups" for their morning activity. This gives them at least some time apart so they can interact with other kids, and where Sarah (especially) is forced to speak for herself.

I can see the advantages of separating them when they get older, but I think being together was a great source of comfort for them when they made the transition from the toddler room to the daycare room. In general I'm glad they have each other, and I want to foster that.

On the other hand, some kids do call them "AmySarah" (or, worse, call them both "Amy" :huh: ). While I think in a way it would benefit Sarah to be on her own, she would also be the one who was more sad about it. It's a tough call.

 

Mine are 4 and have been in different classes since they were 3 and I think it's been really great for them. It can be a pain for mommy since there are 2x as many birthdays we're invited to and 2x as many friends to invite to the twins' birthday, but besides that, it's been fantastic (and it would be that way with any family with more than one child). Part of it isn't even as much about them, as the way others can treat them like a unit. Now, they have lots of friends who don't even know there is a twin. But, there are also sets of twins at the preschool who are in the same class and seem to also be doing great, so I'm sure it all depends on the kids.

Best,
Mia

 

Thanks everyone. I think that I am going to talk with the new school. I asked the girls what they wanted and they kept changing their minds.... I don't think it would be extremely stressful to them to split them up, but I agree with the moms that said its so special to be a twin. I want them to be close, but not the same person. Not many people have the chance that they do to be together and have each-other and although I am an advocate of having them in separate classes when they are in Kindergarden, I am not sure i want to rush it. Anyone else have anything to add?

 

You say they keep changing their minds. I have never actually asked my kids, because as kids they don't always know what is best for themselves--simply because they are kids. It could be that they do want to be apart, but since they have neve experienced being apart, they are a little nervous about it, so change their minds.

Is is an all day program, or just the 2 1/2 hours of regular preschool. If it is all day, I would put them in separate classes, but ask if there is time that they can visit if needed. If it is just 2 1/2 hours, I would just separate them, since they will be toghther the rest of the day.

 

Let us know what you decide to do and how it works out.

I know we are a long ways behind you, but we are currently in a school that moves kids to the next room based on a development and age combination and one of my guys is just leaps and bounds ahead of his brother and they want to move the more advanced one up to the next classroom now. But, depending on when his brother starts walking, signing consistently, following commands, and talking, or just hits thier age boundary it could be 3-4 months before they are together again. They have never before separated twins this early and are really hesitant to do so, so they have left it up to me whether I want them to stay together (possibly by holding one back by as much as 6 weeks, and pushing the other ahead of schedule) or letting one move up and letting the other develop on his own time table. They have already moved without each other once, but they were just on opposite sides of the same room, and were together during morning story time, lunch, snack time, and afternoon outside play time. This would be a full time (M-F 8-5) seperation and I am still dragging my feet on making a decision. It is really tough.

 

I wish I had the piece I read recently about this. I would ask the twins what they would like and go with that. Schools LOVE the social experiment of separating twins - and I don't believe any serious study has shown this to be the best way to deal with twins. I say do what you think is best and hold your ground if it is to keep them together.

 

Hi

Good luck with your decision. I have a B/G set but we have had them together in the 2's class and separated where they are right now. We separated them so that the teachers wouldn't have to deal with sibling rivalry (i.e. fighting). It has worked out well for us and we are pleased with our decision. They did fine together in the 2's but they fight more now so we are glad we separated them. They are so happy to see each other on the playground and when I pick them up. Again, whatever works best for your kids is what I suggest. Good luck!