Potty Training Vent (about other mom)

I am so upset right now. There is another mom that I have had playdates with over the past few months. I thought we got along pretty well and respected each other as fellow Moms. She also has twin girls but they are 5 months younger than mine. Her potty training has gone pretty well with hers and she has been doing it since they were about 2. With us, it has been a completely different story. We tried quite awhile ago but they didn't seem ready so we decided to wait. We then tried at 1 month shy of their 3rd birthday and they still didn't seem entirely interested. Then all of a sudden at 3yrs+3weeks old, THEY decided it was ready. They ask to pee on the potty about 9 out of 10 times, they have even been pooping on the potty sometimes and this is all in a week. So, I tell her this today that it hasn't been a week yet and they are doing really well and she says....

"Well, it's about time. Aren't they going to school soon"?

Seriously, WTF? I have been upset all day since she told me. I don't have the luxury of having a husband home ALL the time that I am at home (her DH and her work the exact same hours and have every weekend off together). My DH works every 2nd weekend, a lot of nights and has such a stressful job that he is exhausted at night when he comes home. I am sorry I am not a perfect mom like her and I didn't potty train my children early enough for her. Frick, I am mad.

Vent over! I feel much better!

 

My twins were the same way. Potty trained around their 3rd birthday a few weeks after. Why fight with them? Let them decide and it is easier for everyone. I wish people would just mind their own business.

Congrats to you and the lil ones on potty training.

 

Sheesh. Every kid is different.. My girls were early trainers too (just shy of their 2nd b-day but we started at 15 months) but then again - all the girls on my DH's side were all PT'd at 12 months old. THEY also told us that they were ready. If they had NOT showed interest, I absolutely would have waited until they were truly ready.

I would have made that comment if your kids were say, 4 or older and about to go to Kindergarden.... Not at 3 though.

That was just rude. I'd have told her so, but then I'd have probably lost a play date out of it too...

 

:hug: Sorry she made you feel bad.

Maybe she was feeling jealous that you've had such an easy time of it, or felt that you were boasting (not saying you were at all and it still wouldn't excuse being rude) and so reacted defensively.

I would try really hard not to let it get to you if you get on well otherwise and your twins like playing together. It doesn't matter if she thinks you left potty training late, you were doing what was right for your family (and BTW I much prefer to go the way you did and let the kids take the lead and be really ready, I think it's so much easier that way). If she says anything like that again maybe nicely say that you are doing what is best for you and your children, and you're happy with your decision and how it's worked out. Hopefully that will give her the message to leave the subject alone.

 

All kids are different and they will let you know when they are ready. Mine are just starting out. They initiated the idea of sitting on the potty not me and I am thrilled that they are interested... It is HARD to train 2 toddlers at the same time and there is no reason to try doing it before they are ready! It just makes the task of training 2 that much harder! People will have and do have different ideas of how things should be done from feeding to potty training to discipline and more... Just do what feels right to you and let what others tell you go in one ear and out the other!

On the other hand... it is possible that she did not mean anything negative about her comment, but just does not know how her words sounded. It might be gelpful to say something like: "Your comment about my kids potty training really struck me. I hope that you understand that potty training is something we should do when the children are ready and not when it feels convienient for us, remember, I have to do most of this on my own while my husband is at work." Or whatever feels right to you... If it is something that bothers you you should at least mention that you took offense to her comment. BUT know that the fact that you put your childrens needs ahead of yours by waiting until THEY were ready makes you a great mom!

 

Mine trained nearly a year apart from each other, Bea at 2.5, Ainsley at 3.5, so who knows what she would have said about me! Try not to let it bother you. I'm one who would much rather keep them in diapers longer and have the actual training go smoothly, than have a struggle and have it take a long time.

 

I can see where you are upset by her comment, but I don't think anything ill was meant. :hug:

 

Honestly, I can't understand why other people care when you potty train your kids. You're the one who has to change the diapers! How is it hurting them if your kids are a little older then others?

BTW, my DD trained at 3 and I had to force my DS to train at 3.5 just because I knew he was ready, but was being stubborn. If they hadn't been ready, I would have waited!

 

:hug: So sorry to hear she hurt your feelings. Try not to take it personally! I've tried PTing my kids numerous times, and they are just not ready. You really can't force the issue - there's no point. I think you did just the right thing and respect your willingness to respect your daughters' needs and levels of readiness. Glad to hear the PTing success story!!

 

If you decide to talk to her about it, I would let her try to explain herself, saying less is better like 'I wasn't sure how to take it the other day when you made that comment, it hurt my feelings a bit'.. and see what she says. You can decide based on her reaction if this person is really worth the effort to be a friend. You shouldn't feel bad about when the kids potty train, but I understand as well. My daughter JUST started to be agreeable to pooping ont he potty and she is 4 next month. My son was trained easily at about 3.5. My parents and husband, and mother in law have been talking about it forever..

Anyway, I think this falls under the 'don't sweat the small stuff' category. If anything, it makes it clearer who is and who isn't going to be the long term friends.

Hugs!
Stacy

 

my DD (after many attempts at PT'ing) decided a week before her 3rd birthday she wanted to wear panties - and that was it...she PT'ed in 3 days with no stress...because SHE wanted to do it - not because me, or DH or my parents wanted her to....her brother was tougher - but it only took him 4 days to pee train but 4 months to poop train....and now at 3.5 they're done...it wasn't a years long process....

 

Well, your's beat ALL 3 of my kids. Be proud, your girls did great, she just forgot to think before she spoke.

 

Thanks everyone! I feel better today. We spoke last night and cleared the air. She apologized for her comment and all is good!

Thanks again!

 

My mom was this woman. Thy had been pee trained since like 2 1/2 but didn't get the poop part till like 3 1/2.

 

so sorry you had a rough day of her comment - and yet, very glad you were able to clear the air! that's awesome!

I'm attempting to think about early potty training, and it logistically scares me! I totally see where letting the kids take the lead has its pluses... in that it seems like it might just take those few days! I think you've done a great job!! especially like you said with it being more you that is having to deal with it on a daily basis... that's part of my issues too...

again, so glad you cleared the air with her, makes me remember to always be cogniscent of what I saw to others!

 

What is it with people? :umm: Everyone keeps asking if they're potty trained yet and pushing me to do it. I just don't get it. Why on earth would I want to push the issue early? They're in cloth diapers, so it's not even costing me anything to have them in diapers. (One of the main reasons we chose cloth in the first place...) If they haven't taken the lead by late spring, then I'll start actively PTing so they'll be ready for school in the fall. But what's the hurry? Why does everyone (seem to) think you have to PT super early?

I'm glad you cleared the air with your friend! Hooray for common sense!