Poor physical ability

I'm getting a bit concerned about Jackson, and I don't know if this is normal for some kids and I'm just being an overcritical/overconcerned mom, or if I need to do something.

He can throw any type of ball (baseball, basketball, football, bowling ball) really well. But he's not strong overall, compared to most other kids his age I've seen. His running is still uncoordinated, and he's still very unsure of himself on a bike. I take him riding several times in the summer, and he is always very hesitant. He won't ride around our neighborhood, because it's hilly and he doesn't have the leg strength to do it. The girls his age here ride their bikes up and down the hill all the time with no problem. He refuses to try riding standing up to get more power. And even though he can shift speeds on his bike, he makes a big show about how much effort it takes and ends up frustrated. Swimming seems to be quite a challenge for him as well. He can do it, but he really has to work hard, and he doesn't get far for all the effort he's putting into it.

And of course, since he has trouble with these things, he doesn't want to do any of them, because he doesn't want to be embarrassed. So he never gets any better.

Fine motor skills give him a lot of trouble. He has very weak hand strength. He has trouble cutting with a fork and knife -- he'll do it, but it seems to frustrate him. He'd never be able to get the top off a gallon of milk if it hadn't already been opened. His handwriting and numbers are atrocious, and he actually got four very easy multiplication problems (7x0, 5x0) marked wrong on a recent test because his zeros looked like sixes.

I took him and Brady to a church event this weekend where they could try various crafts and activities. He was clueless as to how to fashion a flat circle of play-dough into a bowl shape with a handle. He made a few attempts, grunted and moaned about it, and gave up. At archery, Brady (who's never done it before) made it fly all the way to the target on the first try. Jackson, who said he's done it at camp, tried four times (with verbal coaching from the leader and hands-on help from me) and couldn't figure out how to let go of the back of the arrow, nor could he pull the string back enough to get it to go anywhere. It fell straight to the floor by his feet every time. Needless to say, he was really embarrassed that his 5-year-old brother did better than he did.

I know not all kids are going to be physical superstars, and I don't care about that. I'm not an athlete either. It's just the everyday things that it seems he should be able to do and can't that bother me -- and the fact that it obviously bothers him.

Do I just need to be patient while he grows and matures? I'd love to hear from any of you who've been through the same thing.

 

Zach has issues too with some of his fine and gross motor skills. Fortunately he qualified for an IEP for speech last year and I requested that the Occupational Therapist do some assessments too as part of the testing. She was able to pick him up to work on some of the things he struggles with. One of his goals this year (3rd-4th grade) is to begin learning to keyboard so that the handwriting isn't such an issue.

He gets easily frustrated by certain activities and will give up rather than keep trying. He's getting better though at trying new things, but when the physical fitness tests come home from school he's always on the low end for strength related activities (chin ups, push ups) and the endurance activities (running so many laps in a set amount of time).

We just keep encouraging him in any activity he likes. He just finished basketball season and even though he's not very good, he still had fun. Soccer starts next week. He played that in the fall and actually turned into a decent goalkeeper and defender, he's just not aggressive enough to be a good attacker.

Anyway, some of the things that have been recommended to me in the past were doing wheelbarrow walking with him to build his arm and shoulder strength and stability, stirring cookie batter, practicing crossing the monkey bars on the jungle gym (Zach can't get more than 2 or 3 before he drops), and then the key boarding and building things with small pieces for the fine motor skills.

It's also really hard to make a child work on something that's difficult unless they have reason to try. Zach didn't learn to pedal until he was past 4, but rode without training wheels shortly after turning 6. Now he's a speed demon on a bike, so biking was never really an issue for him. He can't throw very well though, so that's something we try to do for a little bit each day when it's nice out.

 

Amy, I agree with Julie, that you may want to get an OT to look at him. It could be that he has poor muscle tone, and just needs work to build on it. OT can be fun, and since it is just him, no need for him to get embarrassed. I would definately look into an eval--it may be nothing, but if it is, then he can get the help he needs. Good luck!

 

Maybe a martial arts class would be helpful for Jackson? Renee will have more insight than I do, but I know that my son's martial arts instructor is always talking about how martial arts help improve overall strength, balance, stamina, and coordination. My son also listens a lot more attentively to his instructor than he listens to me, and complains a lot less. He will give up if he gets frustrated when I'm doing something with him, but in class he will persevere because he doesn't want to let his instructor down.

 

Though it sounds like he might just be caught in a vicious cycle -- e.g. no strength on his bike because he doesn't enjoy it and therefore isn't doing it an building the muscles -- I think it might be worth asking his pediatrician about. I think it's encouraging that he's a good thrower, as good throwing involves a lot of different muscles working together. But it does sound like there's a small possibility that there's more going on there, and if that's the case, it's of course always better to catch it earlier rather than later.

One thing in your post that wouldn't concern me at all is the fork/knife bit. My kids both thankfully got their athletic ability from my DH, not from me, but even with both being quite strong and coordinated, , it took both of them a very long time to be able to cut anything even remotely tough by themselves. I think they weren't doing it by themselves ALL of the time until they were nine or so, and I remember being very surprised at that. I had always thought it would be something they would be doing by six or seven.

 

Thank you all for your replies and suggestions. While I'm not a big fan of martial arts, that would probably be a good idea. I see that the Y offers some classes. In July, once little league baseball season (and the ridiculous practice/game schedule that entails!) is over, I might sign up Jackson for a class. He could at least try it for six weeks and see if he likes it.

He will need to have several shots for 5th grade, so he'll be seeing our doc within the next few months. I'll be sure to mention my concerns.

 

I used to feel the same way as you about Martial Arts, but (and, again, I hope Renee can offer more insight) have learned that the various types are very different, but most emphasize the defensive aspect of the sport, though we all tend to think of it as an offensive fighting sport. My son's instructor teaches the moves in a context of self-defense (if a bad guy is trying to grab you or a bully is being mean on the playground), and emphasizes that by calming and focusing your mind you can almost always avoid conflict altogether. Kiko has already grasped the difference between "crazy mind" and "settled focus"! Gotta love that

Anyway, talk to the instructor, if you can, about what the philosophy is that she/he teaches.

 

I agree with Ellen about the Martial Arts. My boys had been taking classes for about 10 months, and really enjoy it. Maybe you and Jackson can go and visit a class and see if he wants to try it out.

 

Amy,
I read this earlier today, but have hesitated posting because I don't want to make you freak out.....
I had very similar concerns about Matthew. He just didn't seem nearly as coordinated as other boys. He hated physical activities like riding his bike, kicking a ball around, climbing, monkey bars, etc... that my other boys seem to thrive on. He has extreme weakness in his upper body that, frankly, I found a little bit embarassing. For instance, we were boating last summer and he couldn't pull himself up onto the tube. His same age cousin (also not athletic, by any means) had no trouble, but Matt couldn't get himself up out of the water. I tried very hard to just be accepting of who he was, not force things on him, but tried to provide lots of opportunities for physical activities. We are an active family so we are always hiking, skiing, walk lots of places, etc.....

Anyhow, last summer Matthew was diagnosed with a brain tumor and it explained all of his physical weakness and other strange challenges. I wanted to share the story because I think I had a hunch that something was a little 'off' with Matthew's physical abilities. I was so caught up in 'accepting' Matthew's non-athletic-ness that I think I ignored some things I probably should have looked into. Now, I don't want to make you paranoid. It is most likely a low-tone issue or perhaps just a general dislike of playing sports and struggling with that ability. However, it seems like it is concerning you, and I would encourage you to pursue things with a doctor or therapist to rule out any other physical problem. Again, I'm not implying that something is seriously wrong with Jackson, only stating that I wish I would have listened to my gut a little bit more!