Please tell me is a phase and a DH VENT!

This entire weekend Kaylee has been so clingy. Yesterday I put her down so that I could stand her up to put her shorts on her. She cried for 30 min. She only wants mom to hold her. If I am cooking supper she has to be held or whatever I am doing. Please tell me this is a phase.

So now for the vent......This entire weekend it has been raining off and on, so we were pretty much in the house. Well today DH goes to hang out with his friends. Kaylee and Kelby wake up from their naps and the whining starts right away. I couldn't make her happy. So DH has been gone for a little over 3 hours. I call him and ask if he can come home because I need a break. 1 hour later here he comes stolling in and I am in tears. He says get out of here and go and do something. So I go to Wal-mart to get diapers and he calls and needs eggs. So I hurried up in Wal-Mart and brought the eggs home. He says okay now you can leave. Well where am I gonna go. So I call my grandma and ask if she was going to Bingo. Yeah I have an exciting life... :blush: I went and picked her up and we went. Before this I had a homemade pizza cooking and it had just gotten done. DH feeds the kids supper. My cousin and his boy were over hangin out with DH drinking beer. Anyways......I get home at 10:30p.m. and this is what I walked into. The living room light on, toys, DH's clothes everywhere, Kitchen light on, dishes piled in the sink, toys all over the floor......oh and what is that banging....Kaylee in her room bangin on the wall.

BUT where is DH???? (I dont' think DH is the right word tonight, but I am tired, so I guess we will leave it) Oh he is sound asleep in Kaylee's bed with Kelby, not even realizing that Kaylee is awake. I walk in and she automatically starts saying dada dada. Oh he is snoring. I pick her up and go and rock her in the chair. I wake DH up and what does he do he goes right into our bedroom and goes to sleep. Here is the best part.....I put Kaylee is Kelby's bed since he is sleeping in hers and what do I find Destin all over the bed.

So I go and clean up the Kitchen and notice that I asked DH to peel potoatoes for the roast that I will start in the crockpot. He said sure not a problem I will do that. Nope there are none peeled.

DH is still awake when I come to bed and I ask what happened. He said well I will clean it all tomorrow. I can't leave it until tomorrow. Why couldn't he just pick up a little bit... I mean it looked like a train wreck in my house. So I just basically told him what bothered me the most was Kaylee being awake and him being asleep (passed out). Am I out of line or would you be mad? I feel bad because I left, but I am entitled to a break too right? Oh yeah and all the pizza is gone, I guess we fed everyone and their dogs. I am sorry but I am so mad. DH just told me to keep bitching that will make it better? No sorry no nothing. What would you do? We have had talk after talk about the drinking and he quits during the week for a while and now he is back to it.

 

QUOTE(Angie26 @ May 6 2007, 11:15 PM) [snapback]245881[/snapback]
This entire weekend Kaylee has been so clingy. Yesterday I put her down so that I could stand her up to put her shorts on her. She cried for 30 min. She only wants mom to hold her. If I am cooking supper she has to be held or whatever I am doing. Please tell me this is a phase.

So now for the vent......This entire weekend it has been raining off and on, so we were pretty much in the house. Well today DH goes to hang out with his friends. Kaylee and Kelby wake up from their naps and the whining starts right away. I couldn't make her happy. So DH has been gone for a little over 3 hours. I call him and ask if he can come home because I need a break. 1 hour later here he comes stolling in and I am in tears. He says get out of here and go and do something. So I go to Wal-mart to get diapers and he calls and needs eggs. So I hurried up in Wal-Mart and brought the eggs home. He says okay now you can leave. Well where am I gonna go. So I call my grandma and ask if she was going to Bingo. Yeah I have an exciting life... :blush: I went and picked her up and we went. Before this I had a homemade pizza cooking and it had just gotten done. DH feeds the kids supper. My cousin and his boy were over hangin out with DH drinking beer. Anyways......I get home at 10:30p.m. and this is what I walked into. The living room light on, toys, DH's clothes everywhere, Kitchen light on, dishes piled in the sink, toys all over the floor......oh and what is that banging....Kaylee in her room bangin on the wall.

BUT where is DH???? (I dont' think DH is the right word tonight, but I am tired, so I guess we will leave it) Oh he is sound asleep in Kaylee's bed with Kelby, not even realizing that Kaylee is awake. I walk in and she automatically starts saying dada dada. Oh he is snoring. I pick her up and go and rock her in the chair. I wake DH up and what does he do he goes right into our bedroom and goes to sleep. Here is the best part.....I put Kaylee is Kelby's bed since he is sleeping in hers and what do I find Destin all over the bed.

So I go and clean up the Kitchen and notice that I asked DH to peel potoatoes for the roast that I will start in the crockpot. He said sure not a problem I will do that. Nope there are none peeled.

DH is still awake when I come to bed and I ask what happened. He said well I will clean it all tomorrow. I can't leave it until tomorrow. Why couldn't he just pick up a little bit... I mean it looked like a train wreck in my house. So I just basically told him what bothered me the most was Kaylee being awake and him being asleep (passed out). Am I out of line or would you be mad? I feel bad because I left, but I am entitled to a break too right? Oh yeah and all the pizza is gone, I guess we fed everyone and their dogs. I am sorry but I am so mad. DH just told me to keep bitching that will make it better? No sorry no nothing. What would you do? We have had talk after talk about the drinking and he quits during the week for a while and now he is back to it.


Your dh should NOT be drinking when he is responsible for such young children! You are lucky the only disaster was Desitin all over the bed! If he couldn't even hear a toddler beating on the wall, he was asleep - he was passed out drunk! I don't have any advice about getting him to help out - I think that issue is shared by almost all. But...as badly as you need "me" time, I would not leave my kids alone with dh is he can't be trusted to care for them. I don't think you are out of line at all - I just think you should aim all your anger & focus at the fact that he passed out & left toddlers unattended. The drinking really needs to be addressed. Sorry you had such a rough time of it & I am glad your kids are OK.

 

I agree that he should not be drinking to the point of passing out when he is responsible for the kids. You should certainly have a discussion about that. Something could have happened and obviously he would not have been able to respond. As for the cleaning up/chores , I say welcome to the club. DH hardly ever helps out.

 

DH is a SAHD, so I have a slightly different perspective.

DH is not always going to do things the way that I want. I want the house picked up and kitchen clean before we go to bed. It's just not important to him. If I nag, it doesn't help. So I either do it myself or accept that he's doing it his way. I had to give up some control. But in saying all that, we do have a fairly even distribution of the work. DH does more than his fair share most of the time.

But I do think you were right to be upset that he had been drinking, passed out and didn't know that his child was still awake. In my opinion, that's the bigger issue here. He cuts back on drinking for a while, but then returns to it. I'm not expert, but it sounds like he's an alcoholic. Sorry, but I'm clueless about where to turn for help. :hug99:

 

Thank god everyone was ok!! :hug99: Sorry you couldn't really relax afterall!! <_<

I wouldn't be leaving the kids with him if he's got alcohol in the house. That's terrifying. We drink with the kids at home, but never to the point of that! You have a tough road to hoe! :hug99:

 

Thank you all for your support. We have been dealing with this alcohol issue for sometime. He denies being an alcoholic, but hey isn't that the 1st step to admit the problem? Yes everyone is okay and I have e-mailed him today and explained why I upset. I told him that the dishes, house and everything else can wait (drives me nuts but it can wait). However, my kids are not replaceable. He said to me that I made it sound like he passed out. He said that he had been in their room for 1 1/2 trying to get them sleep and he laid down with them and all 3 of them were laying down. He has no idea when Kaylee woke back up. I told him that is the problem and the scariest part of the ordeal. Do i think that he passed out no, but I know as well as every one else, when you drink you sleep a little bit harder.

Yes I drink too on weekends, but I can't and won't get drunk to the point of passing out because my kids depend on me. I do have to give him so credit, typically he does really well with the kids and the house, but how can you forgive or forget this? I told him that he will not be left alone with the kids if he has been drinking. I can't dare risk anything happening to them. I know this doesn't make him happy and I know that this will be rough on me since I have my class reunion coming up and I have training for 2 days at the end of the month, but how can I trust that he will not drink and not hear them. I can handle him drinking on occassion, but everynight is a little much for me. Where do I go from here?

 

Wow...I agree your DH should not be drinking while being responsible for his children. There is another thread about drinking in the home and this is a perfect example of when it is unacceptable. I would be livid and DH would never be drinking when watching the kids again. GL on getting DH some help!

 

Sorry but from personal experience if he is denying that he has a problem, he won't get help and sometimes even after they admit they have a problem they won't get help. My ex used to admit he had a problem with drinking but he never did anything about it. So good luck and I hope everything works out.

 

the wrecked house and hanging out with friends is why im seperated.. when friends and alcohol become more important than the girls..

ive been there.. do yourself a favor.. start a journal.. doccument everything ...

it will pay off in the end..