Please tell me I'm not the only one...

Am I screwing them up?

Please tell me you worry about this too, that I'm not the only one. I'm always worried that I'm screwing up. Especially now more then ever. We have so many little ones. We didn't plan it this way, and if I could I would have spread them out a little, but it is what it is. I feel like these early years are so important, and I'm missing it!

Ella is an emotional basket case lately (even her teacher is getting worried). Milo is in therapy for speech delay. The babies are always begging for my attention. And as discussed in a previous post, Lia may have problems now also. I wonder if I had more time with each of them if some of these problems would go away? Would Ella be having a hard time? Would Milo need therapy? Are the babies getting the emotional support they need?

Do you ever worry that you are making mistakes that will permanently screw your kids up?

Jim's schedule is never easy, but the past 6 months have been un-usually tough. He is home for only 1-3 weeks and then gone 1-2 months. Home, then gone. Over and over. This limits even more how much time I have to give to the kids. Not to mention the emotional roller coaster it puts us all on. Being the only one here, with no help, some days it seems like all I can do is get us through the day.

Please tell me there is hope? That I'm not the only one?
Thanks

 

:hug: You are not the only one who worries about screwing the children up, I worry all the time about that. The way I look at it, is we are not perfect we do the best we can and I try to do that everyday and if I think I messed up, I apologize to the kids for it. I have a hard time making sure that I am meeting the emotional needs of my twins and I can only imagine how you must feel with four little ones.
I see that you are a military family, so you are going long stretches with your DP away. I am sure that is hard on everyone and adjustment for each child each time he has to leave for an extended period of time. Is there any kind of support group for your family to be part of? Is there anyone nearby who can give you a break with the kids?
Wishing you all the best!
ETA: You are not screwing them up!

 

:hug:

You are definitely not the only one!! :hug:

I have had many of the same feelings. Our oldest DS is very sensitive, very emotional, and quite a perfectionist who always acts like the weight of the world is sitting on his shoulders. I've felt like the amount of chaos and craziness that having twins brings to a family has maybe made his emotional state worse. But, really, he is who he is. He's just like me...like I was as a 5.5 year old and like I am now. Have his little brothers taken away from the honeymoon that was his life prior to their birth? Sure. But.....1) life is not a honeymoon. What kind of false expectations wof life would he have had if he had remained an only child with such a calm, peaceful, (boring?) day to day life? :lol: and 2) you have given your children the gift of siblings. Siblings are the longest lasting relationship that we have Long after our grandparents, aunts, uncles, and parents have died - our siblings are usually still alive and an important part of our lives. You have given them the gift of companionship, the gift of friendship, the gift of learning what sharing is, teamwork is, family is, sacrificing is, and someday what BILs and SILs are, what nieces and nephews are, etc.

There are plenty of only children with speech delays. There are plenty of only children who are very emotional. And there are plenty of toddlers without any siblings who are *very* needy!

You are doing just fine!! Give yourself a pat on the back for doing all that you do every day. Try not to be so critical of yourself, don't play the "what-if" game, it will only make you crazy!

 

I totally agree with the other posters! You are NOT screwing them up and I worry about that too. It's so hard not to worry, we're mom.
:hug: You will get through this and so will they!

 

Wow, I can't improve in any way on what Jori said. Everything was right on the mark.

I just want to say that I think you're doing an amazing job being in effect a single parent for months on end. My DH is gone away on a business trip until Friday, I only have 2 children, and I have a nanny who does a great job of caring for them while I'm at work, and I'm a complete wreck this week!!!! It seems like I can't do anything right, and the boys are miserable!

So I think you're awesome, and you are not screwing your kids up. You have a tough job, and it sounds like you handle it with grace. Please don't beat yourself up, but come and vent any time. :hug:

 

I agree with the other posters.

Personally, DH and I have talks everyday about what we are screwing up. Our kids are super active--I often call them wild or crazy. Every day they get out of hand, we have a long discussion about it. Today was one of those days--I feel you.

 

Thanks Ladies. Knowing others feel the same way, makes it a little easier? You just love your babies So much and want the best for them. I think being a mom has shown me my greatest strengths, made me a better person, but has also revealed to me some of me weaknesses.