Please tell me I'm not horrible!

Ainsley when she is overtired or wakes at night has these annoying demands like "clean eyes" (get a wipe and wipe her eyes), or to turn her blanket a certain way, or a stuffed animal from downstairs, you get the idea. So tonight, everything was fine until we head to their room and she has her socks in her hand. They were in pajamas, but had left their socks on while we were out in the living room. She then decides that she wants to leave her socks in the living room. We tell her no, dirty socks go in the hamper. Well, she goes balastic and carries on about her socks. After several attempts to reason with her, I have to leave.

A few minutes later, I come in and try to soothe her. I finally get her over the sock thing (compromise is she gets to take a clean pair of socks to bed, she dropped the living room thing). I go through all the other nonsense, clean her eyes, get a wipe out of the bag, not the box, then she finds a loose thread and hands it to me, so I throw it away. Then she goes off about "string! string!"(she wants it back), and I end up losing it and screaming at her and slamming the door. That is not like me, I really try not to yell.

I felt bad, and then came in a few minutes later again to apologize, but also try to get her to understand that her screaming over silly things is making me mad, and it would make me happy if she layed down and was quiet. So I go through all the eye-cleaning and am trying to get her to lay(lie? I never know) down so I can put her blanket on, but she will not lie down, and can't decide if she wants the giraffe on her blanket to face her, or does she want the tail. I give her plenty of gentle warnings that I have to leave, we are keeping Bea awake, etc. I count to three and tell her at three I have to leave, and then I did. Now she screaming again, so a lot of good all that did.

I hate it that these things get under my skin. She pulls this in the middle of the night sometimes. One night, I didn't fall asleep until 3:00am because she kept crying for different stuff. It goes in cycles. I haven't really done CIO for it, although I know that would be the advice I would give someone. I have had "talks" with her where I tell her that Mommy and Daddy are sleeping, and if you wake up for something silly, you are a big girl and can do it yourself (pull up blanket,etc).

So now I'm sitting here listening to her cry. I know if I go in, I'll just end up getting frustrated again. I feel like a bad mother right now, I should be lovingly soothing my child, but that doesn't work. I end up trying to figure out which way I am supposed to turn a blanket.

 

Sometimes you have to just forget the " a good mother would...." That's guilt talking and even very little children can sense something like that, or at least how it makes you waiver.

We went through this on more than one occasion with Rosalie. Seems like she'd get over one cycle, then try it again a few months later.

To stop it, we have to get really firm. "We love you, but it's time to sleep." And don't say much else. Let her know you are not going to talk about ___ now, because it's time for sleep. Each of the times, the phase has been shorter, if that's any consolation!

For the middle of the night stuff, could you try a sticker chart?

Hope it gets better soon!

 

:hug99: Kelly, sorry about the games. You should try Kate's advice about going over the rules all day before bed and then have her tell them back to you (see the toddler wiki) and then STICK TO IT. If you keep going in she's going to continue to make up stuff till you finally go crazy and we have to ask for special permission to let you have internet in the nut house

Give her a little of what she needs. Tell her she can have her eyes wiped ONCE and her blankets on once etc. - set the rules with her and make her tell them to you.

:hug99:

 

You could have changed the names and been my house with my singleton. It is really hard sometimes, but most of the time she does really well. Don't beat yourself up over yelling. I do too much of that (both the yelling and the beating myself up part...) myself.

The one thing we do is to try and talk about sleeping and night rules during the day when she isn't tired and has a better chance of grasping them. Maybe that would help?

 

Thank you all. I'm going to do the Kate Method tomorrow. They are spending Friday night at my parents, and I don't want them dealing with this nonsense. She fell asleep after about 15 min, which is much better than I thought it would be. I guess she figured out which way she wanted her blanket all on her own.

 

the more you do the more she will expect so...
I would say in a firm voice It's time for bed now Good night I love you. And not anything else. and as bad as the crying makes
me feel I would try to gnore it. that is what I had to do with my ds#3 - it worked for us. for the middle of the night I would take her back to her bed and say the same thing It's still bedtime Goodnight I love you and walk out. if she comes out again I would say very firmly It is bedtime.

It is very frustrating and unfortunatly in my experience - bedtime at 2 and at 13 can be a pure nightmare for us parents!
just stick to your guns and you will at least make it easier!

you are so not horrible!

 

Oh, I soooo understand. I hate to say it, but I still haven't got it right. I actually sit in the chair in their room and read until they fall asleep every night. I tried the Kate Method and it didn't work for me unfortunately (my girls have always been SPECIAL...) So I'm getting reading done anyway.

Lately though Jade is into asking for a tissue, but then it's NOT THAT TISSUE! WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! (and me bringing all the tissue boxes from all over the house -- such a sucker).

I'm just telling myself that some day it'll be different and we'll be bonded by the fact that I was always there to provide a tissue.

 

QUOTE(~* dfaut *~ @ Jan 23 2008, 05:39 PM) [snapback]586663[/snapback]
You should try Kate's advice about going over the rules all day before bed and then have her tell them back to you (see the toddler wiki) and then STICK TO IT.

Give her a little of what she needs. Tell her she can have her eyes wiped ONCE and her blankets on once etc. - set the rules with her and make her tell them to you.



This was going to be my rec. also. I think your girls' speech/comprehension seems advanced enough that this could work really well for you.

I'm sorry they are putting you through the ringer. I get so stressed out when stuff like that happens (Nick is my game player). In my pre-parenting mind I would be that perfect, soothing mother and all they wanted was a sweet snuggle and would softly drift off to sleep. Unfortunately, this is the real world and that's not my reality.

:love0028:

 

Ditto most of that.

We are just starting to get into this (mostly with Amy), and I'm trying to start being firm. Already our routine has expanded so that now, after she's in her crib, she needs a squirt of lotion, a drink of water, an adjustment to the blanket, a chance to see the water going into the humidifier (and hold duckie up to see it too), and an endless variety of kisses and hugs (including kisses & hugs to duckie). Sometimes she also wants me to sing a song.

I'm sure there is a good developmental reason for all this, but it's annoying and exhausting (although I do enjoy some parts of the ritual). One thing that does seem to help is to not engage with her verbally. If I've decided that I'm not going to do another round of blanket-adjusting or whatever, I don't even respond when she asks for it, other than to say "It's time to sleep now."

Also, when I leave the room and I am really truly not coming back, I say "I'll see you in the morning." I try very hard not to cave and go back after that, so that they'll know there's no point in trying.

And yes, sometimes they do cry. And sometimes going back in just once for one last hug actually does the trick -- just often enough to keep me off balance as far as what the best response is!

I'm also going to try explaining the rules during the day. Amy is all about learning the rules right now (though she often breaks them, even while reciting them to me ), so hopefully she'll work with me there.

 

Okay, you guys are clearly killing me here with this "Kate Method" stuff. :rotflmbo: If you could all see the bedtime shinanigans in our house, you would never take one iota of advice from me again!!!

 

Lauren does the same thing when she gets mad. She'll think of something she wants me in her bedroom for. If I don't react she'll get mad. And go on for ever about it. If you keep going in to console her your fedding into it. Trust me in this...Laurens 4...I made the mistake for a while.
She knows now if her blanket is wrong she either uses it or freezes. Sounds harsh I know but...she won';t freeze, or die from a blanket issue. Her new thing is a bandaid for her daily sore finger that she only gets at bedtime. I say kiss it for me I'll see you later.

Hard to do but its got to be done . Ignore her! Its manipulation to get mommy in there.

 

Olivia, who is 5, has just started up with this again. I put them to bed and 5 minutes later she's in the living room, telling me of some sad thing that prevents her from being able to sleep. I have taken to saying, "Good night, Olivia," in a tone ringing with finality.

And, to answer your other question: "lay" always takes a direct object. One must lay [something] down. So, if there is no direct object, it's "lie." As in, "go lie down in your bed." To make it extra fun, "lay" is the past tense of "lie," so "she lay down in bed last night." "Laid" is the past tense of "lay." And, further into the past is "had lain," as in "she had lain in bed for an hour without falling asleep." It's "had laid [something down]" for "lay."

Yes, my mother was a grammarian. Why do you ask?

 

QUOTE(rubyturquoise @ Jan 24 2008, 07:28 AM) [snapback]587049[/snapback]
Olivia, who is 5, has just started up with this again. I put them to bed and 5 minutes later she's in the living room, telling me of some sad thing that prevents her from being able to sleep. I have taken to saying, "Good night, Olivia," in a tone ringing with finality.

And, to answer your other question: "lay" always takes a direct object. One must lay [something] down. So, if there is no direct object, it's "lie." As in, "go lie down in your bed." To make it extra fun, "lay" is the past tense of "lie," so "she lay down in bed last night." "Laid" is the past tense of "lay." And, further into the past is "had lain," as in "she had lain in bed for an hour without falling asleep." It's "had laid [something down]" for "lay."

Yes, my mother was a grammarian. Why do you ask?

LOL, thank you for the lay/lie lesson, it's always confused me! I realized later that I spelled "laid" wrong (I do it sometimes with paid too) and it was too late to edit.

Every time we watch Supernanny that has a child with bedtime drama, repeatedly coming out of the room, we say that's going to be Ainsley when they go to beds. At least now she's confined!

QUOTE
Lately though Jade is into asking for a tissue, but then it's NOT THAT TISSUE! WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! (and me bringing all the tissue boxes from all over the house -- such a sucker).


OMG, if you only knew how many times I hear "Not that one!" "Not that way!" AAAHHH!