PLEASE tell me how to get my 4yo to listen!!!

I spanked him today because I'm so fed up with him completely ignoring what I say to him!!! And I am NOT a spanker so clearly I'm at my wits end.

He's 4 1/2 and he just doesn't listen. I'll tell him to stop doing something, explain why, and within 10 minutes he's doing it again.

Time-outs just don't even phase him. He'll happy go off to the timeout spot, do his 4 minutes, we'll talk about why he had time-out, why we don't do whatever it was he did, I'll give him a kiss, tell him he's a good boy.

He doesn't really have a favorite toy to take away. Every time I take a toy away he doesn't really react to it.

He's such a good boy, but this lack of listening is his only "flaw" and it is really getting to me. Is there anything I can do about it, or are all 4 year olds this way and there is nothing I can do?

HELP!?!?!?

 

I spanked him today because I'm so fed up with him completely ignoring what I say to him!!! And I am NOT a spanker so clearly I'm at my wits end.

He's 4 1/2 and he just doesn't listen. I'll tell him to stop doing something, explain why, and within 10 minutes he's doing it again.

Time-outs just don't even phase him. He'll happy go off to the timeout spot, do his 4 minutes, we'll talk about why he had time-out, why we don't do whatever it was he did, I'll give him a kiss, tell him he's a good boy.

He doesn't really have a favorite toy to take away. Every time I take a toy away he doesn't really react to it.

He's such a good boy, but this lack of listening is his only "flaw" and it is really getting to me. Is there anything I can do about it, or are all 4 year olds this way and there is nothing I can do?

HELP!?!?!?

 

Is there maybe something your daughter loves that he doesn't. I have boy-girl twins as well and my daughter is the obstinate one that won't listen! I "threaten" her into submission by telling her Andrew will get to watch Thomas (the Train) all day or whatever else he wants and she won't get to choose anything. Not that they watch TV all the time, but you get the idea.

My daughter was driving me round the bend this morning as well. She normally comes in my room as I'm almost ready for work, but this morning she was misbehaving and wouldn't listen when I told her no. So, I'm right there with you sister!

Good luck to us both! Everyone else Too!
Linda

 

I'd send him to time out (in his room at that age) or take away a priviledge. Gotta get 'em where it hurts!

 

The currency in our house is Playstation. While I don't like Playstation and wish we didn't have one, Hayden and Brady value their 20 minutes a day like gold. Threatening to take away even 5 minutes of it is enough to change their behavior.

My new rule is if I see their finger in their nose (a horrible habit they have), they get no Playstation that day. So far, it's working really well.

Is there some type of privilege like that you can take away? TV time? Outside play time?

Good luck!

 

my boys are 3 1/2 and i've noticed that some things that used to work aren't working anymore.

i'm not really a 'spanker' either and i've noticed that when i've gotten to that point then things are really out of whack. my thing lately is if the child has gotten to the sort of hysterical stage and clearly no one is listening to anything then i just sit and take 10 deep breaths counting each one out loud as i exhale.

honestly i didn't think it would work. sometimes i get all the way to 10 and have to start over but most of the time everyone calms down after a few breaths, we talk and then i might still do a time out depending on what started the tizzy-fit. hitting is an automatic timeout but if they're too wound up then they have to calm down first... if it was something like me asking them to put their shoes on then we just move on.

one thing that we do that normally heads off any big drama is we ask them to do something once or twice then if they don't we do the old "i'm going to count to 3 and you better _________"

 

As Dr. Phil would say you have to find his currency. For my son, it is dessert. It is a great punishment, because given the choice, I would rather him not have it anyway, so I never feel guilty about taking it away. My string bean son LOVES his desserts, so this punishment/warning works well. If it is a bad offense, he loses it the whole day (lunch and dinner), if it is not too bad, just the next meal. Works for us!

 

quote:
Originally posted by jacob+twinsmom:
As Dr. Phil would say you have to find his currency.


This is exactly what I have been trying to do, the hard part is he doesn't really have currency! I've taken toys, privileges, dessert, etc and nothing really bothers him. He's just like, 'Okay'. I mean, I'm glad he doesn't throw fits when he's dealing with a consequence, but couldn't he hate it just a LITTLE bit?

 

Threatening to take away the bedtime story works with Ally, and she just turned 4. Of course, this time of year, threatening to tell Santa she's not being good is wonderful! However, I don't think that will work in July

 

I think children just get distracted and occupied and actually forget you had told them the exact thing just 5 minutes ago, and they're honestly not doing it to annoy us (even though it feels that way haha)

I don't like the idea of sending to room as I feel I want their room to be a comfortable place to sleep not a punishment place. I also don't like using food as reward/punishment, in my opinion can lead to eating problems. Taking away toys etc.. doesn't work for you mm

Just repeating over and over and hopefully eventually will listen, I find my two get up to mischief, if I'm trying to make dinner, or get something done, but obviously we can't be with them/structure their day constantly

Good luck, hopefully just a phase, and this is just my opinion, hopefully don't offend anyone.

good luck

amanda (mom of jorja and jessica 3)

 

I just want you to know that I am able to empathize with you more than anyone else. It isn't a matter of telling them what to do and 10 minutes later they disobey me. My boys will disobey me immediatly, so clearly, distraction is not the issue. At 4.5 he should be able to "remember the rules". My boys turned 5 in October and this is a constant, daily struggle for us. At home, at church, at preschool, at karate, at swimming lessons, EVERYWHERE. Like you son, my boys do not seem to have a "currency" and we have pulled all the discipline tools from our arsenol with little success. I feel like I spend all of my limited time with them (I work full time) micro-managing their behavior. It is mentally draining. I am not sure what your religious views are, but Dr. James Dobson has a couple of really wonderful books (The New Strong Willed Child) and (Bringing Up Boys). There is a huge difference between strong-willed children and compliant children. Strong-willed children do not respond to discipline like compliant children, and as a result, we parents often view ourselves as total failures. I struggle with this every single day and wish I had the answer for you.