Please stop me from quitting!

So i had been xclusively bfing the twins for a month now after a very painful start, (Iam so proud of myself for not quitting after those first two weeks.) but they had not recouped birthweight. In fact they had only gained about 2 oz each after two weeks (they were born at 37 weeks 5 days). I have been to the LC's 3 times and they just don't know what else to tell me. I was doing everything by the book, I REALLY want(ed) this to work but why they aren't gaining quicker? I don't know. So they suggested I start supplementing with formula...tears...I had a feeling that starting that would be the beginning of the end, but I was so worried about their lack of weight gain I finally gave in after most of my family and friends and doc suggested it...and i fought them tooth and nail. So now that I gave in I find myself knowing that they will last longer between feedings and am slacking off a bit. I was so tired today that I took a 5 hr nap by accident. It is so much easier in a sense. It gives me more freedom cause dady can feed them too, but I really didn't want this to happen. I am really involved in church and go several days a week and have started to sing again and it requires rehearsals, and it's so hard to go off somewhere and pump and hear all the comments aout why not switch to formula all together. I haven't managed to pump an efficient freezer supply b/c i was nursing so often I didn't have milk left over to pump after the feedings. The few bottles i did have i used to supplement them with before going to formula... even that didn't work apparently. What the heck is in formula that makes them gain weight so quickly? After i started adding just a 1/2 oz after each daytime feeding which totaled about 8, for 3 days, they gained 4 oz and 2oz. more than what they gained in two weeks. I'm afraid my slacking off will cause the milk supply to dwindle after getting to the point where they drip with milk. I am afraid that i will get tempted to just fill the entire bottle with formula instead of just using it as a supplement. It sucks cause i just got to the point where I am not hurting anymore and my nipples are nearly all healed. I hate people and their unsupportive comments. It's so hard to stay on target when all you hear is how skinny your babies are, and how you should feed them more oz per feeding by adding formula even though their adj age is two weeks... I block it out most of the time but the combination of that and my tiredness is dangerous. I don't want to quit. I read all the stories of how the people that quit regret it and that's what keeps me going. I feel if i lived in a small town somewhere and had no where to go and I stayed at home it would be much easier. and even then, it's hard because the sleep deprivation is a %&*$@. Sorry all my posts are so long.

 

Aww, honey! Big hugs! You are working so hard to stay strong and focused, on top of recovering from delivery and worrying about your babies. You are an amazing mom!

I've already told you a bit about our formula supplementing experience in another post, and I don't want to repeat all that...BUT, what I said about babies gaining weight so they can be better nursers, well it applies to you, too. This all gets easier for you when you REST. So if you want to use a little formula to take a 5 hour nap occasionally (sounds like heaven), that's a good thing to do. It will help you stay positive and focus on what you can DO. You are so committed, if you can find a way to take care of yourself (and have others take care of you!), you will find a way to make it work.

Just keep pumping every time you give a supplement! It's so important while you're still building supply.

You said you've been to 3 LCs - are they doing before and after nursing weights? Are the LCs doing a bunch of stuff to help you position the babies properly that are difficult for you to do at home? Are they seeing you at home? Do you have a local La Leche League group that could give you some additional support?

 

Ok I can't remember what they are called but have you talked to your LC about the suppliment tubes that you attach to your breast? I think they use them a lot with mothers that want to re-lactate. I would think that would be your best option if you absolutely have to suppliment. They help your supply and give the babies the extra that they need. I just know from my own experience that sticking with it was the BEST thing I ever did! It was not easy at all in the beginning but when I finally got the hang of it, it was sooo much easier and I enjoyed it so much. I had commitments at least 3 nights a week and needed Dh to be able to feed the babies so until I had a really good supply I did have to suppliment with some formula so I would pump as much as I could and he would give them a couple oz of formula if I was running late. It can be so exhausting but the more you nurse the better your supply will be and if you have to miss a feeding just make sure you pump. I'm sorry my answers are so scattered but it's late and my brain is fried, long day. Anyway sweetie you can do it, once you get through this rough part it will get easier and easier and EASIER!!! BTW after 3 months of almost exclusively pumping I finally got the hang of nursing (just when I was about to throw in the towel) and just completely weaned at 11 months!!

 

why not use human milk fortifier? i know you can order it at least from infamil. or else, just add formula to milk? my pedi told me that 1/2 teaspoon added to 90cc's of bm will make 3 oz of 22 cal bm. it's worth a shot!

i am so sorry you're going through htis and i wish you luck!

~~jl

 

Oh, I know it's so hard in the beginning!! We supplimented in the beginning and 'weaned' them off the suppliment by about 2 weeks. Then I EBF for 5 weeks and the girls just weren't gaining welll at all. I had a baby scale at home (it wasn't digital, but pretty accurate), and I could tell the girls weren't getting enough from me for whatever reason (often only 1 oz. even when it had been quite a while in between feedings). As far as their diapers, they were having the minimum of what is normal and some weren't very wet at all. I think I just didn't want to admit that they weren't getting enough. But that's not to say that yours aren't! Just trying to give some background. I know I need to post my "success" story sometime soon, but I was waiting until after the girls are 1 year...that would have a lot more details.

Anyway, we started supplementing again at 7 weeks. They were trying to go through a growth spurt. I was nursing every hour for almost the whole hour and they were not satisfied. I cried continually for a week after we started supplementing. I felt like such a failure. But my girls were gaining and a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. A friend of mine pumped milk for me for about a month and a half, so that cut out on some of the formula. I won't go into all the details, but basically when they were around 7 months and taking more solid foods I was able to cut back on some of the supplementing. We went through some hard times where they seemed to prefer the bottle, but we got through it. At 8 months another friend pumped milk for my girls for over a month so that helped too. After that they've each been getting about 7-8 oz. of formula per day and the rest is nursing. And we've almost made it to a year!!

Keep going!

 

i never completely replace a bm with a bottle of formula, i either add to the bottle of ebm if i'm out and about or give them 18-30mL of formula after nursing them. i nurse through the nightime without the formula. once the sun comes up, i start the supplements again. i don't want them getting a "meal" without associating it with me or my breast cause i don't want them to stop wanting to nurse.

but ya'll have made a great point. i can have dh do a feeding w/bottle of formula while i pump for that feeding and that would be a great way to stock up on freezer stash for when i go back to work in a month. do it maybe once a day? does that sound like a good idea or no?

 

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way :hug99: . I can totally relate. The first month was really difficult! It's a time when I would cry a lot, I was so scared for those babies and I didn't want anything bad to happen to them by my fault, but I didn't want to give up on breastfeeding. I had to supplement when my boys were 3 days old because the nurse practionner at the hospital thought they were loosing too much weight (which I retrospectively think was exaggerated). I was using these tubings mentioned in PP to give them the formula while nursing, to stimulate the milk production and allow them to train sucking and swallowing because they were tongue-tied and I had huge nipples (supposedly swollen due to the IV after my c-section). It was exhausting in these early days because they were feeding every 2 hours and it was making each feeding longer and more complicated.

Once at home, I continued for a couple of days, I was sooo scared of them not gaining weight! But then we had the 1st visit with the pedi (they were one 1 week old) and they had gained some weight. It was encouraging. For a week I would supplement (using mostly the tubings but also a bottle) only if I was too worried about their intake. Still, I wasn't very confident that I was doing things right until the 2nd visit (they were 2 weeks old) where they had definitely jumped. I think after that I still kept on doubting somehow and when I would see them restless I 'd give them a bottle. But luckily, just like DD, they've always prefered the breast to the bottle.

I think the most diffficult thing is to feel that you don't have the support. My DH would make a few comments about them being hungry, or not gaining enough weight, and suggest to give a bottle, without realizing that it was very hurtful, both to me and to my milk supply. He even suggested several times I should give up and just formula feed. I felt like I was being selfish for trying to stick to it. I remember once he did not wake me up while I was napping and gave them a bottle (with my MIL) and I felt betrayed. After that I would not trust them, so I would set an alarm clock to make sure I would not miss any feeding. It was really a stressful time. My husband started trusting me after the one month visit to the pedi, when their gain weight was huge! After that he gave me a break and let me handle things my way.

Since back at work when they were 6 weeks I've been breastfeeding, pumping, and supplementing. If I wasn't working, I'm sure I would have enough milk to exclusively breastfeed. Also, when my supply falls too low, I take advantage of the week-end to replenish it by exclusively breastfeeding. What I mean is that those few bottles did not ruin my milk supply. They gave me the strenght (moral and physical) to continue and they gave a boost to my boys when they needed it. Please do not feel inadequate, you're doing a great job, and you're very courageous. Right now if it looks like it would help them to supplement with formula, well go ahead, but as said in PP pump to keep on stimulating. Also, try to explain to the persons closest to you how it works, why you're doing certain things, how important it is, and how much you feel distressed and need their support.

Big hugs! Hang in there, it will get better!

 

i tried to BF my twins but had no support from anyone besides my DH and gave up shortly after coming home from the hospital. these were our first babies and had really no help at all. it was DH and me. my MIL lives in same house as us but in downstairs apartment and i basically had to teach her how to handle a baby. she kept saying a bottle is easier why bother. UGH!!! My DH would say your doing great keep it up don't listen to them. but all in all we were just learning what to do and i was the only one who can do it. DH was so scared to do it alone. so every feeding every changing everything i did. i was exhausted and i would give a bottle and put them down to sleep and try to pump. i would fall asleep pumping LOL. My milk came in and i lasted a week after and i would try so hard. i didn't know about the forum here or i would of got some support. EVERYONE told me i should just bottle feed. MIL, SIL, doctors. who cares about the outsiders. it was real rough on me for the first month. i was crying all the time cuz i was totally exhausted. MIL made it worse everytime i would put them down to sleep she was immediately in their room and they would wake up she would say after we told her to stay out of their room that she was only trying to help. what help them stay awake? well what i am trying to say is i know its hard right now and your tired and you have no support from people there but come here for some support there are plenty of BFing mommies here that will give you hugs and advice too. your doing great your a good mom and they are NOT going to starve by getting you breast milk. i regret not being able to deal with it and wish i had stayed with it don't stop keep going your babies will be better for it and you will be happier knowing you did it when everyone what buttheads and gave you no support. i think alot of people are against bfing for whatever reason. don't listen to them. yout doing great.

 

You are doing a great job and should not doubt that bf'ing will work out best for your twins if it is what you want to do! I think many people here have had similar experiences with being told that maybe they should switch to formula. Do what you believe in!

My twins were in the NICU and I have had to supplement from the beginning. I have worked with an LC, done numerous things to try and build my milk supply, and every time I think we are almost to exclusive breastfeeding I get the twins weighed and their weight gain is not great. I have finally starting to internalize what I read on these boards a lot, that it does not have to be all or nothing. If you want to breastfeed, do it and your babies will get all of the benefits of breastmilk and breastfeeding, even if they get some supplements. My DS and DD are almost 6 months and they currently get 4-9oz/day of formula or EBM by bottle. But they are growing and healthy and, as the LC told me early on, they are still "breastfed babies" even if they get some bottles. Every time I feel like either throwing in the towel or increasing their supplements or skipping a pumping session, I come here and read so I can feel motivated to keep going! Lots of women here have experienced the same thing, same feelings, same doubts and/or happiness when it comes to bf'ing twins. I get a lot of support IRL but don't know anyone who has actually done this!

Hopefully, as pp mentioned, yours will become stronger nursers as they get bigger and older, and it will get easier, no question about it. Don't give up if this is important to you! Good luck!!

 

I nursed my girls a year. The first 4mths were insane!!!! with nursing, pumping and supplementing with breast milk. Eventually I dropped the pumping and supplemented with formula so I could maintain my sanity! I also took domperidone to increase my supply.

I found that it was only in the first few months that I needed to supplement(my girls were in NICU for their first 4 wks...born at 32 and 5)
Once they were "term" and stronger nursers and my supply was increased, it was fine. My girls were also jaundiced for a long while which made the sleepy and not long nursers.

It was frustrating having being told that they were not gaining enough...but remember that alot of the charts are based on formula fed babies for weight gain and not breast fed babies.

Hang in there....I found that you have to be pretty stubborn...I was and I nursed my girls for their first year and from there they went right onto homo milk.
You CAN do it!!

 

I don't have a ton of time today - crazy teethers BUT. I had to drop a line that we had to suppliment early on and when we supplimented they grew a lot faster. Our doc is pro-BFing so she said I could stop and she was OK with any growth really as long as all other signs were that they were healthy. DD has always grown in spurts. Literally nothing and then tons all at once. She is tiny but I think it is just who she is, she is not a big eater even for bottles/solids.

You can totally do this. Your supply is never "set" and is based on how much you are getting out not on how much was produced in the first weeks. IMO all the LCs tell you that at 6 weeks your supply is set but that is silly because your supply will naturally grow as they do and I have seen mine increase.

I still worry that our DD is the size of most 4 month olds but most days it doesn't bother me.

Try to focus on how they are as a whole baby not weight. Wet diapers, skin soft and full, eyes look healthy not sunken/red/etc, soft spot isn't significantly sunken (it will be a little sunked depending on how they sit - this always freaked me out), hair filling in (dont comfuse with it falling out), meeting milestones.

Our two may be little but they have been doing everything on time or early for a full-term baby and they were 3 1/2 weeks early. So everytime I worry about weight gain DH reminds me that they are super healthy.

Seriously SOOOOO many people overfeed their babies when they are by the bottle. It's sort like the fact that no matter how full I am if you put dessert in front of me I can eat it.

You're at the rough point but it only gets better. Keep your eye on the prize and you will make it.

 

I live in a small town in southern Mexico and was off work for their first year so I pretty much had no where to go, I don't even have internet at home so I couldn't even spend time on TS that year,
but that didn't mean it was easy!
BFing twins is hardwork. You are doing great.

I supplemented the whole time I bfeed. I made it 15 months. I think a major thing was I never thought I had to do one or the other. I never thought it was strange or impossible or bad to do both. Sometimes ignorance IS bliss!
I never had access to a pump either so ebm was not an option for me. We bottle feed on schedule and bfeed on demand. My girls were born at 35.5 weeks, Gabby had minor sucking issues and suringe feed the frist 3 days. In their first two weeks the ff was 1 oz every three hours. Then the second two weeks I think it was 2 oz every 4 hours, by 3 months it was 4oz three times a day. From then on I made bottles according to the oz per age on the can of the formula but just 3 times a day (our meal times) with on demand breast feeding between then. We started solids at 6 months in which I made an effort to reduce the amount of formula so that solids were replaceing formula not breastmilk.

you CAN supplement and nurse for a long time!

 

I had MANY issues in the beggining...from blisters, to bleeding...it was AWFUL for me! But he STILL nurses AND takes the bottle too. I LOVE that I stuck with it! I know its hard, but you can do it!!

you are STRONG and a wonderful mom for trying this hard!!!

 

I nursed my girls for 13 months, but only the first four were exclusive. And I still dare to think of myself as a breastfeeding mom!

I returned to work when my girls were 14 weeks old. I had EBM in the freezer and was able to pump 2x a day at work. But soon after beginning work, I got pretty sick. I continued nursing, but had to juggle around my antibiotic schedule, so we ended up going through most of our stash. I was never able after that to pump enough daily to keep up with them. They got one bottle of EBM and one of formula each day, and I nursed whenever I was with them -- at least four feedings a day, though.

It really did take a while to get over giving them that stuff... I mean, the list of ingredients on a formula can is pretty scary. What is all that?
But I know for certain that if I had tried to make it all or nothing, it would have been nothing.

The formula actually helped us transition to sippy cups, since that's what we put in them

 

:hug99:

Don't feel guilty!!! The exact same thing happened to me--they lost lots of birth weight, we tried different things, ended up supplementing with formula, they started to gain weight. Every time I try to get them completely down to just breastfeeding (even if I'm doing all the right things), their weight tapers off. That's just me--you may be able to get back up to a full supply in a little bit.

My milk did start coming in more after I got more rest. The first few weeks are just so hard.

So, I'm almost six months into it, mostly breastfeeding, some formula, and a little rice cereal. And it's OK!

You're doing the best that you can, and you're still getting them the antibodies and other fabulous benefits of breastfeeding.

Hang in there!!!!