Please help

I need help. I have tried everything I can think of. Timeout, spanking, talking, one-on-one time and nothing is helping. Ethan is throwing major fits all the time over little things. Yesterday it lasted over an hour. I cannot deal with this. Please help.

 

Do you think this is in response to his new brother? I would try to keep a journal for a week or two and note what you think caused the melt down, what time it happenned, how long it lasted and the intensity of his melt down. There may me a pattern that's hard to see in the moment.
If the twins are crying or melting down, I tell them they have until I count to 3 and then they need to go to there rooms until they are done - not as a punishment, but because it stops sooner without an audience. This would have never worked with my oldest, he had 1 1/2 plus meltdowns from 15 months on. He is on the autism spectrum and there are a lot of methods to use for his meltdowns, but you would need the guidance of a doctor or therapist. I don't think you are there yet, but charting the melt downs will give you more of a feel.
Long melt downs are much more bearable if you can be seperated by a door and sure the child is still self.
Would he respond to a reward system, maybe an extra book at bedtime for each day he didn't have a tantrum over 30 minutes and lower the time after a week. Good luck.

 

My Katrina used to have very bad tantrums (still does at times but not as often) and the one thing we noticed that when she was tired she had them more often. She still takes naps at 5 because if not she has major tantrums. So I'm just wondering is if he is getting enough sleep? We tried everything with her (same as you) and the only thing that usually helped her was just sending her to her room as that age and just sitting by her door and holding it shut until she calmed down. Then after she calmed down she would go to time out (but she had to be calm first or timeout was pointless because she wouldn't stay in it). They were in beds before they were 2 1/2 so she had free rein of her room and woud hit the door and walls, she would also throw things but she needed to stay in the room until she calmed down. Her tantrums could last 5min or longer so I sat by that door for a long time and usually her sister would play in our living room or watch tv.

 

cameron has BAD tantrums. they are at their worst when he is hungry. a lot of time i will give him options - if you are going to cry and throw a fit, you need to go to the playroom and be by yourself - if you want to stay here with the rest of us you need to stop crying - that kind of thing. sometimes he's inconsolable - he does need some time to just get it all out, but then he is so worked up he won't stop until i soothe hime - so i will go to him and ask if he's ready to stop crying and have a cuddle - but he HAS to stop crying, or i won't hold him. then he needs to snuggle for a bit to get over himself. it's HARD. hugs!

 

I just posted in the health issues forum about how eliminating food dyes from my dd's diet really helped "smooth out" her moods. She's had a quick temper, but not a long lasting, tantrum kind of temper. It might be worth seeing if he is sensitive to food dyes. I don't think they are bad for all kids, but my daughter has definitely seen improvement with out them, so she is obviously sensitive to them. It took about 4 days or so for it to make a difference. PM me if you want more info. I don't want to become the "food dye lecture" girl on TS, although I am soooo excited about the results I've seen.

 

My friend was over here one day and I could hear her 5 year old screaming as soon as they got out of the car. My door wasn't even open yet and I hear her screaming. So, the minute they got into the house I took her and layed her down for a nap. I told her that she was not moving until she took a nap. She screamed for 3 1/2 hours. Her mom is pregnant and has severe all day sickness so I took over for her. We just let her cry it out. She did eventually sleep after I let her go to the bathroom. She napped for about 1 1/2 hours and then when she woke up I asked her if she remembered why she was in trouble. She said that she wanted to hold the bag. At first I didn't understand what she meant but when I got the whole story it made sense.

My friend and my brother took both girls to the store and when they got through the checkout line she wanted to hold the bag on the way to the car and my brother said no. So, in the middle of the store and in the parking lot, in the car all the way to my house, and in my house she screamed non-stop. I never allow my kids to scream like this in my house for things that they want and if they start they go down for a nap or they will sit in their room for the day or until they are ready to apologize to me or whomever they through the tantrum at. Aubrey and Avarey were asleep and were awakened by this tantrum that day and I was not very happy. Her mother is a person that gives her kids EVERYTHING they want and has spoiled her kids beyond what she thinks is reversible. I have been helping her to change that course. It seems to be working and her kids are starting to show her more respect, at least when they are over here. My brother takes up the slack when they aren't here for me to help so she isn't alone.

You have to show them consistancy! If you do something once, and slack off the rest of the time, you are showing your kids that you will give in and the tantrums will continue. Be firm and if you can't handle the punishing, call in reinforcements to help you. It takes an army to raise a child! Though it is possible to raise them on ones own, it is very hard and can stress you out! Just breath and if you have to walk out of the room then do so. If your little one follows you then move to another room. Yes, it will get old but you have to stick to it. This will be your time out in a way not just theirs.

In the future you will hear your little ones, being all grown themselves, asking you what you did when they were little and you can share your expert advice. Hang in there Momma!

Hope things get better!
Meshell