please help

Please please please somebody tell me the answers!

My lovely twin daughters will be 3 in October. I can count on my hands the number of times they have slept through the night. Since they were born, getting them to go to bed, sleep all night and even nap has been a struggle. Once they turned 2, they started climbing out of their cribs. They also stopped napping.

I am writing now because I am completely lost and I do not know what to do. I feel like I am creating monsters because they are SO sleep-deprived. They are so crabby, mean and miserable for the majority of most days. They are constantly fighting, crying and whining. Every few days, I can get them to nap- but when they nap, they don't go to bed till way later than they really should. Even when they don't nap, bedtime can still be a struggle. We have the same routine we use every night, but they are just both very stubborn and feed off of each other and just make going to bed difficult. They are in the same room, but separate rooms are not an option. I will say that they are sleeping at night better than they used to. But we have given up having them sleep in their own beds...they either end up in our bed at some point or we end up in theirs. The thing that is frustrating about sharing beds is that when I wake up in the morning, they do too. I could really use a little bit of time in the am to shower and get prepped for the day!

Another result of their sleep-deprivation is that they wake up at night with night-terrors..but that's a whole 'nother post!

I also have an 18 month old son who is a super sleeper and napper, thank the lord! He is such a happy, easy-going baby, complete opposite of the twins. I feel so bad for him because they are also SO mean to him!

The twins generally wake up between 7:30-8am. I try to get them to nap from about 12:30- 2:30. If they nap, they don't usually fall asleep till after 1:30. I only let them nap foor about an hour, or until 3 to try to save bedtime struggles. If they don't nap, we start bedtime around 7..they are ready for bed about 7:30, but don't fall asleep till after 8. If they do nap, they won't go to bed till after 9.

So my questions are:
1) Is there a magic sleep pill?? JK- sort of!
2) How do I get them to nap! I truly think they still need to as they are just awful by 3pm on.
3) How do I get them to stop fighting? Like hitting, biting, pulling hair, all out fighting!
4) How do we get them to go to bed easily at night (without us having to lay with them till they fall asleep) and stay in their beds all night??
5) Sometimes I feel like we should see a sleep specialist. Has anyone ever been? Can anyone suggest one?

I just feel like the biggest failure. I thought it was always my dream to stay home with my kids, but right now we are all just miserable. I am so unproductive and am not able to accomplish anything during the day because my kids are so needy. I just don't konw what to do anymore. I feel like it would be easier to go back to work and put them in daycare!!

Please help!

 

I think you need to decide where your boundaries are for bedtime and then make some new rules and really stick to them. Explain the rules to the girls and put in place both consequences for not following them (eg if you fight at bedtime you lose a teddy) and rewards for doing well (they are quite young but they might be able to get the hang of a sticker chart. Or something more instant like if you get into bed nicely after teeth brushing you can pick the story).

So for example you don't want to be bed sharing with them but would you be happy to have them sleeping in the same room as you? If so then maybe put a mattress or some blankets on the floor next to your bed and they can come and sleep there if they want to. If you don't want them to come into your room at all then you will either have to lock them in their room or continually put them back into their own beds all night.
Also I know you said you have no room to separate them but is your son in his own room? If he is then maybe you could move him into your room and split the twins up. Just as a temporary measure while you get their sleep under control. Once they are sleeping properly you should see a marked improvement in their behaviour, and it'll be much easier to deal with the other things like the fighting (although a certain amount of fighting is inevitable with 3 toddlers!). Even if you really can't have separate rooms at all you could try having one go to sleep in your bed while the other goes to sleep in her own bed, and then carry the one in your bed through once they are both asleep. That removes their playmate from bedtime and hopefully they will fall asleep better. You could do the same thing for naps-one naps in their room and the other in your room.
As far as not laying with them any more I would probably do that more gradually. Start off by sitting next to them on the bed instead of lying down, then move to sitting next to the bed on the floor, then to sitting in the room but further away from the bed, then to sitting next to the door, and finally to not being in their at all.

HTH a little, good luck.

ETA: You shouldn't feel like a failure at all. It's so easy to get into bad habits with sleeping because the whole thing can get stuck in a negative cycle really quickly. It might be worth seeing a sleep specialist if you can find one. If you can get them back on track with sleeping then not only will their attitudes improve but you will have more energy to deal with problems when they do occur. :hug:

 

Hi,don't know how much help I can be but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone!
We're going through a very very similar tthing at our house. My girls are 28.5 months and we have the same sleep issues. They won't have day sleeps anymore but I feel they still need thema s they are usually feral by 4! We've always had a good routine and they usually don't to bed much easier. We also don't have the option of seperate rooms.
I have kept them in our room in their cribs still - for my convienience as much as anything so I can get their water quicker through the night.

Although I'm absolutely devestated over losing the day sleep, I have insisted on making them lie down on kid sized flip out sofas and watching dvd at 'rest time'. This makes me feel like I still have some control lol (seriously in denial I think!!)T2 will lie there for maybe 20 mins if I'm lucky but T1 will lay still a lot longer and has even fallen asleep a few times!
Also a while ago when they first started resisting sleep times and climbing out of their crib, I started taking the better sleeper in first about 1/2 hr before her sister. This seemed to help - sometimes! I would often go to see if they'd gone to sleep and find T1 had climbed out of her crib, gotten books for T2 who can't climb out yet and be playing the ipod which we use for bedtime music!!!

I'm dreading moving them into miss6's room in toddler beds in the next few weeks.

Goodluck, and I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like this!

 

Mine have become unruly, too, especially at nap time. What has been working recently (that I hate, BTW) is that the baby is sleeping in a PNP in our room. She's moving to her room this week. The boys have always shared a room but now that they are in toddler beds they are not any better. Since they now hurt eachother when left alone, I have to insist they stay in bed. When they don't comply, I pull my better sleeper, Orion, out and put him on the couch with a pillow. I should say I position him facing the wall on the couch so there is nothing interesting to look at. I was very firm in the beginning, too, that he lay still and be quiet. Currently they both sleep really well this way but I wish he'd sleep in his room so that I could watch TV or take a nap downstairs. I'm working on him coming to get me upstairs in my room when he wakes up .