Please help with any suggestions or personal insight

I'm really getting desperate for help! I have been real laid back about potty training my kids. Or at least I am really trying to be laid back. I never decided it was "time" for them to be potty trained, but instead watched their cues and knew when they were ready. Two of my three are potty trained and it was one of those, one morning they woke up, we put on panties/briefs and that was it. My third has no interest what-so-ever, so he may test my decision to be laid back, but then again, I really have no idea how you force pt'ing a child who refuses to use the potty! :blink: That will be a future post.

My DD has been pt for almost two full years. However, we learned quickly that she needed pull-ups at night. When she turned three, we tried again to let her sleep with her panties, but she still had an accident every night. So, we tried waking her up at various times throughout the night to use the potty. That didn't work. She had either already wet the bed, or she still wet it after. We tried that again when she was about 3.5. Same thing. Fast forward to a month ago. My DH and I went on a date night and my parents watched the kids. My DD was out of pull-ups in her room (there was another package in the garage), but she didn't tell my parents that she was out, so she went to bed in her panties. At 4 in the morning she woke me up screaming that she didn't have a pull-up. It took me several minutes to realize that she was in her panties and needed to use the potty, but was confused because she didn't have a pull-up. I sent her to the bathroom and was so excited thinking that all our patience was paying off. That was the first night she has ever made it the whole way through dry. I left the pull-ups hidden in the garage and she has been wearing panties every night since. However, in the past 3.5 weeks, we have had only 4 or 5 dry nights.

These are my options:
1. put her back in pull-ups and continue waiting
2. purchase one of those bed wetting alarm systems that goes off at the first hint of moisture
3. continue putting her to bed in her panties and trying, trying, trying

This is what I've tried over the last few weeks:
1. Every night her fluids are limited or not allowed after 6 (bedtime is around 9)
2. Uses the bathroom before bed
3. If she has an accident she has to change her own clothes and her mat without waking me up (this was because part of me wonders if she wets herself because it's easier than getting up and using the potty (when she was in pull-ups) and when she is in panties, I would get up and do all the clean-up)
4. I am trying a reward system, but she is so not interested in anything I am trying to reward her with

I am desperate for advice and wisdom. Thanks for reading.

 

Exactly how old is she? I know that it isn't uncommon for children to not be night trained until they are older. Some kids will night train easy, and some will be closer to 7 or so when they night train. If she is under 5, I would give it time. I personally would put her back in pull ups and give her another 6 months and then try again.

 

I have no words of wisdom for you! My middle daughter PTed at 3 1/2 and within a month or 2 was dry all night. She's been in undies at night for months. My youngest (3) decided a week or so ago she wanted to pee on the potty and is doing great. She usually dry at night but I'm not ready to take the step to underwear yet at night. Besides, I just bought 2 cases of diapers!

Then there's my oldest. We had lots of stuff going on (pregnant, moved, baby birth/loss, I went to work, DH laid off, moved in with my parents, another baby, moved again, all in the space of 16 months) when she decided to PT herself at about 2 1/2. So she had random daytime accidents for a long time. She's fine all day now, she's 6, but is ALWAYS wet in the morning. She wears a pull up at night.

My personal opinion is that there's nothing to reward or punish for. I don't believe that it's a choice she's (my daughter) making wake up or not to pee. At home she sleeps very soundly and probably just doesn't wake up when she needs to go. I posted a few weeks back how she is wet at home, but when she sleeps at either of her grandparents' houses she's always dry.

Personally, I'd put her back in pull ups and wait it out. I plan to talk to her pedi in a few weeks just to see what they say, but I have no plans to change my strategy. There are many here on TS who have reassured me that their 4-8 year olds are still wet at night. I know my daughter is not alone and this is actually pretty common, just not talked about.

Good luck!

 

Don't push her. Chances are that will backfire. Some kids have a really hard time waking themselves up to use the potty. Neither of my twins is ready for that yet. Would I love to be done with pull ups, of course. Darn things are expensive. But I'd rather have a child that gets there on their own and stays there, then one that is miserable because they can't stay dry. Some kids are much older when their body gives them the signal to wake up. Why cause drama and trauma in your home over something that is normal? It will happen. When she's ready. Some peds don't even want to discuss night training issues until around 8.

 

QUOTE(momma*nic @ Mar 24 2009, 10:20 AM) [snapback]1242156[/snapback]
Don't push her. Chances are that will backfire. Some kids have a really hard time waking themselves up to use the potty. Neither of my twins is ready for that yet. Would I love to be done with pull ups, of course. Darn things are expensive. But I'd rather have a child that gets there on their own and stays there, then one that is miserable because they can't stay dry. Some kids are much older when their body gives them the signal to wake up. Why cause drama and trauma in your home over something that is normal? It will happen. When she's ready. Some peds don't even want to discuss night training issues until around 8.


I agree with April. My DD night trained quickly, but neither of my twins are night trained and they will be 5 in May. This drives my DH up the wall, but we have a family history of late night training (both my mom and older brother wet the bed until they were 8 or 9) so I am not worried. Nathan wakes up dry a couple days of the week and is so proud when he does it, but then he will go several days waking up soaked. William has no desire to be dry in the morning. Don't pressure your DD. Odds are it really is beyond her physical control. I would put her back in a Pull Up until she is waking up dry more nights than not and then try again with the underwear.

 

Personally, I wouldn't worry about it but I would talk to my ped about it. Personally, I find it reassuring to hear from the doc what I already know, it's normal for some kids to night train later.

I've never had my ped not wanting to discuss an issue with me based on my child's age. They have always been wonderful at providing me an age range I can expect things to happen, apropriate expectations, and an age range I need to come back in and start to become concerned.

My dd was freaking out crying at the sight of the potty at 2.5 y/o and I talked to my ped about it. He was wonderful. He really helped me to see the bigger picture and gave me information which helped be understand the process and why she may be so different than all my other kids. (She is now PT'ed day and night!)

 

Thank you so much for your replies. I will put her back in pull-ups tonight. I totally agree with everything all of you said, but was starting to doubt myself.

She slept with me last night in my bed. Around 3 I woke up and realized she had wet herself. It took me several seconds to get her to wake up, and even then, she was incoherent and I didn't understand a word that she was trying to say. We changed her and she fell back asleep. When she woke up this morning, dry, she thought she made it the whole night.

It breaks my heart for her, because I think she wants to be able to stay dry, but it is starting to cause stress for her (not me, it really isn't a big deal to me) when she's going to bed.

Again, thanks so much for sharing your opinions and your own stories. You have no idea how much more at peace I feel right now.

 

I just wanted to chime in to agree with the advice you've already gotten and to reassure you. My girls just night trained at 4+, and before that I really felt like we were behind. It turns out that we weren't...they just weren't ready yet. My ped. also advised that it's a developmental issue and that their body has to be ready to wake them up to go potty. No sticker chart or reward in the world came make a kid wake up. Their body just has to get to that point. The frustrating part is that some kids do it earlier than others, and if you're the parent of the kids that take longer, you automatically think you're not doing it right. Nope, it's just that all kids are different.

We left ours in diapers until they were dry for a straight week. If they were wet at any point, the count started over. We saved ourselves a lot of headaches and them feeling frustrated by doing that. Believe it or not, they really wanted to do it, but just couldn't control it yet. Once they were dry for a week, we went to panties and we've had very few accidents. They are also so proud of themselves!

 

It will happen in it's own time. What we did is used the overnight pull-ups with stars on them that disappear when wet. They had to get 7 nights dry in their pull-ups (by having their stars in the morning). After that, they got underwear at night. Timothy started being dry overnight at 4.5. Sarah originally was dry overnight for well over a year. Then she starting wetting after we moved. We figured out that once she got in her own room, she was sleeping much deeper and not waking up to go potty. We just got the pull-ups out and told her 7 nights with her stars in the morning and she could have panties at night. She is now up to 25 nights in a row dry. It's like the switch flipped.

We have a magnetic chart in the kitchen where they got to put up a smiley face magnet when they still had their stars. That's how we kept track. And the kids seemed to like that we could talk about the stars and nobody else knew that we were asking if they were wet or dry.

Marissa

 

I've got you all beat. My daughter who turns 7 today is still in pullups at night. Actually she's so big she's about to grow out of everything they make for kids and we'll have to go to depends! (I'm not really kidding!)
In my experience, potty stuff is the one battle you NEVER win. They will do it when they are ready. Especially this, they want to be dry so bad!
My ped says to give it time. She'll get there.

 

My oldest DD wore pull ups to bed until she was 7. She went a whole 2 weeks dry, and we let her wear panties. Our twins on the other hand...will proably be 60 or so as we can't seem to even get day training down at 3 1/2... She will do it when she is ready. Good Luck!

 

This is reassuring to me too -- my DDs are only 3.5 (not even quite), but DH is already starting to ask me, "Should they still be wearing pull-ups at night?" (He's not really stressing about it, he just doesn't know what "normal" is.)

 

Staying dry at night is an autonomic response--meaning the subconscience brain is in control. For a child to control nighttime wetting, they would have to be awake to be in control. Someone once posted that their ped told them there is a hormone which controls nighttime wetting, and until that hormone is activated, there is nothing you can do.

For me, Jonathan was dry at night from the night he was day trained at 3 years 9 months. Marcus was day trained at 3 years 4 months, but was just about 5 by the time he was able to stay dry at night. Eventually, it will happen.

 

All kids stay dry at night at different ages. My oldest didn't stop wetting at night until he was at least 7, my twins still wet the bed more than they stay dry, and they are 6. I would much rather they wear a pullup than wash the sheets, so I just have them wear one. My youngest started to stay dry about 6 months ago, and she is 4. I have never made it an issue. I learned through a lot of heart ache that making potty training an issue can cause some emotional problems, which is what I did to my oldest son. With the others, I left it up to them. It isn't something you can force, and I have no idea why I even tried. I know the twins will eventually stay dry all night, Connor most likely before Aaron. I am just leaving it up to them and I just don't say anything. Don't worry, your Dd will do it eventually! :hug:

 

Again, thanks, to all of you for your wisdom and encouragement. I'm excited to let her know that tonight we're going back to pull-ups. I think she'll be relieved, as will I. I already called my DH to let him know the concensus from the boards and he was very supportive of going back to pull-ups.

We will continue being relaxed about the whole thing and let it happen when each child is ready. The funny thing, of my three, the only one that makes it through the night dry is my boy who refuses to use the potty! He's the only one still in a diaper (he's 3 years and 2 months, his twin has been in briefs for months!) and has ZERO interest in using the potty!

 

QUOTE(tothemoon @ Mar 24 2009, 04:44 PM) [snapback]1242804[/snapback]
The funny thing, of my three, the only one that makes it through the night dry is my boy who refuses to use the potty! He's the only one still in a diaper (he's 3 years and 2 months, his twin has been in briefs for months!) and has ZERO interest in using the potty!



You want to know the possible irony of this? Timothy stayed totally dry at night, until he potty-trained. Then it switched. He was totally day-trained and fine by 3.5 years, but starting soaking the pull-up at night. It took another year to get both day and night trained.

Marissa

 

Ditto the PP's -- it's a bladder maturity/hormonal thing. My 5-year-old is still in a pull-up at night, although at this point, it's really just out of laziness on my part. She's very rarely wet -- maybe once every couple of months, if she drank too much or slept in too late, etc. We're going to finish the current pack of pull-ups and not buy anymore.

But, we've only been at this point for the past few months, really. And, she's been daytime trained since 27 months, and I can count on one hand the number of accidents we've had since then during the day....so, don't stress!

 

My DD1 will be five in June and still wears pullups at night. She is fine during the day, I can't even remember er last accident - probably at least a year ago. Honestly, we have never even really tried to night train her. I have told her when she is dry for a week she an wear panties to bed. I think she wants to and is very proud of herself on the mornings when she has been dry but that is only a handful of times a month and never back to back. I am just not interested in all that drama in the middle of the night. :lol: I'm going to give her another year before I really try to push it.

With that many bedwettings I think she really is just not ready. I would go back to the pullups.

 

I'm glad you've decided to give it some time.

My ID boys night trained within a couple weeks of each other. I did not train them or wake them or push it in the slightest. They started being dry in the morning on occasion and when they stayed dry every night for a couple of weeks straight and woke when they needed to pee, I switched them to underwear. I believe strongly that it's completely physical at this age and waking to pee just plain isn't something you can teach.

 

QUOTE(Minette @ Mar 24 2009, 01:58 PM) [snapback]1242427[/snapback]
This is reassuring to me too -- my DDs are only 3.5 (not even quite), but DH is already starting to ask me, "Should they still be wearing pull-ups at night?" (He's not really stressing about it, he just doesn't know what "normal" is.)

Me too! And also my DH is asking when we can stop buying pull-ups. They still wake up with a very wet pull-up, so I'm not even ready to try. We did try it once with Bea a couple months ago because she said she wanted to wear underwear to bed, but she woke up at 11:00 (going to bed at 8:00) with the bed completely soaked.

 

My twins are 4.5 and my son still wears pull ups to bed and wakes up wet 75% of the time. We spoke with a urologist who told us that it's completely normal until age 8 and that he may also just be a deep sleeper. We limit fluids in the evening and he still wets the bed. I bought some pads from One Step Ahead that wrap around the matress (over the sheet) and can be easily changed. I would put her back in the pullups and wait it out!

 

I also have experienced this with my oldest and it took well into teenage years! We used pull ups up to a certain point, the alarm and then just the underwear to make the child respsonsible for bedding and cleaning up. This was kind of to force the child into taking responsibility. I think we really started this around 10 or so. Very deep sleeper here and they have to learn to listen to their body. I realized when this particular child would tell me what time they woke up in the middle of the night that they should just get up and use the restroom and things got better from there. There is hope and it really does just takes time. It isn't their fault and try not to make a big deal out of it and it will resolve itself.