PLEASE Help Me!

I have been worried about one of my sons' emotional development pretty much since he was born. He seems to be very intense, and easily stressed. He also has a propensity toward overstimulation. As he gets older (4 1/2 months) and it only gets worse, I am getting VERY worried. We have a ped appt at the end of Nov so I plan to talk to her then, but in the mean time I would like to hear ANYTHING any of you have experienced in this regard.

Jackson is the life of the party. He loves to interact with other people at family get togethers, etc. However, when we get home, he always has a MAJOR melt-down. It seems like the entire day's worth of stimulation catches up with him and he becomes hysterical. These episodes last for hours, and that's bad enough... but the worst part is that he is completely inconsolable. NOTHING will calm him until he cries so hard that he falls asleep. I am getting worried because I think that we, as his parents, should be able to soothe him, and we can not.

Today, for instance, I took him to Target & the post office in the morning. Then in the afternoon/early evening we went to his grandparents' house. He had a terrible meltdown when we got home, and again at bed time. I could never let him CIO because he is so completely inconsolable. When he gets hysterical, even if we are trying to soothe him, it doesn't work. If we let him CIO, I don't even know what would happen. On the other hand, I might let his twin brother CIO (I don't but if I think about it, it sounds reasonable and I could possibly agree to it) because I think he might self-soothe eventually.

Another situation is swimming lessons. WE tried swimming, and he cried for the entire class (30 mins). Then he cried the entire way home. We got him out of his carrier and gave him a bath, and he calmed down and seemed happy. However, as soon as he got out of the bath, he became hysterical (the norm after a bath), and it didn't stop for about 4 hours. Nothing would calm him. We are talking heart-breaking, completely hysterical, inconsolable screaming/crying.

Has anyone dealt with this with their child? This isn't "normal", is it?? What should I do? I am sure I haven't covered all of the details of how he typically behaves so please let me know if I left out anything important... I am just so confused and worried about my son.

 

Erin,

I don't have any experience with this, but I wanted to write and send a hug your way. It's so hard dealing with twins, especially when one acts exactly the way you'd expect a baby to and the other acts differently. More than likely he's just a sensitive baby and he'll grow out of it!

I know several older kids with something called sensory integrative disorder; they have problems processing too much stimuli at the same time and melt down when their routine is thrown off or there's too much going on. I think it's somewhat similar to attention deficit disorder (ADD). There are actually several therapies that really really help and medicine if it's needed. I don't mean to suggest that your son has this (I'm certainly no expert) - I'm just throwing it out in case some internet research would help you figure out what's going on.

Good luck and big hugs!

 

:hug99: One of my DDs was like that, but its getting better now. When she was younger she was just as you describe, "the life of the party." Very alert while we were out, flirting, and being so great. Then we'd get home and she would totally melt down inconsolably. The only thing that worked for us was to swaddle her tight, with a binky in her mouth (and she normally didn't take a binky, but this helped soothe her), while either DH or I held her, but didn't interact with her, in a quiet room. Now at almost 8 months old, she doesn't do this as much. I can take her to the store, to a party, to the mall, etc and she is fine afterward. I think she knows how to filter out the stimuli now. She will also sleep in the stroller if she is tired so if we are out and she's had enough, she'll fall asleep. Its just her temperment.

Talk to your ped about it if you are concerned. Hopefully your experience will be similar to mine and your kiddo will grow out of it. I have to say now Meara isn't so much the life of the party, actually she is getting a little shy around people she doesn't see all the time, but now her sister is the flirty one. Who knew since Ana used to be the comatose baby whenever we took her out of the house!

 

Just curious - does he nap well during the day? Could he be overtired? It sorta sounds like how some babies deal with being overtired.

That would be a nice/easy answer!
Suzi

 

I had one that would do that in the store. I think he was way overstimmed by the lights and sounds and all the on-lookers. He has pretty much grown out of it.

 

I agree with the pp about the naps. Is he getting good naps during the day? My son Jack had a huge problem with this and he is still pretty intense but things have gotten a lot better. He has always been a ball of fire and would not sleep anywhere, it's like he didn't want to miss a thing. When we got him home he would scream until 11:00, nobody understood why I was so protective of his naps because he was such a good baby when we were around other people. I read Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child and started really sticking to a good nap routine and things got sooooo much better. He is now able to take good naps no matter where we are and he falls asleep much easier at home. I have just had to kind of accept that for right now I can't have him out all day or do too many things with him. My other son is completely the opposite, he isn't affected by not napping the same way that Jack is. I hope things get better soon.

 

We experienced what you're going through with both of our sons... albeit to a lesser degree. They would often have meltdowns after being out during the day, and would sometimes have meltdowns while we were out somewhere. The latter tended to happen if they were being overstimulated- and overstimulated could just mean being held by more than a couple of people, or held by one person for too long.
What I found helped was:
a) intervention: when we were out, I would often drape a blanket over their carseats in the stores if they seemed to be getting frustrated/overstimulated. When out visiting (grandparents, for instance), I would watch for any signs that things were becoming "too much", and would either ask whoever was holding them to just HOLD them (no bouncing, singing, playing etc), or I would take the baby into a different, darkened room for a bit to get some quiet time in. Even if your son seems to be having a blast, I'd still give him periodic "quiet time" away from everyone to help him process all he's experiencing.
B) sleep: I still work hard to get the boys to nap as much/well as possible, though these days that's not working so well. Naps have always been VERY important, and I would (and still do) time outings around them.
c) when we were in "meltdown mode", what I found helped the most was taking one or both babies into a quiet, darkened room, swaddling them, giving them a soother and either rocking them or just putting them down for a few minutes.
As of about 5 months of age things got better- it seemed they were better able to take in all the stuff around them. As they grow they seem better able to handle more and more stuff... hopefully your son will, too! I don't think his behaviour is abnormal (or if it is, then both my sons were abnormal, too!) I think he just needs to do a bit less for the time being. Babies are so easily stimulated and amused.. just staring at the ceiling could give mine a good half hour of entertainment, so imagine what a ton of new sights, sounds and smells can do!

 

My son who is now 13 was like this. Now, after reading healthy sleep habits happy child I know it's from me trying to do to much and him not getting naps. They need sleep. Sleep would have cured my son for sure. I'm going to be vigilent about naps with these two. Your post sounds exactly like what the book describes can happen if babies at 4-6 months don't get enough naps.

I hope things improve. I know it can be so exhausting and overwhelming. Best wishes.

 

Agree with pps - sounds like possibly sleep deprivation & overstimulation. Different babies have different thresholds before they just max out, and you may be trying to do too much. My babies are relatively laid back, but I think they would totally flip out if I tried taking them to a swimming class! It stinks being housebound, but sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do (even be a hermit for a while).

 

I bet he would benefit greatly from a consistent schedule each day. I wonder if you're out too much? Around 5 months, I stuck to the house as much as I could to establish a routine with my girls (also followed HSHHC). After they were settled into their routine, after several weeks, we started to venture out more often.

 

If the napping thing gets straightened out and you find that he is still having these meltdowns, it could be that he is a 'Highly sensitive person' -- I was reading about this the other day, it means they are a little bit smarter than average and that they are easily overstimulated.

Here's the book I was reading a review of:

http://www.amazon.com/Highly-Sensitive-Chi...s/dp/0767908724

Good Luck!

 

Thanks everyone-- I think he has been extremely overtired, even though we thought he was napping enough. We're trying to get it all straightened out now.

Thank you, thank you!!

 

Erin- My ds was like this. He would be up all day long and be crying a good portion of it. I was looney toons from it and really desperate!With my son, I let him cry it out at 4 months. I was so over it and exhausted and drained that I just decided I would be a better mom if he was sleeping. It worked well. He found his thumb and became an awesome sleeper and thrives on structure and a schedule.
Also, One of my girls was this way and the doctor said she was overstimulated and might need to cry (not as in cio as in no more than 10 minutes)to get to sleep. I was put off by this but was so exhausted that I gave it a shot and it worked. I put her in the swing and let her cry and she fell asleep! SHe was soooo overstimulated but often would seem fine until she totally lost it and then boy did she! She would be up until the wee hours of the morning, sometimes all night needing to be held or nursed just to keep her from screaming. We had a recent setback and she started the up all night thing but after a bit of crying(mine and hers), she is now the queen of naps and goes down without a fuss. She found her thumb and sleeps better than her sister does! It does sound like overstimulation rather than something wrong!

 

My DD, Lily, is like that. She is either super super happy and the sweetest, funniest thing you have ever seen, or, she is screaming mad and completely inconsolable. She is 5 months old and she makes her brother, Jack, look like the easiest baby in the world. It is hard not to compare but I look at Jack and think that he is the typical baby and I worry that something may be wrong with Lily.
She is inconsolable to the point that she must cry for at least 10-20 minutes prior to falling asleep and if we try to hold her or rock her she just cries LOUDER. She goes a mile a minute and is sooooo ALERT - her head turns at the sound of a pin drop.
Anyway, I am sure it is not overtiredness as I protect her naps like they are gold and even if I put her down at first sign of being tired she still screams herself to sleep for at least 10 minutes. Of course there are days like today when she actually played for an entire hour in her crib and then started screaming and missed her entire nap.
She will not fall asleep in her stroller or car seat no matter how tired she is. When she was a newborn she would go days without sleeping and basically scream all day.
She is a dear, sweet, amazing little creature - but, oh so INTENSE!
My HOPE is that she will be happier once she can be more independent...crawling and sitting and walking etc...IF NOT, she may be the death of me!
I wish I had something helpful to say but I can offer a big hug and say I am right there with you. I do think that consistent naps are helpful and the rest is up to her.
I basically just try my best and love her to death and hope she will grow out of it. She is definitly overstimulated but she simply cannot turn it off or shut it out. I think that the over sensitive baby thing mentioned in the pp is spot on.

May the force be with you!!!
Amy

 

My DD is like this. Ugh, it is hard!!! DS is completely the opposite. DD seems to be sensitive to new situations, rooms, and people. She is not the life of the party at any time, just always "scared". She has the look of being terrified all the time. I am at my wits end right now because I can hardly leave the NURSERY without her having a breakdown, nevermind leaving the house. The pedi ended up giving her a mild sedative to calm her down, otherwise I'd never get to move her out of the swing in the nursery, lol. It only works for the short term though and I can only give it to once a day. If we ever leave the house, that's when I give it to her most of the time. The doctor thinks she may develop ADD in the future, but that's a long-shot of a diagnosis...Can't really tell....

I have yet to find a natural way to help her

 

My oldest had terrible colic as a newborn and by 4.5 months was completely unbearable... the colic had ended, but the screaming was still there and it didn't matter what we did... walking, rocking, car, etc. My child, as it turns out, was completely overtired. Overtired children commonly freak out after a long day of a lot of events. My child was easily stimulated and was a very curious infant. The only thing that worked for us was CIO. After doing CIO for 3 days, my child went from getting 8 hours of sleep TOTAL per day to 16 hours of sleep or more and we never had any more screaming fits. Well, until age 3 anyway.

Only you know whether this profile fits your child and how much sleep he gets. I throw it out there, though, 'cause no one gave us this info when we were going through it and it could have saved us countless hours of screaming (DH and I have many pictures of us holding our DC while wearing lawn mower ear protection).