please help me

i posted before about the girls taking their clothes off in their cribs. last night i put them in their "big girls jammies", but they took them off (again :headbang: ) and so i put their "baby jammies' back on, but before i did, i had dh come in to see what the girls did. he used to be able to just say a stern "WHAT???" or "NO!" and they'd get the picture, but now he doesn't do that. he just stood in there and said in a calm, gentle, happy daddy voice, "mama says that's a no no! we don't take our big girl jammies off!" WTH??? then ivana gives him this look and scrunches her nose and giggles at him (total manipulator) and he just bursts out laughing. thanks for the help, dh.
later i said, 'i NEED you to help me out. they will take YOU seriously, if you get more stern with them." and he said, "i know, but i don't see them that often and i don't want them to think of me as the dad who's always mean and yelling." WTH AGAIN??? i'm not asking him to yell at them all evening as soon as he gets home... i just NEED HELP WITH TEH DISCIPLINING! :slap:
oh! THEEENNNNNNNN! so ivana wanted to take a balloon to bed with her (i know bad, horrible mommy... as soon as she falls asleep i take it back out.. ANYway...) so because she took off her jammies i confiscated the balloon. she had a fit. i told her why i took it and all that. dh was like, "i think you were very wrong to do that. she's not going to understand why you did it. " really, expert? so i'll just let them do whatever the he** they want to do, whenever they want to do it, and never give them a concequence.
UGH. sorry for venting.
PLEASE HELP! i don't know how to get thru to my dh that we are BOTH the parents and we must BOTH discipline and be stern when necessary. :grr:

 

:hug: I don't have a whole lot of wisdom to offer. I just wanted to say that I deal with this, too. I am a SAHM and DH works outside of the home. He has a hard time dishing out discipline. He is away from them all day and doesn't want to get into conflicts with them. He just wants to have fun with them. It is hard on me (and I totally get where you are coming from) because I feel like I do about 90% of the disciplining around here. Even when he is home, I try to stay out of it and let him deal with some of it. However, I can only keep my mouth shut for so long before I step in. :gah: I have to ask him more times than I would like "ARE YOU GOING TO DISCIPLINE OR WHAT??" :gah: He definately lets them get away with alot more than I do. It is VERY frustrating because I feel like I am always the bad guy. We have many talks about this exact issue.

Having said that.....too my utter amazement, DH actually picked up a disciplining book the other day and READ IT!! :shok: ~ or at least read part of it anyways. Since then, he is trying harder and harder to get on the same page as me. I still do most of the disciplining, but I can tell that he is trying to put forth an effort.

Would your DH ever sit down and read a book? I know 1-2-3 Magic talks about both parents needing to put forth the effort with disciplining. Maybe if he heard it from someone else he might actually take it to heart. :unknw:

 

:hug: We had issues with her not following the discipline plan, too (in different ways though). It took a lot of pleading with her and explaining that if she doesn't do her part, then it makes my part even harder all.day.long. It kind of eventually got through. I agree, maybe 1-2-3 Magic might help. They will always know that he loves him and will probably find comfort in the boundaries he helps to create for them. Maybe explain it like that - rather than being mean, it's lovingly setting boundaries on important matters. That's all I've got... good luck! :hug:

 

I am realizing more and more that if you want DH to help in some form or fashion you have to be specific. VERY specific. I not saying put together a power point presentation on discipline but you should define your expectations of his involvement, suggestions on how he should handle certain situations so you are consistent and the outcome if he does not participate.

In our house DH and I both discipline and whenever he gets a bit lax I remind him of our friend's neighbor who has the most disrespectful little girl we have ever come across (she talks back, yells at her dad, and even hits him and he does nothing) and DH gets back in line. Our kids were never biters nor do they hit us, we are working on the talking back with DD.

He needs to know that the discipline isn't optional and you're not doing it because you think it's fun. Kids need rules so they respect you and other adults. School will be difficult for them if they can't follow directions.

Good Luck!
Lindia

 

DH and I have a policy of always backing the other one up in front of the girls. But the girls listen to us equally, I wonder why your girls listen better to your husband than to you? If one of us forgets to back the other one up then we will say "undermining!" in a loud whisper, LOL. It gives the other person the message to get back on board.

 

I love the one part of "The Incredibles" where the mother has her stretched out arms all tangled around the kitchen table with a child on each end, and her dh SITS THERE AND READS .... she yells out to him "ENGAGE ENGAGE". hehe.

No advice really. My dh has just started to do this -- my girls are two years old. My daughter attempted to scratch his face and he says "don't scratch my face" then he kisses her. Funny really. She doesn't dare do that to me of course.

I think men don't understand that we sometimes bend the rules at we get to the end of our ropes at the end of the day and it is THEN that we need someone to step in and take over. I try to often have a short "we need to do this when she does that" talks. I keep them simple. Does it always work ? sometimes.

Let me know if anything works for you....

Heather