please help me - the whining HAS GOT TO STOP

i am at a loss and LOSING it on a day-to-day basis with one of my LOs.
all. he. does. is. whine. its so DAMN ANNOYING IM LOSING IT! if he doesn't get what he wants exactly when he wants it he moans, groans, cries and it's like this high-pitched fake cry so that we cave. I'm going to literally kill this kid if i don't get some help.
he fights with this brother and then screams and throws himself all over the place if he's reprimanded.

are there any strategies you can share?
i do time-out's when he throws a tantrum but it doesn't seem to help.

please. help. :grouphug:

 

One of mine is going through a really whiny phase and it makes me want to stab my eardrums out. Basically I don't entertain anything that he says while he's whining. If he wants something he has to ask in a normal voice in plain english before he gets it. This requires a lot of patience and gets worse before it gets better. Also, the time outs are more for me than him; if he doesn't stop whining about something he goes into "quiet time" in his bedroom while I go have a breather.. a cup of coffee, check out the internet or something until I feel calm again. Finally, if there ever is a break in the whining; whether they're playing quietly or he asks for something without the dramatics; I heap on the praise and reinforce the idea that's the way that we talk to people.

I also notice that the whining increases when they're not feeling well (ear infections) and when they're tired. So if they're going through an extra whiny phase I am a little more vigilant about naps and getting to bed a little earlier and I find that helps leaps and bounds.

You're also dealing with a lot having an infant and twins going through a tough phase.. do you have any outside help? Do you get any breaks from everything?

 

Hunger gets my kids to be whiny and throw tantrums, that and tiredness. At not even three though, that is pretty typical. They think the world belongs to them and lord help you if you get in their way. Try to remain calm and tell them what emotion they are feeling. "I know you are frustrated that you cannot have that right now. Here is something you can have right now." Be consistant.

 

My kids have had these very whiny periods off and on, so I can sympathize. Add a newborn on top of that, and I can't imagine how stressful it is!

I'm wondering if maybe he is feeling the need for more attention with a new baby around? Is there a way you can give him some special one-on-one time each day? I have found it makes a HUGE difference in our day if I can spend 15 minutes or so with my kids in the mornings giving them all of my attention. I know that's hard with a baby around, but maybe you could read a book or something? It really does seem to help my guys. Some days I can't do it, like when I have to leave early for work, but I try to do it most of the time.

Some other thoughts: my kids talk pretty well now, so I am able to say "I can't understand what you need when you whine (cry, scream, whatever appropriate word). Please stop and tell me what you need". If it's something I can't do, I try to offer an alternative, or tell them I will help them in a few minutes (if I can do it a bit later). Beyond that, I usually try to ignore it, which is HARD. That is where "quiet time" (not so much time out) is helpful for YOU as much as him. If you have somewhere safe to leave the kids, you could even take a minute or two timeout for yourself, even if it just means going into the bathroom to get a bit of space.

Hang in there! :grouphug:

 

One of mine is REALLY prone to whining (the other doesn't whine but is super strong-willed). I do a couple things:
* "I can't understand you when you whine. Use your big boy voice." And sometimes I'll then model what he's trying to say in a more pleasant tone/more polite words.
* If he keeps it up after several warnings/reminders, I'll say, "If you want to whine right now, you need to go in your room and whine; other people don't want to listen to that."

 

I pretty much do what SC Amy does. I tell them I can't understand them when they are whining/crying. They need to talk nice to me so I can understand them. Or, if they can't tell me, I ask them to show me what's wrong.

If they keep it up, I send them/take them to their room and tell them they can come out when they are done whining/crying/screaming/throwing a tantrum. Usually, taking away their audience calms them down fast!

 

I currently use "Stop! Try again so I can understand you." Or I'll remind them that that sound hurts my ears.

On my bad days I tell them if they make that sound one. more. time. I will lose my ever loving mind and then they'll be sorry. ardon:

Hang in there! I am also a big fan of the mommy time out. It's saved my kids' bacon more times than I can count.

 

I agree with the PP's. When my two whine, I just say "I can't understand you or help you, if you don't talk in your big girl/big boy voice" And if it does continue, then they go up to their rooms.

 

Yes, I do what PP's said and remind them to use their nice voice or I tell them I cannot understand what they are saying until they stop using their whiney voice. It has worked most of the time, but it has been really most effective for my DS (not so much for DD who prefers to whine!). I found initially my lo's didn't know they were using a whiney voice. I had them repeat what they wanted by telling them to say it with a smile. That worked. GL! Sometimes mommy time outs are the only way to keep your sanity.

 

I do the same thing as others by telling them "I can't understand you when you whine. I need you to tell me in your big boy voice." I may need to remind them a couple times, but it works for us.