Playing on their own

Do your babies like playing on their own? How often do they play alone?

I'm asking because the way our house is set up, there's nothing for me to do in the room where the babies play. Just the TV I don't like watching anyway, so although I sit down with them every day for a while, they're often playing on their own while I do other things in the house.

Truth is, they love it. When I peek through the door (our house is small so pretty much every time I move I am at the doorway), they look at me and smile, and go back to their playing. So I know they're safe and happy, but why I am feeling so guilty about it? Sometimes it seems everyone is with their babies all the time... seems there is that pressure that if you're a sahm and you're not with your babies all the time, you're a bad mommy. I play with them, feed them, change them, bathe them, take them out once or twice a week, but yes, they're on their own while I relax, do dishes, laundry etc... To be honest, I love sitting with them for 20 minutes but then I get tired of being pinched, climbed on etc... I don't let them cry or fuss at all of course. If they start fussing, I'm right there.

I wish I could let go of the guilt... Babies at daycare grow up just fine without someone taking care of them 24/7, so surely it's fine to let my babies play alone 2-3 hours a day, if they're happily babbling the whole time? I just feel like the worst mom because I just don't enjoy sitting with them all day, and I want to do things for myself too... Dh is the same way, but he doesn't seem guilty about it at all. I wish I was a man sometimes, lol!

 

I don't think you are doing anything wrong. You're going off their cues and are by them when they need you. I think it's healthy for them to be able to play on their own too.

In the beginning I was with them constantly, thinking I had to make every moment fun for them. I think my mom and MIL thought I was crazy and almost overstimulating them. It wasn't like that when they raised their kids - they still did the errands, housework, cleaning, laundry and the kids played by themself or were plopped in a highchair or bouncy with some toys while they made dinner or did errands. So I now think it's good to have a happy medium. I let them play in the play yard as long as they're happy. If I get a good half hour I'm really happy. I alternate between playing with them in the playyard, letting them play by themselves, and when they get tired of being in there I give them free reign and let them crawl around the downstairs or their bedroom while I'm constantly following them around (it's very tiring!). Then it's naptime and we do it all over.

I find the days I am able to get things accomplished - floors washed, dinner made, laundry folded, are the days I am happiest.

 

I work so it's a little bit of a different perspective, but we still let the boys play by themselves while we eat dinner each night. On the weekends we to try to let them play by themselves while we get things done around the house. We have to sneak by the playroom door though because if they see us there is a lot of screaming.

I don't think you should beat yourself up about not being with them every second of every day. I don't see how that could be healthy for any of you. They need to learn to interact with each other without you around too.

 

i let my babies play alone as much as they're happy to - i think it's an important skill to have. we have an open floor plan in our house so they play on the floor in the living room while i'm in the kitchen or wherever & for the most part i can always keep an eye on them. we have a "midway" of toys that i rotate them through when they're awake so they stay interested. usually, as we get closer to nap time they get fussier & are only entertained by me or DH - that's when we get our one on one play time in. i think it's a great system that works well for us.

please don't beat yourself up about not playing with your babies 24/7 - if they're happy to play on their own, you should be too!

 

I could have {could still} written your post! My kids play alot better when I'm not in the room sitting right there with them and I've always felt guilty about it. ardon: I think it's very healthy for them to play on their own and not have to have you around them 24/7. Plus as they get older, I've noticed that they tend to use their imagination more without me in the room then when I'm playing with. I'm sorry you have to feel that way, but if it's working out well, keep on doing it! My dh is like yours, he doesn't feel the guilt. <_< It must be in our wiring. :laughing:

 

Thanks so much for the replies... It makes me feel a bit better. Twinlove, it's true, when I play with them it's really hard not to play with their toys and ruin the fun for them so they don't get to figure it out themselves... and DS would be content just standing on my lap playing with my hair instead of practicing his skills... I'm sure DD is finally crawling because she had to figure out how to get what she wanted on her own too... It's just that sometimes I feel like I'm playing the twin card (they're fine, they're not alone) more... I don't know how I would have done with a singleton!

 

Mine also like to play alone and have for a while now. I know that I'm always nearby in case they need me. Actually, this post makes me feel better too :hug:.

 

I wished mine would play on their own more often! They were always yelling for me if I wasn't right there. But I do understand about the guilt. I just tried to think of all those generations of women who were raising multiple children while also doing the washing, sewing, knitting, cooking, even slaughtering the chickens! You know they weren't spending all day crouched on the floor handing toys to their babies. It's good for babies to learn how to entertain themselves.

Mine were also in daycare, and they did just fine there with a 4:1 ratio of babies to adults. (Although the fact that they were in daycare probably contributed to their wanting to be with me all the time when they were home.) If they needed something, their needs were attended to. The adults also snuggled and played with them a fair amount, but I was always impressed that they could just lay the babies on the floor with something to look at or play with, and they were usually fine until they got hungry, tired, or poopy!

 

Fran, you are not alone in feeling guilty for letting them play by themselves while you do other things, I felt that way initially too. I say if they are playing by themselves happily , then let them do their thing and you catch some me time. It's hard not to feel guilty but if they are OK then you are too!

 

dd plays alone by herself most times just ffine. ds will only do about 30 min total throughout the day, otherwise he wants to be held. ive been feeling guilty too when dd is awake and ds is napping i'll do other things and then go to her if she fusses. feels like i dont give her as much attention, but she doesnt require as much. if yours are happy playing without you i think its awesome. besides, they always have eachother. ive heard an indepent child is a secure child. they feel loved and they know if they need you, you'll be there in an instant. any tips on getting ds to stop being attached? lol

 

QUOTE(miss_bossy18 @ Dec 17 2008, 01:40 PM) [snapback]1114014[/snapback]
i let my babies play alone as much as they're happy to - i think it's an important skill to have. we have an open floor plan in our house so they play on the floor in the living room while i'm in the kitchen or wherever & for the most part i can always keep an eye on them. we have a "midway" of toys that i rotate them through when they're awake so they stay interested. usually, as we get closer to nap time they get fussier & are only entertained by me or DH - that's when we get our one on one play time in. i think it's a great system that works well for us.

please don't beat yourself up about not playing with your babies 24/7 - if they're happy to play on their own, you should be too!



I totally agree with this...I let them play on their own too...I'll go by and say "hi" and they smile at me and turn back to whatever they are looking at, usually on their tummies We need breaks too!!!

 

I do the same thing. As long as they're safe and happy, I let them play. I often go hop on the computer for 5 mins or wash bottles, make some formula, or heck sometimes I even EAT! LOL! I think it's important to let them play together and at the same time, yes I sometimes feel like I should be with them 24/7. But I Always keep an ear out for them and check on them consistantly.

Mommys need breaks too!

 

We call it "independent play time", and I do think it is important! (Although now I have to run because Cos is stuck under the sofa... again.)