playing host everyweekend!

My DH and I just bought a house and we close on it this weekend. Already we have the entire month of July booked up every weekend with family members coming to stay with us. My parents will be here for a short time on two of the weekends because they will be passing through on their vacation to FL. My MIL has been calling my DH and I everyday for the past week asking when we close. When I told her yesterday that it was this Friday and that I have no idea when we will actually get a free weekend to ourselves she said I needed to get used to it because having a house means that people will be coming more often since they can stay. My in laws live 3.5 hours away and my family lives 4.5. Up until now my side of the family hasnt come to visit because they don't want to pay $100 a night for a hotel. My in laws have been here once, sometimes twice, a week and they have stayed with my FLs brother. She also went on to say that she hopes my family calms down on the visits because she wont and she plans to be here ALL the time :blink: . I'm glad we didn't have this conversation in person because I'm sure my face didn't look overly excited. :nea:

Don't get me wrong, I love my in laws and my family to death but I don't want to play host every weekend. I want to enjoy time with my DH and boys on the weekend and do the things we want to do on the weekend and not worry about who is going to be here.

Has anyone else had this happen? What did you do about it or what would you do about it?

 

yikes! i think you and DH are just going to have to say that you need some time to yourselves. every weekend sounds like way too much company to me, not to mention that, yes, you are closing on the house this friday, but that doesn't mean that all of your belongings are just going to magically appear in the house and organize themselves! when are you supposed to have time to move in??? or are they actually going to help?

good luck with your visitors and congrats on the new house! :yahoo:

 

I think you should give your visitors some paint brushes or let them put away your dishes and towels! Seriously, if they're not coming to help, then they need to leave you time to get settled in your new house. I had boxes in my dining room for MONTHS the last time I moved, and I didn't even have kids then!

Congrats on the house, and I hope you get your get this resolved!

 

I have not had this happen b/c my ILs and my family both live within an hour of my house but to answer your question, no! I would not want to play host every weekend. The only way I'd want to is if my guests were very helpful with taking care of the babies and the cleaning and the cooking. If it meant having traditional guests where you have to cook/clean and play hostess then definitely NO! I don't have time for that.

 

My situation is a little different. We built a house on my husbands family property, and MIL was over every day and night when our boys were first born. (she lives on the same property).
And although she has never cared for me, it was nice to have the help (some of the time)
However she doesn't have good boundries...she would "pop in" with out calling (we got an intercom system for when she wanted to come up, I like to be "comfy" in my own house...so needless to say her just waltzing in to our house was a bit akward. She would even bring her relatives over unannounced...

Anyway....not sure if this would work for you. We set a schedule. Maybe you could do the same.

Be the one to tell them when a good time will be, say you have plans on the weekends you don't want company, after all you do....you 'plan' to enjoy your babies and new house alone.
I think people will understand that you have alot going on. And I agree...have them help! Bring a food dish...have a moving party etc...

Good luck...and CONGRATS on the new house it's exciting!

 

Heck no! I would not want to be hostess every weekend - how exhausting! I guess if it were me, I'd make hubby (because it's his family and I'm a wimp) get on the phone and explain to his mother that he would really like to have a weekend to yourselves to get settled, etc. If they do come up, like pp said, put them to work! If they don't like it...maybe they will leave. I know this is easier said than done.

 

Ok, No I really don't want to have guest all weekends.
we do own the house and my parents and in law live 1 hour away from us. but when it is summer time and Ds was born I always heard from MIl that it is so nice in our house and she will be happy to stay here a lot. and she was "helping" with first DS for 2 weeks she took him outside on the prch in his stroller and slept with him together
while I was cooking and washing and etc.... so I hate this type of help so this time I SAID I don't need any help. I will do it myself.
but even before twins arrive she like to stay overnight here or just come for a day and just sit in the chair on the porch and I would be cooking and serving.....

so PLEASE TRY TO STOP IT NOW. dont' ask me HOW. I really not a bog help. they only way what I have now I tryied to scheudle time with my friends before she is asking what we are doing this weekend and saying us that she ( of couse both of them MIL and FIL) will come.

I will tell even more. I have c-section on Tuesday and she has guests from Israel so she is bringing them to ouw house. on Saturday.
DO you think I am HAPPY about it? how she cannto think about how hard for me even move not saying about cook and etc. so I was piss off and told her that I will cook anything for this weekend and she just reply it's OK we will order chineese food. don't worry.
Yes but who will serve the guests? and who should show the house? why she is making decision for me in my house?

Sorry it look like I am more venting then helping you. but PLEASE try to stop it before it goes to far. and yes if they come to your house find the job for them
( I cannot complain about my FIL he is a big help he always helping and doing a lot for us. it's only my MIL who I just don't understand)

 

No, I wouldn't want to be playing hostess every weekend either. I would not hesitate to tell people "No, we already have plans for this weekend" even if the plans are just to hang out together as a family. You certainly shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to spend quiet time alone together or obligated to have guests every weekend!

 

I would SO get on the phone Warning this is going to be crude!

Me...." Hi, Mom (inlaw) .....sorry but this weekend (or next or the next) we have plans for every room in the house"

Her...."what ever will you be doing?"

Me....."having sex with your son!"

Her....."silent" not a word to be said!

She may even hang up on you! but I Bet you a dollar it will work! LOL

:lol:

 

I'm completely moved in and won't play host every weekend, and I'm not even talking overnights. We have to have some time for just our family.

 

Oh gosh, no way. My own family overwhelms me at times :faint: , I sure wouldn't want visitors(even if they were family) every time I turned around! I need my space! :lol:

 

I would say next time you talk to her that after July, you plan to only have guests a max of one weekend per month. So if there are no other guests coming during that month, you'd be happy to have them stay for a weekend.

You need to set boundaries/expectations now. Either that or anytime she wants to come, you just say "sorry, we have plans" and they need to let you know 3-4 weeks in advance so you can put it on your calendar. Pretty much accomplishes the same thing as only 1x per month.

 

I hope you can find a place inside that lets you say “no thank you, another time” without feeling bad. I wish I had. I worried so much about disappointing people that I kept bending on the subject and giving in. From the time I was in the hospital delivering and on we had people around every single day! Now it’s 3 ½ months later and I wonder how much healthier, happier, etc. the past few months would have been for me if I had been able to rest and take care of myself.

Just my .02 cents…

 

Ooooh I just went through this with my mom. Of course as I type she is here now...anyway, my parents live in FL and I live in NJ. She wanted to come up here in the beginning of June when she got out of school and stay until the end of July. I had my dad here for 3 weeks and various visitors since the girls came home from the hospital. We barely had a few days to ourselves before the next person showed up. I told her after I stopped working I wanted 2 weeks to myself and with my family before she came to visit. She was NOT happy with me but I stuck to my guns and got my 2 weeks to myself before she got here yesterday. She will be with us for 4 weeks. It's longer than I would of liked but it could of been longer. I believe there has to be some sort of compromise but in the end you have to do what is best for you and your family. Having them tell you this is the way it is is not right. It is YOUR house and YOUR family. It may be hard and everyone may not like it but you can say no.