Playgroup issues with twins...

I have 13 month old twins. We moved into a new area a few months ago so I joined a playgroup (MOMS club) to meet some moms....I LOVE the group, I really do - But I am the only twin mom there....Not that I really have a problem with that, but, being that my twins are so young (and need naps, etc.) it gets hard to get them out of the house to do things. I don't make it to many things we have planned anymore - especially lately since they are so mobile and cranky if I contain them. The other moms have one baby/child and it's easy to 'keep them under control' than just me and the twins alone. It gets very hairy sometimes! My DD is very attached to me too and cries sometimes if I don't hold her - stranger anxiety. It is stressful a lot so sometimes it's easier to just skip some activities. However, I feel like the other moms think I am being 'unsocial' or something. It looks like I make excuses and things, and that bothers me. I try to tell them how difficult it can be, but they just look at me like I am an alien or something and that I don't like them and I am making excuses or something. Not a lot of them, just some of them. This group is not only about playdates - we do things like raise $ for low income families and organizations, toy drives, chinese auctions, etc. so a lot of times they are looking for people to organize such things and I WISH I could but I can't right now because my twins have medical issues from being preemies so they have physical therapy, feeding therapy, etc. throughout the week so I don't have time for these things - I feel like they get mad that I can't donate my time to these things. I really wish I could but I have NO TIME! :mellow:

I LOVE going out and talking to other moms, or just people in general, so I wish I could enjoy these outings more but they are more stressful than enjoyable. Being a SAHM, I crave adult interaction. So I guess another part of this rant is just feeling....I don't know....overwhelmed right now and I get jealous sometimes seeing moms and their single babies....I can't believe I still feel that way and they are older! But it happens sometimes. :huh:

Is anyone else a part of a playgroup like this with the twins?? Can anyone commiserate with me? lol

 

I can completely relate. Eventually I just ditched moms of singletons for the most part and hang out exclusively with other twin moms! Do you have a local Parents of Multiples group?

 

I totally understand. Mine are 13 months too, and it is so rough to manage them outside our house. Even going over to family members' houses is rough, even when it is me and DH! It is like constant patrol duty, trying to keep them both entertained, safe and out of whatever breakable items are around. I usually last an hour and then it is time to go!

I thought it would get easier to get out and manage them as they got older. But it was a lot easier before they were crawling and when they were content to sit in a stroller and look around.

If you feel like you're not getting supported and understood by the group, I'd say to ditch it. Look for a multiples/twin play group.

 

I had that problem too....I was involved in a Moms group from about age 12-19 months, but then the girls got mobile and started therapies. It was too hard to get in playdates/etc around naps and appointments...I might go back now that they are bigger, but they still nap. Somehow the moms in that group tended to schedule stuff starting at 11am! (we nap around 12) so for us that does not work.

I would look (or start) for a moms of multiples group and/or a Moms Day Out sort of thing.

KC

 

I do find it easier to socialize with other twin moms, but I do try to spend time with friends who have singletons (afterall, they are my friends!)...I tried joining a moms group but they were always organizing things when my twins nap so out the window that went.

I now plan playdates with a mom from my twin club who's girls are just 3 months older than mine so it's great seeing all 4 kids play together. We just let them loose in the backyard and we sit and have a nice chat..gives us both a break while at the same time watching 4 kids..does that make sense?

 

I belong to singleton group and am the organizer for my twins' group along with 2 members to the twins' club. My first member was the singleton group. In the beginning I was taking them everywhere until they got more mobile. I still took them to playgroup w/the singleton only the places that I know were childproof area. My singleton group Moms were very understanding and had help me out w/transporting the twins to my van many varies of times. We don't go that often as we did when they were still little but a lot of their activities usually mid-morning when my twins' nap schedule. I tried to make it at least once a week out of their nap schedule to be push. The twins' handle it well when we go for a playgroup that are outdoor activities w/fenced yard. Also, I invite 1 or 2 Moms w/singleton at my house when our kids are on the same schedule during 'off' the group.

To compared the attend we do is much less because they are still on the same nap schedule when most of them are napping after lunch. I still go at least once a week w/them than where I used to go 3 or 4 times a week. Big different but it is a large group of Moms with 65 of them. So, not everyone is entitled to attend every one of them, thankfully!

I related and what you're doing is fine and normal and don't worry about what singleton Moms think of you. I would recommend to join a twin group at this point because you will probably going to need MORE advice as they reach the age '2' because there is a lot of challenge beside the first year. But I have heard '3 can also be difficult too.

I hope this helps!
D, w/Rianna and Justin

 

Find a multiples group and stick with them. I have had more fun in our multiples Gymboree class, playgroup and meeting new friends than I have had with my own singleton friend moms. I feel free not to be judged, "helped" or scoffed at for whatever is happening at that particular minute.

 

Hi: I've struggled to attend a mom's groups with twins, but the moms in my group are (generally) really understanding of my situation. I've always asked them for help (whether getting two infant carriers in the door, or keeping an eye on one twin while I'm chasing or dealing with another, or getting safely to or from the car.) If you really like and enjoy the company of these moms (and want to continue to keep going to the mom's group), I think you just have to be upfront that you are doing the best you can to attend events and participate and, as time goes by, you'll be able to participate more fully.

And, let me say this -- as the moms in my group have started to have 2nd children, their understanding has INCREASED (a lot). :lol: Once they are struggling to deal with 2 kids themselves, the dynamic switches a bit.

My twins are 2.5 years old now, which has its own challenges. But, I remember how hard (REALLY HARD) it was to go somewhere with them, at the age yours are -- hang in there!!!

Meg
Mom to Carter and Fiona -- 2.5 years old

 

I completely understand because these reasons have prompted me and my bff to start our own twin group here. It's exactly what we want and we are exclusively a twin group. It IS different and it IS harder. It just is. I feel like people just don't get it sometimes...that's why I come here!!

 

Gosh, I'm so sorry you are having these difficulties. I think as they get older it will get easier, but I also think the older your friends kids the more they understand. As they start to run in different directions and as your friends struggle to keep up with their one child, they may begin to think about what it's like to two. I am REALLY upfront with people and just let them know what I can and can not handle... i.e. there are only some parks I feel safe at and some I don't, etc. I think like the pp said that as they begin to have second children their understanding will increase a lot. If people don't understand, I wouldn't give it a second thought. You've got to do what's good for you and your kids right now and let's face it... if people have time to judge you then they've got too much time on their hands. You are just trying to get by and that should be more than enough.

Good luck to you,
Colette

 

This is exactly why we are in a MULTIPLES playgroup! Everyone knows and understands and everyone looks out for all the kids! :hug99:

We have a triplet Mom that we all help keep track of her kids etc.... so you really do need a group that understands! :hug99:

 

QUOTE(CHJH @ Aug 21 2008, 12:42 PM) [snapback]940883[/snapback]
I can completely relate. Eventually I just ditched moms of singletons for the most part and hang out exclusively with other twin moms! Do you have a local Parents of Multiples group?



Same here!! Too many questions and too many stares...not worth it!

 

QUOTE(mandylouwho @ Aug 22 2008, 01:52 AM) [snapback]941819[/snapback]
Same here!! Too many questions and too many stares...not worth it!


Isn't that funny. I love my friends with singletons. It seems that three kids between the two of us is somehow more manageable. They usually pitch in and help. I really think it depends on the friends and probably the group mentality. I'm not one for playgroups, but have more informal relationships from the classes we've taken and such. It probably just depends on when and who! I do think playgroups are great, I just never really did it as we've just preferred other things.

 

I have been entrenched in a MOMS Club for several years due to my 4-yr-old singleton. We used to do a ton of stuff with the group - outings, fundraisers, regular playgroups. Now (since the twins arrived) I just don't make it to functions like I used to!! What makes it tough is that 3 other moms in my playgroup had babies (2 third babies, one second baby) within 2 months of me having the boys... and when I say that I can't come to the pool, or that I'll be skipping some function, I feel like they look at me like I'm being a drama queen and a recluse. They'll say things like, "well, I'll be going, and I'll be taking the baby..."

I think non-twin parents simply can't understand - what it's like to juggle two infants in a public setting, how much gear is required for just a few hours with those infants, etc.

 

I've been part of a playgroup for nearly 4 years with my older singleton -- I count some of the moms in our group among my closest friends; most of them 'get it' for the most part and most lend a hand when they can. Still... there are some moms from whom I get the same impression as you... "really? you can't go to the playground? or bouncy place? or beach? or the back yard with the deck with a million steps?" (My four year old also tends to need close supervision in a group setting due to social and physical delays.) Luckily our group is strictly a social one so there isn't too much in the way of added responsibility outside of hosting occasionally.

Also, when the twins were about 15 months old, I was lamenting to a neighbor (who has 3 children of her own) that it was tough to not be able to do the aforementioned things, and she said, "So... when you're out, they don't stop when you tell them to stop [walking/running away]?" Uhhh... not so much. And even if ONE of them did stop, the other one wouldn't, and by the time I retrieved the runner, the unattended one would be... 10 feet up on a climber, getting pummeled by other bouncers, shoulder deep in the lake, or halfway up the deck steps! Sometimes even those with singleton number two, just don't really get it. My close friend who has a 4 yo, 19 month old and a 4 week old is now experiencing some similar issues with going out in public - but at least the newborn is still in the car carrier.

I agree with many of the pp's -- try finding another group; if not a multiples group, then perhaps a smaller one with fewer outside obligations. If that is not an option, then focus on those moms who do seem to be more understanding and nice, and once you establish a couple good friendships, I'm sure through those women you'll be able to build your network. It's tough being in a new place - if there really isn't another group that works for you, it will still have been worth the effort to have side-stepped the less than understanding members to gain the support of some of the others.

Good luck. I hope you find a few good eggs among the group.

 

Have you checked Meetup.com? I'd check there and see if you can find a different group that might fit your needs better. Sounds like this current one is a bit too busy for you.

I also think looking for a Moms of Multiples group would be the way to go.

 

I, too, struggled in our singleton-mostly group at the age your kids are at. But I found that most folks were supportive and willing to lend a hand, which helped me a lot. I just was really up front with them about how I was uncomfortable taking them places where it would be difficult to manage 2 (i.e. the beach, the zoo, the waterpark), or expensive (many have no idea how expensive twins are in comparison and don't think about how the price of 3 admissions rather than 2 can be tough on a budget stretched thin). I also had to prepare them when winters came that we are sick ALOT and try to avoid germy places both because of their premature immune systems and the fact that two little ones with no sense of hygene are a lot harder to keep an eye on than 1. They must have had colds on the order of 13-15 times last winter, and a couple pnuemonias to boot. Sooo...
My advice mirrors some of the prev. posts in that, it does get easier to get them out more. For us that happened about 18 mo. And be straight with them. I will tell a person to their face no problem that having twins is drastically different and in many ways harder, at least until you reach that golden age when they play together and are more easily self-entertained compared with a singleton toddler. I cannot afford our multiples club memberships, but I've gotten by just fine with the one singleton group I found on meetup. I highlyl reccomend meetup.com because it makes it so easy to "shop around" for just the right playgroup for you.